Do You Hate Yourself? by Kyle Phoenix

Is this what you see when you look in the mirror?  How many people actually see rippling abs and defined ares and a square chin.  I don't.  Well my arms aren't that bad....but that's an aside.  I often in workshops and online listen to and observe men, bluntly men who don't feel attractive, who don't fit into images like the above trash themselves.  Or they post say a picture online and then tell you their tale of woe.  and I've thought, like I'm sure others have---well, look at yourself.

Do You Hate Yourself though?  Are you someone who is missing self-love in your life? Do you look at yourself in the mirror and feel that you are not good enough?  I''m often struck by how many unattractive men work hard at being unattractive.  Let me clarify---they eat too much, don't exercise, don't groom---in a society---better yet a sub-community that because of the absence of women and child absorbs those characteristics of vanity and immaturity/youth.  I sometimes look at homosexual men who lament their attractiveness and I think to myself that I'm sure there's a woman out there who would appreciate him.  And it's true, women are more conditioned to "settle" because they're looking to build and base a relationship on other characteristics besides a six pack of abs.  For one thing, she gets a man.  And to some women a stable man is the real prize so she tolerates a beer belly.

But men with men?  You don't have to tolerate such gross imperfections.  Cellulite or fat shouldn't be an issue within the relationship because frankly women aren't present.  But then we have bears, cubs and now the even more obtuse otters---a way of dragging in and highlighting the other range that men's body's come in.

But most of the porno looks like the above pic.  And with 172% of homosexual men having watched or regularly watching porn---the mental diet is lean, clean and muscular while the physical truth involves beer and ice cream.  Because well, men need comfort too.  And food is comforting.

So is food hate?  Or is the consumption of the food sort of a reverse self hatred.  We throw around self hatred a lot---anything that is contradictory must be self hatred.  Yet I like banana cream pie.  There's a chain of stores in the South that sell the brand I love the most and I try to get at least one every month or so.  There's also a chocolate mousse cake from Fresh Direct that is heaven that I buy.  I know it's not healthy, coupled with Pepsi and my interest in steak and pork chops but I like the taste.  Luckily I love the taste of all kinds of vegetables and fruits too or I'd be the size of a barn.  My mother often says to me "You're so big!"  Sometimes she's saying that because she's 5'2 and I'm well over 6'1 but other times she's saying that because I'm over 200 pounds.  However I'm gifted, from my father with a leaner, and broader body frame so I'm not "fat"---I mean if I made an all star effort at it I suppose I could be.  But I don't hate myself.  other men do

I look at super muscled out pics of men and their abs look like tumors to me, they always have.  I don't find it attractive.  Lean maybe but I don't attribute resentment or sadness or regret to the superficiality of the body that I see and hear other men do to themselves or others.  To turn that heavy radar/microscope back at one's self or others is anger, hate, mean.  But it's true.  People never say that aloud.  That just because it's an unattractive emotion that it can still be true.  This whole New Age movement of "be nice", "be good", "be yourself", "live your passion" is spiraling a mass of folk into depression and anger.  Because we're not all going to look like the above nor attract that kind of man.  Mainly for two reasons---harsh reasons but true reasons:

1. He might want a reflection of himself.  Or not.  Or maybe he will definitely.  Or oddly won't.  Humans are deeply contradictory so it's hard to tell what they want and don't want to a person.

2. You'll have to settle.  And honestly someone is settling on some points with you too.  Maybe your spouse isn't super talkative (my mother's complaint about my stepfather but they've been together for over 20 years) so you'll have to get some friends to fill that space.  Or maybe your lack of body focus will turn into massive work/monetary rewards and you'll be able to afford a man like the above.  And don't get it twisted---men who stand on their wallets rival Paul Newman and Denzel Washington every single day in the looks department all over the world.  Think Danny Devito (worth 200 million) or Aristotle Onassis (bought a First Lady) or Bill Gates (it must be nice to marry a Scorpio who can buy you anything---10 times over.)

But I think homosexual men experience this twisting self hatred because it's easy to see all the examples above from a woman's perspective.  From how a woman settles (you do know Brad Pitt is about 5'8, right?) because she's betting on the package not the visual ideal.  Maybe all the denial of feminine stuff from homosexual men, IS the source of self hatred?  Maybe more accumulation of the feminine instinct to accommodate and take what you can get, deal with what you can attract, accept where you are---is what homosexual men truly need instead of masculinity illusions and desires.

Because as a hard truth, lots of not so attractive physically men don't seem to own mirrors so they try to lead with their looks when they should be leading with their hearts----and maybe having less pie and cake.  And working harder to have a wallet to stand on.

I'm just saying.........

Kyle Phoenix
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