What is Feminine Manhood?

Men of color, Black and Latino, who are MSM are obsessed with two things---their penises and the perception of themselves as masculine---there is such an obsessiveness around concepts of masculinity that it's borderline paranoia.  There is a constant watching of self and others for excessive femininity and "bitch-assness" and eradication of any hint of the feminine because if you were then....then....well, you wouldn't be a man.  But the question that under girds this is what defines what a man is?  Perception, actions, self-definition, all three?

What are you?  What do you assure people you are?  What are you terrified of being seen as?

Masculinity and femininity are personality traits.  Like being even tempered or humorous.  It's a social/habituated way of acting out one's persona.  One's persona is generally one's immediate public face.

Manhood and womanhood are character based.  Your character is who you truly are.  Are you a person of integrity, responsibility, accountability, generosity   Are you accountable for your actions and words?  That would tell us about your character.  Manhood however is not body based, just like I think we're advancing as humans to realize than neither is the feminine principle/self.

Wandering around my home now and past homes in memory I have lots of plants, books, relaxing colors, and pictures, pictures all over the walls.  I like Gustav Klimt, I have a huge poster of Storm of the X-Men done in a way that emphasizes African masks and wind that I got as a gift years ago framed.  I have some Haitian reprints, some Native American, Asian and Cuban framed sets from calendars.  But what I noticed as I was putting together a visioning board was that unconsciously a lot of my surrounding art was feminine based.

But I'm not particularly feminine in person, in movement, in countenance, and I'm not turned out by say Beyonce or Lady Gaga or Nicki Minaj, in artistic or visceral ways.  I grew up really liking Janet Jackson, posters, tapes and CDs, remix CDs, concerts, concert films, and her handful of films.  I've never had a desire for drag, I went once in college to a Halloween party and literally was more interested in the process of finding clothes and trying to do it right because I knew there would be a contest but I never "got off on it".

I don't like girly things, I don't even like frilly, sobbing, girly girls.  Petticoats, teas----Lord knows daughters will be a challenge for me---I'm just not that "queenie".  I'm likely to tell a crying girl to "man up"!  But when I examine myself a little further, when I look at the feminine aspects of my personality it is far more regal, more Queen with a capital Q, more matriarchal.  I love children and small animals but I hate bugs.  I cry at movies, oddly at lots of different things---last fall apart?---I Am Love with Tilda Swinton (the last scene with the maid---I lost it!  But I find Seven  with Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt---HILARIOUS!  I laughed so long and hard in a theater in Buffalo that it started a wave of hilarity in the theater---"he cut off her nose to spite her face!"---classic!) When I look at my mother, aunts and grandmother----only some of them have a feminine power, a regalness, Madge Sinclair-ish, Phylicia Rashad, Angela Bassett---like that.  

Then I get really crazy and do the whole testosterone/estrogen evaluation survey and examine the physicality of my own body that connotes higher levels of testosterone.  (This is based on the psychological and physiological testing that can be found in Keith Swain's Dynamic Duos---the most controversial, insight, attended and longest running seminars/workshops I do on this as men find out if they're Alphas or Betas or a blending and how they act and why based upon nature.)   I have a deep baritone voice (I played Santa Claus in the 3rd grade my voice is so deep); pointer finger to ring finger ration; hip to shoulder ratio; shoulder level in relationship to body structure; testosterone based ways of thinking and feeling that are not as empathetic (read: estrogen soaked); faculty at different forms of math and science.

I'm a blending---my body is very Alpha masculine but some of my tastes, my abilities are blended with being able to cook (even done it professionally at a bistro); dance; sew; match colors; choose clothing; enjoy Saks Fifth Avenue like a religion; preference for a more comfortable rather than excessively masculine/stern living environment.  And I've never thought anything about the synergy that isn't 50/50, maybe more 70/30, until I was around more MSM obsessed with defining their identity through it.  Or more importantly obsessively needing, wanting, screaming they are 100% masculine.  Sometimes they would just randomly announce this----like crossing the street or leaning over a table for a fork or while talking about checking accounts in a financial based workshop.  Yeah, that kind of obsessive.

I, honestly being comfortable with myself, in fact really loving my blend, the regality, the strength, the comfort, the blending power from the perceptions of others but the gentleness I feel and adoration at children and small animals (I'm the guy who makes wild faces at children on the train or always flashes babies a smile; and animals like me), am happy with my blend.  I don't think about what my family or friends or strangers think about my penchant for Emporio Armani suits or Apricot mud masks or that I like Oxford style shoes but love boots because of the heel (hilariously enough, I'm more wobbly footed in flats and sneakers than shoes and boots).

But sometimes I'm sitting there or talking to someone and they're crushing themselves, or the spirit of another with the comparisons and measurements.  Without feminine men, there would be no trailblazers, so when I see them in public----and we all see them---because that's part of the point, right?---I think ok, there he is.  I never discriminate.  I've had and dated, male and female people, and had friends all along the continuum and even transsexuals.  If I'm your friend, I'm your friend---I'm not measuring your personality for appropriate presentation levels.

I guess if I really extend it through my belief system, I don't believe in the body.  I believe there's a spirit/energy of some form within everyone.  And some folks are feminine energy based and others masculine.  They get dropped into all different kinds of bodies for the learning process/lessons that we're here for.  It's funny though, I often notice MSM who don't allow for the range in dating or friendships, tend to be the most unhappy with how romance is working out.  Somehow I think the feminine must be present and acknowledged and cultivated within one's self and pointedly in a relationship.  Probably even more so when it's a same gender relationship.  I think that if you exclude the feminine guys, all the way up to extremely effeminate, you're missing out on some of that Yin balancing energy.  I think you're also setting up a level of misogyny and maybe annihilating the possibility for real love and community.

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