Porn is pretty much wholesale unrealistic whether it’s gay or straight. Porn is to real sex what being a cop is to being a cop in a movie. All cops in movies are three times as strong as a normal human and the center of a giant conspiracy that only they can bring down and are able to outrun, outwit thousands of enemies.
Gay sex is often a deep level of incongruity because of how men approach sex without communication. Imagine one guy standing up and screaming stick it in, service me, hold still and the other telling him his favorite color is yellow.
You have to negotiate more in gay sex because both bodies make all potential combinations possible.
Then someone has to slow down and speed up. Some people fuck like you have their cancer meds in a safe or lay back like the King of Siam is ready for his daily blowjob. Gay men also have to negotiate safe sex, hopefully. Which can end the whole show right then and there. The energy and the communication often makes gay men desire relationships, not for what they can give to another human being but for the knowledge of another and someone knowing you. because the communication can be so goobbledygook.
Don’t do that.
No, I don’t like that.
Yeah, I understand English so I understand YOU like that however as my body is involved, I don’t like that.
Do more of that.
Pay attention to me.
This is not a service call.
No, I’m not playing out some degrading porn fantasy just because this is private sex.
Not everyone wants piss on their leg, in their mouth, nor to have ejaculate on their face.
Gay men tend to approach human sex as if they’re in a porn movie. Like a police officer rushing out to work pretending to be Mel Gibson from Lethal Weapon. That won’t work, in any reality but it’s hard for some men to hear that.
I had an ex who liked to bite. Not playful bites but next day in the office, my God how did you get that pussing bruise on your throat, Kyle? I had to tell him stop don’t do that, once. Then twice. The second time included if you do it again I will clock you. He did it a third time. He got clocked. Amazingly with all the degrees in that bed, and he went to Amherst, clocking someone worked. He also wanted to pee on me. I offered he could pee on my leg in the shower. That’s not what he meant. The breakup was inevitable, eh?
I’ve been called nigger. Yeah, nigger, you like that? That feel good, nigger?
That directly goes to Black and Latino porn. I’ve seen White porn, never does someone spontaneously scream yeah, Jew, yeah, dago, take that, you potato!
I had to shutdown the racial verbal assaulter too.
I’ve been——manhandled in a way I’m still not sure if it was deep tissue massage or invasive. I think it was invasive for someone to keep pressing their knuckles into me, my body, all over….but afterwards I felt so relaxed. I was violated…and relaxed. The confusion is why I never saw him again. Though it still stands out.
There was a bottom who was so energetic he nearly snapped my penis in two because he thought that aerobic movement was passion.
Gay men tend to lack skill. Because gay porn lacks skill. It’s so organized to edit (I edit my TV show so I have my own templates and formats) that gay men translate that back to real sex. Think on this, where do gay men, teenagers see gay sex depicted and described? Parents don’t sit their son’s down and explain that when you’re sucking man’s cock, junior you need to be conscious of your teeth. Or when fingering or being fingered or penetrated or rimming, like all of life, there will be some shit, no matter how much you bathe, cleanse, perfume. Sex is messy.
In gay porn, unless it’s messy gay porn, it’s very clean, organized, antiseptic almost, well shaved, pretty bodies most times and everyone is over the moon with blowjobs, giving and receiving, rimming, penetration, etc.. Interestingly enough much of gay porn of people of color includes versatility whereas White porn is very A does B or B does A, very binary positionality.
Threesomes. You gotta talk beforehand. There’s no “flow” because now it’s three people who like this and not that but some of that but not this. And then invariably someone is the focus while someone isn’t and all watchers believe that they aren’t being done as fairly as the one they’re watching getting done. So there’s something akin to jealousy. You might have enough in the oeuvre of penetration A and then intensity of B but B wants you to delight in penetration of him as much as you do A. Trust me, I’ve been C and B got snarky because A and I enjoyed ourselves differently than B and I did. So someone is always rotating out for refreshments or the bathroom because it’s momentary synchronicity not continuous.
Orgies, Group sex are again nothing like porn—-actually I think this is one of the spaces where reality is better than manufactured images because a mass orgy of four or more is generally enough of everything to keep diving into the pool for. A group of six or so is good because then there’s types and differences and such. In porn in an orgy the goal is always to be different, film different so everyone is forced into artificial variety. But in life you can all be doing variants on the same thing and it not be artificial. Well, that’s my experience…..
Gay porn teaches males a simplicity towards a very complicated engagement and often you can feel with partners the disappointment in themselves or you that it’s not like the images. And its not because it’s choreographed so when someone starts to have a choreographed sexual encounter with you , you can feel it. It’s like I can hear people/students who watch too much TV. They talk in rapid bursts of simplistic information but not thought. That’s what porn taught gay sex is like—-NOW 7 minutes for oral sex and YOU have to penetrate me in 3 minutes with a rock hard erection and THEN I’ll ejaculate and you ejaculate within 13 seconds of seeing me.
I’ve often told guys with that intense push, the cookies aren’t burning in the oven and you don’t get a prize for doing this in 18 minutes with all bases covered.
The best sex, unlike porn, lasts hours. Do something, get a refreshment, come back, do some more. Doze. Do some more. There are Native American sex practices where you make love for 24 hours at a time by doing stop starts breaks etc but you never get dressed or leave. Ahh, my fantasy……….
Great porn would I guess pay the actors to keep having sex and then edit that down to like two or three hours, to see the intimacy that develops, the laughter, the confusion, the negotiation. Just lock them in a room for a day, no TV, no phone and give them a general script to hit not such a controlled template.
I don’t think porn is bad but having been with and taught thousands of men, it severely limits men.
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