In my book Good Men for Men: Finding, Keeping And Being Loved By A Good One, Chapter 2 specifically addresses this:
Biological Psychology of Sex for Men
You are a man who enjoys having sex with men. You’re a Top or maybe you're a Bottom or maybe you're rocking being Versatile and that's wonderful. You've been sexual for awhile and you've started to find that there's a common thread through the men you're having relations with. The Bottoms seem emotionally crazy and the Tops seem detached from anything but the sexual act….and the Versatiles tend to be more balanced. Why is that? This is both normal and a condition related to your sexuality or more importantly, it’s a condition related to the genders/sexes involved in your sexuality. You want to become more successful as a lover, you want to have more pleasure for yourself and you also want to bring more pleasure to your partner. All of those things this book will help you become masterful at.
Definitions
Sex is one’s physicality. One can be a male sex, female sex or even intersex. One can decide that they internally don’t feel like the external manifestation of their body, and that would make them a transsexual.
Gender is how one is socialized by parents and society. You were socially raised male or female. That’s being engendered. That engendering assists humans in acting masculine or feminine. Our bodies sex isn’t always how we socially or personality act.
Sexuality is what you do with your body. A person can be homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, pansexual or even omnisexual. In Westernized cultures there has been a very narrow bandwidth for expression of sexuality for thousands of years. All of these sexualities have existed but haven’t always been socially acceptable to express or medically possible to achieve.
When two men get together beyond simply the physicality there is also an emot , yin and yang, and to the kinds of men you might encounter or might be. You’ve probably noticed that there are Alpha men (more masculine because of heavier testosterone production in their bodies) and then there are Beta males (due to heavier levels of estrogen production in their bodies). Alphas being Yang, the masculine principle, mostly Tops, sometimes Versatile and Betas, being Yin, the feminine principle, more so Versatile or mainly Bottoms. From researching thousands of homosexual men, 15% of homosexual men are Alphas and 85% of homosexual men are Betas.
Get the book Dynamic Duos where all of this science/research comes from to understand the Alpha Beta Mating System better.
Homosexual men desperately want to be testosterone laden manly men Alphas. Desperately. Biologically most aren’t. In fact the same statistics roughly hold for heterosexual men as well. This intense desire to be an Alpha male goes all the way back to social issues, masculinity obsession, manhood issues and inadequacies, Mommy and Daddy issues, and intimacy issues. That’s a lot to explore and unpack and I’ll probably do so in future works. This text though is for the rest of you who are mature enough to accept Nature and want to know how to be happy with who and what you are and like being.
Alphas/Betas
Alphas would put sex into two distinct categories:
1. Throw Away Fucks/Fuck Buddies/One Night Stands
2. LTR/Marriage Material Partners;
Betas would have categories of:
1. One Night Stands That Might Turn Into Something More
2. Fuck Buddies Who They Might Want As LTRs
3. LTR Potentials (they might be trying to use sex and dating to get commitment)
4. LTR Partners (who they might have extracurricular sexual activities with others separate from)
As you can see from the brief descriptions, an Alpha might frame sex in much more binary ways while a Beta might experience sex more associated to his emotional self and internal desires. This is crucial to understanding why Tops, Bottoms and Versatiles sometimes have trouble negotiating what will occur, what has occurred, what they want and why. It is important that you’re clear what context (fun, experimental, dating, long term relationship) you’re having sex in. Be clear with yourself. Try to be clear to sexual partners. And most importantly experiment, try new things and positions because there are dozens of ways to enjoy yourself that you may have only fantasized about, only done once or twice or never even considered.
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