Homosexuals as SuperVictims: Beaten, Robbed and Wronged

You know what went wrong.  In fact you know who did it to you.  It was Mommy.  Or Daddy.  Or your siblings.  Or your ex.  Maybe it was White men.  Or bigger yet, society.  Perhaps you've narrowed it down to heterosexual people and their damned attentive resentment towards you.  In fact their resentment is also a level of jealousy---in fact, you've come to believe it's actually envy.  Envy at your lifetsyle, your freedom, the handsome men (or beautiful women) you have torrid affairs with.  Your lack of children.  They've got a massive case of "The Can't Takes" .

Or maybe not.

Maybe, truthfully, it's you.

In order to salvage our precious egoes, humans, pointedly men, particularly homosexual men, will often point the finger outwards rather than inward.  Why?  Growing up constantly hiding an aspect of your identity, constantly deflecting the truth about yourself creates a giant ball of passive aggressive secret shame.  Is it no wonder that MSM are such accomplished liars?  They've been lying for years, to everyone---his momma, his daddy, his best friends, his siblings, his boss, his girlfriends---and then you're shocked, aghast that he lied to you!  Consider this though---integrity, a component of manhood is learned and practiced.  Taking Accountability and Responsibility for one's actions, whether it was one's fault or design (yeah, that trips dudes up) is instrumental to being 100% actualized as a man.  Which is why so many men opt for being masculine, it is literally toilet tissue personality-based-manhood/outer-illusion, compared to iron cast internal character manhood.

But you're jonesing for a man.  Maybe even you have one in mind.  How to navigate someone who's been encultured not to be honest, not to be intimate with you and is perhaps in the chrysalis stage of growth?

Beaten

He dogs you out.  You are the 2am booty call.  He texts you---"Wassup?"  You answer.  Boom!  One hour later you're doing the horizontal Lambada, two hours later he's figuratively or literally, wiping himself off on you or your sheets, taking a shower and bouncing.

Now, you think to yourself: It felt good........sort of.  You agreed to the scenario so how can you feel so dissatisfied?

You've just beaten your spirit up a little.

Let's take it away from the high concept of spirituality and instead leave it at ground level brainwashing by the world.  Your family, friends and tv have all praised the beauty of an initmate relationship.  They've invited you to weddings and squabbled as couples in front of you and told you one day your Prince would come....they didn't mean it the way your Prince has though.  You're unfulfilled but you signed up for it and maybe, worse yet, he's likable as a person.  He just treats you like a twenty four hour McDonald's and later you find out he's met someone "special".  Oh, snap!

Robbed

He took your Stuff.  You thought if you gave him some of your good stuff, that stuff you been saving, that stuff you saw in a movie and thought to yourself---"When the One comes along, I'm gonna do some of that there Stuff to him."  And he came along and you did the Stuff and he left....and...and...that's not how it went in the movie.

You left too much space on your back.  You gave away too much.  And now, you're mad.  You're sad.  You're too much or too little, you're doing drugs or eating too much or at the gym like a maniac or trying to achieve revenge sex by hanging out constantly or working too long and too hard, just to blindside your own damn self from the realization that you were having orgasms, or maybe you weren't, but he definitely was....he was having orgasms while he robbed you.

How to deal with the passive aggressive man who learned to take intimacy and giving and Stuff but not to give/  He feels a sense of entitlement at you satisfying his needs---listening to his baby drama, believing he was too busy at work to call, not being the one you know he was buying gifts for, never been his priority only his long suffering task to complete.  You were robbed and you've discovered that most heinous crimes are never against the law.

Wronged

You sum it up.  You been wronged.  You been hoodwinked.  You been bamboozled.  You been lead astray.  No one can understand your pain because, honestly---most of the people you talk to about it---women---either commiserate or pat your hands and say they been there---inferring they're not there now.  There's a level of pity in your friends voices.  But there's something else, something that you realize is linked to the crimes against your natural nature, in the back of their voices.  You deserved it.  You had it coming.

Your kind can't expect happiness.

Sound familiar?

The value of Accountability and Responsibility, hard iron to carry is that they are delightful material for sword and shield.

I did that.  I called that in.  I accepted less.  That's what Accountability sounds like.  Not beating yourself up---I did it again, I called him, I keep taking less----no, iron lipped proclamation to friends and the sky and birds---I did that.

When we take Accountability for our actions we're telling ourselves and the Universe that we have power, that we are powerful, that in fact we're so powerful sometimes we smack ourselves in the face with our own power.  And once you realize that---you move into---I don't have to do that anymore.  Then we're suddenly dancing with Accountability in the ballroom of Responsibility.

Now the ballroom of Responsibility is a room avoided by passive aggressive shamed based individuals because your way of doing things, which definitely don't work, are familiar.  They are familiar the way only self inflicted pain can ache and ravage but still be comforting to slip into.  Yet when we acknowledge Responsibility---I am capable of making---we suddenly have the funnel for our power.  Suddenly we look at ourselves, our power, our errors, our wins and our sins and we realize---woah, I made this.  Therefore if I have the internal natural nature power of Making and I did that, I made that---I can make anything else that I want.

I did that.
I can make anything I want.

You're no longer Beaten---you was hitting yourself.
You're no longer Robbed---can't take away what you naturally are.
You're no longer Wronged---you decide what you make, good AND bad.


And now you're free of being, acting, or being mistaken for a SuperVictim.

somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff

stealin my shit from me/ dont make it yrs/ makes it stolen/
somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff/ & i waz standin
 there/ lookin at myself/ the whole time 
& it waznt a spirit took my stuff/ waz a man whose 
ego walked round like Rodan’s shadow/ waz a man faster
n my innocence/.....................waz a lover/ i made too much 
room for/ almost run off wit alla my stuff/
& i didnt know i’d give it up so quik/ & the one runnin wit it/
don’t know he got it/ & i’m shoutin this is mine/ & he dont 
know he got it/ my stuff is the anonymous ripped off treasure
 of the year/

ntozake shange. “For coloured girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf” 

Thank you,

Kyle Phoenix

kylephoenixshow@aol.com

http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Time Warner Cable, Verizon Fios or Comcast or the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/