How do I motivate a child to play and learn chess? by Kyle Phoenix

Great question—-chess, taught at an early age teaches insight, foresight, planning behaviors, patience, thought control and critical thinking. I have never not known how to play chess because my parents deeply enjoyed the game, but broke up when I was about 2; they met in college (and got back together and married when I was 10). One of the first questions my father asked my mother when they reunited was if she’d taught me chess—she was like of course!

I must’ve learned it between 3–5. But to reinforce the learning, my mother and her brother pitted my cousin and I, a few months apart in age, against one another in chess (and boxing—-which my mother also taught me.) My cousin Chris—-who is—-let’s call it 45 mph in a 65 mph zone excelled at chess. But his sister, a few years younger, Kory was even better. We would have chess and boxing tournaments and then when I would visit for the summer play incessantly, all while under 12.

I would play my parents, never winning—-my father’s strategy of using the Queen’s Gambit was if I could defeat it, he would play me a second game—-if I couldn’t, he wouldn’t play me again for another 24 hours. It took me close to 20+ years before I was laying in a hospital staring at the ceiling, replaying chess games and strategies in my head, that I understood how to defeat the Queen’s Gambit.

Further I’d started working at a charter school and one of the things they were doing with the kindergarten children was teaching them chess. One day I went to help with a Saturday coverage of them and literally got hardcore trounced by a group of 9 year old's. The only saving grace is they hadn’t decided to hustle me for cash. But it was an infused part of their curriculum through middle school and high school because of all of the additives, mentally, it produces.

It’s one of the first questions I ask dates, children, parents, students, coworkers—-can you play chess? You like chess? It’s literally a mind map of their mentality and abilities to think. All of my students who can play, training at earlier ages (you generally can get to the Grandmaster levels the younger you learn, similar to Go).

What motivated me was one I got to do an adult activity that I saw they had great investment in. Then there was the competition with my cousins and the Thunderdome like atmosphere our parents created against pitting us against one another. I would say that later I enjoyed and eventually noticed that it improved not my thinking—-that would be metacognition—-but I could imagine things—-actions, tactics, etc. better because I’d learned the fundamentals of strategy and tactics through chess. What this also does is it helps to now, even in adulthood—-when irritated calm me down. It forces me to think. Not simply react. Because I was accustomed to thinking in a strategic way, I’ve normalized it so even now as an adult I’m constantly considering everything in two or three possibilities.

I’m able to rationalize reality a lot better. I might be upset at coworkers or at the processes at a job/work but then I can think about it—-detach from the emotional upset and instead consider if I will one, die if a job ends (no.) and then backtrack from here through other life scenarios or irritants and reconsider my emotional experiences.

Being able to articulate to a child that you can consider various responses and reactions enforces a sense of Agency and a lack of helplessness. I can be irritated or annoyed but I rarely feel helpless. Chess has taught me in a blunt way that there’s always another move, another option, to consider myself aside from the situation, to consider the situation aside from my direct self. While I see a personal effect sometimes I’m also able to see that affecting me is a side affect of the effect of something else.

When I talk to children and adults about learning chess, I also talk them about learning long term planning, seeing greater possibilities than one or two immediate actions. This is invaluable in helping with mathematical proficiency, reading, writing, etc. as well as social benefits.

One thing I often consider, is that aside from helplessness, I never feel wholly trapped by the vagaries of life—-I see my life in terms of a longer term timeline of moves and countermoves—-and from that, a sense of both autonomy and Grace. I’ve come to realize how much Life can’t harm me by learning to see, imagine, project, consider, strategize. That byproduct is that even when things seem dire, I’m able to project myself my thinking, the possibilities beyond myself. Talking to children about this in bite sized pieces, while teaching and practicing chess (and Go), I think are invaluable to building stronger teens/adults.

If you can, learn it; if you can, teach it to every child close to you. As a teacher, having observed those who know and those who don’t, it’s literally one of the deciding factors in cognitive abilities and mental strength.

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What are things that mentally-strong parents do to raise mentally strong children? by Kyle Phoenix

I can't remember when my mother taught me to play chess. I literally can't remember. I just always knew. Which means between 3-4 years old.
Chess teaches not just strategic thinking but problem solving, power usage and discrimination and how to force an outcome through ingenuity.
Teach children to not just read but then to put it into a short report and have them orally present it. Do this until they're 18, make it part of their allowance. It builds reading, communication and writing skills. Also it removes stage fright.

I would add some sort of sport, musical instrument, art and home management system like being responsible for cooking twice a week and shopping.

Mental strength is comprised of resilience, discipline, focus, grit, curiosity, zest and flexibility. Creating an environment that passively exercises those skills will put them light years ahead of others. They wont have to be the smartest if they have practiced critical thinking and have an expansive vocabulary.

I would have children, particularly girls learn self defense from 5 on up. Krav Maga, aikido, something that wasn't strength dependent. Also deductive logic, puzzle solving, behavioral psychology. Flexibility of thinking that would serve whatever they decided to become.

While we don't want to over control children we do want to pretend we still live on the prairie. What skills would you want them to have if you died at 12, 16, 18, 21, 25?

My mother expressed that as an only child her concern was transferring as much of her knowledge to me as fast and thoroughly as possible. My father was interested in refining it. He was big on chess.

As a teacher I meet children and then adults baffled by the world, lacking any hustle. My parents graphically explained drugs, street hustles, sex, work, professionalism----anything they encountered to me but earlier faster.
I often find I'm not awed or frightened or overwhelmed because I have been taught how to have a reserve, a skill bank within.

Pretend you've got a finite time to compress your knowledge into useful skills. If you can't, maybe you should be looking at what you don't know. Your time with your children, as soon as they're born is ticking away.

#KylePhoenix

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