See you think I’m going to tell you that if you want to get a man to pay your rent, your momma’s rent and change the cat’s litter box that you want to throw a tongue scrub onto that brown eye, right?
You think I’m going to tell you about between your tongue, lips, blowing, chewing, spelling, lapping, kissing and rubbing your head of hair or of bristles against his perineum, his scrotum, his taint, his anus, his inner walls, his sugar walls, his Sanctorum sanctuary, his fortress of solitude?
I’ll tell you this: I once dated an ugly man. He made his own shadow scream because he had a HURRICANE tongue. You hear what I’m telling you? That mofo brought napkins and a place setting because he enjoyed the breakfast of champions.
I’ll tell you that there’s a reason it’s in every porno because once you’ve gone crack, you never go back.
I’ll tell you that some of the greatest bundle of nerve endings are in a man’s anus/sphincter and once you raid that tomb, you can make him over.
I teach a 6 hour, three-day course called “Beat The Drum”. I have a silicone male torso/genitalia, a table full of safe foods and lubes to use as lube, condoms—male and female, videos, pictures, Saran Wrap, wands, hand toys, vibrating toys, dildoes, gloves and fuzzy toys.
I will leave you with this, I’m not just a teacher and a practitioner and willing to date an ugly man longer than his face warranted for another connoisseur. But I have turned many, many, many men out like a brown paper bag (make your own allusion pun) at the tip of my tongue, the whip of my lips, the pucker of my sucker.
So help me, Jesus!
It feels like pushing your tongue against a very tight muscle…and then the muscle relaxes…and it feels like you’ve got a man, like putty, in your hands.