The Kyle Phoenix Blog: Kyle Phoenix Answers: What does sex feel like for men?

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Kyle Phoenix Answers: What does sex feel like for men?

It depends.

Men are trained by the society around them how to self perceive and then hopefully we mature enough to separate the external chatter from our internal selves.

I can tell you that when you’re dealing with men or women who are consumed by the external societal chatter of what sex should be it’s very pressure driven, it’s very genitalia driven, it’s very blunt and narrow. It’s transactional and often built or frenzied to not so much of impress but overwhelm or beat your partner to the finish line.

Great sex with a man is about relaxation and time. Making space in your day or your life for this physical connective pleasure. It doesn’t have to be love based but it should be something that you fill hours with. If you can fill hours with the latest movie from Marvel then you should fill as much comparable time with sex.

Gay men come at you like you’ve got their cancer meds held hostage and the key is in ejaculation. It can feel like a pressured, half sexual assault race. A lot of this comes from a sexual education based upon porn. There are very limited other arenas for men to learn about sex with men. So monkey see, monkey do. They hurl themselves at you with an ADD that can be injurious. I remember one young man whom I hope was on drugs because he moved around so much I was afraid he was going to break my penis. That shouldn’t be his natural state.

Women tend to be less frenetic but more self conscious because they’re trying to be present and accommodating to a man who may or may not have any sexual sense. So that creates a form of tension.

Trans folk are playing their trans movie in their head. What they don’t realize is they’re the only one in that theater who can fully see the film so what they want, believe and want you to react to and as can be a mish mash on incongruities. Who they are internally has to be deeply communicated to the point of ad nauseum because it turns into either a mutual fantasy, a one sided illusion or a group delusion. If you have a relationship with a trans person it works better because you’ve signed up for the extended cut of the head trip. But if it’s a short term, few hours or few days/weeks, affair it can be ripe with dissatisfaction because of the psychological intimacy needed. You think the trans person has a nicely shaped penis, they see it as an aberration attached by Satan to torture and humiliate them with since birth and the source of all discomfort and pain in their universe.

When a man advances to a conscious comfortability with sex he’s not looking to get off. He’s not looking to exclusively get. He’s looking to give and share. Get is no longer part of his sexual lexicon. Great male lovers seem very laid back because it’s no longer a sense of opportunistic, desperate, time imperiled anxiety based engagement. It’s cool. Like the other side of the pillow. It’s like hey, I’m here, you’re here, let’s find out how many channels we each have access to on our sexual tuners. It’s not about vanity or virility or the penis, it’s about my whole body is a sex organ when engaged. It’s not about cumming, it’s about I’m already there. It’s about multiple orgasm, I’ve had a dozen, with no ejaculation because ejaculation isn’t the goal, that’s a societal sexual goal. I’ve had lots of great sex where there was no ejaculation. I’ve had lots of bad sex where I felt like someone was going to call the Sex Police on me for not being interested in ejaculating through a hoop at exactly 12:07 or there would be an ego death of my partner.

Bad lovers, men, talk about sex in a slightly intense, overwhelmed way because they aren’t being present to themselves, their body, hence why it’s got to get wackier and more perverse and freakier. It’s like you need greater levels of drugs because you do drugs, a circle that feeds off of itself. I can tell bad lovers, they’re penis focused and unafraid to unabashedly tell you about that limitation….then they tell you about cumming…and think they’ve accomplished something.