I play this mental game in two ways here in NY.
- I often practice walking around the city imagining that all of my work has massed to the value that it could in a hundred years, in a single year and I am worth it’s valuation in currency not just intellectual property valuation, two wholly different concepts unless you take a loan on the futures of royalties, etc...
- Then I consider what If I had that much, the lottery signs I see, around town BAM!, in one day, one ticket. I’m going to say $100 million after taxes.
Before The Mandatory Press Conference
- First step when you have the winning ticket is order the fat suit and dreadlocks wig from Amazon. Rush delivery. You must protect your identity and obscure it, many, many, many lottery winners do so though your name is posted and printed throughout the news and newspapers—-here in NYC that means 10 million people now know what you look like and that you have $100 million in cash….Tuesday. Hence, fat suit, dreds, glasses, full beard…and maybe a legal name change that starts processing as soon as I step onto the dais.
- Second step is choose one of the Top 5 law firms here in the city, go with a photocopy of the ticket and the current newspaper as a picture and show it to the plebeian associate they send out first. Tell him to take it to the Senior Partner and that you;’ll be in the waiting area for five minutes. Four minutes later you get to meet the Senior Partners.
Fat Rasta Kyle
In my fat suit and dreadlocks I arrive at the press conference. Buck teeth, huge glasses, maybe some skin darkener. I would be a little tired from having swept through as much of my social media as possible, deleting pics. I’m pretty good with that already, only 5 authorized pics that I keep recycling anyway. But I’ll need an identity head start, I live in NY. I keep my phone but buy a new one, take the SIM card out of my old phone and the battery and put it in my bag, it’s now just plastic and metal. Everyone who has that number goes to Voicemail. Knock yourself out.
There's also a money manager that I Have the Forbes article he was profiled in. Barbra Streisand is one of his clients. Minimum in with him is $10 million. I might show up at his office first before the lawyer. Ray Dalio’s book Principles is preceding the next one on Economic Investing Principles. I would buy my way into luncheons, seminars, private consultations with Bridgewater and their ilk.
At the obligatory press conference I would only answer one of two questions. I would explain that I now no longer have to answer any frigging question I don’t feel like. Peels of laughter…okay, maybe just from me. But I can now afford to be eccentric! I would say though that I am immediately heading to the airport, to go relax with family and consider my next moves. What are my plans with the money? To turn it into a billion dollars and all those who approach me unsolicited will be summarily rejected. Deuces.
I Leave The Country….Or Do I?
I leave the press conference in a car service, tinted windows and have them take me to the airport. Shed fat suit, dreds, make-up.
Okay so I get the check and maybe I can’t get the money manager I want for a while or his vibe wasn’t right. I take the check, stroll up to Private Client Management at my local big bank, the first time I did this was with my mother when she was depositing a ginormous check, they made us wait until they saw the check. Then the buttkissing started.
I would vary this and tell them that had 15 minutes to deposit, clear a chunk and issue me a card——did you know some banks have them on the associates desk and they just print it out now? Science!
I would then take a private town car, nothing fancy, from the airport back into the city.
Cash, Bit by Bit, Now In Hand
So now I have my at least $1–5 million debit card, $95 million to clear in a week.
I’m at the Four Seasons for a minimum of 28 days, or maybe the W. Something with Presidential level security. No one gets past the lobby, it’s important to immediately ensconce yourself for peace and quiet, to be able to rest and think.
I interview money managers in the conference room downstairs.
There is No Rush to Do Anything, A Month of Just Luxury
Luxuriate in room and spa. Stroll around the city, maybe buying some clothes, laughing outrageously when I move my gloved hand towards a a beautiful necklace and Richard Gere snaps the case closed. That scamp! I might even snort laugh a little and hold my belly in the strapless gown I’m wearing.
Ok, the future.
Prince and “Friends” and Fortune
I’m an only child and most of the family members I really liked are dead so this will be easy, until I have children and a spouse (no, I will not ever be marrying, easier to set up trusts and an agreement and just give someone an agreed upon allowance and end of relationship check) and amazingly enough helped by the musician and icon, Prince.
During his name changing days, a stroke of legal genius, he made a 3 set cd,
Emancipation and in interviews talked about how all of his “ famous friends” vanished when he and Warner Brothers started to tangle, afraid for their relationships and deals.
When it was settled, they would suddenly call his cell, suddenly all palsy walsy again.
His voicemail message was: “All ya’ll who knew the number and didn’t call, fuck all y’all.”
He actually put it onto the CD.
I would make that my mantra (and Voicemail) for those I haven't heard from in over a year. No, I do not need your congratulations on my sudden wealth. did you call me to congratulate me on my weekly paychecks? Did you call me to congratulate me on when I sat down to dinner that fourth day in May and ate some chicken>? No. Then what the fudgesicle are you calling me about ….right, I just won $100 million dollars. Get the fudgsicle out of here.
If I don’t call you, no, don’t call me. You’ll get your feelings hurt.
Trust Goes Both Ways & Silence Is Golden
I have a handful of relatives and friends I like. I would hire high end temps from someplace like Manpower to go get them, fly them back in a membership private jet—-shared jet expenses, I’m treating folk but I am on a budget——to come to the W Hotel, if I’m staying at the Four Seasons, or if at the W, to come to the Four Seasons. You have a suite for the week and we talk in the conference/dining room.
Bernie Mac and Chris Rock rule, never have family and friends who are expecting money up into your private hotel or home alone. That’s how you get stabbed over the dinner table.
All meetings are in public with security nearby. I’ll pay for lunch and dinner. But no, I don’t need you in my personal space until we’re clear on how this will work. This might sound harsh but you’ve never met my family, poor people, Black and Latino poor/middle class people, young people, fools, scared people, scared and greedy people—-and unfortunately some of those labels cross throughout the people I want to help and give to.
The deal is simple:
- I want to give you something. (Luckily my Senior Partner lawyer firm guy has been able to draw up this wonderful Non Disclosure Agreement along with my team at Ernst & Young, accounting.)
- It’s nobodies business what I give you. Between you and me.
- Now you might be the relative that gets $100, 000 and Cousin Bette might be the one who gets $250,000. That’s our individual business.
- Anything over $500,000 will occur in 1,3,5, 10 annual increments because I don’t want you to go crazy.
- No one will exceed a million dollars in under 10 years.
- Keep your job. (Again Oprah issue/lesson—-she got her first check for $30 million in 1986 and several family members quit their jobs. Insanity. They didn’t work for her, didn’t negotiate the deal, didn’t do anything but be related and they went into their jobs and quit when they read in the paper she’d gotten this check.)
- The family, friends are all seen separately so that there’s no cross talk, confusion or squabbling.
- Oh, and the NDA requires all monies back if your number leaks out. And there’s a cash bounty to the family member who turns you in for telling your number to them. So silence is everyone’s best interest.
Second requirement before you get a thing:
- I want to help you but not harm you with money. So there are two checks.
- Enough to cover your expenses while here and on the way back home, $25k.
- The larger check is subject to you taking financial planning courses for 2–6 weeks or 6 months at NYU’s fantastic Financial Planner classes, that I personally took. It covers investments, insurance, taxes, etc..
- Under $250,000, you can do an accredited 6 week course, over $500,000-$1 million, NYU and you have the funds to move to the city or shuttle back and forth on weekends, on me.
- I need you to understand high financial management. You complete the course, I’ll double the amount. You don’t, then it’s the original amount.
Lawyer Man, as I like to call him, has also set up three family trusts for you and the others who I will not be giving cash to.
Trust Number 1 is a Home Ownership Trust.
- Based upon your income, you can get a one time gift down payment/full payment of a house.
- It’s approximately 5 to 8 times your annual salary—-prior to my gift to you (let’s hope you were working), the same as mortgage lenders. You make $30k, you get $180k that is handed over to the seller. I believe everyone should have a starter home. This 5 to 8x will not be less than 75% of the home’s value, no mansions and using this as an down payment or tomfoolery. Start small then go through the drama of reselling it to pull out the equity if you want to go crazy. This is your one shot, if you work diligently to screw I up, I don’t want to be part of the process.
- If you’re smart you’ll split it up between two $90k homes or as 4 $45,000 down payments on 4 $90,000 homes, and rent them out….we’ll see. Impress me. But for those I’m not meeting with, this and the second Trust are the only gifts per person per lifetime.
Trust # 2 is an Educational Trust
- that will pay for 4–10 years of college
- undergrad through doctorate, however it shakes out, up to $250k per person (the rest is on you), distribution checks are on a semesterly basis as long as your GPA stays above a 3.0. (Oprah did this for 500+ men to attend HBCUs and would call anyone with less than a 3.0 personally and ask them if they’d seen her show on TV. They would say yes. She would say she showed up everyday to do her job to get the money for their full ride scholarships that she had created, she expected them to do the same to receive the monies.)
Trust # 3 is an Entrepreneurial and Emergency Trust
- with guidelines for how funds are applied in the event of medical emergencies, child issues, disasters, etc. and in special cases entrepreneurial ventures with seed funding starting in increments of a few thousand, to those of a more substantial investment and sound research that will be reviewed.
- All trusts are available to family members, even If I give you cash.
- If you don’t want to sign the NDA, then you can deal with the trust.
All family drama, and I’ve been there with my mother’s massive windfall, starts when there are not clear boundaries, guidelines and understandings about givings and not givings.
All trust related issues are handled by Lawyer Man, he and I have agreed to all guidelines and I will never usurp him. If there is a point of contention he will alert me in our monthly review of trust issues and we’ll get back to you at the close of 120 days about our decision. If you can wait 4 months then it’s a serious issue or you’re just crazy, time will tell.
Treat money and family like a business.
I would make it perfectly clear at the meal that I am wholly and lovingly comfortable with the word No. So that I don’t have to hurt your feelings I’m trying to establish a system where I share, you maintain your dignity and your life, your children’s lives, your grandchildren’s lives, are all uplifted but that work is not obviated because of MY money. If you can handle healthy boundaries we’re Kool & The Gang. If you can’t, it’s why we’re not meeting where I’m staying, why I don’t meet people about money in my private quarters and why I have private security at the next table. Folk get mentally funky around money. I don’t play that.
My intention is to treat this like agriculture. I will help you with seeds, soil, a plot of “land” and teachings from the best farmers about how to harvest your crop. It is up to you how many seasons your crops last or don’t.
The handful I do like personally are more mature than the rest so I expect little trouble.
Can you tell I worked in finance and law for years?
The day the money clears I split it into 5 accounts and then create companies to hold several of those accounts. I then invest from there.
Charity and Giving
Charity is tricky because I’ve worked for quite a few non-profits so I know the bullshit of that world. I think I’d go with my spiritual homey John D. Rockefeller on this one. A trust again that you or your agency can apply to, however any amount over say $10,000 you have to show proof that you have matching funds. We will multi year fund those who can raise the other half of whatever they ask for each year. That keeps you hustling and me confident that you’re not resting on my laurels. Again all decisions are made first by the lawyer and accounting board and they bring applications to me for final approval.
I will give as I will, when I will. Not into pressure at all. Pressure is the best way for you to get a no. I appreciate people who are told this once and shut up. if you press about the need, the charity, the great business idea, I will walk away. If it checks out I’m always willing to help out from the trust or my own pocket. But Lawyer Man and the Trusts are my filter, my buffer.
Another Oprah Lesson—-on Oprah After The Show. A lady gets up and says she has a great idea/project that she would love to talk to Oprah about. Oprah kindly says when you’re leaving I’ll have Katie and Elizabeth stop and talk to you, they handle all these kinds of issues and either potential business projects or charitable givings.
The lady says oh, no, I want to present it to you. Oprah kindly explains that Katie and Elizabeth are purposefully dedicated to handling this exact area and if it’s something that is in her interest area they will present it to her but with her time, it’s best this way to get their undivided attention. The lady insists. Oprah then explains, this is why she has a Katie and Elizabeth because people don’t hear you when you say there are better people to evaluate things, they want you to become emotionally attached and support them without due diligence and they also, whether knowingly or not, don’t respect her time.
Therefore Katie and Elizabeth are the only option to contact Oprah about this area. End of discussion. I expect Katie’s last name was Filter and Elizabeth’s Buffer. I’ve already named my buffer Amy.
Real Estate Investing, Very Specific
I would invest about $20 million in real estate valued up to $200 million in accumulation value by doing down payments and leveraging one with the other over the course of 5 years as I learned more in classes, seminars, etc. and could design the deals to suit my long term vision and for the $20 million as total investment, using interest from my principals as a large chunk of the cash in.
My real estate of choice would be apartment buildings over 20 units in mid to large cities near tech, industrial or manufacturing and university campuses. Spaces with a history of 3–5 years of community presence. I want buildings where there are housing shortages where tenants can get to work driving in 20 minutes by car and 1 hour by train or bus. Work horse buildings. Phoenix, Omaha, San Diego, North and South Dakota.
I would look at buying up a swath of single family homes around universities for 10% down and hiring and training former RAs from the dorms at twice their RA salary to be den mothers and fathers. I would then give students the option paying of “rent” at 10% less than the dorms. A nice security company to patrol the neighborhood where I own these chunks of homes. Two reasons.
- There was a housing shortage in Buffalo when I was undergrad and I thought of doing this——you could get houses as low as $2500 then but I didn’t have the capital to take advantage of student-adults who need housing but are a little too old or mature for the dorms anymore.
- Also I went to undergrad when I was 21 and in the summer subletted someone’s room in a house until I got my first apartment alone at 23. I was a little too old for the dorms at 21 and sat there and became an RA until I could work out how to get the money out of my financial aid to pay off campus. I was a perfect candidate for a hybrid system of the two between dorms and completely on my own. There were hundreds of us, much the same. For instance, i could legally drink but a lot of my roommates couldn’t Legal and potentially actionable issue if alcohol was brought back to my room by me.
I would invest an additional $5 million as 10% of the value of $50 million worth of homes, using the leverage value of the previous apartment deals. Each into LLCs, revenue and cashflow then pools to pay off mortgages on buildings and homes and to seed fund to purchase more and more to replicate the whole shebang every 10 years, each 10 year period worth a goal of $250 million.
On $25 million, I’ve acquired $250 million in equity leverage value and would start a small office to manage this concern. It might take 5 years to set up as I envision, finding all the properties, stabilizing the management of the system as a whole but it would be worth it.
Precious Metals
My next push would be precious metals silver, geld and platinum t the tune of $10 million. Just to hold. In case of a market tumble, boon or zombie apocalypse.
Oil & Shale and Employee Paychecks
There’s at least another 50–100 years ahead when fossil fuel will begin to dwindle and the Oil Wars will begin. The best hedge around that would be buying up some shale fields and getting ready to process that. About $5 million in with a long term profit of about $10–$25 million depending on world need. A hedge bet against taxes. You have to have some invests that are just to make profit to pay for the expenses of having money, most people don’t know how expensive having money is. Lawyer thinks I’m fun and funny and very smart but his invoices arrive every 30 days. He, like other consultants and employees must be paid, rain or shine, festival or flop.
Retirement Villages
The earlier you come in, the greater the discount. I mean what are you doing moping around at 59 anyway for, right?
$10 million into a few of these around the country——it’s where Tony Robbins has a chunk of his money and the residents have a life expectancy of another 40 years x 12 months of monthly payments, all medical costs covered by insurance and Medicare. The service we could provide at a minimum of say $1500 a unit would be great. I would optimally like to provide private ambulance service to hospitals nearby or truly optimally, build the place right next to a hospital. Can you imagine the expense saved if granny can scooter across the street to the hospital? Can you imagine the attention a hospital will give to my residents, several hundred if they’re guaranteed right across the street?
Me, More Land, Home, Me Naked, Micro Loans and Future Shock
- That leaves me with around $40-50 million to buy an island for a few million, an apartment in the city, a small house in state and a larger place upstate or in another state with 200+ acres so I can walk around naked on my land. Call that $10 million for personal real estate.
- I’d continue to go to school, do lots of extension courses and seminars around the world with the really smart folk on finance, trends, the future, etc..
- I’d have $20 million earmarked for just what I might learn about and small to mid invest in.
- I would also do things like Kiva and the Heifer project, and there’s another project where you loan cash to everyday folk and micro businesses-—microloans to thousands around the world. Funding candy stores and cows and chickens and milk stands and textile makers and getting back cash in and maybe 5% interest back, which would cover my personal eventual child/spouse expenses. Yes, I’d get you and the world who need money to pay for me and my family.
Liquid Cash and the Swiss and Billion Dollars
$30–40 million liquid for new ideas and investments I might come up with and a cushy $10 million in a Swiss bank account in case the whole shebang goes shebang.
The Omni Institute
I’d design learning programs and adult institutes with a 2 year limit for education/vocational infusion with a $50,000 base yearly salary so adults could focus. I’ve started a micro, micro start on this already in 2012 but to do it, my macro vision, I would need about $125 million for a 5 year project. With some money of my own, at least half I would aim for a 10 year project which by my estimates would be about 2500 adults given a working lift up in the professional and educational abilities while getting paid.
I would turn anything over $100 million into a fortune worth over a billion dollars in under 20 years. Having maintained boundaries and privacy I think I could safely make a significant impact and enjoy myself with a million in my checking account a year from just interest.
Children….18 Years and Me
With my level of knowledge and the knowledge I would continue to gain from others, I would transfer this to my children. At 18 you get a check for $500,000, my current plan. You are now an adult. School, rent, mortgage, a big party, you’re on your own. If you stay in the house, you pay rent. But if I’ve been teaching you about money, finance, entrepreneurship, stewardship, responsibility to the world, you’re ready to go try some things. The family trusts are available to you. Leverage them. Most likely I would then begin siphoning off cash and LLC shares to them every year into a grandfathered trust that they could receive a percentage of but never truly dilute the principal below say 50%. This means they then pass it on to their children or whomever, creating generational wealth.
With some careful thought, I would turn $100 million into billions that would last centuries.
Not that, you know, I’ve thought about this at all.
