Recently I was wandering down memory lane and I came upon past students, friends and friends of friends who delved deeper into the spectrum of being feminine and effeminate. I started thinking about some of things I noticed as a Youth Coordinator for young men of color under 25 and the struggle I had in balancing a racially conscious program, a sexuality conscious program steering them towards manhood and the resistance they put up. By resistance I mean Britney Spears and Mandy Moore and Sailor Moon---not simply a level of diva interests (I didn't/couldn't listen to Beyonce for several years because of the inundation from them around her) but an affinity to these young White women. I noticed it, I started thinking about critical racial theory and I did some shows on it, a video or two and kept it moving. As the coordinator and as a teacher I was and am challenged with the fact that society is changing, thew world is changing and I always want my students to take advantage of that and express themselves truthfully, artfully, but most importantly fully. In fact I want them to know the projections people put upon their race, mitigate that and transcend race. Transcend the limitations and quotas and judgments and do the same with their sexuality. Even more, more, more importantly, I want them to define their sexuality however they feel it, healthily.
But.....
Then a few days ago I was with a student in Harlem when a----person strolled by. 6'2, 215, born physically male with very little make-up but a shoulder length weave and sauntering and flaunting and having a Naomi Campbell strolling moment across 8th Avenue. My straight student was aghast, I noticed the person and kept it moving. I'll rewind here and say one of my certifications is from THINY (Transsexual Health Initiative New York) because there were several borderline, possible transsexuals in that youth program several years ago. Even further back I've had long term friendships with.....persons who were divining where they were on the sexuality, sex and gender spectrum, I'm so cautious with the word "person" here because I've even had students a few months ago who were physically one place and displaying, acting like another. The best tactic I've learned and practiced for over a decade, is to allow an obvious person to define their gender and sex and take it from there. I heartily recommend this to everyone, it saves, time, stress and distress.
But........
I noticed that most of the sex and gender players were Black and Latino males. Now, I'm a huge proponent of Keith Swain's Alpha and Beta theory---in fact I kick myself for not running the nationwide emotional and biological survey that he did because I noticed some of the same characteristics in men years ago too. Some MSM/gay men are Alphas and some Betas. I figured that I had a passel of Betas in my programs. But then in getting to know them---fathers were absent. There was a lack of cultural self-knowledge as well. Then I have a few clients who have been dressing and living as women, taking hormone supplements and even illegal silicone injections to develop breasts and hips and buttocks. But they, several having the financial means, haven't pursued sexual reassignment surgery. What gives?
A couple of weeks ago I started adding up all of the biological males I've met who are "playing" with sex and gender. I say playing for lack of better word. Last year while facilitating a workshop, it started delving deeply into transsexual land and I was clearing up misnomers and such---primarily with this group of men because there were two men in the room who I confidentially knew while dressing.presenting male had emotional questions about their sex and gender. That's natural. They enjoy some dress up and have considered seeking deeper therapy to reconcile their questions/inner confusions. The Beta definition of extra estrogen really has helped them, by the way.
But.....
What about the biological males who were dressing.living 24/7 as females? All Black/Latino, most with absent or sexuality discriminating fathers, all having been sexually abused and all having issues with being Black/Latino. In fact they all gravitated towards White "new" names (Amber, Alexis, Tiffany, Crystal----exoticized or seemingly Upper Class names), identities, identifications, social groups, best friends and entertainment idolizations. I started thinking about is it so hard being a Black/Latino male in America that given the "out" would one rather be a female---if you could pass---or even someone who was an "other" (presenting as in-between or deliberate gender confusion) before being a man of color? I started thinking about the psychological impact of being raised by single mothers of color. Men of color raise boys to manage racism, they teach them tactics on how to deal with prejudice, discrimination; transfer instincts of when to react and when to back off/down. But several racial psychologists have figured out that women teach boys both the perils of racism and the fear of misogyny and rape, which is the double psychological concern women or color carry in society. From a father you learn how to handle the problem, from a woman though you learn you're in danger, no, really and They---the Boogeyman They are going to harm destroy you and there's nothing your primary protector your mother can do. In a sense she's suggesting that you're on your own in the jungle. Conversely girls learn from single mothers how to be strong women who are independent, self sufficient, maybe don't need a man and how to raise children.
Some males find mentors, uncles, brothers, cousins, teachers, etc. who example and teach manhood to men of color or even more progressive, a woman is aware that cats can't raise dogs so they deliberately find men to mentor their boys. But what happens to homosexual boys who may feel like outcasts to begin with due to sensing their sexuality is different, they get a big heap of a mother's fears and inability to teach racism negotiation skills and then they're cast out into society at 15, 16, 17 years old? Is it easier to just abandon the foreign male gender/sex and instead "hide" in the female guise? Why would they do this? Well, in many ways society makes "space" for women, even transsexual women. While women are victims of patriarchy and misogyny it's still a notch about homophobia. A woman has value and acceptance that one might not get as simply an effeminate homosexual. The individual can even wrap themselves in the illusion of being a woman with a man who might like the illusion of a woman socially but wants to be with the physicality of a male. Suddenly we're in a mental/emotional miasma of homosexual/Same Gender Loving males finding a way to obviate the intensity of racism in America.
I've been African American for several years now, had social experiences with racism and even relationship racism/prejudice from Black, White, Latinos, Asians, (but not Aboriginal/Native Americans yet) and I can see how it would be easier to live as a Black woman. I'll admit that there was a time when I liked someone who liked me and liked a woman and I thought to myself---she trumps me because....well, she's a woman and at the end of the day, she can, even if she were as brown skinned as me, sit at a Thanksgiving dinner with him and all of his family and have his babies. Women of color in American society tend to be employed twice as much as similarly qualified males because historically of how Black/Latino male are perceived and feared. I can even see how someone would want to be an obvious feminine "person" who might garner sympathy, pity or people would be helpful to avoid being labelled homophobic.
Is the use of hormones and illegal silicone injections and shocking public displays the extreme of this revulsion.fear of being a male of color? My concern, maybe it's from teaching so long is I worry about drag queens and strippers and gender players and the in-betweens because while I know maybe, here in NYC we're living in the 21st century, it's not the same everywhere. And you can't live in gay club or just with your gay community forever. At some point you have to come out of your cocoon and deal with the mass societal reality that the rest of us do.
But is it really that serious to want such an out of being a man of color?
Next Time: The Physical Extremes People Go To NOT To Be Black, Latino, Gay Or a Man
Enjoy!!!!
Thank you for reading,
Kyle Phoenix
Email: kylephoenixshow@aol.com
Website: http://kylephoenixsite.com/
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