You can't beat screaming with anger/screaming /frustration. You have to change the paradigm between his actions and your reactions. When teaching or babysitting children and they go onto tantrum or insanity mode, I marshal myself to stay in calm, relaxed voice mode. I express disapproval and the expected behavior but I restrain myself from losing it, its going from intensity instead of explosive quantity. Laser versus sunlight.
I was taking care of a boy recently, on a day outing in NYC. He wanted to run ahead but I needed him to understand that I had to be able to see him and he had to stop at the curb or hold my hand the whole time walking. He's 6. After a few times, he was back to hand holding so he had a meltdown on the sidewalk. Tantrum, screaming, crying, laying on the pavement. I calmly let him then asked him was he done and to let me know when his tantrum was over. Embarrassed was not going to happen as a manipulation and neither was anger. Just patient care and the rule would still stand. After a few minutes he saw I wasn't going to meltdown with him and stopped. We reviewed the rule. He understood that it was his choice but that the rules wouldn't expand into his absolute power. He became alert to his freedom had restrictions and made it a game of my keeping an eye on me seeing him as he walked ahead and stopped at curb.
I think men are better able to ride out emotional outbursts because we learn to suppress emotions and women instead are taught to share in them. So men can diminish empathy while women are often unable to immediately. The screaming child would activate an empathetic respond from social conditioning whereas a male might feel more emotional space to choose his reaction.
Another time, same boy, running back and forth with dog inside on a hardwood floor, chasing each other. His mother and I are sitting in front of the TV as he whizzes by followed by fat dog , he skids by, again and again. Her instinct was irritation, anger, reaction for him to sit down quietly and fold hands (like girls are socialized to do.)
I told her relax and just watch. Sure enough he skids into wall and falls out. She's about to panic. He gets up laughing hysterically, wobbly sits down. Boys, testosterone need to get the energy out. Men want to know if you're injured/safe beyond scratches and bruises, other than that, we don't tend to emotional manipulation and storms with storms.
Teaching its very interesting to see what happens when you allow children to be children, with boundaries, but not barriers.
Just don't break nothing too expensive.
Be able to follow a rule or two.
Be funny.
I was taking care of a boy recently, on a day outing in NYC. He wanted to run ahead but I needed him to understand that I had to be able to see him and he had to stop at the curb or hold my hand the whole time walking. He's 6. After a few times, he was back to hand holding so he had a meltdown on the sidewalk. Tantrum, screaming, crying, laying on the pavement. I calmly let him then asked him was he done and to let me know when his tantrum was over. Embarrassed was not going to happen as a manipulation and neither was anger. Just patient care and the rule would still stand. After a few minutes he saw I wasn't going to meltdown with him and stopped. We reviewed the rule. He understood that it was his choice but that the rules wouldn't expand into his absolute power. He became alert to his freedom had restrictions and made it a game of my keeping an eye on me seeing him as he walked ahead and stopped at curb.
I think men are better able to ride out emotional outbursts because we learn to suppress emotions and women instead are taught to share in them. So men can diminish empathy while women are often unable to immediately. The screaming child would activate an empathetic respond from social conditioning whereas a male might feel more emotional space to choose his reaction.
Another time, same boy, running back and forth with dog inside on a hardwood floor, chasing each other. His mother and I are sitting in front of the TV as he whizzes by followed by fat dog , he skids by, again and again. Her instinct was irritation, anger, reaction for him to sit down quietly and fold hands (like girls are socialized to do.)I told her relax and just watch. Sure enough he skids into wall and falls out. She's about to panic. He gets up laughing hysterically, wobbly sits down. Boys, testosterone need to get the energy out. Men want to know if you're injured/safe beyond scratches and bruises, other than that, we don't tend to emotional manipulation and storms with storms.
Teaching its very interesting to see what happens when you allow children to be children, with boundaries, but not barriers.
Just don't break nothing too expensive.
Be able to follow a rule or two.
Be funny.
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