Monday, August 3, 2009

Multiple Orgasms for Men In Detail Pt. 1 by Kyle Phoenix

This is by far my most rapt workshop audiences, where attendees are early, quiet, engaged and generally happy with the handouts and videos. Why? The penis for men is important to some more so than others. Because I teach all sexualities, my training's include in-depth and detailed information about the anus, the full body, the mouth, the testes, the prostate, the perineum and so on. As you see there are YouTube and various other site training videos that I’ve tried to convey a solid percentage of the in person training.
(To see video click below)

 Of course about 90 minutes of videos isn’t enough information or description or lessons compared to the workshops---that are generally about 6 to 12 weeks in length, meeting for one or two evenings a week for about two hours.

Why does it take so long you wonder? Because of what I’ve learned after years and years of teaching these techniques, the physical is immediately possible but the emotional and mental work is often the most difficult. Women have it up on men, well, aware women, because part of their very gender involves menstruation and therefore a necessity for an intimate knowledge and understanding of their genitalia and its’ functionality. Men, however, receive only the barest informational trainings about their sexuality and men who aren’t heterosexual (gay, bi, queer, transsexual, sgl, etc.) generally learn about their sexuality in secret or from porn. Here’s the problem with those two venues that directly influences why my workshops can run 2 to 4 hours a week---there are no teachers. I spend about half of the time of all the workshops answering an abundance of physiology and sexuality and mythos-created questions about men and their bodies and the bodies of other men. You might be thinking that men with men would be more capable of being more attuned into what other men like or dislike. And that’s not always true.

The difference between Tops, Bottoms, Versatiles, Oral and those only interested in Frottage is something that is ripe with individualistic details and idiosyncrasies that leave more men unsatisfied in their sexual encounters than satisfied. But once you’ve bitten the sausage, so to speak, it’s hard to complain about it and even more difficult to stop during the metaphoric biting and ask questions, give directions, make suggestions. Men therefore learn sex shorthand that skims over much of what makes sex thrilling for men and women alike.

The first step is outlining what I’m going to be teaching and what you’ll learn by the end:
• Teach you about your body.
• Teach you about your genitalia.
• Teach you about balance.
• Teach you about new ways to have sex.
• Teach you exercises to extend your orgasms.

I then teach the losses by having “limited sex”:

• Many men are multi-orgasmic because their energy isn’t depleted by orgasm. You don’t want to climax when s/he’s ready for more.
• Most men’s erections don’t spring back to life quickly after ejaculation. As you age, it can even take a couple days to recover the ability to stay hard for long periods of time. Sex therapists call this the refractory period. So having an orgasm without ejaculating lets you repeat lovemaking as quickly and often as you want.
• Many men release lots of energy when they ejaculate which makes them, sleepy, and exhausted. Don’t ejaculate and you can stay energetic all night long.
• Many men lose the desire to continue making love after they ejaculate, suddenly ending the closeness and intimacy men and women crave. Some describe it as a if a power switch was turned off.
• Many men shut down emotionally and mentally as well as physically, cutting off the communion at multiple levels; Multiple Orgasms can help.

And then the gains:
• Have hours of orgasmic pleasure instead of just a few seconds of intense release.
• Experience continuous peaks of ecstasy throughout your whole body.
• Stay connected with your partner longer, deeper, and at more levels.
• Promote health, vigor, and mental clarity by retaining your energy.
• Keep your entire body energized. The Taoists believe that retaining your semen is highly nourishing and the key to longevity.
• Fully satisfy your partner’s previously unfilled sexual desires.
• Satisfy multiple partners one after the other without a break.
• Have bigger, stronger, longer-lasting orgasms when you finally choose a climax.

 The above might seem like a no brainer but it takes men time to get comfortable talking about themselves, their desires, their pleasures, their errors and their curiosities. A lot of the workshop takes time in learning how to trust other men in the room to hear these questions and issues. Though every Top needs one there’s a stigma around being a Bottom and confusion around Versatiles and even more of confusion and stigma around Bi-Sexualism. As amazing as it might sound it takes time to get men to verbally remove shame from their sexuality, to remove bravado, to remove self-disgust. I personally think (and it’s been proven out in surveys) that STDs are passed so easily and thoroughly within the gay community because of this uncomfortability with one’s sexuality. And the lack of education one receives in something like being penetrated or how to penetrate or how to care for an uncircumcised penis or how all of those parts are affected and susceptible to STDs. I generally start with handouts from reputable books (see or give out whole books with assignments to read it over and come back ready to discuss it.

Now for my tangential point: men of color (Black, Latin, Mixed, etc.) generally aren’t getting this information and generally don’t have as open a forum to discuss intimately their sexuality without shame or ridicule or a sense of alienation by being in a predominantly Caucasian group. (Having been in those groups I can tell you when you try to join in as graphically and as freely as the other men, it tends to be festishized---and that is definitely another blog!) This is one of the predominant reasons why men of color, Black and Latin specifically are the rising rates in HIV infection, Syphilis infection and HPV. It’s not that safe sex information isn’t permeating our communities; it’s that sexual trainings aren’t because of stigma and discrimination. Alternately teaching (or you learning) about how to be multi-orgasmic puts you more in touch and in control of your sexuality. Most men I teach talk about extremely fast, haphazard, park, bathroom or unsatisfying sexual encounters. The one’s that speak of great sex generally have some education form their own wiles or from a patient lovers knowledge. I will divulge that in teaching I’ve learned (and personally put to the test) a lot of the information I then teach and I’ve learned how to talk with someone and discover if they’re a good lover or not.

So we’ve learned a lot so far. Take your time, digest, and check out the videos. Part 2 and more specific lessons will follow.

Kyle Phoenix