Why is monogamy rare among gay couples? by Kyle Phoenix

Men.

Women have approximately 400 menstrual cycles—-400+ potential pregnancies—-in their lifetime.

Men, from when they start producing semen-sperm—-10 to 12 years old until death——- can produce 10,000+ offspring PER ejaculation.

Okay, that would be an interesting as a biological scientific comparative fact between two sexes. (There are at least 21 Sexes with biological differences on the spectrum of biological sex.)

However, what differentiates us along that 21 Biological Sex identity are the levels of hormones, pointedly, estrogen and testosterone. We are infused/produce both but each creates a different reaction. Now those hormones also affect how we sexually express ourselves. Take Keith Swain’s work in Dynamic Duos, explaining non hetero men (and hetero men) as Alphas and/or Betas or a combination of both, as non-hetero men and the comparative differences—-physiological, emotionally, mentally and relationally, created by hormone levels.

Dynamic Duos: The Alpha/Beta Key to Unlocking Success in Gay Relationships

Dynamic Duos: The Alpha/Beta Key to Unlocking Success in Gay Relationships

https://amzn.to/3seA3Rg

So now we have several fundamentals that affect how we are as humans, as males, as males who are sexually interested in other men. It’s all natural. But what shifts that from low to high, from direct to indirect, from possible to implausible, are again, hormones, specifically testosterone.

Now lets add in another context that I offer to men in workshops when we’re talking about sex, sexuality etc.: Testosterone is like jet fuel but it is non-discriminatory.

By non-discriminatory, what I mean is that the jet fuel——to do, to be active, to produce—-to be sexual, to fuck——does not wane due to sexuality—-hetero, homo, bi, pan, omni, trans, skolio, etc.. And more specifically, active non-heterosexuality can magnify/enhance the “jet fueled” propulsion/potency of testosterone.

How so?

We, humans, biologically “activate and enhance” one another. So when we are together we are constantly signaling one another with our biological chemicals and our hormones. Men, signal one another with testosterone. We signal each other to activate it.

Now think of testosterone, our jet fuel, as fuel for an airplane. But think of different kinds of airplanes. There are bi-planes but some are fighter jets and other passenger planes. That signaling is attached to us, within us differently, based upon other factors.

Now lets use those factors to apply to sexuality's, specifically non-heterosexuality.

Assume that there is a slot machine in men, all men, that based upon other factors shifts the interior wheel to rest on Sex, Gender and Sexual Orientation. Each fueled by our jet fuel-testosterone.

Okay, so now you have a man, who is not heterosexual, and his slot dials to being interested in men.

Why would he, in his sexuality seek monogamy, when he knows he can’t get another man pregnant—-as much as he desires to fuck him (testosterone rising as an emotional impulse.)?

Monogamy. Why, not what, is it?

Monogamy was socially designed for two main purposes—-to identify children to men/their fathers—-as there was a time when we were in a tribe and conceivably, as we all looked similar and had no DNA testing, there wasn’t a definitive way to identify that Bob impregnated Jane and the baby was his. After all our, tribes were generally about 150 folk in size so Bob had 74 other potential male competitors for Susan.

But if Bob and Susan had an agreement, say sealed by a marriage pact—-then Bob could be 99% sure that little Joseph was his son.

This was so important because it meant that secondly, Bob, a successful farmer could comfortably know that he was working to leave his ranch to his son and would have the third benefit of a sense of immortality in a legacy through Joseph and Joseph’s eventual offspring and management of the ranch. This is literally how empires are not just created but substantiated and passed along.

But monogamy also benefited women—-who perhaps due to environment and lack of historical education/power, could not manifest as much in terms of resources as men could. So what does Susan have to offer besides her variable level of beauty, her limited lifetime, to Bob besides love and affection for his fealty and resources?

Children.

Susan needs Bob to remain loyal to her though. On many levels based upon their society she needs a way to ensure Bob doesn’t wander to the other 74 women in the village because Bob’s sexuality has a similar repercussion as does Susan’s potential infidelity—-offspring that can lay claim through a pervasive human legal-ownership system. Flipsides of the same dynamic.

Monogamy serves the interests of both because of the reproductive consequence, legacy, love and affection and the future.

Monogamy is a future-oath-promise.

Now, Two Dudes Are Fucking

What is the outcome?

I teach in workshops that no matter the amount of semen and sperm that flies between men, there will be no child produced. Now here’s what men who are fucking each other know—-that no matter the amount of semen and sperm that flies between men, there will be no child produced.

There is no legal-tribal-social obligation or threat of a future repercussive obligation to fucking a dude.

Testosterone, the jet fuel, pushes men to propagate—-to at least try to share and impregnate to produce as a biological urge, or better to expunge his sperm, to make more (people) for the future.

Just because a man is fucking a dude doesn’t mean that biological testosterones urges go away. In fact, as we signal one another, two men in close proximity, heighten the potency of testosterone—-which is why men in relationships and close living quarters, enhance the others’ testosterones——and so many non-hetero men are impulsed/pushed to be sexual with another person besides their mate.

The testosterone made them do it, literally.

Women and children, having lower testosterone levels, chemically exude more estrogen, lowering testosterone in men, a reactive hormone, which makes the man's estrogen levels rise—-which is how women and children survive being in households with men, who testosterone gives a more violent temper to. Estrogen teaches men to calm down, it soothes them, it activates in them their estrogen so that they calm down. And it creates the Dad Bod—-more fat, more estrogen —-completely natural. also in here is men gaining weight and becoming bi/homosexual Bottoms—-they have more estrogen in their bodies without exercise and excessive fat, so they seek injections/infusions of testosterone——yet, male to male testosterone attraction—-another hijacking of the hormone slots of same sex attracted men are not always geared towards/attracted to fat. Fat is feminized and thereby fat and estrogen big boys are not wholly attractive to testosterone men—-in some ways testosterone seeking testosterone complements.

(Which is same sex attraction as another slot that same sex men who are bigger don’t consider—-penis and penetrable ass does not insure a man will be turned on by you, just because of Sex and Gender presentation.)

But without consciousness of estrogen’s necessity in a relationship, and ways to “get it” to balance——men with men increase, by several fold, the intensity/potency of testosterone when in close quarters with other men. (This is exampled in the military, sports teams, prisons, etc..)

That jet fuel though must be expended then, so men seek the outlet for it. Sex. Sex without repercussions (consequences for LGBTSGL men being yes, STIs) but the byproduct is not visible (like a kid.) When working with LGBTSGL non profits on safe sex campaigns I suggested two tactics—-targeting Bottoms, who were receiving the love juice more often AND lots and lots of pictures of men dying for the visual of what STIs wrought.

So men keep trying to inseminate per testosterone’s (partial) directive, into men, excessively, belying the construct of monogamy, because there is no social-biological nor legal repercussive future, in the act of homosexuality.

Men are trying to literally—-get it, if they’re Bottoming, or give, if they are Topping, a man, a human, biological vessels with their “seed”.

Within Swain’s work there’s a divergent idea that men, who are Bottoming, are trying to receive testosterone/androgens. But other dials on their 3 (or More) Slotted machine—-Sex (biological Sex), Gender (emotional identification of self to present to others) and Sexual Orientation—-are not “in sync”.

Does this mean that non-heterosexuality is “not Natural”?

No, there are people with a desire-biologically to be impregnated or impregnate—-men and women—-but don’t. Don’t want to. Refuse to.

Consider this from a bigger space—-what if there are MORE slots on our machine of Identity that we have not “attached” to our identity slot machine? Unidentified identity slots that affect and effect the other slots?

What if there are a dozen Or more “slots”?

So we’re a mass, a biological machine, of multiple, converging and contrasting, and yes, conflicting “slots”?

Which is where Identity-Self-Consciousness becomes so interesting.

We are Diversity, we are a multiverse that is often trying to reconcile a singular social contextualization, that can never “fit”.

We think of Sex, the act, as wholly by choice, but it is by Choice AND Biological Impulse. We also choose to ignore this multiplicity (probably for active sanity’s sake) but we are still acting it out. We then act it out with multiple partners because other aspects of our Overall Identity, do not align to possess or create the social closeness to women and children, that would allow us to mitigate the Actions of non-monogamy. Gay men don’t get as much estrogen tampering to their testosterone production as hetero men might and in fact, with more proximity to other men, are enhancing their testosterone production.

Monogamy itself is an imposed slot onto our Natural Slot Machine. So men, all men, no matter sexuality, choose to ignore its’ “message”/influence upon the rest of their slots.

Heterosexual men have more repercussive “losses” if they choose non-monogamy—-so they try to mitigate it with other things—-lies, open marriages, polyamory, getting married, children—-some of these imposing natural restrictions, to further restrict a biological impulse.

Non-hetero men do some of the above too. But can choose not to, and bluntly, fucking is fun, exciting stimulating, soothing, relaxing, dynamic and exhilarating, because we’re doing an activity that naturally and pleasurably aligns probably not just 3 of our Slots but dozens more that we’re not consciously aware of and/or science has yet to completely identify.

Multiple Orgasm Training for Men: A Guide for Bi, Gay, Omnisexual, Straight and Same Gender Loving Men

2020 EDITION w/ MORE UPDATES! "Your sexuality is good natural and divinely right. Once you define it you have the right to explore and enhance it. Now it's time for you to reach the pinnacle of your sexual abilities."---Kyle Phoenix This book in the Kyle Phoenix Series focuses on multip...

https://amzn.to/3vKa8mA

Don’t think of monogamy as rare instead as simply “not necessary” for the survival of men in non-heterosexual engagement.

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow 

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow

Amazon.com: Kyle Phoenix: books, biography, latest update

https://www.amazon.com/Kyle-Phoenix/e/B00E3RK6QO?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1652425609&sr=1-1

Lisa Cron says: "You must write the novel itself in chronological order. Writing scenes out of order is like building the 6th story of a building before you've built the 2nd floor." What are your thoughts? by Kyle Phoenix

(I thought a deeper, harsher word than “hell” for who the hell is Lisa Cron?)

But digging deeper into the question and thinking about it and my own writing, I understand her perspective. I make it a point to aim to understand rather than blanket agree or disagree. Try it: “I understand you.”

However (but) I think that she’s perceiving/evaluating writing, the art of creative writing for fiction or non-fiction from a Western ontology and epistemology.

What is epistemology vs ontology?

Ontology refers to what sort of things exist in the social world and assumptions about the form and nature of that social reality. Epistemology is concerned with the nature of knowledge and ways of knowing and learning about social reality.

I point this out because I think we’re all sort of chugging towards a human crux point due to technology/the internet and globalization. By that, I mean that the diverse cultures of the world are suddenly “all at the table” or the Tower of Babel, depending on how you look at it.

For example, I live in NYC. Manhattan specifically. I leave the borough maybe a few times month—-to Brooklyn or New Jersey——but through just the borough, I encounter dozens of visible and I’m sure more cultures/languages and perceptions of reality. Sometimes when I see car drivers or subway riders or people walking and it is contrary or ignoring or different than my own. I generally think they are a tourist or a resident from somewhere else. I then have thought about drivers of cars being from different lands and learning the rules of our American roads, different from theirs, but sometimes, meshing the two together. Staying within the legal boundaries of our rules but still infusing the different mentalities of their own lands.

That’s how I think of writing.

I am by culture origin Irish, Scottish, African and Narragansett Native American. There’s also the narrowing of White and African American and West Indian cultures to my lineage within the past 150 years. While I don’t directly study anthropology, I am interested in the historical psychology of people influencing behavior—-into social class, gender, sexuality, etc.. And yes, to my own writing.

I have never written in such a linear fashion. I generally write something, a chapter or two, maybe decide on a name and now, in writing maturity I add in bold letters (when I transfer it to Word—-I handwrite about 80% of all of my work, fiction/non-fiction.) Then I go make love or get some jellybeans or play with children or cook a steak or live out the month of January. Then I come back to the work.

Other times I keep my mental antenna up while watching stuff—-I don’t watch TV but I do have Netflix and Amazon Prime and reality—-so I watch and listen to the things I choose to observe. I’m watching this Spanish—-telenovela-lite is the best description Toy Boy—-it’s a combination of Magic Mike meets well, a Spanish novella. There’s lots of men doing over the top strip routines that are more dance numbers than sexy, but laced in there are several plots of murder, child rape, corporate espionage, misogyny, feminism, drug dealing, police corruption—-I’m on the THIRD episode. I kid you not. I thought I was like 6 episodes in, then I looked down—-I was halfway through Episode 3. I watch far more foreign fare on Netflix than Western/American—-I’m really big into Chinese, Korean, Japanese, African fare

But back to Toy Boy, I have noticed very different ideas of friendship, fluidic sexuality, overlapping plotlines, inverted plotlines and a truth telling by characters. By that I mean that something has happened A and B know. When B and C are together—-B just TELLS C. lol As people do in real life.

It is such a different cultural take on reality that I’m not even quite sure who did what, why and then just when I think ok, I understand, a plot twist occurs that truncates or kills off a character……and that's episode 3! It’s marvelous in its labyrinth of writing and plotting.)

To Ontology

When I write, I’m often playing directly with Time. How it is different to different people, to different cultures.

Once, in my Senior year at university, I was renting a small apartment ($300, I would personally eat a puppy for that apartment in NYC now! lol) —-sort of a Jr.. 1 bedroom—-the junior space was like an attic corner where my king sized bed fit exactly—-think bed cave. Small table for candles and clock and that was it.

I wake up and it’s 11:12 AM.

I lay back down and go to sleep. I sit back up it’s 11:12 AM.

I go back to sleep again, different positions, tumbling rolling, dreaming and when I sit back up it was 11:12 AM again.

I was stuck in such a profound time loop that I remember it yeas later. I writer about it because we ARE the multiverse looking at one universe at a time.

What I have done with all of this cross meandering is I have created an image, a character, a glimpse into me, my thoughts, my pasts, my hobbies, my interests. That’s what the initial work of writing is—-meandering, searching, looking for the most useful thread to explore, exploit, enhance.

Writing is not linear——it might express itself that way sometimes, it might not. In fact of it’s really good, it won’t. I can now look at my work, one’s that have lasted and not been completed for decades, and those that are months in process—-and I can see a maturity to my own skill. A better way of phrasing a sentence, a better word, I now know.

Ipseity (“Minimal” self, also referred to as “basic” or “core” self or as “ipseity.” This is a pre reflective, tacit level of selfhood. It refers to the implicit first-person quality of consciousness, ie, the implicit awareness that all experience articulates itself in first person perspective as “my” experience.)

Oh, I’m using that mofo right there. I don’t know where, I don’t know when but by my own ipseity I will be using it!

Writing to the goal of publishing is instead a combinatoric—-yeah, another word discovery (Combinatorics can help us count the number of orders in which something can happen. Consider the following example: In a classroom there are 3 pupils and 3 chairs standing in a row. In how many different orders can the pupils sit on these chairs?)——of pieces that exist in different time signatures. By that, I mean I can see chapters, paragraphs, character arcs now, that are part of a whole, yes, but were created differently, by different Kyle’s, different ability levels. That’s what writing is.

I would find the whole Mark Up function in MS Word delightful if it would neatly show me how one thing altered, a word, an idea and why. it doesn’t—-it shows the change and sometimes—-before I shut it off—-to makes sense why I changed a sentence, an idea from one tense to another, from one action to another, how something deepened or got cut entirely.

Writing is messy and out of time and when you really, really, really keep working at it….the skill one builds make it, the final product, all worth it.

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow

Amazon.com: Kyle Phoenix: books, biography, latest update

https://www.amazon.com/Kyle-Phoenix/e/B00E3RK6QO?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1652425609&sr=1-1

Amazon.com: Kyle Phoenix: books, biography, latest update

https://www.amazon.com/Kyle-Phoenix/e/B00E3RK6QO?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1652425609&sr=1-1

How do you write the first draft of a novel? by Kyle Phoenix

It should be a mess. A natural, untidy, thrown together mess stew. Which ironically is how I can immediately tell bad writers online, in self published books, or when reading student’s writing. The 1st Draft is like a full condom—-there’s a lot of potential in there, but it needs other ingredients and input.

Because I handwrite most of my fiction and non-fiction work I can see the evolution of my work, a test itself, of the characters the ideas. Generally I’m trying to get the gist of what I think or an evolving/complex idea down. I’m better now at clarifying and quantifying what constitutes a worthy idea to pursue. I’m not always convinced upon just thinking of something that it has a point, a purpose, deeper meaning or legs. But when I commit it to paper, I’m generally committed to trying to work it out.

That’s what the 1st Draft should be—-I’m committed to working this out.

Generally by Draft 2–4 I’ve moved it from paper, pads, in to typing it up in MS Word. So there’s the 1st Typed Draft.

That draft allows me to see it much more starkly. I generally don’t finish a project/manuscript before typing it up. Or better explained, what I type up will not be the finished (Production) Final Draft , which is generally Draft # 12.

The 1st Typed Draft then is a cleaning up of the handwritten pads and bringing all the messy pieces to be assembled into an electronic page/saved system. Now, having gone this far, I’m serious not just about the idea, but the assembly. It is now a project I have a level of commitment to.

The assemblage is then about what works in the sense of My Idea, What I’ve Discovered in The Writing (generally some plot device, plot twist or character nuance) and the ultimate storyline.

No, I don’t always know the beginning, nor the middle, nor the end, but by project I generally know one of those sections, rarely do I not know all three in one project.

Clan Chief, a Short Handwritten Piece, Then A Short Story in a Published Collection, Now A Potential Novel

Right now I’m ruminating—-I’ve written 50 pages of a piece Clan Chief—-I thought it was a short story—-then I typed it up and the last section started suggesting more chapters. Typed up, it became about 35 typed pages. I included it in a short story collection, Escapades 2 because it focuses on a woman, Helen, who is her Native people's Clan Chief after her father’s death. The Collection had a focus on women…and it chewed up 20-35 pages.

The conflict is that though legal by tribal law, custom has been to have men be the Clan Chief, this is the first time in hundreds of years that the Clan Chief had no son, only his daughter and no living wife. So the title and all of its’ power reside with her. This wouldn't be such a big deal but her clan is negotiating casino rights, worth billions of dollars. Tribal law states that if the Clan Chief has no sons, his daughter can abdicate the role, title and powers to the Tribal Council. But she refuses. She assumes the position of Clan Chief. The next thing is that if she dies, it reverts to the Tribal Council. Which is how the attempt on her life happens.

I started writing it a few years ago, just doodling around, exploring female power, against Native/tribal laws and expectations and the matrilineal vs imposed patriarchal systems. Didn’t really think too much of it until I was trying to fill up a few hundred pages for Escapades II and thought of it, typed it up, polished it up, included it.

But in the final typing, I got to thinking—-how does this happen? What about this? Where does this go?

Shit.

Now I’m thinking on her and from there you create computer Publishing folders, do some cover mock ups, and a book is borne.

Bourgeois

Much like Clan Chief, I’d written this story, at least a decade ago. Same thing—-handwritten, typed up, ended up in Escapades and then folders and thoughts.

Both, having printed up mock/Proof paperback copies with the text and so far are about women vs patriarchal systems. Bourgeois though is about a Black woman, Wayli Jhirmack, wife to a Senator. Their marriage is falling apart, she’s deeply unhappy because of vague racial submissions she has to make with him and their children. She has an affair. With a White man. Then her husband disappears. At once, she’s both free and suspect, because he had beaten her right before he disappeared.

Wayli is someone who aspired to a life when she met her husband in college, a Black American Dream——achieved it and then was trapped by it. The dream didn’t go into decade after decade with him. Nor did it consider that she and he would change, as people.

Again 100 pages handwritten, turned into about 40 typed up and then I remember being stumped. It was like I wrote a song but didn’t know how to play any instruments. So I shelved it. Then came back around for Escapades years later and was purposefully looking for works that hadn’t ever been published, like other short stories I’ve done. As I typed it up, I started to consider that perhaps the issue with it was that at the time I wrote it I was 15 years younger so I didn't have enough life experience/information to really plumb into the depths of this woman. Now though, having written several books, dozens of short stories, hundreds of characters, I could understand her better, see how to infuse her with more identity.

I also had taught race, Black Literature, social sciences more throughout those intervening years and read a lot more, understood a lot more about the social construct of race and its’ inherent insanity through hegemony.

Sometimes a 1st Draft is lacking because you, the writer, are lacking. Also what I’ve found in other works is that there are places—-racial, sex, gender, sexuality—-that I didn’t know how to go to before, that I can push into now. The deep undercurrent of Bourgeois is Wayli’s sexuality and how she’s subsumed that with this racial artifice. That’s interesting, useful, something I can work on.

Conflict Steps-1st Conflict Point,

As you can see each 1st Draft stops or waits for me, the writer, at the 1st Conflict Point, 50–100 pages in—-perhaps even if broken down further, in the First Act. I’ve set the stage, brought on my main players and set up the internal/external conflict.

Most writers starting out try to finish the novel in one sitting/through this as a singular sustainable thought or action. Like a long blast of a trumpet. When in fact it’s multiple instruments, repeated, some played longer than others, often a surprise or two instrument buried past 100 pages if you’re patient. Instead what is better is to consider what you have—-what you’ve created.

I have Helen and Wayli, I understand their basic identities, their motivations, their opposition to getting what they want—-you should understand this to some degree in the 1st Draft.

You should also had a clear picture, even if the characters don’t, of their position to this attainment.

The next third, I’m using third in a figurative rather than literal way, is filler as the character works through the messiness of their desires and opposition. Helen’s tribal council, the casino people (are they connected to the mob?, who sent a hit squad after her? is her brother still alive? and what does that do to her position as Clan Chief?)

Wayli has lost her marriage, her children are staying with her vanished husband’s family, she’s been branded a scarlet woman and she's trying to survive anew while all of these entanglements from her near-past still exist. Is her affair a real love chance or was it just a fling? If it’s a relationship, how does she navigate the racial/cultural elements? Has she taken on too much, too fast? And is she too in danger from whatever disappeared her husband?

Both novels now hang on developing this midpoint. The midpoint is questions—-that should be answered. Generally bad structural writing bring up all of these wild questions—-which is creatively great but doesn’t consider that you have to/should answer them. I will gently suggest here is where all the bullshit trilogies happen—-because the book itself isn’t structured properly so you keep extending it trying to figure out how to meet points and then end it.

Simpler. A few questions, the above are very simple, able to be followed questions.

The Final Third/Denouement/Resolution

The final “third” again figuratively speaking it answering the questions again with conflict, Start with Conflict Set up, Questions/Answers Middle, End Answers questions. Simple

Yes, if you do that—-you have a strong 1st Draft, handwritten or typed.

Then you’re ready for the various forms of editing that happen in Drafts 4 through 12. Layout, narrative, connections, plot, dialogue, grammar, connectivity, continuity, removing mitigations, reframing.

The Point of Layering

What I mean by that is there is a common misnomer by readers who then attempt to write, that a book happens in one steady stream of effort.

Instead it is the equivalent to layers. From the above Wayli is perhaps my main layer of a character, idea, plot point but her husband is another layer, her children another, her friends another, her lover Tom another, the police yet another. Each time I go through the manuscript in edits, in subsequent drafts I will add more to each one of them, to their dialogue, entire scenes, observations, her thoughts and reactions to them.

Right now Wayli is yes the pattern to the outfit of the novel but each of the others is a form of fabric that I’ll sew in to a bigger or smaller space on the pattern. Editing is then cleaning up the dangling snippets of fabric. But there will be another half dozen layers throughout the novel and the final editorial process will be to make it seamless.

I point this out so directly because so many writers, or those who are working on their first few projects assume that one makes an outfit, a dress, a suit, a novel with one piece of fabric and one sure cut———-no, no, no the skill you see or read in better writers is how cleverly or perfectly they join seams, erase them, overlap them so what was once a single bolt, is shredded into a thousand pieces and then reassembled into a seamless seemingly single bolt again.

The 1st Draft then should be a mess and the constantly (hopefully) improving skill is adding layer after layer to strengthen the weak points of the story, remove the clunky parts, throw in interesting, exhilarating parts and then have what appears to be a single “thought” or mental expression by the end pages. 

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow

Amazon.com: Kyle Phoenix: books, biography, latest update

https://www.amazon.com/Kyle-Phoenix/e/B00E3RK6QO?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1652425609&sr=1-1