I date a lot. A lot more than I'm often conscious of because I routinely ask men and women, and occasionally a group out to dinner, to shows, to the movies. I was just talking to a co-worker about how you have to pin me down when I throw out that invite because if you sleep on it, I'll probably go to see the movie (I saw Chiraq last night) or to the show (Alvin Ailey---Cry sends me!!!!!!)
MSM often talk about no available guys or they lament sitting around waiting for this or that or wouldn't it be wonderful or I'm waiting on....blah blah blah.
Here's the secret: ASK MEN (Or Women---whatever splits your banana) OUT. If you're single and you don't want to be, it's a number's game. You must ask them out---with a few dollars in your pocket and a smile. Prep, look good, smile, and maybe Google the TV show "Blind Date" and get some date ideas.
I just bought three new sweaters, half a dozen white dress shirts and two pairs of dress shoes and I've got two pairs of black slacks at the atelier. I am officially ready for some holiday dating!
Alvin Ailey is here, dancing away up the block, and I'm trying to figure out how to go to not one, not two but three of the shows because if you become really tuned into AA, you know it's a delightful game of wanting to see all of the performance. (Loved Takademe and I had a Judith Jamison poster from her performance in Cry fifteen years ago---I'm looking forward to Odetta---I missed it one year, late, and they don't let you back in until intermission; Revelations is always just that, revelatory!) Three dates! Boom shockalocka boom!
But back to why there's this desert....perhaps in your social calendar.
Reason One I'm Single: fear
Men are so fucking scared.
Scared you want them.
Scared you don't want them.
Scared they'll spend twenty dollars on you.
Scared you won't spend twenty dollars on them.
Scared you love them.
Scared you won't love them.
Scared you'e smarter.
Scared they sound dumb.
Scared, scared, scared.
The fear is so exhausting that you want the date to be over because he's just spewed so much terror ON THE FIRST DATE that you're not even sure your own life is worth living any longer.
Tip: Best friend. Therapist. Not your date. Please don't tell your date your fears.
You can meet lots of great guys. date them. Sex them up and down, all over town if you just relax, calm down, ask men out regularly, come up off your Netflix and shopping therapy budget and pay like normal (not just hetero but un-fearful men) for a date. Relax, it's just a few hundred dollars a year---cheaper than sitting at home lamenting your pain on Facebook and staring at sexy-sexy male pics and porno that aren't real.
Reason Two I'm Single: madness
Prep is here!
Condoms are here!
HIV is not over.
AIDS is not over.
Hepatitis is rampant.
Gonorrhea actually is as fluent as Spanish in my neighborhood according to the CDC.
And yet if you look on places like Adam 4 Adam, Safe Sex is out the fucking window. Now, now, now, wait, wait before I go on a barebacking tirade let me just do a little mental Algebra to break down why I'm cautious with my jellybeans.
Saw A handsome young bloke by the name of Victor posts his twenty something lustful thoughts of co-spanky spank spank yearnings and you know---he looks good and you look good and everything is potentially good. And he says he's a student and he's working in say retail or maybe an office---you can kind of suss out, he's on his way to 40k a year. And then Victor says he's down with the love grind and safe sex isn't a worry because he's HIV negative AND he's on Prep.
Where this student loaned out mother fucker getting $10,000 a year in cash for Prep? Just to fuck? Is he fucking for cash to have cash to pay to fuck?
And what about the rest of the Alien-esque infections that circulate through the crotch of humans and a few primates?
When did it become cool to risk not yourself but your fellow human for a skeet?
I mean we as Americans (or Black folk about White folk) are always railing about how people in other countries treat their people and yet were willing to fuck each other to infected death. What the fuck is that?
If you want a man, care about men. That's safe sex in the 21st century. Get past your semen tossing fantasies, your deep desire to have some "flood" you and instead look at STIs as the same precautions that men and women take around pregnancy.
Reason Three I'm Single: individuation
I'm not you.
I don't want to be you.
I don't want to like the same things as you.
I don't want you to like all the things I do.
i'm not interested in the same things you are.
I'm cool with you not being interested in the same things I am.
MSM foolishly look for themselves in other men. Instead they should focus on values and morals.
Does your target rape children?
Does he take advantage of old, blind people?
Does he like to torture puppies?
Does he care about people's feelings and their lives?
That's what's important.
Instead you tell someone you didn't lose your gonads to Ice Age movie and they're not sure if you're worthy of love and affection.
Or perhaps that you don't own more than a few Adele songs on your IPod or no Beyonce and there's a terrified scream about how you must support the Nazi party and couldn't possibly like something different than they do.
I revel in your differences. I look forward to learning and coming to appreciate something new that I may've never tasted or experienced before. I also look forward to you having some place, something, some other interest and hobby than my own.
He is Not You. I have that book on the way but in the meantime Good Men for Men. Stop looking for a twin to assuage your narcissistic childish/puerile need for mommy-daddy love acceptance. Instead be happy with the fact that a good man will be different form you. Heterosexual men are in so many more relationships because they accept that women are different than them and don't expect for the two to always enjoy or revel in the same things. Simple when you see it from that angle, huh?
Reason Four I'm Single: discretion
Ok, seriously...no really...let's again use Victor as an example. We go out on a date to dinner, maybe to a show or a movie.
Now if we sit next to each other----who are all of these people with their smartphones and beady eyes spying on you and I, and outing you?
Say, we decide to get horizontal and you invite me over to your house and tell me to be conscious and discrete, my mental thought is always: What the hell do you think I'm going to do walking from the subway to your house? Up the driveway? Like whip out a dildo and start blowing it and scream that I'm going to fuck him, him, him in apartment 7?
And more importantly, why would I date a paranoid person?
No one's watching you.
You're not that interesting.
Most of them already know about you or.....wait for this, wait for it----they don't give a damn about you and your minuscule life. In fact they probably haven't even noticed your life.
Statistically people are thinking about themselves 96% of the time.
There are so many wonderful, smart, good men out there in the world.
You're wasting your time with the above drama. It's why you're alone and lonely.
You won't live forever.
Oh, by the by, I'm personally a little happy if you stay trapped in silliness....more grateful men for me. :)
Thank you for reading.
Thanks and enjoy!
Thank you for reading.
Thanks and enjoy!
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Kyle Phoenix, 2015
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