LGBTSGL Issues, HIV, Pt.3 on The Kyle Phoenix Show, Ep. 626

LGBTSGL Issues, HIV, Pt.2 on The Kyle Phoenix Show, Ep. 625 by Kyle Phoenix

Are black guys well endowed? by Kyle Phoenix

Yes, incredibly so from many different facets.
First, girth.
We're thicker. :)
Biologically comparing Asian, White, Black. Black and Latino men have thicker penises on average. Size charting link below.
(
An interesting health note here in NYC which became a girth measurement issue. The city issues free, mass produced condoms. Several of the agencies I worked for soul receive them and distribute them like on the HIV testing van in the park or at nightclubs. The recipients complaints though was about the tightness of the condoms. The Department of Health does a mass survey, because Trojan/Durex does offer mass produced larger sized condoms but the "community" has to proof the need for the expenditure.
We then have to present more than anecdotal evidence. All the minority majority agencies send in the worldwide penis measurement report. It seems the NYC free condom was designed from the base condom prototype which was for White men, who are thinner with less girth. The kicker is that the DOH created a subsequent report that sexually transmitted infections have increased alongside the timeframe of the flood of the 1st condom. The surveys comments section often mentioned Black and Latino men having the first, smaller one and often tearing and/or ripping them as engorgement occurred or during penetration. Men of color would then abandon or disgusts it, raising male and female infection rates.
)
Asian men are the smallest in girth and length.
Black and Latinos always rated 10-25% longer than whites and Asians. Theory being historical weight, musculature structure, types if work and exercise, hereditary. There are of course exceptions, extreme and lower.
The HBO special Penis did this measurement exercise and found out the girth point, I've shown it several times in workshops but the largest they could find as a group belonged to indigenous Africans and Ethiopian Jews. A White man by the name of J actually filmed a tv show at the same studio where I filmed mine for several years. He was in the HBO special as 14' inches erect but like the African gut they found who was 17' inches, he would lose consciousness due to the massive blood flow pressure loss. J was In a few pornos but the fainting ended his career.

Of course size can still vary based on hereditary but here's an interesting weight note. For every 35lbs a man loses of belly, thigh, waist fat, it adds 1-2 inches to his penis length because its shaft begins inside, under the testicles and perineum. true penile measurement begins at the too behind the testicles and weight loss gives more space for elongation.

As an educational note , I routinely take young men of color to drug stores and buy them Magnums and Magnum XLs. I've found the latter personally good but more importantly when I've contacted the company explained all the detail above they were happy to send free coupons and supplies.
This, sexual health racial point might seem titillating or even prurient but Black and Latino males are the highest increasing demographic for STIs because of lack of discussion about size, comfort and safety. The next are Black and Latino females, as a larger discussion what the DOH discovered was a subtle but deeply effect discrimination in sexual health because the sexuality of people of color is often eroticized, exoticized, fetishized but not openly discussed with them or those who might engage with them. Have multiple length and girth condoms on hand.
Polyurethane condoms the needs and essentially thick plastic are the best but their material doesn't give length/girth give like latex.
I've even stapled condoms and dental dams, the largest was recommended by the DOH for Black men until Trojan provided XLs mass produced for distribution. However the sheath is yes polyurethane buts takes patience for anal or vaginal insertion. However once inserted, it's a sheath that allows extreme sizes/girth free penetration and maximum safety.

I recommend you take time and self compare, its a few seconds of embarrassment for my students as part of a biology class or a men's workshop but then men and women, particularly of color talk about how they've never had these discussions before.

http://www.penissizes.org/average-penis-size-ethnicity-race-and-country#

https://www.avert.org/sex-stis/safer-sex-hiv/female-condoms

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Do some gay men wish they never were gay and regret being gay? by Kyle Phoenix

Do some gay men wish they never were gay and regret being gay?

Do some gay men wish they never were gay and regret being gay?

I am lucky in many ways, or I have been able to take advantage of different things. One, I’ve never quite subscribed to the moniker or simplistically “gay”.

Ever since I was a teen, I’ve always thought I was omnisexual—-as it encompasses men, women, spirituality, physicality, I’ve even have time with a trans person. But I’ve also never been of the mindset to be “accepted” or tolerated. Maybe because I’m an only child, I’m of a more independent mentality.

Coming Out

When I came out to my family, at about 17—-after the worst suicide attempt ever—-I panicked when I felt the effect of the pills and raced myself to the hospital. Turns out I had not taken enough so I dozed off in the waiting room, afraid to say what I’d done, and woke up a couple of hours later. lol As I’d never done drugs or drunk alcohol I had no frame of reference for taking pills.

When I got released from the hospital, after being taken back by my aunt, whose house I’d made my way to, my family gently explained, having read my diary and come to understand that though yes, I might think I was in a relationship with my bestie and in love, it was not allowed. So knock it off.

I went in my room and started packing. I was completely comfortable at 17, working part time to go get an apartment on my own. Shocked, my family capitulated and I excitedly put up a Chippendales calendar in my bedroom.

In The Game

I spent a couple of years working to help pay the mortgage and going out to fun parties in Manhattan, again no drugs or drinking, but wonderful make-out sessions and hook ups and dancing. Then I chose to go to a college upstate instead of by the new home my mother was buying in another state, so she took away my college trust fund. And, I went upstate anyway.

I was completely out at university as I had been in the city, first few months volunteering to do discussion panels on sexuality and essentially threatening any knucklehead in the audience who thought I was fodder for a bashing. Then I sort of went along my trippy path as a student.

What I will say being omnisexual has done, being out since I was about 18, in the cosmopolitan NYC, has done for me, and then working after a decade in corporate America at non-profits that have “gay” in the names, several times, is it sort of inured me to the thoughts of others about my sexuality.

People Know About Me. Millions of People.

I know there are thoughts, I’ve taught thousands, come out to a good two million plus people due to my books, TV show, YouTube videos over the past 15+ years, and yes, there are some times when I realize someone doesn’t know—-I’m an odd mixture of masculine-feminine—-body to mentality—-even my femininity is from an Alpha stance—-like a Queen—-in a big 6′1, 250lbs Black male body. So I’ve always been reasonably physically safe even when I exercised/jogged and was down to 170 in college. Deep voice, ask men out on dates, pay for those dates, vicious wit and a readiness to, as I announced in a dozen seminars on campus, beat someone’s natural ass who thought they could put their hands or mind on me. And yes, I slapped two people there——but that’s a love triangle/another story.

Then, within the triangle, I had itches and inklings of regret about my physicality because I realized my anger at her in my love triangle with a guy—-her and me—-was that I thought she could provide him with children, the stereotypical nuclear family that he, a big butted DL closeted Greek bottom, desperately wanted, when not being fucked by Black men. (But years later I wrote a fantastic erotic novel about it Stay With Me available on Amazon—-shameless plug).

My desire to marry (though not legally), Oprah and I are on the same freedom page about this—-couple long term is fine, and having children has always been in the mist in my head.

What I Regret

What I regret, having taught tens of thousands of LGBTSGL folk about relationships, what I regret in that is knowing the numbers of healthy to non-healthy men and having the skills for healthy relationships but the times that I have been approached, wasted time, wanted unhealthy men because those were many of the apples in the basket because of how non-hetero men are beaten by society. I’ve met some really great men who were fucked up by their sexuality and no, I’m mature enough now, and even back then in college, to know I could not save a man.

I’ll help a man walk with a broken leg as it heals, but I won’t be his crutch.

I’ll fight the enemy you can’t fight, but as I proved with the Greek dude—-if you’re just weak—-oh, I’ll clean her clock—-but then I have to leave you because you’re weak, broken, closeted, malformed, scared of what a bunch of dead relatives think of your sexual activities—-or what those strangers over there think of you/your sexuality.

I regret my liberation of self is so rare—-Black gay men, Latino, White—-so much discreet, discretion, discrete—-misspelling, number one and two, FEAR—-I detest fear. Which means, often ironically that fear-FULL men are attracted to me as a ballast against their anxiety. My power attracts the disempowered.

I regret that so many gay men only know how to offer their cock or ass as their inherent and intrinsic value, and what I must value of them, and that so many others, not prepped by women give in to looking shabby and think because of their cock and ass, they should be on my buffet. Or that because I’m Black—-White men immediately dickmotize me as I desperately want to absorb Whiteness any way possible. Or Blacks or Latinos who think my education, intelligence, is indicative of some racial bullshit because I happily date everyone and anyone of pleasant character, without regards to the social construct of race.

What do I regret?

I regret the societal effects of gayness on gay men.

I’ll tell you a funny diddy.

I was chatting up a guy on line, he actually approached me with a witty comment about international TV. So we’re having this witty conversation back and forth and he gently probes about my interest and I say some Samantha Sex In The City shit about being a libertine and perhaps a lusty sexual affair—-he was attractive. And he’s chatting me up more now. And I’m kind of thinking he’s cute, unique in his looks—-I’m finding the sexy in his pics and we start talking more in-depth about our thoughts and feelings and flirting and I say to him, thank you, thank you for not posting or sending me any nude pics—-they do nothing for me. I liked that he was dressed, handsome, smiling, happy looking and that made him uber sexy.

He says thank you…..and promptly sends me 3 nude pics.

I’m not a prude but in my saying hey, I really liked you not doing this thing and him then doing it—-red flag—-someone who doesn’t listen to specifically what I say I like, want, don’t want even when it’s to a celebration and compliment of him. That’s how strong the Gay Force Field of BS is in his head. He, kind of geeky, was batting into the solid 90s and I was thinking wow, have I just met a diamond in the literal haystack? Hmm, let me be really conscious of being thoughtful and vulnerable and honest with him———-and he fucked it up

I regret that.

I regret that it’s not the first time that's randomly happened online or in person—-that Gay Stereo is playing so loud in some heads, some attractive, that it screams Red Flags to me—-because I’m too smart and learned and wise to ignore Red Flags anymore. And I have to then consider should I further engage, this only going to get denser and worse—-just to have someone to engage with?

Sometimes I think okay, great kids and being a great parent by myself…..but healthy man or woman or poly group?……….ehhhhhh……just buy a Powerball ticket instead. I see it as I’ll have good Samantha affairs, very French, but that regretfully gay men are too gay in a challenging society, too obtuse to be normal (you do not want to know how many men say hi, online and in person, and then tell you their kink of dumping old piss on them or that they can happily take a 14″ dildo for hours—-and think THAT’S the boss sauce that will turn you on to them…forever. And then I have to extricate myself from what is really a pathological admission perhaps unconsciously designed to repel men. Your kink and fetish is not a liberated sexuality.)

I regret that there was a time where I met fun, good, sexy guys and we had romps, sweaty, sex funky, romps—-a good half dozen or so in my lifetime—- and that I didn’t put those animal tracking tags on them. lol

I regret that to gay men my being out, sane, strong, intelligent and comfortable supremely in myself, my identity, my sexuality is intimidating. It’s like I went to war to become a man in spite of societal, family and drama projections about race and sexuality…..victory was declared, got back to my Native Country—-and discovered my “side” had surrendered to their basest moralities, self hatred, self destructive sexual practices and closeted deceptiveness.

I regret that so many men who are gay fall into moral majority negative stereotyping, not from an expansive, expressive, liberated sexuality as counter heteronormative counter programming, but from a lack of humanity in exchange for base carnal, debasing acts.

Because I won’t debase others or myself, I’m a minority minority within a minority. lol

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How do misandrists feel about gay men? by Kyle Phoenix

 

I’m going to tell you a deep secret about LGBTSGL men. I’ve been teaching sex and sexuality workshops for well over 15 years to thousands of them, throughout the country, at multiple agencies, universities, etc..

Most gay/bi/SGL men, deeply dislike/hate men.

I actually learned the word misandry decades ago because of trying to find a word for the anger and antipathy I was constantly sensing personally and professionally from men.

My working theory is multifold as to why:

1. Most non-hetero men, as boys, were ostracized, bullied, attacked by males (and females) not just outside of their home but also within their homes/families.
2. Until recently, the past decade or so, being LGBTSGL was not “on trend” or in vogue/acceptable. Marriage equality helped tremendously because it legitimized what people often had a “choice” about “accepting”.
3. To the point of accepting and acceptance—-reductive frameworks—-LGBTSGL people have had to mostly be tolerated or accept being accepted—-which is why so many divulge so much, literally vomit about their lives. It’s a huge “please, like me!” banner because no mater sexuality, we’re all human and want to be accepted and liked. So LGBTSGL folk, including men, bend over backwards to explain…existing. (I don’t which makes me a little odd, confident and intimidating to other LGBTSGL folks sometimes—-because ironically while teaching so much about sexuality, I don’t think any of them or the dozens of categorizations of gender (yes, there are dozens) are anything but normal. I also think all the plants, animals and insects as well as aquatic creatures, big and small, normal and part of and intended by Nature. ) What I often teach at the onset of any course with men about sexuality is that “You are Divinely intended.” I let that bombshell sit in the room. Fucks with at least 80% of the heads in there every time.
4. The thing (other men) that you can’t help being attracted to are generally 6 out of 10 times not attracted to you. And even more devastating, the other 4 might be in their own confusions so play what amounts to perceived “games” as they to try to navigate Identity-Sexuality/feelings. What I’ve learned (and become) over decades of being out is slightly inured to the effect. One, my mother owned a modeling agency with troupes of fantastically beautiful men and women in and out of the apartment and house, practicing in lingerie and Speedos, often, male and female using my bedroom as changing rooms. So I got lustful eye candy about men and women of all ages and ethnicities. But I learned from that over-abundance a temperance to myself, which extended to being in teacher positions of responsibility—-at university as a TA at 22—-and then later at charter and public schools and again university—-everyone, male and female, blooming and bustling and bulging—-and then adult men and women! What I mean by this traipse down Lust lane is that I’ve been in the center or Hormone World and surrounded by pretty, nubile people in a trusted position so I had to learn to in effect “grey” out people who avowed heterosexuality. Everyone flirts. I learned that not all flirtation is sexual or non-heterosexually focused at me, even when the flirtation is focused at me. And even if it’s focused at me, to require MORE than simple flirtation for me to engage my sexuality back. In that jumble I mean—-no, you’re being cute does nothing for me, because unless you’re on the team in both a physical and mental/emotional way—-you exist as sort of a Neutral/Neuter Human to me. But I’ve had years and years and years of exposure and folk testing my boundaries to erect them (erection pun!)
5. Not being given a Social Script (as heteros are) can leave one feeling abandoned in Life itself. Then you find a gay community—-and you know what I discovered? There were racists in the gay community! lol I was 18 and in a bar in NYC called Uncle Charlie’s, week after week, dressed well and being summarily ignored. Then I went with a friend and he, Black too, pointed out it was predominantly White and therefore inherently biased. Being LGBTSGL you assume (wrongfully) that others who are LGBTSGL will be better people, more accepting having gone through the growing up gauntlet too. And you know what—-assholes, saints, sinners, winners, losers, fools and predators….who are LGBTSGL.
6. There is no Social Script. Alluded to become, and shown constantly in entertainment like Transparent—-there is a script for heterosexual people. And it’s not all bad, billions of them are excited by it, follow it, make minor adjustments and die having lived it fully. It provides a full life AND it also provides an alternative if you want to go counter Social Script and “do your own thing”. Non-heterosexuality though is treated by heteros and non-heteros alike—-like an infection (another theory as to why HIV stigmatization is so prevalent for decades) in that if you do something gay or bi as a man—-you’re forever a cocksucking faggot who takes it up the ass. When you may just be an experimental Puerto Rican who sucked some cock and then took it up the ass. Once you’re a jet (homosexual), you’re considered a jet to the end, my friend. But without a script—-how to love, who to love, where to find love, your family assisting you finding love, direct timelines and goals to dating, courtship, engagement, marriage, having children or not, life insurance—-it can all feel a little not simply bleh——-but meaningless. Yes, parties are fun but we’re multidimensional needing creatures so we covet and want and try to experience work and Life Purpose and mentoring and parenting and legacying—-and LGBTSGL seemingly it’s own “script” is in it’s nascent humanity/Social Script Stage as a worldwide/human legitimate ideology/framework with social integration—————-our ID is still being checked at the door while everyone else—-ostensibly hetero is just waved right in.
7. Being Out gets you stopped at the door and asked for your ID. Society is constantly in big and subtle ways proofing you, asking you private questions, conferring acceptance on your (peer) ass and that exposure can get annoying, weakening—-like an immortal fly buzzing around your head for your entire life—-even when you’re at Uncle Charlie’s bar. A student, in his 20s, having been in my adult workshops, happened to see me sitting on a park bench by my godmother’s house. Actually I was coming from the beach—-where I relax and meditate and needed off of the crowded hot Summer subway, so I stopped, visited her and was sitting by the park as the evening cooled down. He’s a great, energetic, out young man, sharp, funny, sarcastic and slightly flamboyant—-visibly and undeniably gay. It had been a few years since I’d seen him and he, like most of my students who run into me years later, told me some of what he’d gotten from me, my teaching—-which often as the teacher you have “forgotten”. When he was in the LGBTSGL Youth group I ran for years, I workshopped all of them that coming out, being out, was a lifelong process—-that you didn't do it once, you did it thousands of times—-which is why people do it—-so they won’t have to do it forever with everyone. Because the everyone’s all have their internal opinions about non-heterosexuality—-good, bad, up, down, lynching, loving, experimentalism, etc.—-and that anxiety, you’ll feel it every time you say something or have to clarify something or they directly ask you something, is sexuality related. And that shit is so fucking annoying. You realize this immortal buzzing fly around your head is about race AND sexuality, and it won’t die. Men who are DL, discrete, discreet (bad spellers) that’s what they’re trying to avoid—that anxiety and judgment because that’s what being Out is constantly, yes, the hum/volume lowers, is constantly generating in your head. What does this motherfucker—-family, new friends, old friends, college friends, teachers, administrators, children, cashiers in stores, managers in stores, poor people, rich people, vagrants, tellers at banks, garbage men, supervisors, your bosses boss, your grandparents, the neighbors, and your slut fe/male bar patrons at the Super Bowl party—-all of society—-think of me, about something I can’t change that should really be casually accepted but isn’t by everyone?
8. You’re not considered a man. That’s what all that masculine and effeminacy toxicity is about. Manhood is simple: Responsibility, Accountability and Integrity. You aim for and ride that three wheeled cycle constantly—-you’re a man. Fuck and suck whom and whatever you like…to completion. But society tries to snatch that away from you based upon something you can and cannot control—-so you’re put in the vise of aiming for acceptance by constantly lying, patrolling and smashing your own proclivities—-mainly around men, which is exhausting and breeds resentment. Because you might be attracted to the very thing that demands your reductivity.
9. You’re considered damaged. “Hey, I noticed you wrote/talked about being sexually abused as a child. Did that adult seducing and fucking you as a child so often just sort of dickmotize you for life? So now you willingly repeat it trying to get that Ol’ Rape Timey feeling back”? Notice no one ever asks women who have been raped as children or adults, if they’re going to be buying strap-ons and sodomizing men and women because of the alien-forced penetration. You’re considered broken because of simply existing, generally by patriarchy. Can you imagine the twisted anger at wanting to be accepted by the very ideological-male forces that oppress? Even oppression thinks you’re bad.
10. LGBTSGL-ness is so far, unless you look into native and African and Asian ontologies and ideologies, like the Tao, predicated simply on sex and sexuality. I mean, Gay—-what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again! Boys, male teens and men, need something to DO, to aim for in becoming—-why do you think wars are so popular? It literally gives men something to do with their anxiety and fear. Video games are close now through technology but we still have wars. Men need more than work and hobbies, especially when marriage and kids, from the Hetero Social Script, may not be in their future card deck. Why don’t lesbian and trans folk experience this misandry towards men or misogyny towards women—-women are taught to community so lesbianism isn’t as thrown out of the Woman Cave, in fact it’s given a space IN the Woman Cave. And trans folk have torched the fundamental precepts of the Social Script based upon gender, sex and sexuality so if they are Out, they’re really fucking out and don’t care or have built up resistance and boundaries and enclave. And if they’re not Out, they're purposefully shopping, literally and figuratively, Clinique at the Sephora counter, working hard to assimilate. They want to be one of the Borg (heteros).

What are the numbers?

I would call it a strong 50–70% of gay, bi, SGL men, without doing serious self-work, dislike men. It’s one of the elements of not simply coming out but living out, Identity Synthesis.

I often forget that for years in teaching the work of self acceptance, healthy sexuality, living life beyond my crotch or skin hue, I’ve really, really, really done some deep therapeutic work. And I’ve done several years of group and individual therapy, at least 1 year every decade since my teens, around life issues, sexuality and race. Yes, all of that reading and work and therapy makes me “stronger” but I still smell the embers of finding men, gay and not, obtuse, limited, shortsighted, un-manly, but then I consciously remind myself that there is no Social Script for not being hetero. Yet. Give it 25 years.

The process of liking men, through all of the above reasons, and learning to just put a splash of sugar on your shoulder so that immortal buzzing fly lands there and rides along with you, takes time, practice, foresight and hindsight, and a sort of arrogant, deep acceptance of not just yourself but the confusions and experimentations and harmful emotional games people play—-that we’re moving, and always, have always, towards a greater good, that your life—-non-hetero, has deep Purpose (get to work!)—-and that the confused gay dude you met?—-bless his heart, even when you have to walk away. He simply didn’t survive the wash and dry cycle of the tumble-tumble of this spiritual go around.

Maybe next lifetime……

Good Men for Men:: Finding, Keeping And Being Loved By A Good One

Good Men for Men:: Finding, Keeping And Being Loved By A Good One

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