Kyle Phoenix Answers: How is real gay sex different from gay porn sex?

Gay sex is often a deep level of incongruity because of how men approach sex without communication. Imagine one guy standing up and screaming stick it in, service me, hold still and the other telling him his favorite color is yellow.
You have to negotiate more in gay sex because both bodies make all potential combinations possible.
Then someone has to slow down and speed up. Some people fuck like you have their cancer meds in a safe or lay back like the King of Siam is ready for his daily blowjob. Gay men also have to negotiate safe sex, hopefully. Which can end the whole show right then and there. The energy and the communication often makes gay men desire relationships, not for what they can give to another human being but for the knowledge of another and someone knowing you. because the communication can be so goobbledygook.
Don’t do that.
No, I don’t like that.
Yeah, I understand English so I understand YOU like that however as my body is involved, I don’t like that.
Do more of that.
Pay attention to me.
This is not a service call.
No, I’m not playing out some degrading porn fantasy just because this is private sex.
Not everyone wants piss on their leg, in their mouth, nor to have ejaculate on their face.
Gay men tend to approach human sex as if they’re in a porn movie. Like a police officer rushing out to work pretending to be Mel Gibson from Lethal Weapon. That won’t work, in any reality but it’s hard for some men to hear that.
I had an ex who liked to bite. Not playful bites but next day in the office, my God how did you get that pussing bruise on your throat, Kyle? I had to tell him stop don’t do that, once. Then twice. The second time included if you do it again I will clock you. He did it a third time. He got clocked. Amazingly with all the degrees in that bed, and he went to Amherst, clocking someone worked. He also wanted to pee on me. I offered he could pee on my leg in the shower. That’s not what he meant. The breakup was inevitable, eh?
I’ve been called nigger. Yeah, nigger, you like that? That feel good, nigger?
That directly goes to Black and Latino porn. I’ve seen White porn, never does someone spontaneously scream yeah, Jew, yeah, dago, take that, you potato!
I had to shutdown the racial verbal assaulter too.
I’ve been——manhandled in a way I’m still not sure if it was deep tissue massage or invasive. I think it was invasive for someone to keep pressing their knuckles into me, my body, all over….but afterwards I felt so relaxed. I was violated…and relaxed. The confusion is why I never saw him again. Though it still stands out.
There was a bottom who was so energetic he nearly snapped my penis in two because he thought that aerobic movement was passion.
Gay men tend to lack skill. Because gay porn lacks skill. It’s so organized to edit (I edit my TV show so I have my own templates and formats) that gay men translate that back to real sex. Think on this, where do gay men, teenagers see gay sex depicted and described? Parents don’t sit their son’s down and explain that when you’re sucking man’s cock, junior you need to be conscious of your teeth. Or when fingering or being fingered or penetrated or rimming, like all of life, there will be some shit, no matter how much you bathe, cleanse, perfume. Sex is messy.
In gay porn, unless it’s messy gay porn, it’s very clean, organized, antiseptic almost, well shaved, pretty bodies most times and everyone is over the moon with blowjobs, giving and receiving, rimming, penetration, etc.. Interestingly enough much of gay porn of people of color includes versatility whereas White porn is very A does B or B does A, very binary positionality.
Threesomes. You gotta talk beforehand. There’s no “flow” because now it’s three people who like this and not that but some of that but not this. And then invariably someone is the focus while someone isn’t and all watchers believe that they aren’t being done as fairly as the one they’re watching getting done. So there’s something akin to jealousy. You might have enough in the oeuvre of penetration A and then intensity of B but B wants you to delight in penetration of him as much as you do A. Trust me, I’ve been C and B got snarky because A and I enjoyed ourselves differently than B and I did. So someone is always rotating out for refreshments or the bathroom because it’s momentary synchronicity not continuous.
Orgies, Group sex are again nothing like porn—-actually I think this is one of the spaces where reality is better than manufactured images because a mass orgy of four or more is generally enough of everything to keep diving into the pool for. A group of six or so is good because then there’s types and differences and such. In porn in an orgy the goal is always to be different, film different so everyone is forced into artificial variety. But in life you can all be doing variants on the same thing and it not be artificial. Well, that’s my experience…..
Gay porn teaches males a simplicity towards a very complicated engagement and often you can feel with partners the disappointment in themselves or you that it’s not like the images. And its not because it’s choreographed so when someone starts to have a choreographed sexual encounter with you , you can feel it. It’s like I can hear people/students who watch too much TV. They talk in rapid bursts of simplistic information but not thought. That’s what porn taught gay sex is like—-NOW 7 minutes for oral sex and YOU have to penetrate me in 3 minutes with a rock hard erection and THEN I’ll ejaculate and you ejaculate within 13 seconds of seeing me.
I’ve often told guys with that intense push, the cookies aren’t burning in the oven and you don’t get a prize for doing this in 18 minutes with all bases covered.
The best sex, unlike porn, lasts hours. Do something, get a refreshment, come back, do some more. Doze. Do some more. There are Native American sex practices where you make love for 24 hours at a time by doing stop starts breaks etc but you never get dressed or leave. Ahh, my fantasy……….
Great porn would I guess pay the actors to keep having sex and then edit that down to like two or three hours, to see the intimacy that develops, the laughter, the confusion, the negotiation. Just lock them in a room for a day, no TV, no phone and give them a general script to hit not such a controlled template.
I don’t think porn is bad but having been with and taught thousands of men, it severely limits men.
Systems Integrationist, writer, teacher, entrepreneur
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Kyle Phoenix Answers: My four-year-old son loves shouting and screaming. How can I stop him doing this without frustrating him?

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Kyle Phoenix Answers: Could our dreams be from parallel universes?









I believe so.
I often dream of myself, my family, etc with slight but significant changes. Houses are different but still familiar, relationships exist, I am me but slightly different. People who are dead are alive.
I believe that those we consider dead are simply some place else. That there is a some place else. That religion and myth and folklore have distorted the glimpses we get of that other place.
My grandmother, aunts, uncle, cousins and parents have all died and yet for decades I've had interactions with them in something that is unlike the same"feel" as a dream.
I think we all sense something.....else, something more. Why we resonate so deeply with some entertainment representations like the Force. That somehow, perhaps beyond our ability now resides the ability to access that. A short Tim ago airplanes, even hot air balloons, flying for man was impossible, a feat beyond the limit we knew. Space travel. Going to the moon. Deep sea exploring. Submarines. Right this moment there are thousands of people living underwater. There are at least a million people, perfectly say hurtling through the air at hundreds of miles an hour. I am typing this missive, that the whole world with access can see in a minute of clicking Submit from a combination phone, computer, calendar, camera that my grandmother , whom I not only remember the feel of her skinny hands but her voice, never saw, could e imagined. I have pictures of the living and dead on this palm sized object. I have not one but several of my published works saved on it.
Consider this. I brought this up in a class at Columbia, the 21st century has afforded us the ability to leave our bodies. Our consciousness is no longer singularly trapped to our physical presence. Right this writing moment, in this space and time I am in a building in Manhattan but I am also on your screen yet I am also in Quoras servers. If you Google my name videos of me will appear from YouTube, blogs, books, tweets, tv shows....i am no longer a singular locality, my consciousness is in a limited, recorded form dispersed not only across the planet but for the past nine years, the tv show has also released me, my thoughts into space.
That's all occurred within the lifetime of someone still alive, that was invented accessed I the span of some living humans lifetime right now. I write this alive but as you read this I could be dead. This digital missive will outlive me surely. Yet in two hundred years someone will be able to datamine me, perhaps the totality of a palm sized drive----I've written thousands of articles, books, videos, tv shows and from that and the journals I have---reconstruct a pretty good simulacra of me. You could Google me now and see my self in a hundred ways.
Is it so hard to believe then that our minds are doing a similar process?
We've trivialized dreams because we lack the language and technology to access them to assess them.
Just as we did birds.
And space travel.
And the device you're looking at.
My mother died twice in front of me. The first time I gave her aid and she revived but a week later it happened again. The day before I was upset at all the challenges of caring for a terminal person and in a very detached way she told me she wanted to die. That last week, she refused to eat, much to my chagrin. In retrospect now I can see intent to die or her part. I can see how it was me holding her here. So she dies despite my cpr and an whole hour of valiant medical triage on the living room floor by the emts and fire fighters. They had to pull one guy off because he refused to give up. Finally I called it and she and this wave of folk leave. I collapse in tears for a nap, a rest.
My mother comes to me through a forest next like a marble gazebo and hugs me, thanks me then she shows me relatives who helped her truly in life.
I wake up and it's a few hours later and I think ok, wow.
Then in grief again a few days later in reaching up for her, I want to go through the wall ceiling with her. She's in another place, a heavier...its the only word to describe it....place and she's ok but she's like she's not where I'm at but I'm trying to come across. I have to choose. I slip down a chasm, like a valley with a riverbed and high mountain walls and crawl back up this side where ironically there are books, computers, representations of my work but across the chasm is her, another place.
Weeks later in on a street corner in what I first think is just a dream then my dead cousin, who was like a sister comes to me and says as she leads me into a building, that my mother is ok, its just another place. In the building, there are windows, I climb through one.
I am in a place of perpetual night. Its heavy but it's literally a bridge. On 135th and Broadway in Manhattan the subway has come up above ground for ten blocks then goes back underground and my mentor is standing there and she starts talking to me about this other place. She was a huge bebop jazz fan and she's trying to explain---in get this light flashes, music snippets and language that this is the bridge, that the " inimical is inverted". Not only was she a wordsmith, she was a writer but she was a very powerful person spiritually.
My aunt is at the top of a spiral staircase. By now these visitations have been going on for years. On the staircase is her son, a level below , a ne'er do well permanent criminal convict but next to me is a little girl. Its heavy again, the heaviness is how I can tell the difference. My aunt says her son is able to discern this but drugs and mental imbalance mess him up from understanding this. I'm sarcastically say he's a Pisces. But who's the girl? The girl turns to me because she can discern our conversation and I realize she's his daughter, who I knew existed but was only baby. This girl is maybe nine. We have never met only the previous cousin, his sister knows her. My aunt is both cousins mother. My aunt says the little girl can see and hear us too. I look around and this metal spiral staircase is in a building but unattached to it.
I'm in an apartment. I go through several rooms and my grandmother is in the living room as the front door opens and my aunt comes in. My grandmother is like he's here again, he keeps coming here. My aunt is slightly frustrated. I go into another room.
I'm walking down a street in Manhattan, I'm older than now, maybe my 70s and I look up. Something pushes planes back and up to a 90 degree angle. What I mean is if you put out your head level and the raise it up. I'm watching this.
Several years later again I'm in a heavy dream-vision and the airplanes are flipped back by a force. Not an explosion that's visible but there are damaged buildings. I help people out of the buildings. There are refugee camps set up in parks. I realize I am me---I have no better way to explain it, its like if you're in a store and remember to get eggs when you'd been reminding yourself all day. Suddenly I am Kyle....TOO. Its like I'm piggybacking onto this body, consciousness. I immediately recognize he's not me but I'm present, not the absolute driver but like a drivers ed teacher in the passenger seat with another set of controls. I'm afraid to push my luck for control but I can feel a little bit of give. I think maybe if I can get him to look at a reflection, a glass surface I can see the face. We/i go into an underground mall area---things are futuristic but not too far. Everything looks sleek and rounded edges like an IPAD. More lights but nothing incredible other than whatever disaster triggered the wave? Of destruction. I finally get him to look at a glass pane----now he looks completely different by similar in coloring. It never occurred to me that I was in a"when" not just "another" place.
He looks faintly like an older child or grand child of me genetically. He resembles me removed. Descendant? Now I'm like the sleeker architecture makes sense, I originally thought I was in another city because the parks looked like San Francisco or maybe Midwestern. I gently steer him to try to see a magazine or newspaper for the date. But I can't see any print magazines, in fact there are scraps but not printed stuff because finally on a train platform I see that periodicals are tablets and large screens.
But the year is 2212.
This is a handful of experiences of maybe a dozen where I've had conversations with dead folk and they're not dead as we conceive death which has subsequently changed my perception of death.

What do I believe?
I think you, wherever you are exist just as I exist right now, afternoon, Sunday, Manhattan.
But maybe as you read this its not afternoon, nor Sunday, nor Manhattan, nor 2017. But we are still accessing, bridged by this technology, my phone. In a way, my phone is akin to a wormhole on a very basic level.
Now imagine you sent me a direct message from Your Whenever/Wherever as soon as I hit submit. From Australia, where you are. And that message reaches me now, through time and space.
What if my cellphone and your laptop are Death?
What if some connections are through Quora, some Yahoo, some Gmail?

Quora is Death.
Yahoo is Time..
Gmail is Time and Space. .

Now take it a virtual step further.
Every platform in cyberspace that can send a message to another or a text is a parallel universe or other place?
The landline phone here in the office just ring. I stopped typing and answer it. No one on the other end.
What if that missed, dropped erroneously call is analogous to me calling or being called, connected to my dead and, the little girl---living, relatives. A short accidental, occidental, brief, erratic call that doesn't sustain?
I think like most things humanity is sorta right. Mayhap we don't know time travel because we see it as a vertical time travel. What if time is horizontal or spherical?
We're with our nose to the pavement trying to follow time to the next point and the future and the past are like bubbles floating around us.

I know dreams vs visions and others. We are on an elevator that moves sideways and diagonally. How does your cell or Wi-Fi signal travel, in a straight line? No.
We've discovered space, time and space-time but we still have no concrete idea what those things are.
What is Time? Not what we clock measure but this force that changes, ages, decays, slows, hastens the physical world.

What deeply concerns me or worse suggests to me a limitation in understanding or perceiving something different, are the rigidly narrow Quora answers. That biology and physics don't meet and perhaps mesh. Like biology and mechanics....oh wait there are prosthetics and drugs from chemistry and drugs from nature and we're composed of matter from space.
True science and innovation comes from not No but How could and What if and Believing before seeing.
Massive intellectual dismissal of the so far unknown and spouting of singularity rules and not a more scientific inquirious mind.
Just because we don't doesn't we know it is not. .
A scientist can be just as close minded as a religion person spouting Earth age based on rhetoric or because they say so.
I was saddened to see how little curiosity exploration and genuine marvel at the synthesis of the universe was laid out here. As an aside, perhaps it is my Native and African culture ontological and epistemology plus axiology that allow me to think bigger than just proven science as I know 100-150 years ago most of our current biological interactive forms with technology didn't exist.
Food for thought and thought for food.

Systems Integrationist, writer, teacher, entrepreneur
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Kyle Phoenix Answers: What Are Some Facts That Only Rich People Know?

1. 
Faith. In abundance.
That there is plenty to be had, not lack to be fought over.

2. 
Focus of one's mind/Focus on one’s companionship standards in the same fashion.
You may not know how to achieve, what you want to do or who will help you but if you take both Tony Robbins and Erykah Badu's advice, you'll be on track. Choose consciously what goes into your mind. I don't watch tv, I have five to seven streams of passive income and I'm working on more. My coworkers watch a lot of tv, movies, sports, commercials and read daily papers that aren't challenging. Yes, I have Netflix and Hulu, $30 a month because I opted for no commercials and I get to choose what goes into my head.
I’m in media, sell media, learn from media—-trust me my consumption is far less entertainment and more often used for work/teaching. Yes, I can then take the yearly sum as a tax deduction—-most poor people pay cable companies and bitch. I also have a side deal with mine to broadcast my own TV show and use their studios. My relationship—-same companies have a different focus and therefore outcome.
EB suggests choosing friends the way you choose fruit to eat. I have circles of greater and lesser intimacy and I am thoughtful on introducing people or giving recommendations. As a teacher I'm often asked for letters for jobs, courts, schools, etc.. I belong to a networking group that monthly holds events and mixers. I'm an introvert, I normally wouldn't meet so many diverse people. And yes sometimes I'm the only Black one in the room---then people are super nice and friendly to make me comfortable. I rest beforehand, recharge in private and am able to show up fully charged. They also hold private mastermind group meetings, of business owners where you make a presentation and your 11 peers apply their knowledge and experience to your business, then we rotate weekly. Think about that, 11 minds at your money, business, marketing issues with solutions and innovations.
3.
Relationships are evaluated not just fallen into.

Most poor people don't marry rich because rich evaluate value and ability. I have had ltrs and dated a lot (once doing a hundred dates in a year boot camp to improve dating skills) and what I learned is that I consider if a partner is smart enough and has the emotional intelligence to raise my children and potentially inherit my business concerns. Then I look at attractiveness and mutual interests. My values and life priorities come first (pun). If someone falls outside of that parameter I look at can they learn or this is just a fun time. On a new date, I arrive "clear" and listening intently.
Like business. Sales, marketing, industry, fashion. The rich like their work, are fascinated by it, are deeply invested in I even if they have to work a job for survival. Their hobby of love generates income of some sort. I listen to people constantly complaining about work, even if they're just saying hello. Now there might be systemic challenges that you are charged with solving but the most bedraggled go on and on about their intrinsic hate of working. The rich work harder at finding things they don't hate and pour their energy into that.
4.
Work smarter, not harder.

My mother an entrepreneurs advice. She helped me launch businesses as a child, a teen and talked me through the negotiations in college to take over a school magazine for the express purpose of getting to experiment with other peoples money---the university. She also gave me a tax ID number for my 14th birthday.

I learned to never attach the totality of myself to a job. Always to have a side concern going. And to use jobs as learning factories. I've worked at Dreyfuss, Citibank, MetLife, CB Commercial, law firms as a securities litigation paralegal, AIG, Goldman Sachs and each place I asked questions, took notes, got certifications, picked brains---temping/consulting gave me the opportunity to survey through taxes, law insurance, finance and I've worked at Lord & Taylor, Belk's, A&S , WalMart (I realized as a side note, how many of these companies I've bought stock in because I could internally see the upswing coming, most recently was WalMart) I've been directly taught how to pitch/sales, marketing, mass distribution, online sales, now I'm in education and I've cut a swath through nonprofits, doe public schools and universities and private companies.
All of it skills that are transferable , I get those in the trenches to teach me, I transfer the skills to my personal business and get paid to show up to school...i mean work...i mean school...the lines blur for me at a job.
I've also taken both the IRS and H&R Block tax preparation classes, for spring break I went home and my mother had signed me up for a real estate licensing class for the week, I'm all over Coursera, I take detailed notes even in mundane presentations because my time and attention are important and I learn from teachers teaching styles as a teacher.
I realized calculating a computer certification program I was teaching to get 80 students to be able to earn 36k a year. My supervisor then brings me the fabulous idea of since I'm using this Tannenberg camera/super large monitor, they could activate it through out the entire SUNY system to create 34 simultaneous classes at my scheduled 3 classes a day.
Wouldn't that be fantastic?
I said yes but I was worried about the envelope.
She said, what envelope?
I explained that right now you pay me one check for one sites' worth of classes. How you gonna fit 34 more checks into that slim envelope? Because Aunty Oprah calls your idea syndication and for years she's been getting hundreds of checks from affiliates sites for her one "class" everyday.
Silencio.
I then further explained I was already under contract to another company (mine) for my tv show and videos so there would have to be serious negotiations and ownership rights discussed as well.
Silencio.
Rich people know their worth and the value of their work and how much they're willing to trade off.
My class was with approximately $2.9 million in salaried outcomes per class , I was getting 80k but could experiment (and it got me to Columbia) so even if I marked down the transmission 50% to outcome salary and to half of my then class size at each SUNY site it was worth $25 million and I had no residuals or ownership so I could be video taped once, be fired and then my comp tech classes replayed forever.
5.
They avoid lack of control over themselves by learning from others.

I've never done drugs and I didn't drink alcohol until I was 25. About 80% of my family has had drug/alcohol addiction issues. I have had really bad years, heartbreaks, pain, been abused, betrayed, downright mistreated. But at 15 I went with my mother for several years to AA and NA meetings because she had to cut off her whole friend circle to maintain sobriety.
What it did was passively train me to not seek crutches and to instead deal with my shit.
The ugly stuff, the unfair stuff.
Face it.
Deal with it.
I notice most people avoid dealing with pain, I make an effort to charge through it.
6.
Coaches, trainers, therapists and mentors.

The rich get them. Get others to assist them, evaluate them, teach them to be and do better. It's a form of supplication, a high form of I don’t know, help me. When my mother died, for a month, maybe half a dozen times I talked to grief counselors sometimes in the bathroom in the middle of the night. They walked me through loss and grief, taught me what to expect and how to manage it.
Several years ago my business boomed and I made $26k in a week, my previous large check was $12k from assiduous tax management. I went and got a therapist when I couldn't repeat the 26k to unearth any money-poverty issues I may have. I then realized I needed a life coach and a couple of years later paid $1800 for one on a lark when my students didn't show up to his free event. He picked up the baton, taught me directly, I hadn't needed a therapist but a business support system and that my ideas were good. That validation allowed me to prosper immensely.
7.
Time and patience around money.

I notice most people are geared to maybe one to two weeks to create and receive money. Business ownership has taught me to see things in terms of years and repetitive, compound returns. This week I got paid again, as I do every month for work I created in 2013.
Employee time frame is weeks, ownership is elastic. I created the books and videos then and i keep getting paid for them. The formula is then simple---create more stuff like that profitable stuff.
Before in business, I bought, sold, packaged books, cds, DVDs and sold them on Amazon and eBay. It was tedious, time consuming and I still turned a profit but I realized I was a store essentially and had created a job that I owned like a business.
Then I took the Kiyosaki Rich Dad books, a lecture he was at and applied that a true business you can walk away from, it still works and you still get paid. It took years for technology and industry to catch up to me but now that's what I do with books. All those jobs taught me management systems and gave me knowledge that I repackage and sell. I learned about not just royalties but how to massively increase over 10% the writer industry standard. Without all that job training I would not know how to do that as a business.
8.
Knowledge. Knowledge isn't power, the application and manipulation of it is. You have to experiment, you have to fail, you have to read voraciously.

I have about 5000 books in storage . I read 5 books a week because years ago I saw a TV movie with Bea Arthur where she played a sick woman and her doctor said she was remarkable for her abilities and he mentioned she read five books a week. I set that as my goal. I then realized my grandmother was doing it too right on front of me. My only amendment is my reading list is more focused on topics, authors, business, motivation.

Kyle Phoenix Answers: Why would you being gay ever let yourself down or other people down such as family member?

Kyle Phoenix Answers: What principles or structure do you find essential to map your journey for financial success?