The Avengers Movie DVD (2012)



A huge summer blockbuster has now made it's way to DVD, The Avengers.  You may have heard if it.  I saw it in the theater about a month after it came out (I'm not big into crowds so opening massive weekends are not my thing)---in fact I'll be honest I went and saw another movie and was standing there with popcorn left after the first one...........the door to this one was open so I shrugged and strolled in.  This is my illicit movie of 2012.  In fact I think it's only the 2nd time in a decade I've actually snuck into a movie----I generally go back downstairs and buy another ticket or I time my movie time to be say a double or a double feature and buy multiple tickets at once.  But I took a chance on this comic book turned feature film and slipped in.

Thanks to Blockbuster machines all over I'd seen Iron Man, The Hulk and Captain America so I was reasonably ready for an essentially no-plot movie.  What this movie really does is set itself up for it's mega-action scenes.  With the Avengers, all the disparate characters, those named above and the B Stars---Black Widow, Hawkeye, Nick Fury have to be brought together by a threat bigger than their individual ability to overcome.  Then someone who has faith in them must bring them together---Nick Fury; they'll be tested/betrayed from within---Hawkeye is brainwashed; they'll have internal dynamics that are conflict ridden then they'll rally at the end.  Then there's an indeterminate amount of time where a city is trashed as the heroes fight the hordes of the villain, Loki.

The DVD comes with all kinds of nifty additions, interviews, commentary  sketchboards and games, it's truly amazing.  You might want to consider getting this if you or your partner really enjoyed the film and want more of this special effects bonanza.  As a review, did I like the film?  Eeehhhh.  It was big and bright and loud and predictable.  Because blockbuster films are made to be translated into many languages, they are often designed in the least complex ways plot wise so as to translate to people around the planet who might not be able to as easily follow storylines that in depth language would create.  That's a nice way of me justifying it's simplicity to follow.

What I found slightly disturbing in the theater, just as an aside was there is obviously an all out war theme in this film and though it is yes, hyper fiction, I consider the times we live in compared to our entertainment.  We have railed for years against the wars waged by America yet sitting in the dark theater, still 80% full weeks after this film's premiere people cheered---no, really cheered and then stood at the end and applauded (I'm not kidding) at this film.  Not to burst the balloon or get on a rant but the heroes are patently psychopathically insane and have only violence to answer any conflict or threat.  If this is our entertainment, is it no surprise that we will attack anyone who can spell nuclear, whether they have a bomb or not.  Food for thought, eh?

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Spirituality: A Course In Miracles, Lesson #3, Workshop by Kyle Phoenix





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Spirituality: A Course In Miracles, Lesson #2, Workshop by Kyle Phoenix




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Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Time Warner Cable, Verizon Fios or Comcast or the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Spirituality: A Course In Miracles, Lesson #1, Workshop by Kyle Phoenix



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Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, Book Review

How do people figure things out?  More importantly, how do experts figure things out?  At first I was interested in this book because of the book's topics and information---what the ability of understanding or how expertise works.  Then I applied some of the parameters from the book to my own life and came up with the analogy of comparing my teaching/educational training tothis blink concept.  Here's what I can do---in casual conversation, by physical observation I can tell the approximate educational level and social class level of pretty much anyone.  Some of the tip offs include of course etiquette, shoes they're wearing, how they speak---grammar, syntax, slang, but it also includes more subtle things.  Educated people lie differently than less educated people.  People from different social classes react differently to concepts and ideas.   I hadn't realized how much of a skill I had developed over the years until I read this book.

Malcolm Gladwell looks at a host of occupations in Blink, art dealers and appraisers being the one that stood out to me.  He relays the story of stolen art and the man who was brought in to authenticate forgeries.  This might sound dry and esoteric but Gladwell has an excellent way of bouncing between the history of how one develops such a skill, the mystery and then the detective who is applying this ability to blink, to sum up an understanding in a few seconds and discern the truth.

This and Gladwell's other books give those of us with casual talents, professional talents, insights into how human beings outside of fantastical situations are applying great talents.  Try it out, you might find out some amazing things about yourself.



Thank you,
Kyle Phoenix
kylephoenixshow@aol.com
Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Face Book or Follow Us on Twitter!  Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Sextrology by Starsky & Cox, Book Review

Sextrology is a fun book for yourself based on your astrological sign, it's so exciting that it could work as a pass around book during a get together or a dinner party.  One, it's deeply insightful to each astrological sign.  Two, it examines multiple dimensions of that person---from gender, to sexuality, to how that sign is in work, love, relationships, sex.  In fact it goes deeply into the psychology, the sexuality of a person born under differing sun signs to the point of really considering what archetypes mean and relay about a person, whether hetero, homo, bi or trans sexual.  This is what sets this book apart, in fact actually makes it fantastic.

You can also pick up thisbook and in the margins find a list of celebrities/famous people through out history who have the same astrological sign as you and then also the sexual turn ons for that sign.  The margins also include the turn offs and the things to avoid so it goes from simply being a book about astrological signs and personality to a support manual for dating and relationships.  It's so indepth that as you find yourself examinging others, you'll find incredible revelations about yourself and to top it all off there's several handy charts that discusses compatibility between different signs, both hetereo and homosexual.  It's a super text that will become a staple on your shelf about astrology, human sexuality and psychology.






Thank you,
Kyle Phoenix
kylephoenixshow@aol.com
http://kylephoenixsite.com/
Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Face Book or Follow Us on Twitter!  Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/



Sixth Sense by Stuart Wilde, BookReview

What I love most about Stuart Wilde is how he takes spiritual/metaphysical topics and in a casual tone, breaks down very complex ideas.  His other great strength is that can take very esoteric ideas and apply them to the average person to help them see the inherent skills and special attributes about themselves.  This book Sixth Sense focuses on one's spiritual self and the other levels of reality (and other realities) that influence us all.  Wilde makes a point of pointing out that he's relaying his experiences and most importantly what he's garnered from them.  His suggestions about one's attitude towards the world, nature, other people through the lens of spiritual awareness makes sense.  The book uses math, geometry and begins to discuss the other deminsionality of existences.  This might strike some readers as New Age-y and way out there until we apply and combine this with what physicists are studying around string theory and multi-verse/dimensionality.

This is an excellent intermediate level book for exploring one's sense of self and the rest of nature that we all experience but have yet to deeply investigate.



Thank you,

Kyle Phoenix
kylephoenixshow@aol.com
http://kylephoenixsite.com/


Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Time Warner Cable, Verizon Fios or Comcast or the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Homosexuals as SuperVictims: Beaten, Robbed and Wronged

You know what went wrong.  In fact you know who did it to you.  It was Mommy.  Or Daddy.  Or your siblings.  Or your ex.  Maybe it was White men.  Or bigger yet, society.  Perhaps you've narrowed it down to heterosexual people and their damned attentive resentment towards you.  In fact their resentment is also a level of jealousy---in fact, you've come to believe it's actually envy.  Envy at your lifetsyle, your freedom, the handsome men (or beautiful women) you have torrid affairs with.  Your lack of children.  They've got a massive case of "The Can't Takes" .

Or maybe not.

Maybe, truthfully, it's you.

In order to salvage our precious egoes, humans, pointedly men, particularly homosexual men, will often point the finger outwards rather than inward.  Why?  Growing up constantly hiding an aspect of your identity, constantly deflecting the truth about yourself creates a giant ball of passive aggressive secret shame.  Is it no wonder that MSM are such accomplished liars?  They've been lying for years, to everyone---his momma, his daddy, his best friends, his siblings, his boss, his girlfriends---and then you're shocked, aghast that he lied to you!  Consider this though---integrity, a component of manhood is learned and practiced.  Taking Accountability and Responsibility for one's actions, whether it was one's fault or design (yeah, that trips dudes up) is instrumental to being 100% actualized as a man.  Which is why so many men opt for being masculine, it is literally toilet tissue personality-based-manhood/outer-illusion, compared to iron cast internal character manhood.

But you're jonesing for a man.  Maybe even you have one in mind.  How to navigate someone who's been encultured not to be honest, not to be intimate with you and is perhaps in the chrysalis stage of growth?

Beaten

He dogs you out.  You are the 2am booty call.  He texts you---"Wassup?"  You answer.  Boom!  One hour later you're doing the horizontal Lambada, two hours later he's figuratively or literally, wiping himself off on you or your sheets, taking a shower and bouncing.

Now, you think to yourself: It felt good........sort of.  You agreed to the scenario so how can you feel so dissatisfied?

You've just beaten your spirit up a little.

Let's take it away from the high concept of spirituality and instead leave it at ground level brainwashing by the world.  Your family, friends and tv have all praised the beauty of an initmate relationship.  They've invited you to weddings and squabbled as couples in front of you and told you one day your Prince would come....they didn't mean it the way your Prince has though.  You're unfulfilled but you signed up for it and maybe, worse yet, he's likable as a person.  He just treats you like a twenty four hour McDonald's and later you find out he's met someone "special".  Oh, snap!

Robbed

He took your Stuff.  You thought if you gave him some of your good stuff, that stuff you been saving, that stuff you saw in a movie and thought to yourself---"When the One comes along, I'm gonna do some of that there Stuff to him."  And he came along and you did the Stuff and he left....and...and...that's not how it went in the movie.

You left too much space on your back.  You gave away too much.  And now, you're mad.  You're sad.  You're too much or too little, you're doing drugs or eating too much or at the gym like a maniac or trying to achieve revenge sex by hanging out constantly or working too long and too hard, just to blindside your own damn self from the realization that you were having orgasms, or maybe you weren't, but he definitely was....he was having orgasms while he robbed you.

How to deal with the passive aggressive man who learned to take intimacy and giving and Stuff but not to give/  He feels a sense of entitlement at you satisfying his needs---listening to his baby drama, believing he was too busy at work to call, not being the one you know he was buying gifts for, never been his priority only his long suffering task to complete.  You were robbed and you've discovered that most heinous crimes are never against the law.

Wronged

You sum it up.  You been wronged.  You been hoodwinked.  You been bamboozled.  You been lead astray.  No one can understand your pain because, honestly---most of the people you talk to about it---women---either commiserate or pat your hands and say they been there---inferring they're not there now.  There's a level of pity in your friends voices.  But there's something else, something that you realize is linked to the crimes against your natural nature, in the back of their voices.  You deserved it.  You had it coming.

Your kind can't expect happiness.

Sound familiar?

The value of Accountability and Responsibility, hard iron to carry is that they are delightful material for sword and shield.

I did that.  I called that in.  I accepted less.  That's what Accountability sounds like.  Not beating yourself up---I did it again, I called him, I keep taking less----no, iron lipped proclamation to friends and the sky and birds---I did that.

When we take Accountability for our actions we're telling ourselves and the Universe that we have power, that we are powerful, that in fact we're so powerful sometimes we smack ourselves in the face with our own power.  And once you realize that---you move into---I don't have to do that anymore.  Then we're suddenly dancing with Accountability in the ballroom of Responsibility.

Now the ballroom of Responsibility is a room avoided by passive aggressive shamed based individuals because your way of doing things, which definitely don't work, are familiar.  They are familiar the way only self inflicted pain can ache and ravage but still be comforting to slip into.  Yet when we acknowledge Responsibility---I am capable of making---we suddenly have the funnel for our power.  Suddenly we look at ourselves, our power, our errors, our wins and our sins and we realize---woah, I made this.  Therefore if I have the internal natural nature power of Making and I did that, I made that---I can make anything else that I want.

I did that.
I can make anything I want.

You're no longer Beaten---you was hitting yourself.
You're no longer Robbed---can't take away what you naturally are.
You're no longer Wronged---you decide what you make, good AND bad.


And now you're free of being, acting, or being mistaken for a SuperVictim.


somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff
stealin my shit from me/ dont make it yrs/ makes it stolen/
somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff/ & i waz standin
 there/ lookin at myself/ the whole time 
& it waznt a spirit took my stuff/ waz a man whose 
ego walked round like Rodan’s shadow/ waz a man faster
n my innocence/.....................waz a lover/ i made too much 
room for/ almost run off wit alla my stuff/
& i didnt know i’d give it up so quik/ & the one runnin wit it/
don’t know he got it/ & i’m shoutin this is mine/ & he dont 
know he got it/ my stuff is the anonymous ripped off treasure
 of the year/
ntozake shange. “For coloured girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf” 

Thank you,

Kyle Phoenix

kylephoenixshow@aol.com

http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Time Warner Cable, Verizon Fios or Comcast or the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/

What is Feminine Manhood?

Men of color, Black and Latino, who are MSM are obsessed with two things---their penises and the perception of themselves as masculine---there is such an obsessiveness around concepts of masculinity that it's borderline paranoia.  There is a constant watching of self and others for excessive femininity and "bitch-assness" and eradication of any hint of the feminine because if you were then....then....well, you wouldn't be a man.  But the question that under girds this is what defines what a man is?  Perception, actions, self-definition, all three?
What are you?  What do you assure people you are?  What are you terrified of being seen as?

Masculinity and femininity are personality traits.  Like being even tempered or humorous.  It's a social/habituated way of acting out one's persona.  One's persona is generally one's immediate public face.
Manhood and womanhood are character based.  Your character is who you truly are.  Are you a person of integrity, responsibility, accountability, generosity   Are you accountable for your actions and words?  That would tell us about your character.  Manhood however is not body based, just like I think we're advancing as humans to realize than neither is the feminine principle/self.

Wandering around my home now and past homes in memory I have lots of plants, books, relaxing colors, and pictures, pictures all over the walls.  I like Gustav Klimt, I have a huge poster of Storm of the X-Men done in a way that emphasizes African masks and wind that I got as a gift years ago framed.  I have some Haitian reprints, some Native American, Asian and Cuban framed sets from calendars.  But what I noticed as I was putting together a visioning board was that unconsciously a lot of my surrounding art was feminine based.

But I'm not particularly feminine in person, in movement, in countenance, and I'm not turned out by say Beyonce or Lady Gaga or Nicki Minaj, in artistic or visceral ways.  I grew up really liking Janet Jackson, posters, tapes and CDs, remix CDs, concerts, concert films, and her handful of films.  I've never had a desire for drag, I went once in college to a Halloween party and literally was more interested in the process of finding clothes and trying to do it right because I knew there would be a contest but I never "got off on it".

I don't like girly things, I don't even like frilly, sobbing, girly girls.  Petticoats, teas----Lord knows daughters will be a challenge for me---I'm just not that "queenie".  I'm likely to tell a crying girl to "man up"!  But when I examine myself a little further, when I look at the feminine aspects of my personality it is far more regal, more Queen with a capital Q, more matriarchal.  I love children and small animals but I hate bugs.  I cry at movies, oddly at lots of different things---last fall apart?---I Am Love with Tilda Swinton (the last scene with the maid---I lost it!  But I find Seven  with Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt---HILARIOUS!  I laughed so long and hard in a theater in Buffalo that it started a wave of hilarity in the theater---"he cut off her nose to spite her face!"---classic!) When I look at my mother, aunts and grandmother----only some of them have a feminine power, a regalness, Madge Sinclair-ish, Phylicia Rashad, Angela Bassett---like that.  

Then I get really crazy and do the whole testosterone/estrogen evaluation survey and examine the physicality of my own body that connotes higher levels of testosterone.  (This is based on the psychological and physiological testing that can be found in Keith Swain's Dynamic Duos---the most controversial, insight, attended and longest running seminars/workshops I do on this as men find out if they're Alphas or Betas or a blending and how they act and why based upon nature.)   I have a deep baritone voice (I played Santa Claus in the 3rd grade my voice is so deep); pointer finger to ring finger ration; hip to shoulder ratio; shoulder level in relationship to body structure; testosterone based ways of thinking and feeling that are not as empathetic (read: estrogen soaked); faculty at different forms of math and science.


I'm a blending---my body is very Alpha masculine but some of my tastes, my abilities are blended with being able to cook (even done it professionally at a bistro); dance; sew; match colors; choose clothing; enjoy Saks Fifth Avenue like a religion; preference for a more comfortable rather than excessively masculine/stern living environment.  And I've never thought anything about the synergy that isn't 50/50, maybe more 70/30, until I was around more MSM obsessed with defining their identity through it.  Or more importantly obsessively needing, wanting, screaming they are 100% masculine.  Sometimes they would just randomly announce this----like crossing the street or leaning over a table for a fork or while talking about checking accounts in a financial based workshop.  Yeah, that kind of obsessive.

I, honestly being comfortable with myself, in fact really loving my blend, the regality, the strength, the comfort, the blending power from the perceptions of others but the gentleness I feel and adoration at children and small animals (I'm the guy who makes wild faces at children on the train or always flashes babies a smile; and animals like me), am happy with my blend.  I don't think about what my family or friends or strangers think about my penchant for Emporio Armani suits or Apricot mud masks or that I like Oxford style shoes but love boots because of the heel (hilariously enough, I'm more wobbly footed in flats and sneakers than shoes and boots).

But sometimes I'm sitting there or talking to someone and they're crushing themselves, or the spirit of another with the comparisons and measurements.  Without feminine men, there would be no trailblazers, so when I see them in public----and we all see them---because that's part of the point, right?---I think ok, there he is.  I never discriminate.  I've had and dated, male and female people, and had friends all along the continuum and even transsexuals.  If I'm your friend, I'm your friend---I'm not measuring your personality for appropriate presentation levels.
I guess if I really extend it through my belief system, I don't believe in the body.  I believe there's a spirit/energy of some form within everyone.  And some folks are feminine energy based and others masculine.  They get dropped into all different kinds of bodies for the learning process/lessons that we're here for.  It's funny though, I often notice MSM who don't allow for the range in dating or friendships, tend to be the most unhappy with how romance is working out.  Somehow I think the feminine must be present and acknowledged and cultivated within one's self and pointedly in a relationship.  Probably even more so when it's a same gender relationship.  I think that if you exclude the feminine guys, all the way up to extremely effeminate, you're missing out on some of that Yin balancing energy.  I think you're also setting up a level of misogyny and maybe annihilating the possibility for real love and community.




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MSM and the Equation of Ideology + Liberation = Power

What do you believe?  What do you believe in?  Why do you believe that?  Our belief system is ideology---our personal ideology could include religion, capitalism, sexuality even education.  Think of yourself as a container---or a storage cabinet where we store our ideas.  Our ideas conceive our selves and from our selves we move through life/reality.

Liberation on the other hand is actualization of an ideology.  Say I tell you I believe in capitalism, entrepreneurship could be an extension of that ideology, therefore a level of liberation.  Or say I tell you I believe in the inherent rights of races to being treated with legal equality (ideology) and then I go and get an education and teach Race Theory or Race Psychology or I become a Civil Rights Attorney, actualization to Liberation.

But how does this go from thought/belief to action and then manifest as Power?  The concept of Power---ability to move, influence, control, exert force upon, whether that be a concrete or abstract, is as normal as oxygen on Earth.  It is natural for humans, particularly men, to seek ways to have Power.  (Women too.)  In fact one could argue that it is how men define themselves.  But what happens when one is racially subjugated into semi-submission psychologically and that's combined with a sexuality that isn't wholly or at all, heterosexual and brings about a social subjugation through closeting, DL-ness, inequalities, lack of manhood expectations (marriage, children, etc..)?  What does a man become?  How does one become a man?

First we would have to consider where one could get Ideology from and use it for.  As a Teacher---I've taught everything from elementary school children up to advanced college graduate courses---and to some degree I am teaching Ideology.  When I teach about Toussaint L'Overture and the Haitian Revolution, I am teaching about people believing so much in their inherent right to have agency over their own bodies, in spite of the laws advocating slavery, that they were willing to wage first an uprising and then full out protracted revolution against the French and Spanish colonists and eventually to some degree their home countries; I am teaching the ideology of self-rule.  Pretty much in all teaching a transference of some sort of ideological framework occurs.  It's often the areas of wrestling with not simply what to teach but how to teach it.  I could teach that Toussaint was completely wrong in leading a revolution; I could frame the discussion and lessons to the side of the French.  I don't but I could.

I don't because I use Haiti as a historical point because it allows people of color to access history and it happens right after the American Revolution and happens parallel to the French Revolution and then I can link it forty odd years later to the Cuban Revolution against Spain.  Implicit in this is not only the concept of justifiable revolution but more importantly, it allows me to passively teach how people shirked off the bonds of slavery at their own will.  I can go into how Toussaint could read and write, thereby showing the importance of education as well as his confidence to negotiate with both the Crown of France and even Napoleon.  It says something for people of color to hear about a man of color dealing with empires.  Eyes alight, questions become intense, the days I show historical films are well attended.  Why?  Somewhere in the students heads is the spark of Liberation.

This spark then erupts into Power.

People who know they are of the image and blood of Power, act like it.  People who study people who look like themselves see that even if they only suspected it before, they have value, they have agency, they may in fact have more Power than they ever surmised.

So you throw back at me, that maybe this all makes sense.  I've outlined the points well, I've even shown it with a good example but what is the usefulness of this?  I'm a pragmatist so I'm always looking to define, if not, then get to the point of a supposition or at least t's application.


Imagine if men (and women) of color who were raised with education for people of color is valuable and possible for them all?

 I have a student whose mind was blown when we went over maps and outlines of the tribes including the Taino people from the Caribbean throughout South America. His first question to me was---"Is this really true?"
Suddenly, he who could trace back his family to the Caribbean, could trace back his skin hundreds of years.  I make sure I teach about Anacoana, Taíno cacica, sister of Bohechío, chief of Jaragua, and wife of Caonabo (chief of the nearby territory of Maguana) a cacique (nation state on the isle that would become Haiti/Dominican Republic) who first encountered the raiding party of Christopher Columbus and demanded unification from the neighboring caciques to oust them.   She sensed the danger they would come to plague the isle with and opted for a preemptive strike.  It's very hard to simply be a nigger this and a nigger that when you know you are the blood of sovereign royalty on Western shores; that most importantly your people were not an easy kill.

Imagine MSM who learn this about themselves, having teachers who hand them materials---not simply speak it to them---but give them the book to go and read and study and keep and tear apart and digest, themselves.  Why is it so important for the Liberated to be able to take the Ideology they're told is useful to adapt and adopt and dissect it?  Because human beings, like churches or political movements or even terrorist cells, can simply tell you what they need you to believe for you to give them your body, your time, your resources but withhold the totality of an idea.

That is the very definition of a cult.

When a teacher wants someone, even an adult to be liberated, they treat them like an equal and give them unlimited access to the text, the history, the ideology so that there is no possibility of over-identification to the leader.  Narcissism is censored by the dispersal of knowledge and wisdom and evolution.  And we know the history of leaders, white, brown, yellow and red who thought that the people should kneel before them, that their being and sterling intellect and insights was to be recognized as the Power.

Imagine now MSM who have had no racial Ideology nor Liberation taught about themselves or their manhood or sexuality?  They will never achieve Power.  Now look around at the groups and agencies that exist to service MSM of color and you have a new lens to evaluate which ones want men of Power present and which want a head count to get some more CDC money, another donor check, perhaps even your own cash as a membership fee.

Imagine yourself empowered.  Knowing a thousand years, two thousand years of your history, shaping your own personal Ideology.  Maybe even having a genealogical timeline done on your blood.  Then you can decide what to do, how to activate this Liberation and that is when you will truly be Powerful.


Thank you,
Kyle Phoenix
kylephoenixshow@aol.com
http://kylephoenixsite.com/
Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Time Warner Cable, Verizon Fios or Comcast or the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/

MSM Insanity # 1: DL And In A Relationship

 It recently came up on the tv show and in a forum, what were some of the things that MSM were constantly doing that didn't work.  Or concepts that they held that simply didn't wash or lead to more trouble than they were worth.  The concept of being DL, not Out and yet wanting to be in a full loving relationship.  Now so we clarify, all interactions with humans are relationships---so I'm not going to dispute the ability to be in one but to be in a loving, satisfying one............ehhhhhh that's where we enter the Twilight Zone of MSM Insanity.

The counter-example I always use is heterosexual relationships.  Now some might argue that the use of hetero to illustrate homo is anti-norming as one is not the same and can't be as the other.  I disagree.  Both relationships are populated by human beings who are the same species.  What differs may be the presence of more or less estrogen and testosterone but to lobby for civil rights, to get marriage equality, to receive health care spouse benefits, we're going to have to "normalize" at some point.  As a side rant, it's easy want to stay "different" when you've grown up different or as a wise facilitator put it to a group I was in, abnormal people when pushed out of the norm, create abnormal communities (i.e. the gay community) who's rules and mores may not make sense when integrated back into the overall human community.

Which brings me sort of full circle to DL relationships---in a homo abnormal community, shame based relationships are the norm.  I can't tell my Mommy about you, you're terrified your boss will see us eating dinner together (because we all know when two men or women are eating together that immediately is a pre-cursor to genital penetration); if I acknowledge you I have to take responsibility for you and all your bills and your crazy family; if my friends knew about you they would----well, explode or at the very least expel me from our little group that is as valuable and impactful as the UN.  Have you noticed where the reasoning and excuse lead---general forms of paranoid delusions.

Life Secret: People ain't thinking about you nearly as much as you would like.  And even when they are, it's still less than they say.

Human beings have a lot of reality going on, over 90% of their thoughts are about themselves and their immediate concerns, not your crotch and it's shenanigans.  Now if you pose the question of the validity or the actions or reactions of your crotch, humans have an opinion---but even then it's generally only about 50% of them really care enough to comment.  That percentage may be really loud so it seems like it's a lot of people but it really isn't.  This means that half the people aren't think about you at all and the other half aren't thinking about you 90% of the time.  Think about that.  Stroll through your day pointing out people to yourself and observing---there's another person not thinking about me; oooh, look at that one over there not giving a damn; yup, she definitely doesn't know I exist.

Life Secret: Human beings are their own unique universes.

With so much to manage in a personal universe, thinking about the thoughts and actions of others isn't always useful or logical.  This brings us back to the emotional reasoning for delusional paranoia---sometimes it's people who are on the margins wanting attention.  The most pathetic thing a human being can do is tell you how much attention people are casually paying to them---it's either borderline or definitely a resident of narcissism.  People will notice you.  Check you out.  Glance you over.  Wonder where you got those shoes, who did your hair, why your shirt is so bright and then they move on to should they have gravy with the chicken tonight, their left foot hurts, they have to pee, American Idol is coming on soon, they have to call a friend, their kid has a cold and they need to buy some aspirin, bread is more expensive, they're thirsty, the sun sure is bright today, that's a nice car, ooooh, look at that other person.....and so on.  Did you see how quickly they flashed from you to their own universe?  Yeah, I estimate it's even quicker than that in reality.

When one tries to be DL/Not Out and have a relationship two incongruent realities are occurring---that a lot of us on Earth care what you're doing and with whom and that a relationship can survive that constant paranoid delusional smothering.  Smothering?  Yes, imagine walking with your parents and your mother introduced you as some kid from around the neighborhood?  Or your father introduced your mother as a lady who lives in his building?  There would be confusion, hurt feelings and hell to pay.  Human beings thrive on inclusion, in fact it's one of the ways we feel loved and appreciated.  When we exclude people, we kill them a little bit, especially when we bounce back and forth in intimacy.  I loved you down last night but won't stand next to you on the bus.  I told you how much I love you secretly in the back room at my house but introduce you after three years to my mother as my co-worker.  It's a minimization of one's own humanity (and the others' as well.)

Now I understand that everyone is on the spectrum of their own "outness" and transparency and may have legitimate reasons for trying to negotiate inner knowing with public awareness but what I can tell you is it's like a needle prick---people only care for a second or two then they go on about their grocery list.  However when you've grown up feeling self-consciously seen, the words sissy and faggot, casually thrown sticking to you and then internally knowing that people can't see you, like when you go on that prom date with a girl or marry a woman and never tell her about your secret penchant for loving men down...and it continues, you're living a level of cognitive dissonance.  Two incongruent realities within a singular reality.  It never, ever, ever works out----haven't we had 30 to 40 years of TV talk shows point that out to us?  Your spouse finds out, your family always knew, you get outted, your sexuality is so painfully obviously people wonder if you've come full circle you're so out, on and on.

And honestly, isn't it exhausting?  Cover stories, changing pronouns, seeing the hurt look or the cold casualness of calling someone your "friend" or the isolation of your relationship existing, because you're a "homebody" (the new code word for SHHHHHHHHHH!), but ultimately stagnating or exploding as that person finds sustenance elsewhere.

Humans take pride in their mates, part of having a mate is showing what you captured, pretty and handsome in your eyes.  Seeing the admiration in the eyes of others.  The compliments of how nice you look together.  The social help your family and friends can give to keep a marriage/relationship together.  It's no coincidence that marriage is such a hot button issue because when you think about it a community is coming together to bless a union, to sanctify your love your choices, to celebrate it, to confer new legal rights and privileges due to your responsibility.  It's literally one of the ways which humans mature over their lifetimes....exclusion and invisibility being our most childish way of minimizing each other.  Is it no surprise that MSM who practice invisibility and exclusion are neurotic, anxiety riddled, susceptible to diseases, dogged out, used by other men, disenchanted with love, bitter at relationships and terrified of their own shadows.  When we try to oppose natural human expressions and needs, it never, ever, ever----no, really, ever, works out.





Thank you,
Kyle Phoenix
kylephoenixshow@aol.com
http://kylephoenixsite.com/
Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Face Book or Follow Us on Twitter!  Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Black and Latino Men: Why They Fail And How To Change

I was confronted with the question, what's wrong with Black and Latino men, by one of my email responses to the TV show a while back and while dismayed for sexuality and race to be so negatively entwined, I could understand what they meant.  A friend shared with me in a group that he had concerns about the state of men of color because so many that he met were HIV+, ex-convicts, addicts or in recovery/12 Step programs.  While all of these states have a positive upswing to them if maintained healthily, he was concerned that the state of men of color particularly men of color available for long term relationship or hell, even mid-term relationships was dwindling.  Fast.  I did several shows on race and sexuality at first and then when the question came back up again, I thought how could I address it, answer it.

What IS wrong with Black and Latino men?

As we free fall into the 21st Century we're confronted by competition, global competitors in ways that American society hasn't had to deal with before.  The current American university graduation rate is about 40,000 people with engineering/science degrees; in India it's 400,000 and in China i'ts 1 million.  A year.  No, hold on to that figure, a year.

HIV rates are highest for men of color in America and there are close to 30 million Africans who are infected with HIV II in Africa.  The average lifespan for a HIV individual with HIV now is about 24.5 years and the cost to the state/medical is about $600,000 over that time.

From high school measurements, 70% of Black and 80% of Latino students don't graduate on time.  Now this number shifts to to 50% & 65% because "on time" is measured as precisely four years.  Most states have continuous systems that allow make up credits in the Senior summer, so graduation is conferred that September--making them  4.4 years, lowering the percentage. (Just being precise here.)  Those others go on to GED programs but only 50% of those numbers actually accomplish GED completion within 10 years so that means a quarter of Black and a third of Latinos don't graduate high school.

There's the popular measurement of 70% of Black and 60% of Latino households being only 1 parent headed (generally female).  This affects males because in spite of the mothers who testify that they were mother and father to their child and the children who capitulate and proclaim success at one parent---a bad or absent parent is not a fair measurement against a household with two present parents.  Also human beings learn by role modelling.  Males teach boys how to be men and women teach girls.  If a boy sees his mother occupying a position of head of household power when he begins to blossom into maturity and needs a male role model, she's not present and he might go haywire (see: education and crime statistics).


Conversely girls who grow up in a female headed household, see a strong female in charge so they learn how to be a strong, independent woman.  By learning how to be a strong independent woman, one becomes one and perhaps honestly perpetuates a cycle by getting a man who hasn't been modeled manhood too.  She becomes the de facto "man"---in earning potential, in household control, in governmental recognition (you can't maintain your family structure of two adults with services like Welfare---the man must go) so she becomes head of household, just like her mother was and then she has a daughter and the cycle continues.  Males of color are useful for breeding and pleasure but they're simply older children---this goes into the whole refrain of "there are no good men".

United States prison contain well over 2,000,000 people, the largest in the world---half of that number are Black and Latino.  A community deprived of it's men cannot move forward as it forces the women to decide between child rearing properly and earning sustenance.  She might do both but she might not be able to do both effectively.

All of the above is the refrain of men of color but it is affecting truths that disrupt identity for men of color.  In fact if you look at this, men of color are dodging landmines of epic potential in competition or destruction.

But we're still alive.  
And we're thriving.

There are healthy, sane, educated men of color who are MSM however they might only occupy a small population.  Say the statistical evidence of 10% of a population being same gender loving.  That means there are approximate 4 million SGL men of color in America.  Let's say you edit based on age, out/transparency about their sexuality, attractiveness, sanity and accessibility---let's say that cuts 50% out of your choosing pile.  Let's say you edit out regions---more in urban cities like NYC, Chicago, LA, etc.---so we'll knock that down to about 1,000,000 and then we'll divide that across the USA.  Using NYC as an example there are about 100,000 eligible MSM here.  10% are nucking futs---just off the top---we thought they were sane but then---well you know how that goes.  Then let's say half of that number, 45,000 are in relationships with each other or women.

That leaves 45,000 men of color who are MSM in NYC who fit the criteria of "Good Men".

If we apply the above numbers of prison, HIV, education, single parent household lack of manhood training that leaves us with about 20,000 who are directly available without suffering from any of the mass ills above.  However the question then becomes, do you suffer from the mass ills above?

If you do, what do you do?

First, therapy.
Any man of color who is MSM who has not every decade of his life pointedly sat down with a trained therapist, needs to in order to get perspective on his survival against the odds, almost like PTSD.  And then he needs help managing life like we all do, but he might need special help balancing race and homosexuality in America's delightful racial and sexuality loving environment.  Depression at all the things that race and sexuality bring about is also a norm for MSM so it's a great way to work those issues of anger, shame, confusion and despondency out.


Second, education.
While we can all agree that basic (K to 12) is good for the world, being an American male of color means that you have to excel in ways that you might be equipped to without education.  It also means that if you don't educate, you can't assist your community fully.  Most people don't consider that the Civil Rights movement occurred because so many minimally high school/blue collar working men were bale to participate.  Educated men of color become even more powerful the more educated they are.  They developed intellectual skills of flexibility as well as strategic capacity to deal with the world.  Less education, more frustration and resentment but also less coping mechanisms and chances at social and economic success.  Race still is a determining factor in social power in America, men of color need every social and intellectual edge they can get.

Third, relationships.
Single men don't live as a long; are more apt to explore addictions; have more health concerns; couples progress further socially and financially.  Why?  Nagging is also a form of love.  Nagging to take care of one's health, nagging to work harder, nagging to relax.  Husbands and wives have cared for and kept partners alive longer than anyone would have expected in many cases because love is not only a feeling, it's a verb.

MSM must date and perhaps even procreate/parent because human beings are legacy based and relationship addicts.  From statues to children to monuments to buildings to businesses, when you live forward, you grow.  Children also have given humans throughout time reasons to stay healthy, to push on, to deal with depression.


Finally, purpose.
What are you alive for?  To do?  Where do you want to go, travel, do?  Start a business?  Write a novel?  Have a threesome in every state in America?  Learn to salsa?  Sing on Broadway?  We all have goals and dreams, most of them we can make come true.  Don't be shy, don't be reticent---if your goal is a husband find the dating nights at your local community centers and go; get online, go to sexuality based outings; maybe even go to a nightclub once a month.  Get out there.  Live!  Adopt some children.  Be a foster parent. Volunteer with older people with children, cleaning parks, serving at soup kitchens.  Men, Good Men are everywhere but you have to get out there and let them know you're out there too---there are at least 20,000 men around you that you have to start chatting up.


Thank you,
Kyle Phoenix
kylephoenixshow@aol.com
http://kylephoenixsite.com/
Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Face Book or Follow Us on Twitter!  Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/






Sexual Repression and Homosexuality

How is it possible to be repressed and be a homosexual man (or woman)?  When we consider sexuality in our culture, isn't the normal projection that men who have sex with men are constantly having sex?  That unfettered by the female expectation of social restriction, pregnancy and courtship (to some degree) this leaves men to simply fornicate constantly?   What we tend not to consider is the burden of manhood, religion, inability at one's sexuality and social factors when we measure the sexuality of MSM.

Manhood
The construct, particularly the Westernized construct of manhood not only doesn't consider but in fact finds the concept of a man being penetrated by a man synonymous to rape at worst and mental illness at best.  The weight of these projections rest upon MSM as well as heterosexual men.  How to reconcile penetrating a man or even more terrifying, laying on one's back, throwing one's legs to heaven and allowing one's self to be penetrated, willingly.

Once while talking to a female friend in college, she shared that she was a virgin but that her and her boyfriend were fooling around.  And while she found him intensely sexually attractive she was terrified of penetrative sex.  I told her that it was probably the most fundamentally natural feeling to have.  Our biology, outside from eating and elimination, is geared at not allowing anything foreign into it.  To psychologically overcome the biological aversion/fear of being penetrated (perhaps infected with a disease at worse or simply having some form of anal/tearing at best) is natural.  Even if one is the Top, the concept of getting penetrative stimulation from penetrating another men, particularly through an area that has been so erroneous associated with only elimination means that being sexual is a hurdle in simply the mechanics because of manhood.

Religion

America, westernized civilization, whether we know how to handle it is a Christian dominated culture.  The next religions in size Islam and Judaism are not lovingly amenable to homosexuality either.  However what we have to remember is that the major religions were conceived thousands of years ago by people roaming deserts and people who had to socially control millions of people.  Application of religion to society now is often difficult, which is why there are millions of preachers explaining and codifying the same text.

The social weight of growing up in a family that was either not too religious or excessively so, their morality was influenced by the society they were born into.  A boy growing into a physically and sexually mature male would probably not have appropriate, self esteem building role models.  Human beings grow through maturity by having role models, we've only recently in society as a whole, pointedly with the internet, had the availability of multiple perspectives no matter where you're born.

Where are many homosexuals getting an education around their sexuality?  Pornography.  Porn, while physically demonstrative of what to do, where to put it, and even how to react is still an artificial construct.  Imagine learning how sue for child custody by watching Kill Bill.  Yes, it's just as warped and extreme.


Inability At One's Sexuality 

This leads to an inability at what to do, how to do, when to do one's sexuality.  What are the dating rules?  What does non-sexual intimacy look like?  What's the appropriate time to be sexual?  Men and women, who are heterosexual, don't realize the fortune of having a guide of dating, courtship, engagement, marriage to follow.  Simply that structure allows heterosexuals to adhere to it or to not adhere to it.  Imagine that, a road map.  Now imagine not having a road map.  The terror at doing what feels good and natural but there being so few sources to check with. And more insanely who are the role models, other homosexual men who haven't had role models so many men are exhausted at contradictory rules and expectations.  The male ego is most fragile around failure, especially when the outcome is in such an intimate areas: love, sex, acceptance.

 Social Factors

Not all homosexuals grow up in wild, socially expansive cosmopolitan cities like New York or Chicago or Miami or San Francisco.  Without having a Castro Street or a Greenwich Village to migrate to and explore one might be trapped in a small town, with enforced mores around behavior and sexuality.  That might impact finding a boyfriend (or a girlfriend), learning to date, having healthy sexual relationships, etc..  How many homosexuals had desperate crushes or full blown love with someone in high school or college who was rightfully experimenting with their sexuality?  And then that person moved on, homosexuality, and therefore you, not being an acceptable part of their lives?

It is actually normal to experiment with sexuality but if you think you're the only one in the universe in your growing up place, you find another and that relationship changes, it's debilitating.  And when something is so impactful to the ego, the sense of self, people shutdown.  The social weight of not being able to engage in the social game of dating, mating and sexuality---(your friend not having the social right to experiment with their sexuality, yes, you've imposed a rigid sense of binary based sexuality on the other person, too.  Yup, homosexuals can be rigid and bigoted about their expectations about the sexualities of others.  In fact, more so than heterosexuals.)---leaves a man untutored in how to date, to love, to be intimate.  High school is the training ground for mating and dating but if you came from a venue that didn't allow this without abuse, bullying and ridicule then you hid your sexuality.  And if your family, controllers of resources and love in your life, had mores that suggested your sexuality was verboten then you got real comfortable in the closet.

And you might still be living a closeted life.  Why?  Have you considered that it is your inherent human right from the universe---or whatever you believe in---to be free, to be loved, to be accepted?  Even more importantly, that all the people you might not be revealing your sexuality to will die one day and most times, they aren't thinking about you or your sexuality.  In fact possibly not being transparent about yourself is denying them the right to deal with their views on sexuality (and sometimes their own sexuality)?

It is revolutionary to find a man or woman who is able to love intimately their own gender because they've had to climb over their own physical fears, their initial perceptions of God, bad information and maybe everyone up to the moment they're in your arms, on that first date with, asking you out.

Be gentle.  With yourself and others.

If you're not interested, let them down easy but let them know how fantastic you think they are.  Maybe even still try going out on a date with.  Heterosexuals have dates that don't lead to instant love every day.  In fact when polled heterosexuals overwhelmingly say that it took 10 to 20 dates before they felt deeply attracted/in love to their mate.  Think of how quality that information is for how humans build intimacy.  They take their time, they don't allow sexual impulses or lack to be the only reason to mate.

You can't get pregnant so a date isn't a permanent, lifetime connection.  Experiment with it.  Learn to "duty date".  You won't love everyone.  You don't have to be sexual to be liked or feel whole.  You're just practicing moving beyond immediate sex to making your sexuality the norm, for yourself and others.  The worse that can happen is you become a free, fun, attractive date who doesn't come across as neurotic, hung up, heavily closeted, frightened of love.

Thank you,

Kyle Phoenix

kylephoenixshow@aol.com

http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Time Warner Cable, Verizon Fios or Comcast or the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/




Hysterical Bottoms and Uncaring Tops

 You're a Top or maybe you're a Bottom or maybe you're rocking being Versatile or some variation and that's wonderful.  You've been sexual for awhile and you've started to find that there's a common thread through the men you're having relations with.  The Bottoms seem emotionally crazy and the Tops seem detached from anything but the sexual act.  This is both normal and a condition related to your sexuality or more importantly, its a condition related to the genders involved in your sexuality.  





When two men get together beyond simply the physicality (covered in my other blogs on here) there is also an emotional and spiritual component.  Let's apply the Chinese concept of chi or even more indepthly, yin and yang, to gender or more appropriate to the kinds of men you might encounter or might be.  
There are Alphas (more masculine because of heavier testosterone production in their bodies) and there are Betas (due to heavier levels of estrogen production in their bodies).

Alphas being Yang, the masculine principle, mostly Tops, sometimes Versatile.
Betas, being Yin, the feminine principle,  more so Versatile or  mainly Bottoms.
Let's just for genetic clarification, go with the Swainn theory from researching thousands of homosexual men that 15% of homosexual men are Alphas and 85% of homosexual men are Betas.
(When I do the Alpha/Beta workshops in person, men literally rail and fight and protest over their personal choice Q & A that allows us to answer which one they fall into.  They fight, oh, how they fight.  And this is the society mindfuck.  Homosexual men desperately want to be Alphas.  Desperately.  Like in a Barney's last sale kind of rushing way.  And yet, inevitably they're not.  This goes all the way back to your social issues, masculinity obsession and inadequacies, manhood issues and inadequacies, Mommy and Daddy issues, manhood issues, blah, blah, blah.  The rest of this is for the men who are mature enough to accept Nature and want to know how to be happy.)

Now we have some reference points for how men can be similarly sexually inclined but have different genetic dispositions that alter how they emotionally relate to sex.

For instance an Alpha would put sex into two distinct categories:

1. Throw Away Fucks/Fuck Buddies/One Night Stands 
2. LTR/Marriage Material Partners;

Betas would have categories of:
1. One Night Stands That Might Turn Into Something More
2. Fuck Buddies Who They Might Want As LTRs
3. LTR Potentials (they might be trying to use sex and dating to get commitment)
4. LTR Partners (who they might have extracurricular sexual activities with others separate from)

Just from that breakdown can you see how so much disparity can occur between Tops and Bottoms (Alphas and Betas)?  There's a multitude of permutations of what sex means to a Beta because estrogen gives access/facility to emotions, particularly around connection, pointedly during sex where oxytoxins, the emotional/sex bonding/intimacy chemical, are released in estrogen based people.  An Alpha is having a One Night Stand and because of the sexual connection, a Beta is having a One Night....with Potential....of maybe an LTR....into an LTR Partner.  Boom!  Miscommunication and judgment.

Now let's consider the elements of Yin and Yang.  How can we use Chinese spiritual philosophy to deal with the desire to be sexual, to be in relationships, and to have the third option of discerning how to communicate about wanting or not wanting, either?

Let's consider the mechanics of homo man sex: a Top is inserting their penis into a Bottom's rectum.  But what's occurring on an energetic level?  A Top, Yang based energy, is inserting---injecting---Yang energy into a receptor, a Yin based, person.  The Tao teaches that homosexual men must consider positioning in relationship to energy, their own, particularly taking responsibility for their energy.  When a Top is having intercourse they are putting in Yang energy and the Bottom is receiving it but like a battery, the energies are compatible when mixed but must be recirculated.  Yin and Yang energy always seek harmony and balance.

An Alpha (Yang) is inserting masculine based energy, power, dominance, assertion, protection, possession, guardianship, envelopment.

A Beta (Yin) is to channel back caring, emotionality, balance, harmony, acceptance, receptivity, love, fun, joy, peace, relaxation.

Okay, so you say, well I can see how an Alpha could insert Yang but how can a Beta recycle or give Yin energy if there is no penetration?  Yin energy might not be simply sexual, it might include massage of an Alpha, drawing a bath for him, fixing him a meal, listening compassionately to him, comforting him.  Yes, are you seeing the place of the feminine principle?  And more importantly are you seeing where the deep disruption of the obsession at only seeking "masculine" men is a level of anxiety driven insanity?

Men, particularly with men, need feminine, Yin energy, present in the relationship (even if the relationship is short term).

Now let's take this a step forward, imagine an Alpha is having sex with lots of accommodating, receptive, Yin based men.   Yang energy going into them---they fuck and then he bounces and leaves never to return.  Who's left with the Yang energy?  The Beta.  But he has no way to lovingly, estrogen based, Yin based way, of repaying, giving, doing his energy back to the Alpha.  He's then left laying or standing there charged with Yang energy and no one left to convert it into Yin energy and give it back to the Alpha.

You can see how this might leave the Beta bereft but say you're honestly an Alpha, you say---so, what, I got mine!

How does the Alpha lose out?  There is no one to "love" him back with their energy.  I'm not using the concept of love in a relationship context but in delightful, loving, caring, cuddling, caring, massaging loving.  The Alpha goes from Beta to Beta yanging but not getting yinned back so he finds the men he may  be sexual with too cloying, too demanding, too emotionally hysterical after the sex.  Now a Beta's reaction may come out as........wait for it....bitchiness, cattiness, passive aggressive resentment.  Are you starting to see your own issues and complaints?  Is the energetic balance or imbalance starting to make sense?

But What If I'm Versatile?  Or I'm Kinda Yang (or Yin)?

All men are kinda Yang, mainly because they possess and have testosterone, which is what made them Yang (male/masculine) to begin with.  The question is how to manage Yang.  And how to manage Yin.  The desire for sexualization whether it is to penetrate or be penetrated is Yang desire based but the Yin fundamental (Beta energy) might be will this man care for me afterwards and what will the caring look like?  In the context of a one night stand it might look like cuddling or staying the night or even prior to direct intercourse, extensive foreplay---loving sexual acts and emotional closure.  An Alpha is looking for something to "do" and a Beta is looking for a way to "be/feel".

But if you're Versatile then what?  Then honestly, you're in the area of Natural Balance.  Mostly because you can do and feel what it is like to be either in the energetic position of Yang, penetrating, protective, giving energy or Yin, receptive, accommodating, caring energy and therefore its easier for you to "do" the energy you are at other or allow it to be done to you without feeling used or smothered.

The question then becomes, what if I like exclusively being a Top or a Bottom---I'm cool with being Yang/Yin or Alpha/Beta without middle ground of Versatility (which the Tao, recognizing all sexualities, hetero and homo, accepts) but I want to still be present.  The answer is simple: understand the Other.    This means being conscious of your desires and your partners' no matter how  extensive or brief th coupling may be.  Negotiate what feels goof for you and what doesn't and extend yourself a bit into the realm of what doesn't.  Penetration doesn't mean a penis, it might mean manual/digit/finger stimulation---this gives a Beta a way to Yang energy penetrate you---but not entirely---and it can be delightful for prostate stimulation.  Allow an Alpha to truly envelop you, to fuck you, to dominate you without trying to passively be in control (of course you get to make boundaries) but trust him, give yourself over to him and afterwards negotiate what worked for you and what didn't.

Sex seen simply through a Yang framework means one of us must win because only the penetrator should be satisfied.

Sex seen through only a Yin framework might suggest too much emotional enmeshment too fast.



Sex seen through the balance of Yin and Yang says that time was what balanced you, this time balances me, let's negotiate next time (somewhere in here in here is also a deep non-individualistic negotiation for sex not being transitory, knowing someone you're having sex with, even if it's only for a short time or non-love).  If you start having sex consciously thinking and feeling about getting off, imagine the possibilities.  Imagine if you were able to express to a partner, "Hey, I'm cool with this because it would really get me off to imagine you doing this to me---is that okay?"  and more importantly, "What can I do to you, without judgment or ridicule to make you feel good and safe with me?"

Suddenly you're having that fantastic sex and connection you're always hearing about or witnessing in movies because you're using the art of communication, with some insight into whether you're Alpha or Beta, and your partner is listening and responding through that context.  Then maybe, just maybe, you're not trying to figure out why you thought you fucked a Bottom/Beta well----but he's so upset. Or you thought you gave yourself completely to a Top/Alpha and he never called back/chose someone else.  Now you can see that you invested too much emotional connection to him or too little and he acted like his hormones and energy has always had him acting in the dance of sex, gender and relationships.

Thank you,

Kyle Phoenix

kylephoenixshow@aol.com

http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Time Warner Cable, Verizon Fios or Comcast or the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/