Power Bottoming has more to do with themes of dominance and control and power than the actual sexualized meaning.
So you bottom, meaning you are the receptive partner in anal sex. You’re the catcher. Culturally, this is seen by both hetero and non-hetero culture as an emasculating positionality to be in sexually with a man (and I would expect to be anally penetrated by a woman with a strap on dildo too). There is very little… coming back from the loss of manhood points on the false and judgmental societal scale. Even within a gay context (community being a misnomer) there is no value in being a bottom, though yes, necessary, no not respected.
Mainly because no self respecting, truly capable man would allow himself to be penetrated which is a carry over from hetero perceptions of a very limited, penile centered sexuality.
But what if you’re not hetero and you want to be a bottom.
So there’s a range of bottoms.
- Some are doing it for Uber and Xanax. Situational Bottoms.
- Some are Versatile Tops or occasionally within the context of their relationships. Birthday and Christmas Bottoms (for their mate).
- Some are Chem Bottoms. For some Ecstasy, meth—Tina, coke, heroin, an eight ball they’ll part the seas.
- Some are Liquor Bottoms. If you get him drunk enough, he can lower his own inhibitions and become the….. this gets even more complicated because we’re now playing with Sex, Sexuality, Gender and Expression—4 different categories with at least 100+ sub-categories. So a dude might bottom when intoxicated because the lowering of inhibitions gives him the freedom to be the bitched out, smashed out, banged out lovely, hissing, moaning, roaring man-maybe not entirely masculine hot pocket he thinks about being as a construction foreman, a police officer, your dad.
- Then there are the Basic Bottoms who are you know bottoms….. They like it up the bum for the closeness, the penetration, the enveloping, the feeling of being penetrated by another men. They are the majority of bottoms. They are Betas. Natural born with a membership card. They may also top or be versatile but they're cool with bottoming and don’t apply a whole lot of psychological whim wham to it.
- Then there are Power Bottoms. They are essentially mutants. Like X-Men. They are a cross breed, a hybrid of your Basic Bottom AND something else. Now that something else is more emotional and psychological than physiological. They want to be the Alphas. They want to dominate, they want to be in control, they want to give intellectual and emotional directions in the relationship.
If we were to apply Dr. Patricia Allen’s scaling of Masculine and Feminine Males and Females in Getting to I Do, we would say they are physically Sex Male, yes but emotionally also more excessively Masculine. They want to be the Respected Leader rather than a Feminine context, for males or females, the Cherished Follower.
- They want to run the fuck.
- They want to control, not one but perhaps two dicks in the relationship.
- They want to be the King, not the Queen.
BUT (and this is both a pun AND a directive) they want to use their butts to do it as bottoms. They have no Sexuality desire to be the penetrator even though they might come across personality wise, socially as the Top.
Often they are expressing their Alpha-ness or their uncomfortability with the perception at them as a Bottom. Yes, some Alpha males, having more testosterone are bottoms and don’t desire to top, to penetrate.
The makes the term Power Bottom more about psychological power, control, dominance of the Top, of the sexual situation than simply the sexual act. It also suggests that the Bottom is not being emasculated by the act itself. Comparable to one calling themselves a survivor instead of a victim—-they are not reduced by the event.
Humans, even the non hetero ones are very… odd, in relationship to action, body, form, perception by self and by others… even in things that people may not think about an individual indepthly. Like having a tattoo that stops at one’s wrist cuff—-it’s like being yourself but acknowledging a limitation or imposition of external society… even in your “free” choice.
I of course go into detail about this and who to pleasure self and others in my book Pleasuring Tops Bottoms and Versatiles.
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Kyle Phoenix is a teacher, certified adult educator, sexologist, sex coach and sexuality educator with over two decades of intensive experience. He studied at the University at Buffalo, SUNY, New York University, and Columbia University. He has worked, consulted and taught individuals and focused professional developments for the CDC, Department of Education, Gay Men's Health Crisis, New York City Department of Health, non-profits, Fortune 500 companies and unions. He began his career facilitating on-campus workshops addressing a wide range of sexuality and sexual health issues and then moved on to teaching at universities, non-profits, private groups and clients, hosting The Kyle Phoenix Show on television and multiple online webinars, including YouTube and Sclipo and writing extensively through his blog, Special Reports, articles and other print and E books in the Kyle Phoenix Series on relationships, finance, education, spirituality and culture. He lives in New York with his family.
Smile, Kyle
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#KylePhoenix
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Kyle Phoenix on Facebook and TwitterThe Kyle Phoenix Show LIVE STREAMING on MNN.org 1130pm, Spectrum Cable Manhattan, NY Channel 56 & 1996, also FIOS 34 and RCN 83.
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Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show LIVESTREAM on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) Thursdays 1130pm
Kyle Phoenix is a teacher, certified adult educator, sexologist, sex coach and sexuality educator with over two decades of intensive experience. He studied at the University at Buffalo, SUNY, New York University, and Columbia University. He has worked, consulted and taught individuals and focused professional developments for the CDC, Department of Education, Gay Men's Health Crisis, New York City Department of Health, non-profits, Fortune 500 companies and unions. He began his career facilitating on-campus workshops addressing a wide range of sexuality and sexual health issues and then moved on to teaching at universities, non-profits, private groups and clients, hosting The Kyle Phoenix Show on television and multiple online webinars, including YouTube and Sclipo and writing extensively through his blog, Special Reports, articles and other print and E books in the Kyle Phoenix Series on relationships, finance, education, spirituality and culture. He lives in New York with his family.
www.kylephoenix.com
Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com
#KylePhoenix
#TheKylePhoenixShow
#TheKylePhoenixShow
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