Transcript Below

The (Top!) 10 Things Bottoms Are Looking For In Sexual Tops

Lack of Judgment. Because being a Top to a man or a woman is the “normed” social position sexually, pointed to as one of masculinity and power and manhood, even MSM, men who have sex with men, can treat bottoming men as less than. It’s important for a Top to not treat a Bottom as less than a man for the enjoyment of bottoming, that he too is like any other human being, pointedly a man, and not lesser, weaker or disposable due to sexual positioning.

Interested in Reciprocated Pleasure. Tops often treat “getting it in” as what should thrill a Bottom. That there are no concepts of technique, being careful, being thoughtful. One could argue that the sensation of simply the gripping of the sphincters on a penis make it difficult for a Top to understand beyond his own shaft that he’s still touching, penetrating, impacting, a man’s inner rectal area. Therefore he has to think about beyond just penetration where is his penis going, hitting, touching. Is it too wide/girthful? Too long? Could he be causing damage by thrusting? A Top must have not only his goals in mind for the fucking but be keyed into the goals of the sexual intercourse for the Bottom too.

Not All Bottoms Are Created the Same. Every Top has met the Bottom of Babylon who seemed to take his penis into him like a Hoover on steroids. Who reveled in being penetrated to the point where he pointed at objects to use next. That was some freak of nature or someone with a lot of experience. Normally, Bottoms, from novice to experienced, need to adjust to the penetration. To be slowly penetrated and then have a restful moment to accommodate and conscious relax both the exterior and interior sphincter muscles. Outer easier than inner. This means insert, relax, breathe, don’t thrust, wait for the Bottom’s signal. The go ahead may take several attempts, positions, lots of lube and patience. Patience is conveyed with cuddling, whispering assurances, digital stimulation, massaging—-not, “Come on, come on, open up already!”

Bottoming Is Emotional and Physical. Due to the nerve bundles and the prostate and the sphincter tightness and sensitivity, a lot is going on. A Bottom is trying to judge all of these signals, sometimes conflicting as well as stay in the moment. It can get overwhelming, it can be very personal. Tops should remember that it’s a very rare experience to have another human being inside of your body, particularly for a man. It’s not that it’s unnatural, it’s that it is generally completely voluntary and not something that he was talked to about as a child, the way women are about having children. Having all of these points touched, manipulated can be full of sensations that, in my personal and teaching experience, sometimes send Bottoms into paroxysms of pleasure, intense emotional outbursts and even tears. A Tops job is to be present, to maintain, to be stalwart, to act like a tree trunk that makes up a dam and simply allow all of this to run over him, to flow past, to not freak out and run.

Bottoming Can Be More Emotional. A man is in many ways stripping down the entirety of what his family, friends, church, etc has helped him to construct of manhood to align his desires to an act. Tops have to cue in to what a Bottom is trying to get past just the penetrative act. A sense of fullness, a sense of taking in a man, a sense of connection. Topping can be passionate and fulfilling but it can also be very A to B. Do (condom/lube), pump (in/penetrate), fuck (until you come). Bottoming is more along the lines of relax, open, I trust you enough for this, repeat. It’s less about fuck-fuck and more about fuck-feeling. Tops have to be conscious that while the goals are unified they are differing because there is a different physical sensation occurring.

Video Part 2

Bottoms Want to Be Able to Regulate What Is Occurring. It can feel like a Bottom is being bossy but in fact it’s kind of manners to a Bottom to discuss, ask, determine if he wants to be penetrated soft, medium, rougher. Let the Bottom signal, verbally, and if they don’t ask: Is this okay? Are you okay? More? Less?

Deeper Isn’t Better. The obsession with large penis sizes really is all about mental projection than actual effectiveness. The Prostate is about 2 inches in from the interior sphincter. The further in, the less feeling and the more danger. The rectum isn’t a straight line, it curves so a straight, erect penis stabbing in, is moving one, past the place where the most sexual sensation can be achieved and two, it starts to get into the area of tearing the rectal lining, a very thin membrane. This can lead to blood and other stuff.
It Is Not a Vagina. You might run into a Bottom who is in Bottom fantasy land. A rectum, an anus is not a vagina, the similarity of being internal and capable of bleeding and being a pink part of the body where STDs, particularly HIV are easily absorbed are the areas of similarity. That’s it. In order to clean it beforehand, a Bottom should have a fibrous diet, bathe—soaking in a tub, use good soap and not douche. That’s right, not douche. It is not a vagina. Douching signals to the male body that a foreign object is in and one’s “warrior troops/T cells” are sent out to combat the intruder. Then the Bottom has sex—-protected hopefully (or not, unfortunately in too many cases), but also a condom can tear—-the warrior/T Cells are out, pre-cum/semen is present or completely ejaculated, and the T Cells are attached to and take it back into the body to further replicate HIV. Good Tops recognizing that this is not a vagina, bring condoms, several, and plenty of lube. Plenty of lube. Like make an investment. The best fucking occurs with plenty of lube and good condoms.
To Every Ass There Shall Be…. Bottoms are hyper aware of the fact that they want to obviate any trace of feces/blood because bluntly, no one, (okay, some guys) wants a shitty dick. But if a condom is worn, there’s less of a ick factor to what may come out on the shaft. However following proper planning, gentle cleaning and a diet that helps to push out feces, both should be okay. This is right up there with a Bottom’s father suddenly appearing on his laptop in a Skype session as you’re banging him out; feces. As a Top, be polite, courtly, gentlemanly and have Handi-wipes ready, a cloth and treat it as a natural part of the whole sexual process. This is one of the emotional reasons why Bottoming can be so fraught with emotion, a Bottom can feel like from the penetration and pressure that he is about to defecate. He may even run into the bathroom after sex to hop onto the toilet—-his body signalling that maybe he has to defecate due to the rectal muscles/walls spasming in the same way that we do when feces is being pushed out. It’s a similar sensation for two differing acts. You have to be patient because again, he’s dealing with a lot of false-positive signals from his body within the realm of pleasure. Can you imagine being unsure of if you’re cumming or shitting? That’s what the stimulation of the prostate can overlappingly feel like. Patience. Think of Bottoming as a relay race. You can be with a guy all night, doing something, stopping, relaxing, talking, starting up again and repeat.
Bottoms Are Aware of Bottoming But That Doesn’t Mean They Know Their Ass From Their Elbow. Superior Tops, grand sexual masters who are Tops, super studs, electrifying men of skill know the below diagram and can discuss it, explain it, use their fingers, tongues and penis to illustrate a Bottoms’ bottom to a Bottom. Many a Bottom have pics of their ass, their anus (quite disturbingly) but that don’t mean they know how anything works. Make it part of foreplay to inform and then storm. Inform and storm. Inform and storm. With plenty of lube…and patience and courtesy.