Showing posts with label transsexual. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transsexual. Show all posts

Friday, February 17, 2023

Should a trans woman be required to identify as such on a dating site? by Kyle Phoenix

 

Tranny is available on Amazon. Enjoy! (Shameless plug.)

No. It depends on her sexuality and where she is in the process of sexual assignment transitioning. As both the author of a book that goes into all of this, for years and years and years, many of my clients were trans, from to z and z to a, so we had to discuss everything from a perspective of reality, privacy and personal safety.

The argument of biological sex is moot to the point of there being 21 Identified Biological Sexes. None of us are completely one or the other—-you were merely named/matched to a point into the spectrum by the doctor and then socialized to it by your parents. With us now having a level of medical technology that makes it possible to have sexual reassignment surgery to the point where only another medical professional could ascertain upon a thorough examination where you started on the spectrum, is one major point.

A second point that those who bring up sex assignment biologically—-we all start out female. Yup, we’re all female in gestation.

Females have two of the same kind of sex chromosome (XX), and are called the homogametic sex. Males have two different kinds of sex chromosomes (XY), and are called the heterogametic sex.

A single gene (SRY) present on the Y chromosome acts as a signal to set the developmental pathway towards maleness. Presence of this gene starts off the process of virilization. This and other factors result in the sex differences in humans. The cells in females, with two X chromosomes, undergo X-inactivation, in which one of the two X chromosomes is inactivated. The inactivated X chromosome remains within a cell as a Barr body.——Wikipedia

Most people don’t know the first major demarcations:

  • Sex is physically determined, not exclusively, biologically. You can be several, one, two or even none.
  • Gender is socially infused or imprinted. It is mutable.
  • Sexuality is intrinsically self-determined. This too is fluidic along a spectrum not lifetime singularity. (One could make the argument that it is both our society and lifespan that don’t allow for expression of this in a singular lifetime. But as society changes and lifespans increase to 100–150 years for those born after the year 2000, we will have more time to evolve, change and experiment.)

Dating Parameters By Self & Other

So this chick is now online dating. Good for her. For personal safety, if she’s physical presenting and passing and has some, if not all of the sexual reassignment, I would tell her depending upon the site and her sexuality—-determines how she should present.

There are three broad degrees:

  • Passing: can’t tell/no tell where this person started at.
  • In Transition: can tell this person is like an Uber, heading somewhere progressively but not at their destination yet.
  • Can’t Pass: due to age, physical size, high testosterone levels, bone structure—-some folk will always be clockable.

Now before we lock down where James to Janet is on the above scale, what people don’t consider, is not the arrow, but the target.

There are at least three to four degrees of partners for a woman whether she is trans or not:

  • Hetero guy: (who does not know where Janet’s Uber originally came from)
  • Hetero guy: (who knows where Janet’s Uber originally came from, but she has all the Female model parts so he doesn't care.)
  • Homosexual man: who likes James/Janet in his Janet/James—-he’s into crossdressing homosexuals.
  • Skoliosexuals: this is man who is not homosexual and is attracted to a person who presents as female in sex and gender but does not require it absolutely physically. Breasts yes, penis, sure, vagina, maybe.

The reason why I advised several of my clients to present as they present/are is because of safety issues. Al women have to consider whether or not a man is going to kill them. Men being the biggest predator towards women on Earth, seconded to the men, a woman, is related to.

If Janet is Passing——meet him for a meal, see if there’s compatibility, go on a second date in PUBLIC. Do not go to his home, do not let him come to or drop you at your home. Tell him over the phone. This insures safety. more men have snapped and snapped the neck of a trans person, in person, because they got some information about the target of their amorous feelings.

In Transition or Can’t Pass—-it should be obvious from your pictures and profile text. Again, if you show up to his house or he to yours—-and you did some deep fake filter scrubbing and he snaps your neck—-you put yourself into a position for potential violence.

You should probably be clear in writing, on the phone, online that you are clearly trans—-explain it for the slow boys—-before meeting.

As a trans person yes, you’re still a person but you have to clarify if it needs to be discussed from the boundaries of safety first.

If you’re Platinum Grade Passing and he’s Hetero Guy and doesn't know—-this is only going to come up in a long term relationship and potentially having children. Which means that at some point you need to either become “horribly infertile” early on or divulge your secret——again, over the phone to avoid neck snapping.

But if your relationship is just for fun and you’re Passing, no, it’s your personal business, like all medical procedures. The assumption that one’s Sexual history is for public consumption is women imposing th patriarchal bs they’ve been subjected to. Interestingly women, who’ve lived time as men, establish better identity boundaries and self-belief systems. not your daddy, not your husband, not your senator, not your local sheriff, but you, a woman determine your divulgence of sexual history. Women would be more respected and powerful if they learned that the habit of flaying themselves open for inspection is dysfunctional…and spent less times on their cellphones, constantly having them n their hands—-look at that next time you’re strolling around a store or outside.

Women do and suggest to other women to do, disempowering things, that may even endanger them because those initial women were taught to do disempowering things by other women who were taught to do disempowering things.

Unless it is divulged or blatantly obvious, it is no one’s business for many personal and safety reasons.

If more women said none of your fucking business, more often, less women would have to say it. I’m just saying.

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow

Thursday, November 1, 2018

TKPS, Episode # 409 (11/01/18)- The Kyle Phoenix Show


TKPS, Episode # 409 (11/01/18)- The Kyle Phoenix Show
"I Want My Sex Back" Detransitioned Transgender People Who Regretted Changing Sex 

I Want My Sex Back. Detransitioned Transgender People Who Regretted Changing Sex

Detransitioned transgender people who regretted changing sex speak out. Billy, Rene and Walt were born male, but they all felt uncomfortable with their sex. So they underwent sex reassignment surgery, believing it would end their distressing condition, which is known as gender dysphoria – feeling uncomfortable with your birth sex. However, becoming female only brought problems, disappointment and regret.

For more on Transsexualism by Kyle Phoenix check out my books

Tranny: A Transsexual Tragedy  

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Born one way but living another, Nicky K. has it all: low standards, unfulfilled dreams, tragic mulatto angst, a history of sexual abuse, a dead Daddy who is now a pestering car wreck mangled ghost who won't quit criticizing; several obese, depressed White women as BFFs; hostile male to female transsexuals in her therapy group; a friend/former pimp who will only walk five steps ahead of her so as not to be spooked by her bad hair days; and a host of boyfriends including: an ex-convict, former model, a married bi-sexual employer; husband material in a Dominican man... who loves her maleness...a little too much; a porn star; a Pakistani conductor of the 7 train in Queens with a violent wife; her childhood molester who she dates on and off again, and a half brother who she's infatuated with....who is willing to mess around. 



Special Report: Transsexuality, Bisexuality, Omnisexuality and Pan Sexuality: A Guide for All Men

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KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com
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Thursday, March 8, 2018

Kyle Phoenix Answers: How many people have you slept with? Do you think your number is too high or too low?

Teaching sex and sexuality workshops this either comes up directly or in my own personal musings when designing books or curriculum.
But then I get all technical.
  1. Penetrative Sex?
  2. Simply oral sex?
  3. Feel up/oral sex?
  4. Frottage?
  5. Do you count orgies by gross or by individuals? Threesomes? Foursomes? Moresomes?
  6. Then you have to start the subdivisions of male, female, transgenders, transsexuals, etc..
Then I had to look at phases in my life.
11 to 19, wasn’t as active as I would’ve expected. I lost my virginity, tried several things but stayed at under 10.
Something happened at 21. I was working full time, has disposable cash, could go to nightclubs and several of the nightclubs had make out, sex rooms (I’m talking about you Lime Lite!) So you go to a club, dance, make out/have sexual contact in the VIP Make Out Sex Room then go dance some more. Several nights a week. Then I got all invested in trying things out—-NYC is one of the best places to try things out—-and I didn’t drink until I was 25 and I’ve never done drugs so I’ve been able to be, try or refuse lots of things without consequence or blackouts or craziness. I was like a Sex Colombo for about 2 years.
Then I got to SUNY Buffalo and it was a bit of a dry spell, people thought I was doing way more than I was but it really was only maybe a dozen or so, maybe 25 in 5 years. I think it had a lot to do with having done so much previously and then going somewhere that there were young people yes and nubile bodies but lack of experience. I arrived a sexual Obi Wan Kenobi and all these wanna be Jedis dancing around me. About half of my sexualized relationships weren't students, adults from off campus and I was also very circumspect and private so I never had too many obvious relationships that everyone knew about.
25 to 30 was again back in NYC (and briefly Philadelphia) and the numbers doubled maybe. More opportunity, more experienced people, more money, more access. I also felt I hadn’t learned to date enough in middle and high school, maybe only a handful, so I embarked on this internet project of 100 dates in a year. Not all of them became sexual but I did learn how to date.
Now 30 on I blame work. I started volunteering/working for non profits that focused on sexuality for about 7 years and though I had boundaries in my work space, I only had two dates to a dinners that I was dating outside and never brought him and her back to work events, I think the charge of sexual energy daily translated to me at night. Then I had my own 2 bedroom in Manhattan. Then a nightclub owner was super friendly to me, my group, gave us passes so I took the youth over 21 then went myself then would go on loungey nights (Tues-Thurs) it was a short few blocks from my place and sit at the bar, 2 for 1 drinks—-$5! and write books, novels, manuscripts and the strippers would gyrate, st=lap over my notebook, I’d give them a fiver and slap a booty. A pleasant productive night for $10! I met more and more people at that club and online and my apartment became a nice sexual space for about 3–6 years. I was able to teach about sex and then practice what I taught with a whole different cohort.
I noticed on here a lot of people went anonymous which I find kinda funny and kinda sad. It’s just sex. But peope and their religions and their parents and such have such hang ups about sex. I wasn’t raised that way. In fact my parents and stepfathers had such direct, honest discussions about sex and drugs and life with me that I’m the conservative one by comparative estimates.
I would say that if I had to do a count, and I remmeber doing one abotu a decade ago and then building in all the factors of the list 1–6. All of the encounters being safe sex or the action itself obviating safe sex risk. (No I’m not going to graphically explain that, work it out yourself.) I’m no Wilt Chamberlain, but I’m no shrinking violet either.
I would say definitely over 200, under 300ish. I’ve answered ALL of my questions, I don’t think I have any fantasies really. Been there done that. I’ve been able to write dozens of books on sexuality and teach thousands of classes because of it and ask lots of questions dressed and undressed of lots of sexes, genders, sexualities. But I would again add it’s all been safe sex and I’ve never broken agreements of monogamy. If it’s duo monogamous situation I generally negotiate that we should invite the other or tell the other if that state changes, I’ve never broken that agreement.
(But one must then calculate in groups and if you’ve touched a pit, you can’t acquit even if you never got to whether a glove would fit.)
While my number may seem high, I would submit: How many hours of TV have you watched? I don’t watch TV. So if the American average is 4 hours a day, times 365, say roughly 1200 hours a year, times 20 years, 24,000 hours. Think about all the series you’ve seen every episode of, movies, sports events. Think of all the simulated murders, rapes, violence, misogyny.
I’ve spent about 15,000 hours over those 300ish being intimate, in pleasure, being present and enjoying ourselves, seeking to give joy and receive it, with other human beings, not staring at a screen….where other people are pretending.
The direct benefit? I’m far less judgmental of people and their relationships or their sexuality. I personally believe your crotch is your business and mine. I have no “beliefs” or rules about what people should and shouldn’t do.
I believe in everything, religions wise, but I ascribe to no religion. I think of them all like cable channels…but I know it’s all just TV, a curated, projection of reality but not the reality itself.
I’m more accepting of people’s differences in general. Barring violence or coercion, I’m not on any bandwagons of political hate or upset or social justice blindness or unaware of my inherently imbued racism and sexism and classism that I work diligently to supersede or correct because I do it and think it a thousand ways every day, my goal is to correct it 1001.
I’m very comfortable with myself. I like myself. My body. Even when I could stand to lose a few pounds. And I don’t judge other’s bodies in the same ways. Yes, I have preferences and things I find more or less attractive but that which I don’t favor, I don’t ridicule or eschew as valid under the Sunship. No fats, no fems is indicative of the church of the poisoned mind to me.
I love people. I have learned how to in a short period of time be vulnerable whether clothed or not, in front of a group or not. be vulnerable. A lot of the anonymous I’ve had sex with 4 people posts? Can’t be vulnerable to the world because of_______________ fill in the blank.
A lot less tension and a lot more sexual offers, relationship offers, dating offers. I’ve achieved EricssonMalcolm Gladwell Outliers Mastery!!!!!!!!

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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I Want to Be Anything BUT Black, Gay or a Man


Recently I was wandering down memory lane and I came upon past students, friends and friends of friends who delved deeper into the spectrum of being feminine and effeminate.  I started thinking about some of things I noticed as a Youth Coordinator for young men of color under 25 and the struggle I had in balancing a racially conscious program, a sexuality conscious program steering them towards manhood and the resistance they put up.  By resistance I mean Britney Spears and Mandy Moore and Sailor Moon---not simply a level of diva interests (I didn't/couldn't listen to Beyonce for several years because of the inundation from them around her) but an affinity to these young White women.  I noticed it, I started thinking about critical racial theory and I did some shows on it, a video or two and kept it moving.  As the coordinator and as a teacher I was and am challenged with the fact that society is changing, thew world is changing and I always want my students to take advantage of that and express themselves truthfully, artfully, but most importantly fully.  In fact I want them to know the projections people put upon their race, mitigate that and transcend race.  Transcend the limitations and quotas and judgments and do the same with their sexuality. Even more, more, more importantly, I want them to define their sexuality however they feel it, healthily.

But.....

Then a few days ago I was with a student in Harlem when a----person strolled by.  6'2, 215, born physically male with very little make-up but a shoulder length weave and sauntering and flaunting and having a Naomi Campbell strolling moment across 8th Avenue.  My straight student was aghast, I noticed the person and kept it moving.  I'll rewind here and say one of my certifications is from THINY (Transsexual Health Initiative New York) because there were several borderline, possible transsexuals in that youth program several years ago.  Even further back I've had long term friendships with.....persons who were divining where they were on the sexuality, sex and gender spectrum,  I'm so cautious with the word "person" here because I've even had students a few months ago who were physically one place and displaying, acting like another.  The best tactic I've learned and practiced for over a decade, is to allow an obvious person to define their gender and sex and take it from there.  I heartily recommend this to everyone, it saves, time, stress and distress.

But........

I noticed that most of the sex and gender players were Black and Latino males.  Now, I'm a huge proponent of Keith Swain's Alpha and Beta theory---in fact I kick myself for not running the nationwide emotional and biological survey that he did because I noticed some of the same characteristics in men years ago too.   Some MSM/gay men are Alphas and some Betas.  I figured that I had a passel of Betas in my programs.  But then in getting to know them---fathers were absent.  There was a lack of cultural self-knowledge as well.    Then I have a few clients who have been dressing and living as women, taking hormone supplements and even illegal silicone injections to develop breasts and hips and buttocks.  But they, several having the financial means, haven't pursued sexual reassignment surgery.  What gives?


A couple of weeks ago I started adding up all of the biological males I've met who are "playing" with sex and gender.  I say playing for lack of better word.  Last year while facilitating a workshop, it started delving deeply into transsexual land and I was clearing up misnomers and such---primarily with this group of men because there were two men in the room who I confidentially knew while dressing.presenting male had emotional questions about their sex and gender.  That's natural.  They enjoy some dress up and have considered seeking deeper therapy to reconcile their questions/inner confusions.  The Beta definition of extra estrogen really has helped them, by the way.

But.....

What about the biological males who were dressing.living 24/7 as females?  All Black/Latino, most with absent or sexuality discriminating fathers, all having been sexually abused and all having issues with being Black/Latino.  In fact they all gravitated towards White "new" names (Amber, Alexis, Tiffany, Crystal----exoticized or seemingly Upper Class names), identities, identifications, social groups, best friends and entertainment idolizations.  I started thinking about is it so hard being a Black/Latino male in America that given the "out" would one rather be a female---if you could pass---or even someone who was an "other" (presenting as in-between or deliberate gender confusion) before being a man of color?  I started thinking about the psychological impact of being raised by single mothers of color.  Men of color raise boys to manage racism, they teach them tactics on how to deal with prejudice, discrimination; transfer instincts of when to react and when to back off/down.  But several racial psychologists have figured out that women teach boys both the perils of racism and the fear of misogyny and rape, which is the double psychological concern women or color carry in society.  From a father you learn how to handle the problem, from a woman though you learn you're in danger, no, really and They---the Boogeyman They are going to harm destroy you and there's nothing your primary protector your mother can do.  In a sense she's suggesting that you're on your own in the jungle.  Conversely girls learn from single mothers how to be strong women who are independent, self sufficient, maybe don't  need a man and how to raise children.


Some males find mentors, uncles, brothers, cousins, teachers, etc. who example and teach manhood to men of color or even more progressive, a woman is aware that cats can't raise dogs so they deliberately find men to mentor their boys.  But what happens to homosexual boys who may feel like outcasts to begin with due to sensing their sexuality is different, they get a big heap of a mother's fears and inability to teach racism negotiation skills and then they're cast out into society at 15, 16, 17 years old?  Is it easier to just abandon the foreign male gender/sex and instead "hide" in the female guise?  Why would they do this?  Well, in many ways society makes "space" for women, even transsexual women.  While women are victims of patriarchy and misogyny it's still a notch about homophobia.  A woman has value and acceptance that one might not get as simply an effeminate homosexual.  The individual can even wrap themselves in the illusion of being a woman with a man who might like the illusion of a woman socially but wants to be with the physicality of a male.  Suddenly we're in a mental/emotional miasma of homosexual/Same Gender Loving males finding a way to obviate the intensity of racism in America.


I've been African American for several years now, had social experiences with racism and even relationship racism/prejudice from Black, White, Latinos, Asians, (but not Aboriginal/Native Americans yet) and I can see how it would be easier to live as a Black woman.  I'll admit that there was a time when I liked someone who liked me and liked a woman and I thought to myself---she trumps me because....well, she's a woman and at the end of the day, she can, even if she were as brown skinned as me, sit at a Thanksgiving dinner with him and all of his family and have his babies.  Women of color in American society tend to be employed twice as much as similarly qualified males because historically of how Black/Latino male are perceived and feared.  I can even see how someone would want to be an obvious feminine "person" who might garner sympathy, pity or people would be helpful to avoid being labelled homophobic.

Is the use of hormones and illegal silicone injections and shocking public displays the extreme of this revulsion.fear of being a male of color?  My concern, maybe it's from teaching so long is I worry about drag queens and strippers and gender players and the in-betweens because while I know maybe, here in NYC we're living in the 21st century, it's not the same everywhere.  And you can't live in gay club or just with your gay community forever.  At some point you have to come out of your cocoon and deal with the mass societal reality that the rest of us do.

But is it really that serious to want such an out of being a man of color?  


Next Time: The Physical Extremes People Go To NOT To Be Black, Latino, Gay Or a Man

Enjoy!!!!

Thank you for reading,

Kyle Phoenix
Email: kylephoenixshow@aol.com
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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

What is Feminine Manhood?

Men of color, Black and Latino, who are MSM are obsessed with two things---their penises and the perception of themselves as masculine---there is such an obsessiveness around concepts of masculinity that it's borderline paranoia.  There is a constant watching of self and others for excessive femininity and "bitch-assness" and eradication of any hint of the feminine because if you were then....then....well, you wouldn't be a man.  But the question that under girds this is what defines what a man is?  Perception, actions, self-definition, all three?
What are you?  What do you assure people you are?  What are you terrified of being seen as?

Masculinity and femininity are personality traits.  Like being even tempered or humorous.  It's a social/habituated way of acting out one's persona.  One's persona is generally one's immediate public face.
Manhood and womanhood are character based.  Your character is who you truly are.  Are you a person of integrity, responsibility, accountability, generosity   Are you accountable for your actions and words?  That would tell us about your character.  Manhood however is not body based, just like I think we're advancing as humans to realize than neither is the feminine principle/self.

Wandering around my home now and past homes in memory I have lots of plants, books, relaxing colors, and pictures, pictures all over the walls.  I like Gustav Klimt, I have a huge poster of Storm of the X-Men done in a way that emphasizes African masks and wind that I got as a gift years ago framed.  I have some Haitian reprints, some Native American, Asian and Cuban framed sets from calendars.  But what I noticed as I was putting together a visioning board was that unconsciously a lot of my surrounding art was feminine based.

But I'm not particularly feminine in person, in movement, in countenance, and I'm not turned out by say Beyonce or Lady Gaga or Nicki Minaj, in artistic or visceral ways.  I grew up really liking Janet Jackson, posters, tapes and CDs, remix CDs, concerts, concert films, and her handful of films.  I've never had a desire for drag, I went once in college to a Halloween party and literally was more interested in the process of finding clothes and trying to do it right because I knew there would be a contest but I never "got off on it".

I don't like girly things, I don't even like frilly, sobbing, girly girls.  Petticoats, teas----Lord knows daughters will be a challenge for me---I'm just not that "queenie".  I'm likely to tell a crying girl to "man up"!  But when I examine myself a little further, when I look at the feminine aspects of my personality it is far more regal, more Queen with a capital Q, more matriarchal.  I love children and small animals but I hate bugs.  I cry at movies, oddly at lots of different things---last fall apart?---I Am Love with Tilda Swinton (the last scene with the maid---I lost it!  But I find Seven  with Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt---HILARIOUS!  I laughed so long and hard in a theater in Buffalo that it started a wave of hilarity in the theater---"he cut off her nose to spite her face!"---classic!) When I look at my mother, aunts and grandmother----only some of them have a feminine power, a regalness, Madge Sinclair-ish, Phylicia Rashad, Angela Bassett---like that.  

Then I get really crazy and do the whole testosterone/estrogen evaluation survey and examine the physicality of my own body that connotes higher levels of testosterone.  (This is based on the psychological and physiological testing that can be found in Keith Swain's Dynamic Duos---the most controversial, insight, attended and longest running seminars/workshops I do on this as men find out if they're Alphas or Betas or a blending and how they act and why based upon nature.)   I have a deep baritone voice (I played Santa Claus in the 3rd grade my voice is so deep); pointer finger to ring finger ration; hip to shoulder ratio; shoulder level in relationship to body structure; testosterone based ways of thinking and feeling that are not as empathetic (read: estrogen soaked); faculty at different forms of math and science.


I'm a blending---my body is very Alpha masculine but some of my tastes, my abilities are blended with being able to cook (even done it professionally at a bistro); dance; sew; match colors; choose clothing; enjoy Saks Fifth Avenue like a religion; preference for a more comfortable rather than excessively masculine/stern living environment.  And I've never thought anything about the synergy that isn't 50/50, maybe more 70/30, until I was around more MSM obsessed with defining their identity through it.  Or more importantly obsessively needing, wanting, screaming they are 100% masculine.  Sometimes they would just randomly announce this----like crossing the street or leaning over a table for a fork or while talking about checking accounts in a financial based workshop.  Yeah, that kind of obsessive.

I, honestly being comfortable with myself, in fact really loving my blend, the regality, the strength, the comfort, the blending power from the perceptions of others but the gentleness I feel and adoration at children and small animals (I'm the guy who makes wild faces at children on the train or always flashes babies a smile; and animals like me), am happy with my blend.  I don't think about what my family or friends or strangers think about my penchant for Emporio Armani suits or Apricot mud masks or that I like Oxford style shoes but love boots because of the heel (hilariously enough, I'm more wobbly footed in flats and sneakers than shoes and boots).

But sometimes I'm sitting there or talking to someone and they're crushing themselves, or the spirit of another with the comparisons and measurements.  Without feminine men, there would be no trailblazers, so when I see them in public----and we all see them---because that's part of the point, right?---I think ok, there he is.  I never discriminate.  I've had and dated, male and female people, and had friends all along the continuum and even transsexuals.  If I'm your friend, I'm your friend---I'm not measuring your personality for appropriate presentation levels.
I guess if I really extend it through my belief system, I don't believe in the body.  I believe there's a spirit/energy of some form within everyone.  And some folks are feminine energy based and others masculine.  They get dropped into all different kinds of bodies for the learning process/lessons that we're here for.  It's funny though, I often notice MSM who don't allow for the range in dating or friendships, tend to be the most unhappy with how romance is working out.  Somehow I think the feminine must be present and acknowledged and cultivated within one's self and pointedly in a relationship.  Probably even more so when it's a same gender relationship.  I think that if you exclude the feminine guys, all the way up to extremely effeminate, you're missing out on some of that Yin balancing energy.  I think you're also setting up a level of misogyny and maybe annihilating the possibility for real love and community.




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