The Kyle Phoenix Blog: 2019

Monday, December 2, 2019

What are the elements that make a book cover stand out and sell? #KylePhoenix Answers

We work really hard on covers. generally the manuscript is in outline form or I’m still writing and already we’re tossing back and forth cover ideas. I would say that each book I’ve done has had about 6 to 12 iterations of covers and about 70% of the time a close runner up becomes the EBook covers.

There are some truly, truly atrocious covers out there that look amateurish so I take my time in considering elements.

Element #1: Colors

There is a color wheel and there are complementary colors. It is important to get this, know it and have it by your side/desk as you’re emailing back and forth with a graphic designer clarify what you mean and want.

Element# 2: Colors Have Meanings

When we look at colors we tend to have a near universal lock in to them around certain emotions. This leads into several areas of consideration in relationship to the book itself. Blue conveys authority, trustworthiness. Silver and burgundy are colors of elegance. Black is a strong emphatic statement. Then I’m playing around with which ones to combine with and I have to go back to my wheel.

Element #3: Various Iterations of The Same Thing With Slight Alterations

This is the progression of the cover to Tranny below:

You can see that the there are two main images we had—-Face and No Face with androgynous body.

The character is Black and Greek so we wanted a mixed face, mixed hair and at the same time we wanted a slightly unusual facial structure because the main character is trans—-so it had to have the element of possibly used to be male, transitioning to female. We went through a lot of stock photos, pics, etc.

(Stock photos are your friend though it might cost you a few dollars to buy a good one—it’s worth it.)

In graphic design (I was one for a brief time and I’ve found that in publishing I’ve done more research and classes into art now compared to then to understand color and space and such) you’re looking for your central eye point. You’re looking for teh image or color that you’ll pull together the whole schema off of. Here it’s Nicky’s hair.

Pic # 1 works because the parchment complements teh hair and then the Text color does as well. Complements make a cover work to the eye as a unified picture.

Pic # 2 includes the back cover and that fuchsia-purple complements all the other book elements and since it’s not on the front cover to distract, works.

Pic # 3 and 6 were attempts at the body pic—-first in b&w and then colorizing the pic—-but it lacked personality from a face. Though the back and for the discussion was that the character is body obsessed, perhaps the point is no head?

Pic #5 is a reversal of all of the color schemes in Text to that purple which yes, touches complementary to the hair-rust/orange but in “popping” it tends to overwhelm making the Text the central image and not the face.

Pic #6 was a strong contender because it checks off all the boxes but the face pic added a humanness to it. Now this is a whole art theory press=—-people like to look at the faces of other people, particularly in art. Yes, abstract art exists but people are drawn to faces. I’d love to do more abstract covers but people want to “connect” themselves and characters with faces. We decided to maybe save the body pic for the back cover of the book or future editions (that’s a big place for your “other” designs—-every year or so a book should be released in a new edition or new format so you can use these ideas or tweak them. In a year or two, your skill will have increased in color composition, design, you’ll find a better image. It’s an ongoing process.)

Pics #4 & 7 for the EBook should be reminiscent of the PB/Hardcover. You want to create a branding image theme. That face. So when I look at it on my shelf or my Kindle—-I know I’m in the same book.

Pic # 8 is when we start playing with scale. Is the shoulder too much? What about the lips? The lips color complements the purple on the back cover and perhaps even in the front Text if we do a larger/close up pic. Then what if we reverse the peach/orange/rust and favor the deeper purple?

Pic#7 you can see we cut the pic somewhat to play with the Eye Element of the character looking at the reader. Cutting eyes is a great way to emphasize both seeing and at the same time suggest a little mystery, something hidden. The cover tells a story as well as describes the story within.

Element # 4: Text on Covers

This can drive you bonkers.

One, you want the text to complement your main image. Then you want the Text to also complement itself meaning you don’t want it to overwhelm or fight against other text on the page.

I generally aim for the Text to be the same color in the Title as it is in the same or for artistic effect to add unconscious visual interest—-I’ll shift it by one or two grades. Titles POP, names shouldn’t. Names that POP are about ego. Your name will appear in searches, the spine, posters, etc.—-you don’t need it to be the largest thing on the cover. Your Title pulls your name. Sometimes I run into my name has a conflict with the image and I have to default to white or black or outline the text for it to be clearly seen but I try not to create too much drama with the Text name itself.

Element #5: Back Cover Text:

3 Things must be there, technically 4.

Book blurb—-what is the book about.
Author picture/Author bio—-maybe, this isn’t a necessity all the time. For Tranny I didn’t want to “compete”. I wanted this to be in your face, completely about Nicky and at the same time when you read this, it’s in the 1st person—-I want you to lose me as the author. I want you to get lost in Nicky, I want you to see yourself reading Nicky’s journal. (Which leads to Interior Style)
Company logo-your company/the publisher’s logo has to be on the back and on the spine but definitely on the spine for it to be carried by major chains.
The bar code. Same place all the time so you have to design literally around it.

Element # 6: Interiors Similar to Exteriors

I was under several kinds of consideration for the book itself. I wanted to do it in color—-a candy/lollipop image bleeding off of teh top of each page or a body/woman’s mouth. Extremely large page numbers and I wanted to use a font that almost looked like scrawling/handwriting. I wanted you to open a journal and rad this person’s thoughts.

Alas the final cost of the book would’ve been about $39.99 retail for all of those elements.

To simulate the journal concept, the pages are bordered and the font a little larger. The nod to the outside covers is that it’s on the “edge” of something. It’s stark i it’s appearance and it’s not dense. The parchment overlaps also create a sense of being written.

Element # 7: It Is Never Perfect

Done is better than perfect. And using KDP or others—-slowly as you publish more and more books you start using more programs, editors, graphic designers, you start buying books, art books, design books, books on color and composition, on photos—-I have more books about graphic design than I do on writing.

But my covers are better than my first cover ideas in 2013 and now it’s as important an ongoing element as editing and writing are. In fact it often helps me to doodle up some ideas initially and then as I write continue going back and forth to capture more and more of the book itself.

What stops me is bok publishing deadlines. Generally February through November are release months because the holidays are when book sales dip—-probably because people are buying so many other things.

Tranny is currently releasing it’s 2nd edition in the coming months so the cover has changed slightly. Also KDP templates have changed but that’s a good thing as I’ve gotten a whole gaggle of graphic designers involved and let them loose on about 20–30 covers. It should look both newer and fresher than previous covers.

Element #8: When You Don’t Study

When you don’t put a few months work into a cover, it’s noticeable. It’s worth th time and effort to learn, collaborate and then design whether on paper (i have sketches and colored pencils) then transfer it to programs—-PowerPoint is good and can covert to JPegs and then to Photoshop and PDFs.

Things look professional and attract eyes which boost sales when you take your time on them and tweak a thousand times. My first idea is always foreplay. Out of 100+ books I can honestly tell you that none of them are exactly the first image or idea. Then of course you have to see a Proof copy in hand to see how the pictures look, the colors mesh, the bleed works or doesn’t, the text distorts.

12 manuscript drafts
6 to 12 cover concepts
3–5 Proof copies
Then a book is ready.

#KylePhoenix

www.kyle-phoenix.com

Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

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The Kyle Phoenix Show LIVE STREAMING on MNN.org 1130pm, Spectrum Cable Manhattan, NY Channel 56 & 1996, also FIOS 34 and RCN 83.

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Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

#KylePhoenix

The Kyle Phoenix Show

LIVE STREAMING on MNN.org 1130pm, Spectrum Cable Manhattan, NY

Channel 56 & 1996, also FIOS 34 and RCN 83.

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Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show LIVESTREAM on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) Thursdays 1130pm

Kyle Phoenix is a teacher, certified adult educator, sexologist, sex coach and sexuality educator with over two decades of intensive experience. He studied at the University at Buffalo, SUNY, New York University, and Columbia University. He has worked, consulted and taught individuals and focused professional developments for the CDC, Department of Education, Gay Men's Health Crisis, New York City Department of Health, non-profits, Fortune 500 companies and unions. He began his career facilitating on-campus workshops addressing a wide range of sexuality and sexual health issues and then moved on to teaching at universities, non-profits, private groups and clients, hosting The Kyle Phoenix Show on television and multiple online webinars, including YouTube and Sclipo and writing extensively through his blog, Special Reports, articles and other print and E books in the Kyle Phoenix Series on relationships, finance, education, spirituality and culture. He lives in New York with his family.

www.kylephoenix.com

Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

#KylePhoenix
#TheKylePhoenixShow

The Kyle Phoenix Show

LIVE STREAMING on MNN.org 1130pm, Spectrum Cable Manhattan, NY

Channel 56 & 1996, also FIOS 34 and RCN 83.

You can Like or; Follow Us on Facebook or;Twitter

Or Click Below to:

· Stay In Touch with Kyle Phoenix by receiving updates, newsletters and free gifts by clicking HERE

· Kyle Phoenix Website

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#KylePhoenix

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Saturday, November 30, 2019

What according to you are qualities of a desired bottom? Or Desirable qualities a top looks for in a bottom (His perspective from the relationship point of view) by #KylePhoenix

First I will say that I’ve dated (and perhaps loved) a multitude of men who bottomed.

Secondly, I’ll throw out that as an Alpha male I tend to be majority approached by Beta gay men (and the occasional straight Alpha-curious male).

The things that Bottoms would turn someone like me on are not as obvious as they often portray.

You Don’t Have to Keep Telling Me(n)

One Bottom would not stop telling me that he was a bottom, a PowerBottom, a Bottom’s Bottom, leader of the Bottoms, that he liked men (ostensibly me) to penetrate him with preferably, a penis, in his butt. Over and over and over and over. And over. Each and every date. He told me so much, it was a turn off. I couldn’t figure out why he kept telling me. I wasn’t in drag, I wasn’t acting any different than I normally do, i wasn’t making suggestions about his penetrating me. We’d met online—-which I think can be helpful in clarifying Self, expectations, sexual interests, etc so I was clear, our profiles were clear. I was Going Clear on the dates, like a Top Scientologist!

We talked, we met, he knew I was highly educated—-therefore I understood his profile and its’ implications and I spoke the same language as him. His constantly telling me made me uncomfortable because I felt like there was a huge performance bell curve that I was going to be measured on.

Men rarely like to be measured against some Top God who banged you out in high school and then never spoke to you again but you’ve been trying to recreate this penetrative experience, after I’ve had the Porterhouse steak at Bobby Vans.

How about these bags of apples: I’ll fuck you and you fuck me, a few times, and we’ll grade each other on our best days vs. our worst days?

Topping Ain’t Easy

When a man Bottoms he has his own superpower challenges. He has to clean, relax, be present, be active. A Top, me, too——hey #MeTooTop!—- has challenges as well.

Unless you know too much about the male genitalia, like I do, and the 4 stages that a penis goes through—-1-Limp, 2-Arousal, 3-Erect (Hard) and 4-Refractory (bonus Phase is 2.5-Semi Hard) then you’re trying to get to Phase 3 and stay there for the entirety on this penetrative mess.

I, however, knowing the truth of the male appendage recognize that the penis is like a merry go round. Phases 1–4 will come around and around and around throughout the time you’re messing around. It’s only if you have an Ejaculation (not an orgasm, which can be separate or simultaneous with ejaculation—-but they are inherently two separate events) between Phase 3 and 4 that you’re down for the rest count for 20 minutes to an hour depending on age.

Imagine I’m fucking you.

Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Okay, I’m fucking you lovely.

Banging you like a Le Creuset pot and pan on your kitchen floor (imagery….!!!!!).

Back, legs, groin, hips, shoulders—-there’s a lot that I’m moving and coordinating and thrusting and hurling at you…and I’m also throwing all this body thrust at you BUT because of the delicacy of your butt I’m trying not to throw 250lbs of Black man at your ass—-I’m literally trying to focus 250lbs of thrusting mass into a foot of muscle to penetrate, but not pummel you.

Chaotic control is what Topping really is.

The engine, the factory, is at full production and output, but we’re trying to harness all that physical power into a narrow area.

And you, as the bottom, are trying to relax a set of muscles no bigger than a quarter.

And I’m trying to not only hit but enter that quarter sized target…often in the dark with only a condom, lube and general memory of your butt’s attractiveness to keep me going.

Give me a break.

How You Give a Top A Break

Know a multitude of positions.

Do not expect me to hit your lunch somewhere up in your gut. (In all honesty what kind of madness has sex—-gay sex become—-when it’s focused through not simply violence but some sort of destructivity?) I’m not interested in destroying your ass. Again, I’m definitely not interested in destroying your ass. I like asses. I don’t want to break one.

Enjoy a multitude of positions. Don’t just have a favorite go to. Your favorite go to may not work with the above Phases, gravity, my blood pressure or what I can both hurl the thrust of my musculature structure at in a focused 12 inch point.

Be good at massage. Kissing. Touching.

Know that the penis is a merry go around and will go around through several phases with inattention and attention. Do not expect the Staff of Gibraltar for hours on end—-unless you are paying for the Viagra and the potential ER visit when priapism sets in or won’t set off.

Masculinity/Femininity

The above constant mentioning bottoming man also went out of his way—-constantly to tell me how masculine he was, how the sports he played were really full of masculine, straight men despite the rumors (What rumors? I hadn’t known there were rumors. I started listening for these rumors. I still haven’t heard them.) and of course that he was exceptionally masculine. And he was…sort of.

As we dated more and more, he became more and more—-feminine.

But here’s the thing. I was dating a gay guy. I didn't expect (or want) some lumberjack.

Most Tops (15% of the MSM population), who are Alphas not Betas who are Versatile (85% of the MSM population)—-note the distinction—-are not really looking nor expecting lumberjacks to fuck or date or love. The sugar in your tank IS the attraction.

I dated one guy, who showed up to our first date in medieval armor—-that’s not the point—-he was about 5′8, 140lbs and said and espoused his career was very theatrical. A week into dating he finally broke down and revealed to me that the club shows he did included—-wait for it—--drag.

Duh.

Another guy had a very large mouth. Like Godfrey Cambridge wide but he was smaller so it was a little Joker-esque wide. But okay…anyway…so we’re in bed, trying to make magic and the penetration sent him into paroxysms that included his explaining that he felt the Orisha Ochun had descended upon him and released his womanly energies. Ummm, through or because of the thoroughfare of his butt.

Ok.

I tell you this not for insane date bragging rights but they were extreme emotionalized exampling of femininity…and there have been others—-some who looked really masculine and then opened their mouths and butterflies and crinoline flew out.

I get it. I accept it. I generally like the guy, find him physically attractive and really don’t measure extreme feminine attributes because wait for it—-as an Alpha Top—-I find ALL men kind of feminine, except for other Alpha Tops (lumberjacks—-who I don’t want to fuck—-like The Rock.)

Out of Control Femme-Ness

Your mother, your abuelita, your Korean grandmother and your hairstylist BFF are not good examples of womanhood for you to try and treat me through. If I wanted to be with them, I would be with them. Be yourself. Relax. Don’t yell at me the way your mother does your father. Do you know why your father takes it? Because it’s socially inappropriate for him to clock her. Men don’t like being yelled at by other men. It rarely gets you anywhere—-especially if you want him to sexually dominate and fuck you later. No sane man wants to put his cock into a social or psychological blender…twice.

I don’t want to be with a shrew—-being projected through a man.

Hysterical bottoms—-I wrote a book on it there were so many in my workshops and my dating life.

What I think I mean is overly emotional simply to be overly emotional as a communication style and expression of being a Bottom. A boyfriend does not want every bit and piece and nook and cranny of your psyche. Because frankly he (I) may not be on the same wavelength to understand it based upon testosterone and estrogen levels within men, Alphas and Betas.

It’s one of the reasons why men cheat.

The other person is often LESS of whatever you are.. Similar but…less. Less loud, less emotional, less demanding, less, less, less, less.

Now I’ll offer an insight here: gay man don’t have a prototype for how to be and that’s a big thing that straight men get and need in society. Without that prototype they build themselves, their identity, based upon several things that work and don’t work. Your mom, sister and BFF accept you and you’re always the gay fourth wheel.

Cool.

I’m not one of your girlfriends.

Save allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of that for your special times with them.

Treat your Top like an Academy Award.

We know you have one but you don’t have to trot it around with you, force it to endure events and days and engagements that really don’t fit it.

A Top is not your girlfriend… and probably doesn’t want to be one. I like when a Bottom boyfriend comes back refreshed, perhaps having purged all that EXTRA emotion with other Betas or women who know how to process all of that emotionality about why I didn’t compliment his new shirt.

Bottoms have to consider that a Top is not physically nor emotionally what you’ve seen in the Straight Man model (which Bottoms are constantly trying to find and then get used, abused, tricked, trampled and thrown aside…which creates hysterical bottoms…from their inability to chill the fuck out. And stop seeking the Straight Man they would want if they were a woman. I accept that you’re a man, how about you accept it too? Consider being a MAN for the MAN you’re with even if he’s a Top. If that takes some figuring out, click on to YouTube—-search for videos that teach Learning How To Learn. Watch them. Then apply it to your sexuality. What else were you doing? Tops are avoiding you. Make an effort to be not different but flexible and compromising in your emotional identity and sexuality towards other men.)

That’s what Tops want you to do about everything: chill the fuck out.

Take a moment and think to yourself—-”hmmm, I feel a Level 8 about this” Now notch that down to a Level 5 and your Top can handle that.

Actually, truthfully, that’s how your mom, your sister, your BFF and your abuelita kept men (that and children, social power, property laws, marriage laws and religious expectations—-you have none of those so you’ll have to generate stickiness from insights, awareness and conscious coupling)—-they ratcheted down their womanliness as explosive and instead made it seductive. They had their chatty womanly meltdowns with each other because they recognized it annoyed men. They practiced insight.

I will of course, as a teacher, acknowledge that there’s a whole ball of mental yarn about being a man, being penetrated, trust, intimacy, etc. occurring for a Bottom in this exchange. But this is a Top focused essay, not from my Teaching Equanimity self.

Wonk wahhh.

Seductiveness

Do you know how to be seductive?

Do you know what a Top finds seductive about you?

Ask him.

Generally it’s your kindness, gentleness, patience (with him and others), your care taking, your fun, your silliness, your energy, your flirtatiousness with him

It’s rarely just your ass.

But Bottoms lead with their ass. constantly, and then are surprised when a Top just uses the ass and bounces—-to pay attention to a man who is more emotionally fun and pleasant to be with. Who is comfortable with a Top being thoughtful and protective and giving to.

I know you can pay your rent. I gave you $50 to share my resources with you——as a lion brings a impala back to the cave.

I’m going to tell you a Top secret.

Ready?

All of your asses are pretty much the same.

There’s rarely an ass related move that is so startlingly different that a Top tolerates an insane Bottom due to. A Bottom can be replaced faster than a Top can.

An ass, when you push your penis through first the exterior sphincter and then the interior—-first you’re pressing gently but forcefully (hopefully well lubed) Then there’s a relaxing, a sliding and like a pop you pierce the Interior and a third to half of your penis feels like it’s in a dark, moist space so it’s like a vise at the middle and base of your cock and nothing from the middle to top/crown. But as you pullback, the crown comes back through the interior and the exterior—-more friction.

Did you hear your name in the above paragraph?

You know why?

All asses on men work that way.

Now who the ass is attached to makes it a hotter experience or a regretful one.

Be a fun, engaged, flirtatious lover who wants to share the pleasurable romp that sex and intimacy is.

Not some gay Bottom whose trying to rectify, justify and deify his ass through his ass as an ass.

Chill, baby.

Relax. Breathe. Allow us to penetrate you in healthy, giving ways.

#KylePhoenix

#SameGenderLoving

#TheKylePhoenixShow

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow

www.kyle-phoenix.com

Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow

Kyle Phoenix on Facebook and Twitter

The Kyle Phoenix Show LIVE STREAMING on MNN.org 1130pm, Spectrum Cable Manhattan, NY Channel 56 & 1996, also FIOS 34 and RCN 83.

www.kyle-phoenix.com

Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

#KylePhoenix

The Kyle Phoenix Show

LIVE STREAMING on MNN.org 1130pm, Spectrum Cable Manhattan, NY

Channel 56 & 1996, also FIOS 34 and RCN 83.

You can Like or; Follow Us on Facebook or;Twitter

Or Click Below to:

· Stay In Touch with Kyle Phoenix by receiving updates, newsletters and free gifts by clicking HERE

· Kyle Phoenix Website

· The Kyle Phoenix Blog

· Check out Kyle Phoenix Products on Amazon .com

Amazon Prime, FREE for 30 Days

· Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show LIVESTREAM on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) Thursdays 1130pm

www.kylephoenix.com

Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

#KylePhoenix
#TheKylePhoenixShow

The Kyle Phoenix Show

LIVE STREAMING on MNN.org 1130pm, Spectrum Cable Manhattan, NY

Channel 56 & 1996, also FIOS 34 and RCN 83.

You can Like or; Follow Us on Facebook or;Twitter

Or Click Below to:

· Stay In Touch with Kyle Phoenix by receiving updates, newsletters and free gifts by clicking HERE

· Kyle Phoenix Website

· The Kyle Phoenix Blog

· Check out Kyle Phoenix Products on Amazon .com

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow

Why are so many men bad at writing female characters? by#KylePhoenix

Selah

“You know what’s nice? A choice. Choices sure is nice to have. Choice of where to be, where to go, when to eat, when to sleep, what to read, what not to read, what to touch, and what to not be touched by.

“We, women, Black women in these Americas, didn’t get no choice. That’s why we’re angry, mad, sad, fighting, bitching, cussing and hard to love and harder to forget. We mad ‘cause we was dragged over here, shackled up here, bred up here and then told to make our babies flourish, make the land grow, make someone else smile, here. What choice do you have when one man chains you, another fucks you and a third crawls out of you? All with demands about how you fit into their choices?

“But those same men, White men who chained us, they fucked us. Our own men who just fucked us; just fucked us. The spoiled wannabe men who crawled out of us, fucked us over. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“I watched other women, swollen bellies, husbands proud and preening, like the mustard seed he carried is equal to the sarsen she’s resoundingly with; stores full of pressed cardboard crap that only lasts a few months; other fool women oohing and aahing and I was happy that my body made its own choice. Happy that my insides said we gonna make one choice that can’t nobody stop or fix or point at or demand or change for you, no life can last in here.

“Sure I got pregnant, half a dozen times. By the fifth month though each one came out, some as bloody lumps that I had to jangle the handle several times before they’d crumble and flush completely; twice, where I had to go to the hospital and they gave me a pill and some awful concoction to make it mushier to flush; and once, the strongest, a little girl, five months bloody, who was strong enough to eke out of me, gasp and die, no bigger than a kitten. She would’ve made a right proud S woman.

“I’m a Black woman who is proud her uterus is broken. Gives me choices. Like whether to fuck men. Any way I can.”

Constructing Womanhood From Woman to Trans

Men often write women as they perceive them rather than how they are.

I had a client who was trans (gender/sexual—-that coin and decision is still up in the air and flipping for him-her) who dressed and lived as a woman. Hair, make-up, dresses, blouses, a purse, effeminate name. The whole shebang (pun!). A friend, a woman, observed this client several times when she would come to meet me for lunch. She then observed this trans client with a trans friend and finally was able to articulate what she saw in them.

“Purses. Trans (MTF) make a big deal out of purses. I’ve been female all my life; got my first purse when I was 5 years old. It’s a bag that I carry crap in. Make-up, my wallet, books, a brush, my umbrella, food, birth control, a weapon, my phone. I may buy nicer purses now that I can afford it that are made of better material but it’s still just a pocketbook. When I see the two of them they make a pronounced effort to signal to the rest of us—-”Look at me! I’m carrying a purse! Because I’m a woman!””

I watched clients, trans ones, from then on, and she was right. Regardless of the internal body dysmorphia that a trans person might experience they were still raised as a male. They were related to as a male. They were socialized as a male to see women from that, a male perspective. They might join the club but for at least 18 years they’ve been designated by the rest of us as members of the other (male) team.

Trans folk often dress as hyper-women, act as hyper feminine, which is why I think there’s such an overlap to doing drag. Drag is men personifying how men see or want to see/be women.

In programs and such I often have to sit down with trans clients and help them lower the volume on their extreme perception of womanhood—-mini-skirts, high heels, overtly sexual clothing and actions. The two trans above—-the one I knew better presented as a man’s version of a women, the second one though, because of low self esteem, actually presented much more believably and was harder to “clock” as MTF. The first was often being pointed as it (trans). It’s like a bad actor in a movie, you notice the forced projection.

Women Are Just People Who Happen to Be Female

When I write women I then make a point of writing women without regard to their being women. Unless I need them to do something particular as a woman, I don’t make a big deal about it. Unless I have a deliberate situation that relegates them based about sex to more or less, in relationship to whatever is occurring, I don’t present them as differently.

Interestingly at times that creates an interesting character because then I have to think about how she’s speaking up, being more direct and I know that I’m playing in a fertile gender dynamic game and I can think about and play with those rules being skirted or broken.

I also think about what it must be like to be a woman who has to deal with all these fucking men.

I’d be dead if I were a woman; several men would’ve killed me. I’ve been told several times that this is my first incarnation as a man and I totally agree. The way I see men ogle women, pursue them, just walk up them—-looking like all manner of worthless pieces of shit—-and start chatting flirtatiously? I’m like WTF?

I read a lot on the subway traveling to and fro from school to other schools so I always have about 20–30 minutes to read. Which for me is a good 50–70 pages. I see guys who just interrupt women who are reading. Do you know what kind of natural New York hell you get from me if you just, not even fine and handsome, interrupted me in your dingo faced arrogance—-”wanted to say hi”, to ask “how I’m doing”?

Even if you were attractive I’d still be taken aback, I might be in relationship. I would prefer for you to wait for the natural pause or shift all readers do on the train and catch my eye. But invading my space? Oh, hell to the no.

The above trans client talked about being on the subway and being felt up, rubbed up on by guys. I looked it up on line and there have been everything from rubs to full on rape-attacks. Do you have any idea how much I would love to pummel someone for rubbing up on me uninvited?

But I’m a man. I’m in a distinctly large male body.

To write a woman, a female character, I explore that upset, that sense of interruption or violation as a normal social grace. How men cross a line with women that they never do with men.

(Okay, some gay men do which I think is a direct product of being raised in a misogynistic society and thinking that bullshit translates to engaging men socially men-romantically. Yes, I shut that bullshit down hardcore.)

I even challenge men, straight ones, who want to come and “discuss” what they perceive or understand to be my sexuality or want to know about it. Excuse me? Unless I am in front of a class or workshop—-I’m off the clock, in my personal life if you just roll up on me, you will get me, Kyle unfiltered—-as I would expect to get umbrage from you if I rolled up on you and wanted details on your hetero romps.

Now I will give the caveat-space of I have a TV show broadcasting for the past 10 years here in NYC so I’ve had people approach me and say “Hey, Kyle, I saw last week’s episode about blah blah fisting blah blah a threesome and I was wondering——?”

That’s fair. If you identify to me how and where you’re making your entree to me from. But if you come up to me on line at West Side Market and say you heard about my sexuality and want to know how I knew about myself—-WTF?

But that too comes from a reduction on non-maleness/male privilege. Straight men can cross lines with everyone but are more careful with other (perceived) straight males.

Women Can Tell Who You Are and Who You’re Trying to Be As A Writer

To write an accurate woman you would want to show how she’s aware of these pitfalls, privilege crossings, interruptions that half the population does to her and how other women support or encourage it. Catching onto and speaking about those invisible rules, lines, hidden negative allowances would immediately signal to a woman, and elucidate a male reader, that you have successfully shifted perspective/presentation.

If you want to write women well, you have to be on their side, even if you can’t, don’t or won’t, join their team. Female readers know allies in literature.

I like to tap into the upset, the anger, the ire, the recognition of double standards based upon sex and condescension based upon privilege and create women who are pressing against it and perhaps through it with behavior that is deeply empowered in the feminine but unladylike.

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Smile, Kyle
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#KylePhoenix

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