Pleasuring Tops, Bottoms and Versatiles by Kyle Phoenix



For over ten years I've been teaching workshops to men around sexuality and for the past 5 doing online seminars and the weekly The Kyle Phoenix television show around sexuality/identity---I thought it was time to pull together that information. People often email me questions and scenarios and problems, some really hilarious and some about serious distress that I've tried to address in this book. Everyone has a right to not only a healthy and enjoyable sex life but also to being able to decode the thoughts of others and how to please them as well. Men often express to me their confusion and frustration with other men from an emotional, spiritual and sexual perspective to the point where it seems like they're dealing with a whole other sex based upon the vagaries of sexual position. I thought this would be an excellent way to bring some
much needed insight and strategies to all men in the area of sexuality, being a homosexual man, whether one identifies due to race/culture as a gay, curious, queer, bi or same gender loving man.

Book Blurb: Written by Kyle Phoenix, Ed, Phd, author, television show host, YouTube sensation and a teacher on sexuality and relationships, as an expert he has over fifteen years experience and has counseled and work-shopped thousands of men and women.. His first book on sex and sexuality book focuses on being the preeminent instructional aid for men---gay, straight, bisexual and same gender loving to pleasure themselves and other men sexually. Kyle Phoenix has taught thousands of men throughout the country on his syndicated television show, The Kyle Phoenix Show (broadcasting to an audience of 500,000+ a week), countless in-person workshops, a daily blog (with over 25,000+ hits a day), online videos (with thousands of hits) and several universities. Now he brings through a detailed anatomy lesson, clear pictures, detailed glossary and outline of sexual positions, exercises and dozens of specific activities to try out with one's self or with a partner. The reader will learn how to have ecstatic, intense and mutually pleasurable sex for a lifetime! Included in the book are links to hundreds of Mr. Phoenix's instructive articles on dating, relationships and online videos. Every reader will close this book changed by the contents and ready to reach new heights of pleasure!
Enjoy!!!!

Thank you for reading,

Kyle Phoenix
Email: kylephoenixshow@aol.com
Website: http://kylephoenixsite.com/
Blog: http://kylephoenixshow.blogspot.com/2012
Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast

Kyle Phoenix Reviews The Kingdom by Lars von Trier



Enjoy and buy below!


Enjoy!!!

Thank you for reading,

Kyle Phoenix

Email: kylephoenixshow@aol.com



=Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast





Man Sues Parents for Not Loving Him Enough

(Kyle Phoenix review follows)


Bernard Bey


A 32-year-old Brooklyn man is suing his parents, claiming he wasn't loved enough by them and that their neglect has caused him to be homeless and jobless.
Bernard Bey filed a self-written lawsuit in Brooklyn court earlier this month, accusing his parents of causing him mental anguish and for making him feel "unloved and beaten by the world."
"If you have kids, you're expected to love your children," Bey told NBC 4 New York. "You want the best for your children."
Bey claimed he was physically and emotionally abused and ran away from home when he was 12, and then was in and out of the shelter system after turning 16. He's spent time in jail and is now homeless, and he believes his parents are at the root of his problems.
Bey is asking the court for more than $200,000 in damages. He wants his parents to mortgage their family home and purchase two franchises like Domino's Pizza.
The aspiring rapper said the money would be help the entire family.
"I feel like my parents should want the best for their children and grandchildren so we have something to pass down for generations so we don't have to live like this," he said.
Bey's parents, who live in public housing, said they're not in a position to give up any money. His stepfather named in the suit, Bernard Manley, had some choice unprintable words and maintained Bey is not his biological son.
Bey said he is willing to drop the lawsuit if his family will simply sit down at the dinner table with him.
"Let's work together, and definitely, I'll drop the suit," he said.


Unfortunately, there's a point of truth or validity to this. The misnomer people believe is that children become what their parents TELL them to be and do, the psychological.educational truth is that children become what their parents ARE. The fact that his parents aren't both his biological parents means that there was some sort of fracture in the family, the fact that his stepfather couldn't' answer without being so graphic that it was unprintable means that the man can't self-manage his anger, even he doesn't like something---which is what mentally balanced adults can do---so that Bey probably didn't grow up being taught self-management skills by either one of his parents, nor a most likely absentee biological father.

His parents live in Public Housing---which means that they are below a certain socioeconomic line as a couple which means that they both, combined don't earn over another line. So he, his family come from some sort of poverty---poverty not just being lack of finances but also poverty of resources---resources can be measured 0 to 4 on the Kraybrill Quotient through mental, physical, support systems, integrity, financial, desire/persistence, racial identity, sexual identity, hidden rules, relationships, etc.--- so this means that if his family is getting low numbers in the measurements they then taught him how to BE those low scores as well. He was released out into the world with low scores, in all the things we assume, in a country that sells Middle Class everywhere but ignores poverty. He's also frankly, attractive, which means he was probably prematurely sexualized as a child and unhealthily sexualized as an adult.

His emotional maturity will therefore be skewed because he was raised skewed and has probably never had an influential mentoring figure in his life to re-teach or mediate those skewings to normalcy for the society he's in.  But he's come to some understanding that his homelessness/dysfunctional life management has to do with being failed by his parents and not being able to undo that because they also didn't give him the skill set to know how to fix himself internally, which is what healthy parents give to children. 18 is the legal definition of an adult in America but anyone who has ever met a 19 year old knows that they know everything about nothing, a little bit of something about anything and ultimately nothing that can amount to anything because they haven't had the life experience to understand what they don't understand. You stop physically growing at about 25 to 27---that's when we actually reach brain formation/physical maturity and we're set as a human being. If Mr.Bey is 32, he's 5 years into being an adult if you give him maturity biologically/mentally at 27. If he was messed up by 18, then that means that from 18 to 27, probably he wasn't able to handle maturing and growing. A diseased acorn doesn't make a healthy tree.

Should he sue them? He's using the rules of our capitalistic adult world for how you deal with adults legally when they've wronged you or that has caused "damage" in your life. We're upset because it seems like a betrayal to do so to your parents and to question parenting skills. We assume that just because someone has children and the children survive 18 years with those parents that those are good parents yet we know that's not true or our prison systems wouldn't be packed with youthful offenders who evolve into adult offenders and prison occupants. Hopefully from this attention he can get the social worker/psychological attention he needs, the support system he needs to progress because he's still doing some emotional childish things/trying to get childish emotional needs/desires met. He wants them to sit down and have dinner together. 

Can you imagine what kind of family chaos he must come from that THAT is his dream/goal and he's willing to go to these lengths? 

I mean really sit and think about he wishes they could sit and have a dinner together. 
Damn. 
That means the dysfunction is so high, they've never, hardly ever, broken bread together. And if they didn't do that that lets us see that holidays didn't happen, support and love was probably lacking, they don't talk to each other, children and grandchildren were born out of wedlock, jail, homeless and parenting skills are so lacking that the progeny aren't doing well.  What we're REALLY seeing is something that also makes the rest of us VERY uncomfortable. Someone in poverty, the 60 million poor we have in America right now, one of them climbing to the next level and using Middle Class rules to shout to the rest of us what it's like growing up in the dungeons of poverty and how most people don't make it out. Ever.


Enjoy!!!

Thank you for reading,

Kyle Phoenix

Email: kylephoenixshow@aol.com

Website: http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Blog: http://kylephoenixshow.blogspot.com/2012

=Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast

Original Creator of Matrix & Terminator Wins $2.5 Billion In Lawsuit



Original Creator of Matrix & Terminator Wins $2.5 Billion In Lawsuit

After a six year dispute, prolific writer and profound spiritualist, Sophia Stewart has received justice for copyright infringement and racketeering and will finally recover damages from the films, The Matrix I, II and III, as well as The Terminator and its sequels. Yes, you heard that correctly – the entire Matrix & Terminator franchises, and her suspected pay off is expected to be the highest in history – an estimated 2.5 billion.

Her case is a true landmark, and far too uncommon as countless creatives are exploited by the snake-like dealings of the movie industry. Here’s a recap of her triumphant journey by way of George2.0:

“Stewart filed her case in 1999, after viewing the Matrix, which she felt had been based on her manuscript, ‘The Third Eye,’ copyrighted in 1981. In the mid-eighties Stewart had submitted her manuscript to an ad placed by the Wachowski Brothers, requesting new sci-fi works.

According to court documentation, an FBI investigation discovered that more than thirty minutes had been edited from the original film, in an attempt to avoid penalties for copyright infringement. The investigation also stated that ‘credible witnesses employed at Warner Brothers came forward, claiming that the executives and lawyers had full knowledge that the work in question did not belong to the Wachowski Brothers.’ These witnesses claimed to have seen Stewart’s original work and that it had been ‘often used during preparation of the motion pictures.’ The defendants tried, on several occasions, to have Stewart’s case dismissed, without success.

Stewart has confronted skepticism on all sides, much of which comes from Matrix fans, who are strangely loyal to the Wachowski Brothers. One on-line forum, entitled Matrix Explained has an entire section devoted to Stewart. Some who have researched her history and writings are open to her story.”

Although it’s long overdue, and buried in large part by the media machine, Stewart has finally received official credit (and hopefully financial settlement by 2009) for her prodigious contributions to both Hollywood, and the world for her ground breaking sagas, both the Matrix & Terminator franchises. Let us hope that this landmark ruling provides a measure of hope for other ripped off screenwriters seeking justice even if only by way of public recognition.

To echo her 2004 victorious press release:

‘The Matrix & Terminator movie franchises have made world history and have ultimately changed the way people view movies and how Hollywood does business, yet the real truth about the creator and creation of these films continue to elude the masses because the hidden secret of the matter is that these films were created and written by a Black woman…a Black woman named Sophia Stewart. But Hollywood does not want you to know this fact simply because it would change history. Also it would encourage our Black children to realize a dream and that is…nothing is impossible for them to achieve!’

We’d like to believe that the justice she received was not in name only, and she is able to reap the benefits of her enormous creative contributions.

Nina Simone Birthday: Meshell Ndegeocello Releases Cover To Celebrate The Famous Singer (EXCLUSIVE VIDEO)

Nina Simone Birthday: Meshell Ndegeocello Releases 
Cover To Celebrate The Famous Singer 
(EXCLUSIVE VIDEO)




Today is the birthday of Eunice Kathleen Waymon, better known as the high-priestess of soul, Nina Simone. The great American crooner, a broad-ranging jazz and blues singer with a contralto like no other, would turn 80 years old if she were still alive today.

Born in North Carolina in 1933, Simone produced a number of blues and gospel-influenced tunes that addressed civil rights in the South. From "Mississippi Goddamn" to "Old Jim Crow," her lyrics openly criticized the racial inequality in America, a sentiment that was echoed in her acclaimed 1966 album, "Wild Is the Wind."

To celebrate the noted singer's 80th birthday, fellow American singer-songwriter and bassist Meshell Ndegeocello has unearthed another song made famous by Simone -- "Black Is the Colour (Of My True Love's Hair)." The Appalachian folk song became a part of Simone's standard repertoire, sung in the deep and muddled rhythms she mastered throughout her career.


Ndegeocello's version is a ghostly homage to Ms. Simone, set to a melancholy arrangement of rolling percussions and distorted guitars. Watch the exclusive premiere of the video above, and let us know what you think of the timely tribute in the comments section.


You can watch this while you wait for the Nina Simone biopic to hit theaters.

Enjoy!!!
Thank you for reading,
Kyle Phoenix
Email: kylephoenixshow@aol.com
Website: http://kylephoenixsite.com/
Blog: http://kylephoenixshow.blogspot.com/2012
=Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast

Dr Claudette Carr: Where have all the (Black)/African intellectuals gone?


Dr Claudette Carr: Where have all the (Black)/African intellectuals gone?















We came across a great post written by Dr Claudette Carr on the lack thereof of African intellectuals. As Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, the young and brilliant Nigerian writer emphasized, Africans must tell their own stories or suffer the perils of the “Single Story.” But Dr Carr takes the conversation one step further by asking who are those telling African’s stories on the intelectual side. Dr Carr is the founding Director of the Jethro Institute for Good Governance (JIGG), wth over seventeen years experience lecturing in International and Community Development, Youth & Community Work, Social Work, and Social Policy, at Brunel, Birbeck, Lucerne University of Applied Sciences (Switzerland) and the University of Westminster. Here is here brilliant article on the subject, initially published on http://afritorial.com/

Celebrity Factor

So, I have also been thinking about what impact celebrity factor might have on the dearth of African intellectuals?

The white celebrity savior industrial complex is not about justice. It is about bolstering the egos of celebrities, often used as vessels for the industrial white aid complex engaged in service of elite capture of African self-determination. Central to this process of elite capture is the infantilisation of Africans on all levels: its government, its leaders (absolutely corrupt and beyond redemption); its children ( orphans bereft of the capacity for ‘care of the self’); its women ( unfit to mother the children, they so wantonly bring into this living hell); and its youth (a lost generation, devoid of vision, and bedeviled by the post-traumatic disorder – redolent in fragile/post-conflict fragile zones). This is the movie set the ‘white’ savior descends upon to re-enact their small acts of ‘compassion’.

The celebrity [do-gooder], embraces their mission on the continent with such self-righteous philanthropic zeal – rather like an obscurantist religious sect known as the bleeding Pharisees. In this guise, celebrity piety covers its eyes in the presence of African success stories, so as not to even look at those who succeed against all odds (much less acknowledge their existence) and ends up banging into walls. Their resulting blood and bruises become “red badges of courage” which they proudly display as proof of their piety. Is it any wonder why we have the mysterious cultic phenomenon of the ubiquitous kabbalistic celebrity red wrist bracelet, championed by Kabbala’s high priestess Madonna? Hmm …

Against this background, enter the Manchild project - KONY 2012. Here you have a bunch of high-tech multi-media, celebrity- philanthropist wannabes. They strike gold with their viral video – GET KONY, a resplendent, but equally pesky little African romp.

I ask myself: “Why do these young upstarts behave like they have just dropped a whole bunch of ecstasy tabs, and insist on treating the African Continent, as if it were one massive bacchanalian revel?”

Surely, it is time for a paradigm shift – enter the black celebrity vessel. Woe! and if I had a hammer!

If you raise a generation of youth on a narcissistic diet of dumb idols, such as Jay-Z, Beyonce,Lady Gaga, P Diddy, Rihanna, Justin Bieber, Kanye West and such like: reality tv junk - Pop Idols, American Idols, X-Factor, Sunday Best, Big Brother, and I’m a Celebrity Get me out of Here ; send them to church on Sunday to engage in the same lust for fame and attention, peddled by present day ‘Pulpit Pimps‘, is it any wonder, we reproduce a vacuous army of KONY 2012 clones?

If these celebrities (as has been widely reported), callously continued to party like it was 2099 earlier this year at the pre-Grammy function, whilst Whitney Houston’s dead body lay in a room above them, do we really think P Diddy, Rihanna et al give a hoot about the plight of “30,000″ dead Ugandan children?” As the proverbial saying goes, “There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes and yet is not washed from their filthiness.” Let’s face it, Kony 2012 should have been titled, “When Will I [Jason Russell] be Famous” – you have until December 31, 2012, to bring me said blood sacrifice! Madness begets more madness.
When will I be Famous…

If I were to come up with a modern day nemesis for KONY 2012, it would have to be: our unfettered lust for consumerism, at its zenith, during the Global North’s insatiable property boom, which led us into the global economic crisis we currently find ourselves in. Except, this time, it’s African souls that are being merchandised, and the boom continues – speculating over how we might “end poverty in Africa”…

Thomas Sowell in his book Housing Boom and Bust writes:

“Few things blind human beings to the actual consequences of what they are doing like a heady feeling of self-righteousness during a crusade to smite the wicked and rescue the downtrodden.“

But I digress.

Recently I came up with the novel idea of Development Factor and rather like the KONY 2012 narrative is simple. Those International Non-Governmental Organisations (INGOs), wishing to tout their projects and proposals to “help the poor” in Africa, in an extremely competitive market, would have to present their ideas to a panel made up of ‘authentic’ African Development Factor Judges. One or two celebrities might be thrown into the mix for good measure. Imagine the educational benefits of visualising the various stages of the the creative process, in setting up an NGO project and making this transparent to a now almost development savvy global audience? After all the bottom line is, every one wants recognition, everyone is looking for their fifteen minutes of fame, why not turn it into something more constructive, that democratises development, and truly engages the public and local/indigenous communities in more meaningful ways?

KONY 2012 has blown open a much-needed debate, which has been dominated by economists and politicians and development professionals for half a century Quite rightly, Invisible Children did not want to alienate it’s targeted audience with the technical vernacular of development experts, and the semantics of economic growth. However, paradoxically, the simplicity of the KONY 2012 narrative, revealed a void in knowledge about human behaviour – that is rooted in beliefs about what constitutes progress and development.

A New Breed of African Intellectuals

“The paradox of education is precisely this – that as one begins to become conscious one begins to examine the society in which he is being educated. ”
― James Baldwin

When all is said and done, one truth remains eternal here: we need a new breed of ‘Africanist’ scholars, who will pursue the task of their scholarly quest, with a pragmatic zeal that is second to none – as organic intellectuals, not ivory tower dim wits. Lest we forget a PhD doesn’t make you smart, or intellectual – there is no end of educated fools!

If you are vain and think the title will go nicely with your Dolce & Gabana tote, and your “in” circle of FB friends – go audition for X-Factor or F-Idols, and may you be forever confined to a wilderness, where you never receive manna from heaven – a shadow of an original thought of creativity – that might give you a clue how to get out. If your goal however, is to demystify – open eyes and ears to the mess this world is in, then may your path be filled with wonder, joy and the discernment, that knowledge puffs up, but LOVE builds up.

It never ceases to amaze me, how the powers that be continue to be the number one cheer leaders, in support of African buffoonery and intellectual inertia. One only need scratch the surface to discover the donors and sponsors, adept in this “Simon Cowell” type selection [read, schmoozing] or ‘we’re on the road to nowhere’ leaders. Of course, some Africans have internalised this longitudinal psychosis, enough to keep this diabolical pantomime of mediocrity on the road for themselves. And like all good pantomimes, let’s not mention colonialism /neo-colonialism, as the popular refrain goes [repeat after me]:

“Where is it?”
“It’s over, there”
“Where?”
“Behind you”….

I end as I begun: Where have all the African intellectuals gone?




Enjoy!!!Thank you for reading,
Kyle Phoenix
Email: kylephoenixshow@aol.com
Website: http://kylephoenixsite.com/
Blog: http://kylephoenixshow.blogspot.com/2012
Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast

Prison and the Poverty Trap By John Tierney


Prison and the Poverty Trap
Mary F. Calvert for The New York Times

Carl Harris rejoined his wife, Charlene Hamilton, and their two daughters after 20 years in prison.
By JOHN TIERNEY

Published: February 18, 2013


WASHINGTON — Why are so many American families trapped in poverty? Of all the explanations offered by Washington’s politicians and economists, one seems particularly obvious in the low-income neighborhoods near the Capitol: because there are so many parents like Carl Harris and Charlene Hamilton.



Mary F. Calvert for The New York Times


Carl Harris, 47, whose days as a crack dealer ended at age 24, when he started two decades behind bars, playing with his dog at home in Washington.


For most of their daughters’ childhood, Mr. Harris didn’t come close to making the minimum wage. His most lucrative job, as a crack dealer, ended at the age of 24, when he left Washington to serve two decades in prison, leaving his wife to raise their two young girls while trying to hold their long-distance marriage together.


His $1.15-per-hour prison wages didn’t even cover the bills for the phone calls and marathon bus trips to visit him. Struggling to pay rent and buy food, Ms. Hamilton ended up homeless a couple of times.


“Basically, I was locked up with him,” she said. “My mind was locked up. My life was locked up. Our daughters grew up without their father.”


The shift to tougher penal policies three decades ago was originally credited with helping people in poor neighborhoods by reducing crime. But now that America’s incarceration rate has risen to be the world’s highest, many social scientists find the social benefits to be far outweighed by the costs to those communities.


“Prison has become the new poverty trap,” said Bruce Western, a Harvard sociologist. “It has become a routine event for poor African-American men and their families, creating an enduring disadvantage at the very bottom of American society.”


Among African-Americans who have grown up during the era of mass incarceration, one in four has had a parent locked up at some point during childhood. For black men in their 20s and early 30s without a high school diploma, the incarceration rate is so high — nearly 40 percent nationwide — that they’re more likely to be behind bars than to have a job.


No one denies that some people belong in prison. Mr. Harris, now 47, and his wife, 45, agree that in his early 20s he deserved to be there. But they don’t see what good was accomplished by keeping him there for two decades, and neither do most of the researchers who have been analyzing the prison boom.


The number of Americans in state and federal prisons hasquintupled since 1980, and a major reason is that prisoners serve longer terms than before. They remain inmates into middle age and old age, well beyond the peak age for crime, which is in the late teenage years — just when Mr. Harris first got into trouble.


‘I Just Lost My Cool’


After dropping out of high school, Mr. Harris ended up working at a carwash and envying the imports driven by drug dealers. One day in 1983, at the age of 18, while walking with his girlfriend on a sidewalk in Washington where drugs were being sold, he watched a high-level dealer pull up in a Mercedes-Benz and demand money from an underling.


“This dealer was draped down in jewelry and a nice outfit,” Mr. Harris recalled in an interview in the Woodridge neighborhood of northeast Washington, where he and his wife now live. “The female with him was draped down, too, gold and everything, dressed real good.


“I’m watching the way he carries himself, and I’m standing there looking like Raggedy Ann. My girl’s looking like Raggedy Ann. I said to myself, ‘That’s what I want to do.’ ”


Within two years, he was convicted of illegal gun possession, an occupational hazard of his street business selling PCP and cocaine. He went to Lorton, the local prison, in 1985, shortly after he and Ms. Hamilton had their first daughter. He kept up his drug dealing while in prison — “It was just as easy to sell inside as outside” — and returned to the streets for the heyday of the crack market in the late 1980s.


The Washington police never managed to catch him with the cocaine he was importing by the kilo from New York, but they arrested him for assaulting people at a crack den. He says he went into the apartment, in the Shaw neighborhood, to retrieve $4,000 worth of crack stolen by one of his customers, and discovered it was already being smoked by a dozen people in the room.


“I just lost my cool,” he said. “I grabbed a lamp and chair lying around there and started smacking people. Nobody was hospitalized, but I broke someone’s arm and cut another one in the leg.”


An assault like that would have landed Mr. Harris behind bars in many countries, but not for nearly so long. Prisoners serve significantly more time in the United States than in most industrialized countries. Sentences for drug-related offenses and other crimes have gotten stiffer in recent decades, and prosecutors have become more aggressive in seeking longer terms — as Mr. Harris discovered when he saw the multiple charges against him.

For injuring two people, Mr. Harris was convicted on two counts of assault, each carrying a minimum three-year sentence. But he received a much stiffer sentence, of 15 to 45 years, on a charge of armed burglary at the crack den.



Eric Brown


A cellblock at Lorton, a defunct prison near Washington where Mr. Harris served time in the 1980s.









With a new outlook on life, Carl Harris returned to his family in 2009. He works as a security guard.


“The cops knew I was selling but couldn’t prove it, so they made up the burglary charge instead,” Mr. Harris contended. He still considers the burglary charge unfair, insisting that he neither broke into the crack den nor took anything, but he also acknowledges that long prison terms were a risk for any American selling drugs: “I knew other dealers who got life without parole.”


As it was, at the age of 24 he was facing prison until his mid-40s. He urged his wife to move on with her life and divorce him. Despondent, he began snorting heroin in prison — the first time, he says, that he had ever used hard drugs himself.


“I thought I was going to lose my mind,” he said. “I felt so bad leaving my wife alone with our daughters. When they were young, they’d ask on the phone where I was, and I’d tell them I was away at camp.”


His wife went on welfare and turned to relatives to care for their daughters while she visited him at prisons in Tennessee, Texas, Arizona and New Mexico.


“I wanted to work, but I couldn’t have a job and go visit him,” Ms. Hamilton said. “When he was in New Mexico, it would take me three days to get there on the bus. I’d go out there and stay for a month in a trailer near the prison.”


In Washington, she and her daughters moved from relative to relative, not always together. During one homeless spell, Ms. Hamilton slept by herself for a month in her car. She eventually found a federally subsidized apartment of her own, and once the children were in school she took part-time jobs. But the scrimping never stopped. “We had a lot of Oodles of Noodles,” she recalled.


Eleven years after her husband went to prison, Ms. Hamilton followed his advice to divorce, but she didn’t remarry. Like other women in communities with high rates of incarceration, she faced a shortage of potential mates. Because more than 90 percent of prisoners are men, their absence skews the gender ratio. In some neighborhoods in Washington, there are 6 men for every 10 women.


“With so many men locked up, the ones left think they can do whatever they want,” Ms. Hamilton said. “A man will have three mistresses, and they’ll each put up with it because there are no other men around.”


Epidemiologists have found that when the incarceration rate rises in a county, there tends to be a subsequent increase in the rates of sexually transmitted diseases and teenage pregnancy, possibly because women have less power to require their partners to practice protected sex or remain monogamous.


When researchers try to explain why AIDS is much more prevalent among blacks than whites, they point to the consequences of incarceration, which disrupts steady relationships and can lead to high-risk sexual behavior. When sociologists look for causes of child poverty and juvenile delinquency, they link these problems to the incarceration of parents and the resulting economic and emotional strains on families.


Some families, of course, benefit after an abusive parent or spouse is locked up. But Christopher Wildeman, a Yale sociologist, has found that children are generally more likely to suffer academically and socially after the incarceration of a parent. Boys left fatherless become more physically aggressive. Spouses of prisoners become more prone to depression and other mental and physical problems.


“Education, income, housing, health — incarceration affects everyone and everything in the nation’s low-income neighborhoods,” said Megan Comfort, a sociologist at the nonprofit research organization RTI International who has analyzed what she calls the“secondary prisonization” of women with partners serving time in San Quentin State Prison.


Before the era of mass incarceration, there was already evidence linking problems in poor neighborhoods to the high number of single-parent households and also to the high rate of mobility: the continual turnover on many blocks as transients moved in and out.


Now those trends have been amplified by the prison boom’s “coercive mobility,” as it is termed by Todd R. Clear, the dean of the School of Criminal Justice at Rutgers University. In some low-income neighborhoods, he notes, virtually everyone has at least one relative currently or recently behind bars, so families and communities are continually disrupted by people going in and out of prison.


A Perverse Effect


This social disorder may ultimately have the perverse effect of raising the crime rate in some communities, Dr. Clear and some other scholars say. Robert DeFina and Lance Hannon, both at Villanova University, have found that while crime may initially decline in places that lock up more people, within a few years the rate rebounds and is even higher than before.


New York City’s continuing drop in crime in the past two decades may have occurred partly because it reduced its prison population in the 1990s and thereby avoided a subsequent rebound effect.


Raymond V. Liedka, of Oakland University in Michigan, and colleagues have found that the crime-fighting effects of prison disappear once the incarceration rate gets too high. “If the buildup goes beyond a tipping point, then additional incarceration is not going to gain our society any reduction in crime, and may lead to increased crime,” Dr. Liedka said.

The benefits of incarceration are especially questionable for men serving long sentences into middle age. The likelihood of committing a crime drops steeply once a man enters his 30s. This was the case with Mr. Harris, who turned his life around shortly after hitting 30.


“I said, ‘I wasn’t born in no jail, and I’m not going to die here,’ ” he recalled, describing how he gave up heroin and other drugs, converted to Islam and went to work on his high school equivalency degree.


But he still had 14 more years to spend in prison. During that time, he stayed in touch with his family, talking to his children daily. When he was released in 2009, he reunited with them and Ms. Hamilton.


“I was like a man coming out of a cave after 20 years,” Mr. Harris said. “The streets were the same, but everything else had changed. My kids were grown. They had to teach me how to use a cellphone and pay for the bus.”


The only job he could find was at a laundry, where he sorted soiled linens for $8.25 an hour, less than half the typical wage for a man his age but not unusual for someone just out of prison. Even though the District of Columbia has made special efforts to find jobs for ex-prisoners and to destigmatize their records — they are officially known as “returning citizens” — many have a hard time finding any kind of work.


This is partly because of employers’ well-documented reluctance to hire anyone with a record, partly because of former prisoners’ lack of work experience and contacts, and partly because of their difficulties adapting to life after prison.


“You spend long enough in prison being constantly treated like a dog or a parrot, you can get so institutionalized you can’t function outside,” Mr. Harris said. “That was my biggest challenge, telling myself that I’m not going to forget how to take care of myself or think for myself. I saw that happen to too many guys.”


‘Crippled by Incarceration’


The Rev. Kelly Wilkins sees men like that every day during her work at the Covenant Baptist Church in Washington, which serves the low-income neighborhoods east of the Anacostia River.


“A lot of the men have been away so long that they’re been crippled by incarceration,” she said. “They don’t how to survive in the community anymore, and they figure it’s too late for someone in their 40s to start life over.”


A stint behind bars tends to worsen job prospects that weren’t good to begin with. “People who go to prison would have very low wages even without incarceration,” said Dr. Western, the Harvard sociologist and author of “Punishment and Inequality in America.”“They have very little education, on average, and they live in communities with poor job opportunities, and so on. For all this, the balance of the social science evidence shows that prison makes things worse.”


Dr. Western and Becky Pettit, a sociologist at the University of Washington, estimate, after controlling for various socioeconomic factors, that incarceration typically reduces annual earnings by 40 percent for the typical male former prisoner.


The precise financial loss is debatable. Other social scientists have come up with lower estimates for lost wages after incarceration, but everyone agrees it’s only part of the cost. For starters, it doesn’t include wages lost while a man is behind bars.


Nor does it include all the burdens borne by the prisoner’s family and community during incarceration — the greatest cost of all, says Donald Braman, an anthropologist at George Washington University Law School who wrote “Doing Time on the Outside” after studying families of prisoners in Washington.


“The social deprivation and draining of capital from these communities may well be the greatest contribution our state makes to income inequality,” Dr. Braman said. “There is no social institution I can think of that comes close to matching it.”


Drs. DeFina and Hannon, the Villanova sociologists, calculate that if the mass incarceration trend had not occurred in recent decades, the poverty rate would be 20 percent lower today, and that five million fewer people would have fallen below the poverty line.


Ms. Hamilton and Mr. Harris have now risen above that poverty line, and they consider their family luckier than many others. Their two daughters finished high school; one went to college; both are employed. Ms. Hamilton is working as an aide at a hospital. Mr. Harris has a job as a security guard and a different outlook on life.


“I don’t worry about buying clothes anymore,” he said. He and his wife are scrimping to save enough so they can finally, in their late 40s, buy a home together.


“It’s like our life is finally beginning,” Ms. Hamilton said. “If he hadn’t been away so long, we could own a house by now. We would probably have more kids. I try not to think about all the things we lost.”


Accentuating the Positive


She and her husband prefer to accentuate the positive, even when it comes to the police and prison. They appreciate that some neighborhoods in Washington are much safer now that drug dealers aren’t fighting on street corners and in crack dens anymore. They figure the crackdown on open-air drug markets helped both the city and Mr. Harris.


“If I hadn’t been locked up, I probably would have ended up getting killed on the streets,” Mr. Harris said. His wife agreed.


“Prison was good for him in some ways,” Ms. Hamilton said. “He finally grew up there. He’s a man now.”


But 20 years?


“They overdid it,” she said. “It didn’t have to take that long at all.”
Enjoy!!!
Thank you for reading,
Kyle Phoenix
Email: kylephoenixshow@aol.com
Website: http://kylephoenixsite.com/
Blog: http://kylephoenixshow.blogspot.com/2012
Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast

Anti-gay stigma sparks rise in black male HIV rates by Dr. Kevin Fenton



Anti-gay stigma sparks rise in black male HIV rates
Opinion by Dr. Kevin Fenton


Related Posts

HIV rates increase by half among young black gay, bisexual men

Homophobia and HIV linked in black men

Black gay couples use condoms more than whites

Changing face of HIV in black communities over 30 years

5 myths that must go in war against HIV-AIDS

Black America is fighting back harder than ever against HIV and AIDS. Thanks to courageous leadership and a surge of new action by community leaders, it is now possible to reach those in our community at greatest risk of infection and reduce the toll that this terrible epidemic has taken on the black community.

While we should take pride in what has been achieved — progress remains fragile. HIV infections are stable among blacks overall and among black women, but among our young black gay and bisexual men, they are increasing. Black gay and bisexual men of all ages account for 73 percent of new infections among black men, and the latest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reveal that the burden of HIV is growing among some of the youngest members of our community.

CDC just reported that HIV infections are up sharply among black gay and bisexual men under the age of 30 — the only race and risk group in the United States to experience a significant increase between 2006 and 2009. While data show that HIV infections increased by almost 50 percent among these young men in just four years, HIV surveillance data only tell only half the story.

Click here to view a Grio slideshow: 30 years of HIV/AIDS in black America

We can’t say for sure why this increase occurred, but we have a good sense of some of the reasons. We know that young black gay men often face a double hurdle in staying healthy and HIV-free: economic hardships that prevent many in African-American communities from seeing a doctor, and the stigma and homophobia that can damage the well-being of many gay men.

Additionally, young black gay men are more likely than men of other races to have sexual relationships with older men, which can increase their risk of being exposed to HIV simply because older gay men are more likely to be HIV positive.

Young African-Americans — male or female, gay or straight — also have higher rates of certain sexually transmitted diseases that can make it easier to transmit HIV.

MSNBC: New HIV infections up 50 percent in gay black men

Additionally, a recent study of 21 major cities found that the majority of young black gay and bisexual men who were HIV-infected were unaware of their HIV status. These high rates of unawareness, coupled with the fact that young gay men tend to underestimate their chances of getting infected, are contributing to the increasing numbers of HIV infections we are seeing today.

When considering all of this information, the challenge before us is clear: we cannot end the black AIDS epidemic without confronting HIV among black gay men, and the stigma and homophobia that allows HIV to flourish in our communities.

The stigma of homosexuality runs deep in many of our communities. For young men who are just coming to terms with their sexuality, the weight of this stigma can be crushing. Tragically, it keeps many too fearful to seek the life-saving HIV prevention, testing and treatment services they need.

To protect the health of the next generation, each of us needs to confront the stigma that forces too many of our sons, brothers and friends into the shadows, and prevents them from seeking HIV prevention services that can help reverse the current trend.

I know full well the toll that stigma, silence and ignorance continue to play in the lives of so many young gay men today. As I work in cities and towns across the country, I meet young black gay men who share stories of being rejected by their families or their faith communities because of their sexual orientation.

Many of these young men are driven to high risk conditions, including homelessness, incarceration, sex for survival, or power-imbalanced relationships in which they may be unable to negotiate safe behaviors with their partners.

But, I also hear just as many stories of resilience and strength from so many of our young gay brothers — both HIV positive and negative — who are making choices to protect themselves and their communities.


These men are educating others because they are determined to break the cycle of HIV, and they give me hope that HIV does not have to be a right of passage for young black gay men. Whether in Cleveland, Detroit, Atlanta or Little Rock, ending the HIV in the black community will require that we all work together. Understanding the realities of this disease, fighting the stigma which continues to fuel its spread, and supporting those who are most vulnerable are steps that every one of us can take.

Some of the nation’s most prominent black leaders are taking up this challenge and speaking out about the need to show the same compassion for black gay and bisexual men as other members of the African-American family — an example we should all strive to follow.


At CDC, we’re working with African-American leaders and organizations to achieve this vision. We’re expanding HIV prevention programs for African-Americans at risk; we've launched awareness and education campaigns to help young African-Americans — gay and straight — understand their risks, get tested and protect themselves; and we recently expanded our partnerships with leading African-American organizations, to help them address the threat of HIV.


We have enlisted the help of well-known organizations like the NAACP and the National Urban League, and other respected organizations with deep roots in the African-American community that specifically address the needs of black gay men in their local communities, such as the International Federation of Black Prides.

President Obama’s leadership also gives reason for hope. The administration’s new National HIV/AIDS Strategy, announced last year, calls on all of us to focus HIV prevention efforts where the needs are greatest — and that clearly includes black gay men.

I hope these efforts will bring us closer to a day when all African-Americans have the tools and support they need to stay HIV-free. Each of us needs to do our part: speak out against stigma, get tested for HIV and commit our own time and energy to the fight. Our battle against HIV and AIDS has come too far to do anything less.

Thank you,

Kyle Phoenix

kylephoenixshow@aol.com

http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Time Warner Cable, Verizon Fios or Comcast or the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast onhttp://kylephoenixsite.com/

Art of Seduction: The Top 12 Ways to Pick Up Gay/Bsexual Men of Color by Nick Delmacy and Stingwood

by Nick Delmacy and Stingwood



Let’s face it, modern masculine gay men of color have been programmed to think that the only way to meet other Gay men for dating is online on sex hookup sites. There are many masculine men (like the founders of Discreet City) that don’t even visit those sites, so many guys are missing out on quality potential mates.

The number one question Discreet City gets in emails is, “How do I meet other masculine Gay men?” Well here’s your ultimate guide. Discreet City’s Nick Delmacy joins GuyTrap.com founder Stingwood to share the top 12 ways to get those precious 7-digits from the man in your sights…whether you know if he’s Straight or Gay.

Picture
Picture

NICK D:
Obviously it helps to approach a guy for potential dating if you already know that he’s Gay. And if you’re like me, you prefer to meet a guy at least as masculine as yourself. We get so many emails from young readers asking “How can you tell that a masculine man is Gay?” The easiest answer: Ask Him. I’m serious.

You may not want to be that direct, but there are still many indirect questions that can be inserted into normal conversation that will let you know if a man is Gay/Bisexual. One “straight” friend that I was interested in mistakenly slipped up and said “X-Tube” instead of“YouTube.” Whether he slipped up on purpose to give me a hint or not, it was all I needed to begin putting the moves on him without fear that he was actually heterosexual. Before that moment, we both assumed that the other was straight. Key things to remember though: Don't bank all of your dating prospects into seemingly heterosexual men and don't waste a lot of time playing the "is he or isn't he Gay" guessing games.

When it all comes down to it, you may meet men that you hope are Gay but aren’t. They may convince you that they’re straight or maybe they eventually see your clues and tell you that they’re just not into you (in that way). This is fine, at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with having more friends, even sexy straight ones. 


Picture
Picture

STINGWOOD:
Have you ever seen a super-hot guy wander off with someone you wouldn’t give the time of day? That’s because the art of seduction has a lot more to do with social skills than with naked physical attraction. It’s not 30 pounds you need to lose to pick up more men—it’s your inner fears.

NICK D:
The mistake that many of us make is prejudging potential objects of affection on what we THINK they’re attracted to before we’ve even said one word to them. You see a muscular guy and just assume that he ONLY likes other muscular men. This could be far from the case; you could be the just type he’s looking for. Also, remember this: No matter how fine a guy is, he’s still got some insecurity of his own. Sexy men can be shy too.

Confidence goes a long way. I’ve even been a victim of it in the past to guys I wasn’t superficially attracted to but had the courage to approach. Dope personality, style, swag, demeanor, intellect, etc can get me to give up the digits just as fast a sexy body or a cute face. Careful not to become TOO confident, though. No matter how attractive or unattractive a guy is, being the “groper” in a party/club just comes of sleazy. 


Read more of The Top 12 Ways To Pick Up Gay/Bisexual Men of ColorIn Just One Click.

Picture
NICK D:
I’ve mentioned this before but it’s worth repeating: Let go of the antiquated Gender Roles! If you’re a Bottom that doesn’t want to be considered a woman, then stop wanting to be treated like one from an old 1950’s movie. I get it, you’re submissive…but that doesn’t mean you can’t at least make the initial contact to get the ball rolling.

Tops, just like many heterosexual men, can be shy and/or wallflowers as well. Sometimes they need help breaking the ice. My grandmother always used to say: A closed mouth doesn’t get fed. If you don’t even try to go after what you want, you can’t complain when it doesn’t come to you.
Picture

Picture
Picture

NICK D:
It’s a Numbers Game. Think of rejection as a good thing. Its practice for the next man you talk to at the party. Approaching only one guy at a party or club is pretty much a wasted evening if your goal is to meet men…especially if he rejects you. And yes, you must get out of the house and go to a party or club where there is a likely chance gay men will be. You can’t be a hermit locked away in your house and complain about how hard it is to meet men.

One thing that helped me in the early days was saying this to myself, “I’m not leaving here until I get at least 3-5 phone numbers.” That didn’t necessarily mean that I was looking for sex with all of them, it was just simple conversation that eventually led to me asking for their phone number.

STINGWOOD:
To get started in the pick-up game, you need to go where gay men are and learn to approach them. And not just one or two guys, but many guys. If you can’t strike up a conversation, you don’t have a chance to pick-up and eventually seduce someone you’re attracted to.

NICK D:
Right and one last thing, don’t worry about guys you’ve already talked to seeing you. If they’re adults, they know what the deal is…If anything it can make you look more popular, attractive and desirable.


Picture
Picture

STINGWOOD:
Nothing conveys indecision and nervousness like hesitation. Indecision and nervousness are not attractive traits. So practice the three-second rule: train yourself to approach your target within three seconds of seeing him.

NICK D:
The three-second rule is so essential. How many times have you seen someone you found attractive at a party but internally talked yourself out of approaching him. Or worse, you just keep glancing at him the whole evening, trying to build up the confidence to approach not knowing that he’s already noticed you looking and now you’re just coming off as a creepy stalker. Whenever you move around the party to a place he’s standing it looks like you’re following him. CREEPY!

So in the future, if three seconds go by before you make an attempt to approach him, let him go…move on to the next. Also, don’t get caught up on him being the best looking guy at the party thus being the only one worth approaching. In the chance that he rejects you, it’ll ruin the rest of your night. No man is THAT good looking. Whenever you think you’ve seen the best looking man in the world, hop onto a male admiration Tumblr blog…You’ll see that there are PLENTY more sexy men out there of all ages, shapes and sizes.


Picture
STINGWOOD:
An approach is an excuse - any excuse - to start a conversation with someone: “How do I get to Hyatt Hotel?” “There’s some lint on your collar.” “I noticed something about you…” The easiest of all approaches is simply to smile and say “hi.” Forget pick up lines like “I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.”— they’re phony, convey too much sexual interest, and leave you no place to take the conversation.

NICK D:
If you’re unsure what to say to begin a conversation, just remember this: saying ANYTHING is better than saying NOTHING. I’ve met masculine men in many places by just striking up random conversations. I’ve met Masculine Gay guys in the gym just by just asking what goal were they working on, gaining muscle or losing weight. I even met a guy at a gas station by just saying the four magic words, “Yo…You look familiar.” If you’re at a bar/club, my go-to approach is to ask say, “Yo, what kind of drink is that, it looks good…” If he’s receptive by giving me his number (and I’m feeling generous), I might throw a bonus in and buy him a new drink at the end of our conversation.

But if you go generic and use any of the above statements, try to still be interesting. If he has tons of tattoos, don't just say, "I like your tattoos" and leave it at that. Plus I'm sure he's heard that MANY times before. Get him involved by asking him what tattoo would look good on you. That way it becomes a conversation instead of an obvious attempt to hit on him.
Picture

STINGWOOD:
Once you've exchanged a few words develop openers or standard conversational ploys that will attract your target. Try something startling: “That wasn’t your car on fire in the parking lot, was it?” “Did you see those two guys fighting outside?” Or get an opinion: “Hey, can I ask you a question? What’s the best way to get revenge on an ex? This guy I know…” Develop your opener into a little routine by adding vivid details. Get your target involved and keep him engaged until he gives signs of starting to relax. Sometimes it helps to give the opener a time constraint so that he thinks you’ll shortly be on your way (“I’ve got to go find my friend, but…).

NICK D:
Yeah, it’s all about conversation skills. It’s like a good job interview…showing up is just half the battle. Admittedly it helps if it’s a place where you’ll see the guy again, that way you can plant what I call “Conversation Seeds.” These are short nuggets of dialogue that gets the guy comfortable with over time (days/weeks) so that it won’t be awkward when you ask for his number.

For God’s sake, whatever you do, DON’T ask for his FacebookTwitteror Instagram handle. Especially at the end of the first conversation. No matter how much you want to keep in contact with him, this comes off as “stalkerish.” Do like most people and get as much information as possible so that you can Google Search him when you get home. Stalk in Private (just kidding, just kidding).


Picture
Picture

STINGWOOD:
Keep him off balance when he suspects you’re trying to pick him up. This allows time for his attraction to develop. Keep talking in a friendly way while pretending you’re not really that interested sexually.

NICK D:
Keep it casual and don’t come off desperate or “thirsty.” Ultimately you want him to think, “This is a guy that I want to get to know more of…”

However also remember that every connection doesn’t have to be a “Love Connection.” If you have a good conversation yet no contact information is exchanged, chalk it up to experience/practice and move on to the next guy. Meeting guys that you don’t click with can still help you in the long run. They may play matchmaker in the future and introduce you to one of their friends that’s perfect for you.

The lower your expectations, then the lower your disappointment will be. If you have that attitude, it usually has the opposite effect when meeting men. They become more interested in you, the less you seem interested in them. This can backfire if you seem too disinterested though. Checking text messages or glancing around the room for your next target DURING your conversation with him is body language that says you’re bored. 


Picture
Picture

STINGWOOD:
When you meet a guy, don’t stop talking- just stop talking aimlessly. Learn to be funny and entertaining and cast yourself in a positive light in the stories you tell. Tell him how great your new gym routine is making you feel.

Talk about ex-boyfriends or hang a “friend” around your shoulder to demonstrate that others think you’re attractive. In other words, give him enough ammunition to justify an attraction towards you. Once an attraction develops, you’ll see the signals in his eyes and body language.

NICK D: 
Again, meeting a guy is like that first Job Interview. The best interviews I’ve ever been on were conversational and free flowing. I also sold myself very well and was sure to compliment the person/company I was being interviewed by. The same applies to this first conversation. Just relax, be yourself and keep your expectations in check.


Picture
STINGWOOD:
Without touching there is no sex. To get the ball rolling, touch early and often. Make sure your touches are sensual and motivating, not crude sexual pawing. Examine his cool wristwatch. Flatten his mussed-up collar. Slap away his too-familiar fingers. Read his palm. Test his kiss-ability quotient. Your fleeting touches will leave him begging for more.

NICK D:
Touching is okay as long as you do it with a purpose. Groping is not what we’re talking about. Copping cheap feels is not a good idea (unless you know that he’s down for it). Something as simple as holding his hand a little longer than normal on that first and last handshake/dap can be enough to tell him that you’re interested. A gentle hand on his shoulder or back while leaning in to his ear can often give off the non-verbal communication needed to get the digits.
Picture

Picture
NICK D:
It amazes me how many guys go to Gay parties and clubs hoping to meet guys but they STAY attached to their friends at the hip ALL NIGHT LONG! For starters, staying THAT close to their “best friend” makes it look like they actually came with their boyfriend. So they scare off potential mates. Secondly, most guys don’t like to pick up men if they’re surrounded by their friends. Even straight men generally don’t like to do this. Remember, the goal is to get him to focus on YOU.

STINGWOOD:
You can accelerate this process by leading him to a neutral location away from his friends. Continue developing rapport and sexual interest. Invite him to a quiet corner of the bar, outside for a breath of air or to a nearby pizza place.
Picture

Picture
Picture

NICK D:
Some men, especially attractive masculine men, feel odd when they’re in the middle of a club/party/event and after you talk you pull out your cell phone to get his number. Not only is this somewhat emasculating, it also advertises to all those around that you got the digits. This may be off-putting and make him hesitant to share contact information, especially if he has a lot of admirers. He may want to keep up the appearance that he NEVER gives up the number to ANYONE.

What’s worked for me in the past is to lean in and ask the man to tell the numbers to me in my ear. Once we separate and I’m alone, I pull out my cell phone and punch in his number. Most times, I’ll immediately send a text reminding him of my name and a descriptive trait so he’ll know who I am when he sees the message.

With some men, all this won’t be necessary. They’ll just grab your cell phone, punch in their number and call it so that their phone rings, giving them your number too. These are the guys that REALLY like you. They want to make sure that they get your number and let everyone else in the party know as well. This can ultimately prove to be both a gift and a curse (see my later post about obsessive dudes). I prefer not to use this method because in the past I’ve been handed password locked or hard-to-figure-out smartphones that just create awkward moments of fumbling around.


Picture
NICK D:
If he’s texting or calling you even before you leave the party, it means he wants’ to have sex that night. Seriously. I’ve seen it time after time. The only alternative is that they’re lonely and can’t wait to have real human interaction. But typically when they’re that thirsty, they just want sex. Its up to you if that’s also what you want. Tons of essays could be written on whether sex on the first night of meeting each other can still lead to relationships. If sex was your goal in the first place, then you’re good to go.

STINGWOOD:
It takes two to tango. Back at your pad, ask him to pick out some soft music, or turn down the lights, or massage your back. Let him be your partner in setting up the sex scene. You might both be surprised by what develops naturally. Make him feel at ease and develop things naturally.
Picture



Stingwood is the founder of the now defunct GuyTrap.com, a Gay discussion website where men traded hints and tips on attraction, love and sex topics.

Enjoy!!!
Thank you for reading,
Kyle Phoenix
Email: kylephoenixshow@aol.com
Website: http://kylephoenixsite.com/
Blog: http://kylephoenixshow.blogspot.com/2012
Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast