Have you ever had a really bad feeling about a place, and immediately abandoned what you were doing, and got the hell out of there? Tell us about it. by Kyle Phoenix

In college, undergraduate, after my Freshman year, my best friend from middle school and three young women all talked me into renting a large house—-the 5 of us. The dorm fees were like $2000 a semester then but you would get all of that back and we were often between the group of us subletting during breaks——at say $200 a month per person, it would be a no brainer to chip in (and receive the dorm fees back as a reimbursement from our tuition fees.) A hunting we went for a 5 bedroom house. It sounds unusual but not so much in Buffalo so eventually we came upon a listing in the downtown area of Buffalo. Think of it like close to midtown if it were Manhattan, less than a few blocks.

Two bedrooms downstairs, three upstairs but as soon as we went in——I had a weird feeling. Which was weird for me to have such an immediate weird feeling. I actually said so and suggested we look elsewhere—-after all we were agreed on a August/September move in so we had 2 more months time. But the other 4 liked the house.

Two of us stayed in the city over the summer break working and I got sick. So sick my parents flew up to take me back to NYC/Pennsylvania and there was a brief questioning of time would I, should I return to Buffalo?

But I prevailed so my mother came with me, helped me pack up my dorm room and we arrived in August to the new house. No answer and the keys didn’t work. We knocked and waited and waited and knocked, but to no avail. Tried calling my roomies in town but they weren’t there. So we put my things in storage and went back downstate.

After a few back and forth calls to the landlord, turns out my “friends’ had moved into the house and were actually inside of the house with the blinds drawn, refusing to let me in. They had decided to nix me out of the house deal because of my getting sick. Of course I was crushed. I had been friends with 3 of them for over a year and 1 of them for multiple years……but my mother offered that if I could work it out, this might be the time to find my own place?

I drove up (I had my own Bronco) one Saturday, apartment hunted all day—-found a 1 bedroom, a few blocks away from campus, in a 4 apartment house, signed the lease, and drove back to Pennsylvania/NYC (we lived between the two.) in 24 hours. Went back, moved into my swanky 1 bedroom ($350 a month with a garage space for my Bronco—-huge place, clean, bedroom big enough for my king sized bed.)

Went back to school.

The group avoided me, until finally my best friend broke the ice and told me the above.

Okay…..when people tell you or show you who they are, believe them. I avoided the group.

It turned out that there were a multitude of ways to get cash funding/grants as a student, living on your own—-so my mother’s huge contribution gift to me was she and the landlord negotiated separating the apartment rent and the garage rent—-she paid the $50 x 12 months=$600 and the school grant covered the $3600—-rent having to meet $300 limit for an individual (ironically—-it was the friend of one of the 3 women who told me about this grant as how she’d gotten her first place.) Plus I got back my dorm fees AND a living expense of about $200 a month, plus I was secretly working—-I’d basically gotten sick from exhaustion from working 5 separate part-time jobs—-I got it down to 2. So I was peaches.

Time goes on, classes go on, life goes on and I’m in my first swanky bachelor pad—-honestly, I had so much free cash—-yes, I was buying steak and lobster at Tops supermarket and wheeling it home. I was 23 then, but I’d been working and doing domestic chores since a teen, hadn’t gotten to school until 21, so I was more accustomed to living alone, on my own than dorms or roommates.

I told my longer term friend that there was something wrong with the house, that the energy in it was wrong——and I was sort of happy I wasn’t there. She reported back that as soon as all 4 were in, the fights began. They’d all been close for years before I even got to the school and now they were in hellacious fights—-they were all my age or older—-to the point of violence. This went on for a year until two of them broke the lease and left, another moved back into the dorms, and my friend moved into another house. None of them spoke to each other again—-I learned from one of the 3 years later—-she said she had voted against ousting me and admitted it was a mistake, and detailed all of the fights. The four of them never reconciled. But they had all weird feelings, heard weird noises, slams and crashes in the house.

I told her, the exclusion was shitty but I had gotten an immediate vibe that the old rickety house—-though large—-had deep negative energy and perhaps, just perhaps—-when you do shitty things to people, negativity exacerbates in some spaces? I of course said this from my 2nd swanky bachelor pad in Buffalo—-bigger than my first, that after careful thought I suggested I would take some time to think about allowing my friend to move into. lol

I’d only felt that way about a couple of other places, one positively—-the house my mother and I picked out as a 2nd home in PA—-as soon as we went in and looked at it—-I said it felt like “it had been built with love”. Turns out the house had been rebuilt and renovated by a couple especially to enjoy with their 19 year old daughter during school breaks, she died a few months before our visit in a car accident, so heartbroken, they decided to sell the house. But the realtor remarked in shock—yes, it was built in love like I had said.

I could also tell when something was constructed with antipathy, negativity, darkness. I avoided that group/that house and ironically years later would end the friendship with my best friend and throw her out of yet a 3rd swanky pad—-in NYC—-with a dining room AND a working fireplace!

#KylePhoenix

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If you had just $35.00 to buy groceries for yourself for the week at Walmart, what would you buy? by Kyle Phoenix

 

I worked at Walmart briefly, for about 6 months, while taking care of a terminal parent—-it gave me something to do in a foreign city other than sit at the hospital bedside and I was able to float my expenses without relying on savings. It was actually kind of fun to be at a job that was solely a distraction.

Your ID card is also attached to an account, so you could theoretically (most did) have your paycheck direct deposited to your card. I didn’t like that idea so I had it sent to my normal checking account and I didn’t like the idea of work/shop in the same place so I would go to Food Lion about 80% of the time.

But on my breaks, i would stroll around and see what was possible.

Chicken packets—-generally a cut up chicken for $8 to 10 dollars for several pounds.

Beef strips/steak $10—-I became obsessed with making the perfect Mongolian beef (there was not much else to do but cook and write there. lol)

Rice, beans, frozen veggies—generally $1 or $2 per packet/pound. (which gets chili and soups once or thrice a month)

Fresh vegetables were cheap—-average $1–2 per pound—-broccoli, kale, green beans, carrots, tomatoes, onions.

Pasta—$1 per pound for a box or packet.

Pasta Sauce $3 per jar.

I generally look at 2–3 meals from one cooking of $5–10 (high end by myself) a day—- dinner, lunch, dinner or dinner/lunch. Sometimes I keep working a soup or stew or meat pasta sauce just adding more meat/veggies to it and getting several days of meals out of it.

I mainly just fed myself and really didn’t have much to do so the trip to Food Lion or work were kind of the highlights of my days so I stuck to the above budget—-maybe closer to $50. One thing I did that is common down in Charlotte is I donated plasma—-many people do it for gas money, but I was unsure of how long I’d be there so I decided a car would become more of a bill than a freedom tool—-I became a bus expert. The bus stopped literally 30 feet from the front door/lawn and directly across the 4 lane road coming back—-Walmart was its’ last stop and mid-downtown and full downtown was along the route—-90 cents each way to Walmart and 70 cents more to downtown or to transfer to the bus to the hospital.

Food Lion was 8 country blocks from the house (about half a mile).

WalMart had lots of sales I remember or large quantities of food—-meats, frozen vegetables, etc.—-I’m not big on processed foods, I cook everything from scratch so sodas and juices and snacks were my big purchases daily to take home as there was no easy “corner store”, the closest was a 24 gas station across from Food Lion.

I did buy DVDs from Walmart, $5 or so. (used for $1 a piece from a nearby pawn shop. I think I sold some back, cleaned out my collection.)

What I’m thinking about, comparing then to living now in NYC, where I average about $100 myself/per person on groceries—I just got some yesterday—-is that my grocery costs were lower because everything surrounding it was lower, the cost of living from there to NYC is maybe 2/3s.

I could use the plasma money (about average $50 twice week, about 3 hours total time spent) on more food. I remember that about once a month I did a big stock up—-which might be the key to $35 or $50 a week at Walmart from there and Food Lion—-$150 or more—-of rice, meats, etc.. Walmart is best for bulk but not for weekly shopping I found because the food section——(1/4 of the store and then I, in my walking sojourns miles in each road direction, found that there are now Walmart supermarkets—-both places my discount card/ID working so I got 10–30% off of stuff, which was generally when I relented and shopped there. We also had a freezer in the house so I could load up and just need meats and fresh fruits and vegetables through the month) is geared towards massive shopping loads—-when visiting I’d stocked up my parents house with about $400 worth of groceries and sundries every couple of months. The oversized carts and buying in mass bulk seemed to be the idea. I went to Costco once and it was like land of the insane because everything was buy a 12, 24, 50 pack from food to toiletries and the joint was packed. It was like the addiction—-the dopamine rush was from the portion sixes (I remember even the baked pies were huge) and yes, it was populated by at least 75% fat people pushing ginormous carts.

My being there specifically to aid in the terminal issues of a diabetic, high blood pressure, leg amputated, 5 way bypass, no core strength obese parent kind of inured me to eating healthier and less Southern abundance.

$25 Bucks a Week for 1 Adult

The tightest I’ve ever done in NYC was after a job lay off, the next position to start at the end of a summer, I got Unemployment (I didn’t know/understand it’s existence for years) but it was reduced to $25 a week for like 10 weeks. I had savings and it was just me so I decided to experiment with just that $25 for food—-I did lots of pork roasts, rice, fresh vegetables.

I’m thinking about budgets and food expenses, now through regions of the country for myself—-I think I did about $50 a week on average in Buffalo, undergraduate, I bought two mini fridges, cooked illegally (on a full 4 set of hot plates in the dorms—-and one time served a delicious curry chicken to RAs and Public Safety in my double room. lol I was super careful with the hot plates and microwave). Eventually living on my own I did about $75 a week, often having steaks, lobsters and such but again Buffalo is cheaper than NYC and I was just one person and have been shopping and cooking for myself and a family since I was a child. (I’m doing math in my head, sometimes to the penny as I shop.

I was just in Target, my 2nd time being there—-I walked from one side of Manhattan to the other for it as an adventure and the self checkout was closed so we lined up for cashiers and the lady ahead of me—-blonde and obese, tattoos, scratching like crack had been a part of her diet—-I cart snooped—-yup, lots of processed foods and clothing—-(Target combining a supermarket and home/department store too, like the Wal-Mart I worked at—-which made it impossible for customers and employees to get out without buying something. I was pretty good, maybe spending 10% of my 6 months worth of pay there)—-in her green fluorescent sweatpants—-yes, it was a scene——she announced loudly she had $93—-no, wait—-$94 dollars!—-and Raya, the cashier, said okay—-it came to $86. But it occurred to me that the customer couldn’t do the math and that I had done the math and as a teacher I see one snowball sort of explaining the avalanche of mess she appeared to be.)

My point of my cart snooping and judgment was that I was thinking about some video I saw and it talked about dopamine hits for women from shopping—-and I looked around and sure as glitter—-it was me and like 50 women shoppers. And, I was thinking as a man, I was just wanted to get the flibbity gibbidity out of there, a store, every store. 2 pillows, two juices, Rao’s Spicy Arrabiata sauce (on sale for $5.99, usually 8.99, 9.99===-it is the best, I should’ve bought 2!

Yes, I actually went there for a mini-bookcase but the walk tuckered me out that I didn’t feel like carrying it onto a bus or train. lol Next week.)

My deep thought in here that men and women react differently to shopping—-so I could maybe do a just the basics for $25 to $35 a week indefinitely—-I don’t get a dopamine dose from shopping. I have no doubt that stores, Walmart and others, I saw the design and propaganda—-know this—- so getting out of Walmart with $35, is a challenge.

What If We Helped Everyone?

This question got me thinking about SNAP benefits that students have been on, and twice at Columbia University, we were encouraged having legal student status to walk 3 blocks to the Social Services office and get this one shot SNAP deal—-which was $200 each time.

I’ve always thought about, when I used SNAP, those two times, and saw others over the years, could it be margined digitally so that say of the $200—-$50—— could only be spent on non-essentials—-soda, cookies cakes, etc. and the rest on produce and meats?

Often I’ve seen in line and when at Walmart, that people spend so much on processed foods—-bright sugary cereals, frozen foods like Hot Pockets, pizza rolls, etc.—-Yes, I cart watch and secretly judge——and I think about obesity rates.

I’ve thought for years that we should have a Universal Basic Income but it was more delineated—-say that $200 in SNAP for every American over 18 or even more—-or say $300 for every employed American but with the digital limits. I know lots of my co-workers at Walmart got some sort of aid/services but the question became how could they be supplemented and how much was really going towards non-nutritious food by habit?

It’s an interesting question that leads into obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.—-which is what was killing my parents—-mainly because there was no regulator to them and food. Perhaps SSD was akin to SNAP so they weren’t as conscious as I have been because every food purchase for me has been in cash 99.5% of my adult life, ever since 16–18 when I started large monies contributing to the household.

If Folks Had Lived Even Longer

I was going to start gardening in the backyard in Charlotte. The husband of the patient next to my mother talked about his huge garden of greens, turnips, lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, etc. and that he would teach me how to do it too and I seriously thought about doing it the following year. There was a half acre of land or so behind the house—-I could’ve started a roadside store! lol

Could the thought experiment of $35 a week, times roughly 4.5x, to $150 a month supplement for all single Americans work?

What if in the city we had like window gardens, maybe a meter wide, set in multiple windows 3 or 4?

Thinking, thinking, thinking………

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow

How did entrepreneurialism affect your childhood? by Kyle Phoenix

 

I’ve written before about starting a newspaper business, signing a contract-loan with my mother for $5 in start up cash, hiring and firing my first employees (the babysitter’s children)—-all at about 8 to 9 years old.

Then in Middle school I would photocopy roleplaying games (buy for $6, sell for $3—-my advantage that I had been travelling the subways of NYC for years to meet my parents so I could Yellow Pages comic stores/RPG stores and travel to hinterlands to get books)—-I would also photocopy scenes out of comics and commissioned other good artists to draw pics——all for sale during lunch. (The odd point here is I have only eaten a school lunch a few times—-either going out for launch (in the 4th, 5th grade—-you could walk a few blocks during school) or brought my own.

By high school I started a national small amateur comic book company. Contacting other kids and adults from their letters sent in to comics, printed with addresses in the back (and eventually Dragon magazine and RPG Society—-which gave me a list of thousands of members to “make friends with”. I sent out thousands of letters instead. lol) Membership was $25 a year. The biggest problem turned into we were right on the cusp of desktop publishing computers but the scratch to stay in business maybe for two more years was impossible to maintain.

In college I took over magazines and chapbooks—-eventually becoming President of the chapbook, rearranging the budget to create a larger—-better magazine and then selling it on consignment outside of the university—-something they’d never done in 5 years of existence. Most importantly not just the 48 Laws of Power/Machiavellian tactics my mother coached me in to grabbed power over the board and be voted in. but most importantly to our scheme—-I got to experiment with using Other People’s Money.

My mother, father and stepfather, Terry, the chef—-all supported my businesses, learning how to learning, mastering chess at 3 or 4 and enacting those skill sets' as I got older. They never said I couldn't’ do things, it was pressed upon me to figure out how to do them within the parameters of school and (reasonably) the law. (I mean in Middle School I was pretty much trouncing copyright laws and using AT&T’s copier for non-telecom related enterprises. lol)

So What Did I Learn?

• I learned a flexibility of self-perception. By that I mean that I can do/tackle anything. I can suss out what I want and don’t want and decide whether it’s useful, good, interesting, how it can and will work out. All of the above childhood mental work taught me how to learn and think.
• It also taught me about valuing myself and money. I’ve always been able to flip the switch of 40, 60, 100 hours of work—-because through a lot of those entrepreneurial endeavors to maintain liquidity I was working hard for an allowance or part time or even full time as a teen. I notice most people start bitching at Hour 41 and demanding triple time. I skate into Hour 100 or until it’s done. The ability to get work done, switch it on or off, whether this project/job will make me President or not, is what I notice most employees or humdrums lack.
• I know what my work is worth. At 8 to 9, buying newspapers, paying back my loan to my mother, selling them in the building, then expanding out to hiring the babysitters kids and then firing them when they misunderstood employees vs. ownership, has taught me what I and my work are worth. It’s taught me the value of learning, squeezing every drop out of work, reading anything I can, asking questions, paying attention so that I am valuable at a job, applying it to a project, using that skill set in my own business or carrying it through to to my career. I’m not competitive in the traditional sense, I’m just well armed. Yes, I bring a squadron of Navy Seals’ skills to a knife fight——I play to win—-for myself, not always the direct/apparent competition. I often tell people directly—-supervisors—-I don’t want your job. (The offset of title/position and freedom NOT to have to answer the phone, NOT to have to go to so many meetings, NOT to be beholden to a company is my entrepreneurial Super S under my shirt and tie. I ON the team, for now, but not really life-committed to it.)
• I never fear layoffs or getting fired—-sometimes I’m thoughtful about the timing—-geez, during the winter?—-but I always have a side hustle/business operating or a Plan B. I purposefully do things to not emotionally identify or feel deeply attached to places/companies that I don’t own. That’s the rule. Does it have my name/company name on the door? Then I’m a consultant who is always ready to leave and never return tomorrow. Always. I’ve been so ready and detached in the past people thought I must’ve hated them from the jump. I never hated jobs/positions. But I didn’t love them either. (As I am a utility for the company, they are a utility for Kyle, Inc.. Always.)
• I think first from an Owner’s perspective then from an Employee’s. I generally understand why decisions are made, long term strategic plans, have insights and projections and predictions. Most I keep to myself, others I use to manipulate for my advantage. I’m rarely surprised, never the helpless Employee and I always know who and what kind of firm I’m working for. I’m much clearer and detached about them than they are about me. The beauty is that they assume I’m like all the other Employees (maybe a bit brighter, work harder, smarter) but they never assume I’m like an Owner, have an Owner mentality. I’m always listening and always taking notes—-sometimes directly in every meeting and training (and definitely during casual conversations.) I walk in the way a gladiator walks into the arena—-to do battle that day and parlay for tomorrow and the next day and the next year.
• I never give a firm, anywhere, my efforts, that I don’t own or own stock in (another rule, I buy stock in most places I work at—-it’s one of my criteria for accepting a position—-partnership-ownership) 100% of Kyle. You’re never getting 100%. Now the percentage of effort I’m giving you might LOOK LIKE 100% to the firm, but that’s by intention. You will never get 100% of Kyle. At best you’re getting____________<<<<<I know how to keep some things private.
• I’m often fun, amenable, congenial, thoughtful, supportive, professional and engaging at jobs. That’s my Kyle, Inc. brand face.
• I’m always working on something else, have multiple streams of income coming in. The job is never my sole income. I’m always working on something, perfecting it and using being employed with the other sheep, as a tool, utility or ruse. always.
• Like Jay-Z advised—-I’m always holding a few inches back. I’m capable of more. I always have been but I’ve been sitting in the cut learning the business inside out, the board members/supervisors (yes, I run background checks on everyone I work with—-they run them on me, right? Quid pro quo. Owner mentality.)
• I’m fiercely loyal but don’t fuck with me. I’m not a scared Employee, I will take off my Kyle-Employee mask and let Kyle, the Owner of Kyle, Inc. fucking obliterate you. And I’ve done it and I’m completely comfortable doing it again in the future. (I fired the babysitter’s kids on Sunday and showed up to their home on Monday—-their mom was my babysitter. An Employee. As they had been…you know until they demanded 2/3s of the profits because they’d just learned division. But I fired them so they would understand further into division….EMPLOYEES. lol) And remember I’ve been sitting there learning all of your and the companies secrets. Let’s part friendly business associates and never enemies. No one wants me as an enemy.
• I learned patience and how to slowly build a business, investments, garner royalties (making money while I sleep, especially on Sundays), I also subscribe to the 4Ms—-Make Money Make Money. I learned how to delay gratification, to play for the end game, to focus on a goal in the future, not immediate gratification.
• I know my Life’s Purpose. It is not a job. Though I might be there for years.

The only regret I have is implementation of my ideas—-timing—-acting, learning how to fix and set goals—-that took my 20–30s. I did a lot of experimenting, sitting at places learning all about business. It was a trade off. But slowly but surely, I’m expanding and monetizing all aspects of my little mini-empire. BWAHAHAHHAHA

#KylePhoenix

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What's something that only rich people would buy from a grocery store? by Kyle Phoenix

By Social Class we tend to consume food differently and therefore invest in food differently. I didn’t notice this until I went back to school, Columbia University and decided to maximize my time, a decade or so ago while attending classes and teaching—-to not cook. I had lowered all of my expenses to the bare minimum to afford the school, and was just entering into working for them/teaching. But interestingly enough I was also designing programs and studying poverty so I began to parallel my life to my eventual studies—-seeing my experiences through research and textbooks and theories. I was doing this to teach better, I was teaching a wide variety of students—-underprivileged, Middle Class and Privileged.

Columbia University’s entrance is on 116th, West Side Market is on 110th, so I decided that as much as possible I would take advantage of their prepared foods section and avoid cooking (which I enjoy) and shopping to give me more time to focus on teaching/classes.

Every prepped food, hot and cold you can think of—-all the way through roasted chicken, quiche, Angus beef, seafood—-everything is available. You can even get full meals—meat, vegetable, starch for about $10. Of course though it’s a filling portion what one is paying for is the labor to prep the food. But what I was also paying for—-my budget about $100 a week for myself, was convenience—-they're open 24 hours a day and a near unlimited variety. And to some degree healthier choices and foods.

In a Poverty Context-Food

It’s about abundance and fast energy, done cheaply. How I check mark this is colorful boxes and bags. processed food. If it’s bright and there’s an animal dancing on it or some really overly happy looking people—-it’s designed to be attractive over nutritious. Cereals, juices, sugary foods, easily cooked-reheated foods, frozen pizzas, contained foods—-like pot pies, etc..

Sometimes I honestly stand in line and I sight judge Social Class of those ahead of me—-especially when I’m not at a higher end super market like West Side, Whole Foods or D’Agostinos here in NYC. C-Town is Middle Class/Poverty, there used to be Pathmark, Shop & Stop. Those stores are about abundance—-Buy 5, Get 2 Free. Huge coupon circulars (you know I don’t think I’ve ever seen a West Side Market or Whole Foods food circular—-there are catering menus but direct sales are rare. Like things that are affluent—-you go in able to afford whatever the price/total outcome is. It’s not a budget conscious/supporting store (s).)

Middle Class-Context

Again, abundance, sales. I went to a Costco once in Charlotte and it was literally Middle Class insanity. Why would you need 24 rolls of toilet tissue—-in one trip? Paper towels? Cases of detergent? I could see if you had a large family, like double digit kids but most people buying huge abundance are buying to get that rush.

Which is what a lot of the research talks about for people in Poverty/Middle Class. That dopamine rush from shopping. Most of those people aren’t regularly getting the dopamine rush from accomplishment (aside from exercise, sex, etc.) so they get it from shopping, acquisition and then satiation from high fats, high sugar, intense foods.

Rich/Wealthy-Food Context

Food is about quality, nutrition and presentation. Those prepped meals from West Side Market come in containers that are similar in shape to a serving dish. The chefs wear chef hats and it’s presented in these huge beautiful cases of lined up, well prepared foods. The same with some Whole Foods (there’s an expansion push to integrate it into other neighborhoods, more Middle Class—-I’ve noted in Newark, NJ, so it’s like a mesh between a Middle Class/Rich supermarket—-more sales, more tags about sales—-but close to the same in expense.)

There are deliberate butcher, seafood, deli meats/cheeses, hot and cold buffets, prepped foods and bakery sections. Even in the smaller store on 110th, they cram a lot in there—-they build up.

They also have an abundance of packaged fruits and yogurts and granola—-think of it along the lines of restaurant—-what do you want? It’s packaged there for breakfast, lunch, dinner snack. There’s still some garish foods—-cereals, etc. but it tends to be next to higher end/foreign choices that are healthier, more specific.

My new addiction, in the past year or so is Rao’s (a famous restaurant herein NYC that I’ve been too as a child/teen/adult, they now package their sauces. I noticed it during COVID lockdown—-West Side Market the easiest place to shop “normally” (no lines, no waiting—-you “pay” for convenience, remember? I saw waiting lines at other stores.) I saw a pyramid of Rao’s recognized the name and the price for a jar of sauce was $8.99 or $9.99. But it’s Rao’s. So I bought the spicy arrabiata……and it’s amaze-balls. I haven’t bought another brand of sauce since. The cheapest I’ve ever gotten it was $5.99, a sale at Target and I bought 2 jars——only the third time I think I've been to a Target—-I was there for a folding table. As someone who cooks sauces from scratch it is the best—-I read this whole article on sauce quality—-it was in the Top 3—-and Ragu and Prego. my casual go to’s before, I realized were laden with salt and sugar. Which is why I would always zhuzh it up with fresh tomatoes and peppers and mushrooms and onions. Tasting Rao’s I could taste all of the vegetables and subtle seasoning—-it was like it had be specifically cooked for that jar. It is mass produced and is amazing.

I also noticed in changing my shopping habits, earning more, buying different, I buy fresher foods so I actually go to the supermarket more. I don’t buy for 10–15 meals, do huge cook ups and such. If I’m having company or throwing a dinner party then I might do a $500 shop, aiming for abundance. But for myself generally, I go to the supermarket twice a week—-once to maybe C-Town and once to Whole Foods or West Side. i get different things at different places. More of my meats and veggies at the higher end stores, more staples and general supplies (rice, etc.) at the lower end stores.

I also don’t load up my fridge with an eye towards time. Everything in my fridge now is fruits, vegetables, two containers of cooked rice to add for dinners/take for lunch, and lots of odd condiments (that’s another thing West Side is good for.) I treat myself to a new sauce or condiment every trip. This week was a sriracha sauce I’d never tried, last week was a $5 ginger/orange salad dressing, the week before that was a sweet garlic cooking marinade, this week was pureed ginger, the week before a butter chicken marinade—-I’m always looking to “try” something new or interesting,

For $100 What do I generally get:

• A few pounds of chicken-$10
• A Ribeye steak or two-$15 to $25
• 2 large pork chops-$10
• Fruit-pears, apples, grapes, grapefruit-$10
• Vegetables-spinach, kale, Romaine lettuce, tomatoes, shredded carrots, scallions, onions, red & green peppers, mushrooms-$25
• Cheese-$7
• 15 to 21 Grain bread-$5
• Sauces-$15
• Ice Cream/treat-$10
• Rice, pasta, potatoes-$10
• Juices, soda-$20

That’s my general shopping list with maybe $30 or so added on the weekend or on the spot day lunches, taking me to $100-$125 on average a week. By that I mean I have been able to do it lower to $50 a week, if I were to budget focus, at say a C-Town but the above is West Side/Whole Foods and I often marvel at it’s a one basket/one tote bag trip.

But the point is that everything in my fridge is about 3–5 days into perishable. I did a pound and a half of peeled, deveined, detailed shrimp last week from West Side, a strip of fresh salmon, a rib eye (I generally get my rib eyes from the Whole Foods butcher) but I buy casual chicken—-which somehow makes it to the weekend cooking from places like C Town for quantity (I’m trying to change my chicken-weekend orientation); I also buy these humongous pork chops from West Side. Whole Foods is good for sausage, in or out of casings, specially seasoned raw chicken, roasts, and huge pork butts/slabs, beef slabs—-I have them cut it up into 6 cubes and cook a cube or two for dinners.

1. One, in comparison to some adult students, I realized I was eating “rich” when I looked at my budget of about $100 a week, maybe twice a month as much as $150, in comparison to one person. I have adult students who receive Food Stamps and the allotment for the single adult is about $150 a month. Sometimes when someone is aware of my food shopping in passing or from class or from my take to work meals, they comment on the quality of my food, it’s prep, it’s complexity…and I invariably see them, their experience of Middle Class and Poverty deeper.
2. Two, I was coincidentally on a bus taking me to uptown Manhattan (home) with my older cousin a few years ago—she lived in the Bronx—-and when we got off a few blocks from my place on 168th and Broadway I mentioned I was heading up the block to Gristedes to shop——and she said “Oh, that siddity store, it’s so expensive.”) It had never occurred to me that it was expensive. But going to dinner at her house once she had cooked literally a farm——for three of us—-me, her son, herself——of so much food because Poverty Food is about abundance. (Did you have enough? Do you want more?) Both her and her son were big folk, technically what we would determine obese. And I’m big—-I realized from a mix of two social class levels of food intake and sedentary jobs, AND more resources to enjoy food. Again, and this is why so many people, Americans, 2/3s are so obese——food as pleasure. I took a nutrition class as part of a teacher training and the nutritionist discussed with each of us our eating habits——and she talked to me about being injured when I used to jog 11 miles a day, earning more money after college, and doing more sedentary work—-I gained weight. But other coworkers had grown up in poverty. My prescription was to be conscious of how I eat, what I eat and exercise as well as I can without further injury, but that it wasn’t the same as poverty eating. I don’t use a lot of lards, cheap oils for cooking (I used refined olive oil and butter), eat a lot of processed foods—-near none actually—-and I’m like a medium snacker——I’m the weird guy buying a single slice of cake or taking weeks to eat a mini-whole cake.
3. Third, I mentioned to a coworker that I regularly do a “load up” of foods from Fresh Direct—-say $300–450 an order, every 6 weeks. I’d started this after hurting my knee and living in a fabulous, but five flight, walk up, in Manhattan (the sacrifices we make for Manhattan.) So food delivery, easily done online was heaven sent. She remarked that Fresh Direct was so much more expensive than the supermarket. I said I didn’t think so. (Two caveats in here—-my cousin and coworker were both Black women from lower Middle Class/Poverty and I was comparing Fresh Direct to Gristedes, D’Agostinos, West Side Market). Because of lower overhead—-just warehouse packing and delivery (I actually had an adult student who worked at the facility in Long Island City) it is cheaper—-to my Middle Class/Upper Class budget.
4. Fourth, my personal food budget is both from me and historical, because I love to cook and experiment and have a near infinite palette, is much higher. I'm buying mussels and seafood and lobsters and steaks for myself or to cook for others—-I keep staring at the oxtails, torn between the price, small portions, and wanting to cook it for someone AND myself. I’m also always trying out new items, buying quiches (my mother used to make them and croissants from scratch! for my father—-which is how I knew she loved him. None of the other husbands got that. One was a professional chef and the other she bullied in to cooking. She taught me how to cook along with my grandmother and stepfather-chef and that’s how I earned my allowance from 7 on. Having dinner ready and doing the food shopping. Eventually she even would pay me to cook for huge AA events—-like 75 people at a time.) My stepfather would bring home huge bags of shrimp and 20–30 T-Bone steaks a month and I’d gleefully make them for lunch when I came in from school. I grew up with a privileged abundance of food at home and regularly being taken out to restaurants. The biggest incident when I ordered the lobster bisque and it was salty, but I didn’t understand it shouldn’t be so salty, my mother tasted it, and went off on the restaurant. I offer all of that to explain my broad palette and therefore higher class purchasing. (There was a whole period where I was all about pate and caviars—-I get a notion and have to try it out, a hundred ways, nearly every day for a month or two, then I’m done. Like I have to “master” it, how to eat and prepare it. There was the great Mongolian Beef War—-months of variants of cooking it once or twice a week until I got it right, in Charlotte in 2014! lol)

In sum, that’s how one eats differently, graduates one’s palette for foods, which is Social Class based, (I only dislike one or two things—-yogurt (I have milk terrors of it being spoiled), olives, feta cheese, I used to dislike eggplant but we’ve arrived at a nice amenable truce), my having crossed several Social Classes.

It comes from family/origin class orientation to food (we went out a lot to 4 Star restaurants and Terry, the stepfather chef, was amazeballs with what he could prepare) and then how over time I’ve never scrimped on my food budget—-even in undergraduate at 21, standing up to the university and claiming I was an orthodox Muslim to have them not take the $1400 a semester for their “meal plan” and instead refund it to me as cash——yes, for three months I was eating shrimp and lobster and steaks, all prepped in the dormitory kitchen (and then eventually (illegally) in my dorm room on 4 hot plates, two microwaves and a toaster oven——serving feast to RAs and Public Safety officers. lol)

I like good food, quality food and I’ve by contrivance or by earning, always been able to afford that aesthetic.

Do I think some things are outrageously expensive?

It depends.

I often tease myself in West Side Market or Whole Foods, that if I won the lottery the way an observer would know is I would buy the prepped diced onions and peppers in the bowls for $4.99. (My crazy lottery plans! lol) To my druthers, not watching a reasonable budget I would spend about $200 a week on food by myself, probably that much or $250+, when I’ve been in a live in-relationship.

Social Class Research

All of the social class research backs up the thresholds an individual crosses and buying in social class alignment to poverty, middle class, rich/wealth—-about abundance, quantity and quality. I was surprised but able to chart myself over the years when I read through those templates and compared it to my parents being younger, more educated, and earning more than their siblings (which meant the same for me vs. my cousins) and how we acted and spent and therefore ate/used food differently.

Ironically, my mother sort of gave up in ill health, at the end of her life, the last decade, and resorted to food as comfort vs. nutrition and combined Poverty-Abundance with Rich-Quality in an enormous amount of far too rich, unhealthy foods. Beyond Middle Class, which for an individual I would put at $50-$75 a week—-you tend to start to factor in quality, healthiness, exoticism, a broader palette. I would say a third of my weekly regimen is “exotic”—-according to my coworkers who have “commentary” about my brought in lunches (oddly I make and bring in my lunch about 90% of the time). It is fascinating how more resources and curiosity sort of gently pushes you (me) over a social class line that I only notice in reflection/comparison to other social classes.

I also have and try things out from a lot of cookbooks, I would leave that as another “class step” one takes in regards to food and cooking. (Yeah, one year I might attempt the Julia Child cookbook recipe a day challenge. The Joy of Cooking/Mastering the Art of French Cooking cookbook recipes. lol)

(I’ve mastered coq au vin and Osso Buco so far. lol)

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What is so bad about working in retail? by Kyle Phoenix

The three times I’ve worked in it as an adult, I liked it enough. But then I don’t invest my identity in “jobs”—-I’ve always had a side hustle, a small business, school (High and Collège) going on. I was a sales associate at Belk’s, Abraham & Strauss and Lord & Taylor. Then about a decade ago, while visiting Charlotte to help with my terminal mother, I took a job at Walmart just to get out of the house and not spend my savings/royalties to cover my general expenses.

I’m an extreme introvert, I’m learned-professional at being present, professional and extroverted enough for sales and dealing with customers. I like solving problems. And about 90%+ of the time I’ve been dealing with reasonable people, a few extremes but I generally hand them off to others (managers.)

I think what has been influential are two things:

1. I seek to learn not earn at every job. A&S convinced me, Jim Johnson after an hour—-convinced me to take the job during the interview at 17. I’d been applying for a bike messenger job on 34th street and wandered over to the Manhattan Mall, in hopes of finding something more amenable. I was resistant because I wanted the base pay $7 an hour but was terrified of their commission structure, 8% on top of sales total mandatory of $2000 a week, He promised Sales training for 2 weeks. He convinced me that by having a resume, since I was 14, being in a suit and tie for a bike messenger job—-in comparison to the Black man who’d left before me, twice my age in jeans and a Bart Simpson t-shirt——my parents had developed me, so he could professionally develop me. Finally I broke down, figuring that a few months of such high hourly pay would equal months of part-time work. The training was spectacular and eventually, within about 6 weeks I was making commission cash and then eventually up to $1000 a week through the 6 Stages of Sales training was:

What are the 6 steps of the sales process?

Cultivating relationships are a vital part of the sales process steps

• Define and refine your book of business. You might think prospecting is the first sales process step.
• Prospecting and outreach.
• Discovery conversations and meetings.
• The sales presentation/demonstration.
• Close the deal.
• Post-sale follow-up.

Of course this is broken into individual/personal contact but we were also responsible for developing a Personal Shopping Book of 100+ private clients that we would invite to store special events for them.

It is to this day, skills that I still use from then, I was 17–18 years old.

I carried it over to Lord & Taylor and further into corporate world/professionalism. I think that many people who work in retail don’t consider how to develop their skills—-whether offered by the company or to GO BUY A BOOK on sales, sales training, and YouTube videos. Most people go to work and expect it to pay them, support them, be perfect and full of great supportive people. A job is a dildo—-you get out of it, the expertise you put into it, to developing the relationship. I found mainly the lack of interaction with people some times, waiting for customers, tedious—-but I find the same thing in all of my positions, careers, etc..

2. At Walmart they specifically had a Computer Based Learning-Training system—-computers in a back training room where all of the stores’ positions were learning modules that took a few hours to weeks, to go through. You completed the training and then interned in the department and boom, promoted. I had to complete a whole series of CBLs to start in Customer Service and then in the 6 months I was there, I did a handful more of Professional Development CBLs as different modules came along that I needed to expand my skills to encompass my work duties. I was there 40 hours a week, a mile from the family home, bus stopped in front of the house, ended at the mall—-or some days and nights I would walk home. During lunch breaks I would wander around the store, studying it, the systems, the computer systems, learning the store, or take a book or magazine into the handicapped bathroom and read. When I finally left, U-Haul and family in the parking lot, I went in and thanked coworkers and then hugged the manager for giving me something to do, to learn, to focus on, during a time of personal turmoil.

I work to learn, not to exclusively earn.

• I seek out how many skills—-the register, the sales system, the stocking system, the sales system, the management systems, as many ideas I could find and absorb—-I can get. I’m not a bump on the log, I don’t resent work, I don’t resent customers.
• I also like solving problems—-whether it’s an outfit, discussing colors and styles, things to try out—-the one thing I didn’t like about A&S was eventually the pressure to maintain high sales—-I felt that I might have to be less honest than I prefer being. I didn’t like being attached to the commission structure in a greedy/competitive way. One of the things I learned to do was take customers all around the department store and sell them things outside of my department.
• I like working, even as I own my own things on the side. I often go to jobs to escape my life——keep my life separate from work—-no friends visit me, no deep relationships at the job, I never date from my jobs—-so that it’s like a bubble I go into and leave at the end of the shift. I leave it, the work, the people there, and go into a whole different bubble-world. What I’ve learned over the years working in retail and corporate world is that people infuse their work into identities and expect it to fulfill their identity/lives.
• A job, like retail, is to gain skills, learn the external workplace, engage people, make a little money and move on. Another error is that people take jobs, which are not forward, ascending, skill based jobs, and expect it to have comparative fulfillment to a developed career at any and every age. A job is to a short term goal and long term internal gain to use at another, higher position. Because of teaching, computer, university, vocational, corporate training, I’ve had to evaluate work, skills, education—-which meant going back and looking at myself, my history, my decisions. Most people don’t know how to evaluate and develop themselves—-they use time, age, and pay rates to go from job to job, unless education allows them to focus on a career/outcome.

Perhaps what we need in America as a whole is more geared education and mentorship towards Life Paths. What to do, how we’re building, what building looks like. One of the things I’ve done for about 20 years is I maintain a Word file that has several repeated questions/answers per job, career, projects, etc..

• What did I do?
• What did I learn?
• What did I learn how to do?
• What did I not like?
• What would I change?

That breakdown allows me to go back and look at the objective reality of where I was at compared to my subjective perception.

I also as part of various current classes and trainings I’m in and doing, go back and use older work/projects as reports-presentations for my classes/training. What I mean by that is in project management examples—-I go back and dissect work/projects into presentations. So I’m consistently evaluating myself, my past work, which helps to frame it, my work. I think that’s important to consider and do about one’s work history and education.

I honestly LOVED running a cash register—-at D’Agostinos supermarket, Wendy's, Pathmark and the above places. I LOVE books, and if I could make the same comparable salary as I do from my career and a small business—-I would be up in Barnes & Noble. I often fantasize about working there for shits and giggles. Yes, those are my kinky fantasies. lol

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