I Am Really A Woman...Sort of. Or I Was...Probably by Kyle Phoenix

You know what really pisses me the fuck off?
The excessive, constant, puerile, incessant, rabid professing of MSM (or bi, gay, omni, sgl, straight---pick a stick to skew on) who go on and on and on and on about how masculine they are.  How absolutely completely and thoroughly they are the epitome of masculinity.
God, they're annoying and irritating.
Actually they're closer to boring.
Don't get me wrong, there are men (and some women...like Rosie O'Donnell (I'm still tripping on the act that the world reacted when she came out...was that really a secret?  Terry McMillan.  I'd say more on Terry's....masculine strength energy but I'm afraid one day she might...you know...kick my ass. Go all Furiosa on me like I was trying to stop the breast milk tanker or something. Digression....)
MSM have fallen into this rabbit hole, like K hole but not as interesting as to how you go there, about I'm a man.  Which reminds me of the little boy in my FAVORITE movie (okay, one of my Top Three Films---if I told you several of the others on the Top ten list, you'd get nervous about me.  terry McMillan nervous.) Gloria, starring Gena Rowlands.  She's basically a washed up mob moll living in a Bronx building who is charged with protecting a smart aleck Puerto Rican kid as the mob tries to kill him.  She doesn't like him.  i can relate, I'm a teacher.  I love children.  Children, under 12 once ran me out of a classroom after I tried to teach them math for 4 hours.  There's a reason why I teach adults...  But I do love children.  Some kids.  Not everybody kids.  Not gangs of kids all the time.  Sometimes, not all the times.
But I relate to Gloria in the movie who tries to fob off the kid, push him away and then when the wolves come for him, when the mob guys explain that they're going to take him and do away with him because of what he might of seen, kill him....SHE GOES THE FUCK OFF ON THEM (in silk Ungaro!!)

I have known since I was a child that I would die for a child, for children.  If there was a truck barreling down the road, a kid in the street---no hesitation, I would gladly, almost gleefully honor my self, my creator, knock the kid out of the way and take death.
I would also kill for children.

Not for some bullshit patriotic, jerk off jingoistic patriarchal fantasy of hegemony oppression and domination---I eschew CNN, war talk, Iraq bullshit, war films (I never go to war films---ok, one Tears of The Sun---Bruce Willis---because of my double crush on him and Monica Belluci---and the fact that as contrived and heartstring pulling as the film is, he won't leave the Africans behind---kids, women, etc..  I saw it three times in the theater, cried each time.)

I spew the above because it's a feminine growl, roar within me.  Now I'm over 6 feet tall, I've sounded like James Earl Jones since the third grade (freaking out teachers, allowing me to be truant and call up schools and pretend to be my stepfather and get the lead of Santa Claus once as a 10 year old), I've exercised, jogged, run marathons, lifted weights, done Ashtanga yoga---hurt my knees, went and got a Pepsi and plan out Haagen Daz because pffft, come on---I'm gonna eat the whole pint in a sitting---all of this had lead to my playing between 200 and 250lbs for about 20 years (there was a brief stint in undergrad when I got moving/exercising, like a lot,m and got down to 170lbs.  People thought I was dying.  But ironically I also had dreds down to my ass (I'd like to formally throw out that I was the first to weave in a colored---like Kool Aid red or white dred---red for passion, for being a phoenix, white for sageness, for wisdom learned---yeah, I've been....interesting over the years.)  I'm a big, manly, Alpha by testosterone balance (yeah I actually know that---look up the Alpha Beta test on here), deep voiced, honestly, hung (no, I've never measured; when asked I tell people I focused instead on becoming a man rather than measuring appendages that my atelier doesn't have to make regular clothing adjustments for), I've only been mugged once in Brooklyn at 16 because I ignored my instincts and walked into the Chinese restaurant that a gang was sitting in....  I've been in a few fists fights, one in the past few years when someone got lippy with me in my house, my house!---I will fuck you up if you come for me, but all of that masculine energy stuff?

It's high end feminine energy.

Now let me clarify.  I don't like shopping with women for stuff (though I have a good fashion eye I like to think); I don't like frilly, weak, girly-girl stuff or women for that matter; I detest misogyny.

Remember Madge Sinclair?

That kind of Queenly feminine energy?
That's what I feel inside.
I feel it from the perspective, the heaviness of a Queen, a ruler, sovereign.
I have always elected since I was child that I am sovereign unto myself.
I will never meet the Queen of England...because like Ava Gardner, I'll  never kneel before another bitch.

It gets scarier.

My mother nicknamed me a Grade A Cunt when i was about 16 because in arguments, attitude and demeanor---champagne tastes (Emporio Armani!) I was really a bit much.  I probably said something scathing.

I remember looking in a full length mirror in my bedroom when I was 15, completely naked and thinking.  Oh, this time I'm male.  Okay, I can work with that.  At several tarot card readers they told me that this is my first time being male, all my previous lives I've been female.  My godmother of 20 years agrees and in fact added that I struggle (?) with weight because I relate to my body subconsciously as a woman would, not as a man would.  Lean is not in my future.,...unless you know...I'm dying.  And then, I'm gonna go hard on Popeyes and cake and ice cream and steak and lobster and Alfredo and bbq ribs, chicken, beef----oh, God I'm salivating.




 I tend to intimidate people.  I accept this now.  I didn't before, I think that's where I got the Disease to Please flu from.  I used to be so careful with people.  I even used to modulate the volume of my voice so I wouldn't frighten small children, women, men, dogs, adults, cars.

I'm not interested in you know voguing and I only have done "drag" once in college for a Halloween masquerade ball at Swarthmore.  I looked like a lighter Viola Davis.  For me the thrill was wondering around Philly for a month picking out just the right outfit and shoes.  Once I dressed up, after two hours I was bored with it, as only someone who'd done it for hundreds of years previously could be.

Sexually?  You know you smutty thinkers were wondering if I'd go all proclamation of the art of big boy bottoming and wanting my walls knocked out and having my drum beat.  Ummm, no, not my position of preference.  But I like to think my spiritual feminine self awareness has made me a better lover---no complaints, cash, gifts, 4 year college education, apartments---offered, so I must be doing something or someone, man or woman, right, right?  Me and Madonna and boytoys---we're right there.  I'm that kind of feminine energy...until you know maybe a King shows up...but they haven't.  actually the Kings who do show up tend be straight and wish I were a woman.  Good friends but no romance there.  So I content myself with good sexy men who I hope will be good, protective parents to my children---I fully expect to always make more money than them.  Supposedly there are two contextualizations you can fall into as a parent psychically---the one who wants to be home with the kids or the one who envisions themselves supporting the household.  Guess which one I see myself as?  I always see myself as holding children as I step down the stairway of an airplane...okay, a private plan.  Sunglasses.  Yeah, I'm that kind of bitch.





However I believe it's just energetic switch hitting, there are masculine things about myself that I like---the height.  Short people are funny.  Being paid more.  Being able to walk unmolested by comment or hands on streets, night or day (except you know, in the deep South or by certain police stations...though my brief stint in jail?  I was safe.  And well regarded by the male prisoners and guards.  I ran that bitch and was only challenged by another big Black man who said he was calling me out to stop fucking with them so much---that's a whole other tale...)

I love my Pashmina scarves.  I have like 100.  I like men's shoes and boots that have a good, solid heel on them though.  I rarely wear sneakers or flats, I have trouble walking without a heel.  Go figure.  And no, I have no transsexual yearnings or desire.  I've had several trans friends, even wrote the book (tranny by Kyle Phoenix on Amazon---shameless plug) so I know that trope inside out.  No desire there to cut, fold, tuck, invert or insert artificial anything, ever.  Though, Seinfeld-yes, there's nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.

I stop and look in store windows wistfully and think if I were a woman I'd rock the hell out of that.  But curiously I have no desire to you know buy the outfit and stumble through the Village like Jeffrey Tambor in Transparent or anything.  Never have.  That long ago Halloween was my last foray.  Though I have a killer gender bender costume in mind from a Gustav Klimt painting.

Ok, the point of my digital rant was to encourage you to embrace your spirit.  Feminine or masculine, it's expression and not try to hide or downplay the feminine.  The feminine energy within me has allowed me to nurse my grandmother as she died, counsel friends through pain and death, change my ailing mother's diapers and wash her body with such care and affection that she complimented me that I really knew how to care for a female body because she no longer could.  I've cradled children and comforted them and run out onto the street once when teenagers were bullying a preteen girl and her brother with a ferocity and furiosa that it seemed like they were my children.  I've sat on the train with a drunken young lady in the corner of my eye, as marauding men surrounded her, and I growled at them, I let them know that there was a lionness seated a few feet nearby, not a accomplice, who would rend them, tear them to protect her, a stranger.  I've been gentle with dumb men.  I've been loving with men who have never felt loved.  I've leaned into a young woman's face and told her to get the fuck up, to not snivel and cower and cry, to not embarrass us, the feminine, because she was more than her pain.  I suppose I teach with the feminine, with a loving, stern, patience and deliberation to fulfill my life's mission: To free my people.

I don't think feminine is better or worse than masculine, male or female, I think that whole war of the sexes argument, discussion is trivial bullshit too.  I think we have work to do on Earth and I don't have time to measure cocks to clits.

Embrace yourself.
I do.
I am sovereign unto myself.



Smile, Kyle

Reincarnation???

Are You an Alpha or a Beta Man?: The Alpha/Beta Mating Style Test

The Alpha/Beta Mating Style.

 The ABMS test results in an Alpha /Beta score that falls between 0 and 100 points. Scoring is simple. Each question is a true or false question, with the total number of true answers indicating your overall Alpha/Beta  score. Follow the scoring guidelines at the end of your test for a complete ABMS score. 

Simply mark an (X)  next to each true statement that is true about you.

                                                            Part One: Physical.

1, In general, others would describe my face as more rugged as gentle.

2, I stand 6 feet or taller.

3, I have a heavier beard, and tend to have a strong five O'clock shadow.

4, I have a cleft in my chin.

5, I have a square jaw.

6, My face shape is square.

7, My pointer finger is shorter then my ring finger.

8, My penis is six inches or less when Its erect.

9, My shoulders are significantly wider then my hips.

10, My waist is the same width or wider then my hips.

11, My body is more stocky then willowy.

12, I tend to turn down the heat, preferring a cooler living environment.

13, I have a high forehead, or I am  naturally bald or balding.

14, My hair is on the crest of my head grows in a counter-clockwise direction.

15, I have a strong bony ridge over my eyes.

16, I prefer to wear my hair short, off my ears, and off my face.

17,  when standing naturally, my shoulders are squared, not sloping.

18, Looking at my head and neck profile, there is more of a right angle then a diagonal line between my chin and Adams apple.

19, When I was a young boy, my body was markedly more muscular then soft or thin.

20, People would describe the way I move, when walking, talking or dancing, as a highly masculine.

21, I have not had an eating disorder. 

22, I am rarely surprised by how feminine I appear in candid photographs.

23, when being photographed, I rarely find that I have blinked at the wrong time.

24, I am generally happy with my body's appearance.

25, When I hear my voice on a recording I hear a  deep masculine voice.

                                               

PART TWO: Sexuality

26, I Prefer to be the insertive partner (top) to being the receptive partner (bottom) when having anal sex.

27, I prefer to be the receptive partner (getting) as opposed to being the active partner (giving) when having Oral sex.

28, I went through puberty about the same time as, or later than,  my same-gendered peers.

29, I came out later than most gay men I know, or I have not come out yet.

30, When I tell others, most people are surprised to discover I prefer men to women.

31, If I could choose, I would tend to have  sex with  men who have smooth, youthful faces,  instead of rugged, masculine faces.

32, In my lifetime, I tended to have sex with people who are smaller in overall size then I am.

33, Most sex partners have been my height or shorter.

34, I tend to prefer sex partners who are younger than I am.

35, I prefer a partner who deodorizes their genitalia and armpits, at least with soap, as opposed to allowing a natural scent.

36, It is important to me that my sex partners be slim or average weight.

37,  When snuggling with a partner, my partner has tended to rest their head on my chest rather than vise versa.

38. Though I like being asked for sex, I don't have a fear of asking for it either.

39. I prefer the feeling of “enveloping” my partner, wrapping my body around theirs in an affectionate manner.

40, My first experience of insertive sex (vaginal- anal) was with a woman.

41, I am currently married to, or have been married to or engaged to a woman.

42,  My partner tends to orgasm before me.

43, I would say I prefer sex partners who have less body hair than I do.

44, I prefer to age gracefully, instead of fighting aging with hair dye, makeup  or surgery.

45, I tend to not wear cologne, preferring to have a soap scent.

46, I wear very little jewelry.

47, If I do agree to be the receptive anal sex partner (bottom), it is a more physical experience than an emotional experience

48, I find the idea of my swallowing semen to be unattractive, but I’m fine with my partner doing it.

49, I find it difficult to identify other gay men in public.

50, I think sex outside my partnership is more an emotional involvement than a simple sexual experience

                                               

PART THREE: MENTAL SKILLS

51, I tend to be pretty good at higher math, such as algebra calculus, and trigonometry.

52, I am good at chess.

53, As a child, I preferred to do something active like running, as opposed to sitting quietly and reading.

54, instead og giving landmarks references, I tend to give  literal, specific directions, as to go two blocks, then follow elm street for one mile.

55, When clasping my hands together, my right thumb rests naturally on top.

56, If I misplace my object, such as keys, I usually cannot locate them simply by thinking about it. I have to physically go look for them.

57, When parallel parking, I tend to check behind  me by looking over my shoulder and putting  my arm on the back of a car seat instead of only using the mirrors.

58, I can easily hit a baseball with a bat when pitched to me.

59, I probably could not come up with over fifteen words that mean “green” in less than thirty seconds.

60, I am surprised sometimes to find out my partner is angry with me for no reason.

61, I have a sensing someone's emotional state by simply looking at their face.

62, I can separate business decisions from emotional decisions, such as having to fire someone.

63, When picking up a baby, I naturally use my dominate arm to hold them.

64, I'd rather be financially responsible for my family then be emotionally responsible.

65, I am very good at reading a map and I am hesitant to ask for help for directions from others.

66, As a young student, I would naturally carry my books against my hips, instead  of across my chest, with out  thinking about it.

67, When I was young, and would cross my legs, I would rest my ankle on my knee naturally  with out thinking about it.  

68, When standing still, I naturally stand evenly on both feet, instead  of resting predominately on one hip and leg. 

69, I enjoy playing and /or watching one or more of these aggressive team sports: football, rugby or hokey.

70, I can explain the basic concepts of the combustion engine.

71, Chemistry, physics, and biology were my favorite classes in high school.

72, When hearing fairy tales as a child imagine myself as the “Prince”  in the story who saved the princess.

73, I tend to enjoy “Action” movies.

74, I can easily imagine myself sleeping through the night in a house with a crying baby.

75, I have little interest I “pop culture” or keeping up with “what's hot.”

                                                   

                                                PART FOUR: PERSONALI TY

76,  I generally find societal rules to be more valuable than burdensome because they help us avoid anarchy.

77, When I was in middle and high school, playing team sports was fun.

78, When I go to a work lace party where spouses are invited, I tend to hang out with men supposed to women.

79, I  usually do not have a pet name for my partner

80, I rarely use baby talk when talking to children, animals, or people I love.

81, I rarely notice people whispering in movie theaters.

82, I'd rather lead by direction than by consensus.

83, I feel that showing a personal weakness makes me vulnerable  to be taken advantage of.

84, I pride myself on leadership skills.

85, It would be uncomfortable to be dependent on someone else for my financial well-being.

86, If there were two drivers, I prefer to be the one who drives.

87, I have never really had any interest in dressing like a woman, ever for fun.

88, As a child I tend to have more boys as friends than girls.

89, I tend to prefer to have jobs in which I carry responsibility, such as a doctor, lawyer or a corporate President over a job where I assist some one who holds authority, such as Personal assistant, counselor, or advisor.

90, I am more logical than emotional.

91, I would describe myself as aggressive.

92, In general, I did not play with “girl toys” when I was a child.

93, I was never told I “acted like a girl”  when I was young.

94, I could easily go to sleep, even if my partner and I had not resolved a fight we were having.

95, When arguing, I tend to grow quiet when emotions grow hot.

96, I'd rather be alone than try to resolve an unhappy relationship.

97, I have been so mad that I gotten physically violent toward another person.

98, I tend to see my position as being right.

99, I am comfortable directing others to do what I think is best.

100,Others would describe me as classically masculine.

Tabulate your scores (True and False) then email in or check me out on Facebook or this week and next week's episodes of the Kyle Phoenix Show for the scoring system!  Enjoy!

Enjoy!

Kyle Phoenix
Email: kylephoenixshow@gmail.com
Amazon.com: Type in Kyle Phoenix for the Full Catalog of Kyle Phoenix books
Website: http://kylephoenix.com/
Blog: http://kylephoenixshow.blogspot.com/2012
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No Fats, No Fems, No Strings, No Imperfections

Men can be beautiful to behold.  Women too.  Children as well.  And animals.  In fact, all the sentient humanoids on Earth I'm going to give a thumbs up to.  

Except for the fat asses.

And them fem ass faggots.

Don't forget them triflin' no accountability fools.

In fact, if I catch you doing something wrong---eating a Twinkie, humming a Bette Midler tune or treating me with some intimacy or interest, I'm gonna jettison your ass.

Does this sound like the soundtrack you feel like the male world is playing at you? Are you even sometimes harmonizing with it?  Have you looked in the mirror, while tapping your foot to Beyonce, and realized that you're being rejected for being........well, you, seemingly anytime you're with a group of MSM?  

Are you perhaps one of the men who has religiously gone to the gym, kept the bass in your voice, maintained your masculinity to the point of being "unclockable" (I'm always fascinated by the inherent paranoia in that thought---I wonder if our media/technology observant culture has translated to MSM this whole fear of being seen/outed in this way) and you're comfortable with No Strings Attached..........but........you're still alone?  I often wonder, as I wander around the gym---okay, I don't wander---I tend to work out while reading or listening to my IPod at what happens when two Perfect 10s get into a room.  Then I wonder what happens when they hook up maybe from online.  Then I wonder what they do when there's nothing imperfect about the other or do they cancel each other out like bottoms of batteries?

Say you have a 6 pack or maybe an 8 pack............ummmm, okay then what?  It really only matters to two sectors---Those Who Have Them and Those WHo Think They're Attractive.  But you can't show a 6 pack every minute of the day, right?  It's not really useful for anything other than modelling underwear and, go go dancing or escorting in the gay community and if you're heterosexual, it might get you onto a reality show or two.  But is there any real usage or value beyond the obvious and the suggestive of someone either not eating or exercising a lot?  

When I'm at events it's the designers and teachers and lawyers and doctors and coordinators and such making the real world go around.  Some of them have 6 packs.  Most don't.  In fact most of the MSM I notice with educations, degrees, status, money----really aren't 8 packed out.  So does that mean that MSM who are average, chubby, fluffy, thick and chunky are really more of the norm and in fact suggest a greater possibility of stability and success?

Wait, wait, wait what about the light footed tinkerbells? The sugar footed candy lickers? The dudes with more feather than rock in their shoes? Surely they're----well, less than. In order to not have value or for there to be so much negative value portrayed and projected at them, there has to be a loss from being effeminate, right? That's logical, right? James Baldwin?  Lisping, sugar footed and honestly speaking, no Billy Dee in the mug department.  But valuable, right?  RuPaul.  Cheekbones like glass and a wig for every day of the month no matter the season but not manly, right?  Luther Vandross?  (Oh, come on, let's not play Unclockable Closet Games here.)  Women, including my mother, swore by Luther.  Prayed to Luther.  Swayed to Luther.  In fact a few of you were made to Luther because his crooning represented a velvety, sensuous seductive femininity.  The sequined jackets.  Enough said.

Yet there is such a terror at the feminine.  In fatness, chubbiness---perhaps because women are soft and fluffy and chubby?  Wouldn't want to be like a woman.  I mean what could be more awful than dressing up like one or worse yet being trapped in a soft body like one.  In fact the concept of sexing like one or being sexed like one, is already a mountainous hurdle.  Effeminacy that's not masculine, not macho, not manly and therefore it is devalued.   But then why are 6 packing men still online, showing themselves on Facebook, rocking their Grindr and Adam accounts, paying Match.com because-----------well, all them sit ups ain't making love connections.  

But femininity, the emotionality of it, is an intimacy connector and following along the precept that 85% of men are Betas (more estrogen based), then all this gym action is being done by Double Closet Cases.

What's a Double Closet Cases?

A Double Closet is a man who is working like it's a second job to appear masculine, to work out and strut and swagger and repress himself into appearing hyper-masculine.  But, he, in fact is reading this while knowing all the words to Lady Gaga and Beyonce and Whitney and Janet and Mariah and Cher and Madonna but can't allow that to be known by other MSM.  And maybe it was even you who grew up, terrified and maligned for being feminine.  For being a sissy.  You ran in form and thought from anyone applying female like traits to you so that the very thought of them being attached to you is terrifying.

Wait, then---is No Fats, No Fem, No Strings (read: intimacy)---a psychological reaction to being cast as feminine or effeminate and the desire to not have your sexuality revealed?  Is it also a way of MSM exampling misogyny because being a man who might be sexual with men doesn't exclude a man from being chauvinistic?  In fact there might be some really heavy resentment at women who get to display their sexuality, vulnerability and attraction to men and are rewarded with....well, male attention, love, resources and love?  This is along the lines in the same way that being a gay White man doesn't mean that one can't still be racist.  Just because one experiences prejudice and bias doesn't mean the energy converts to sainthood, a person is as prejudiced as the next even if they're sitting in wheelchair themselves.

Maybe No Fats, No Fems, No Strings, is a way for a nigger to create other niggers?  Bare with me here...there's a theory that the oppressed have to create other oppressed people in order to feel a sense of self esteem.  Hence why Blacks and Latinos have such a tangled social history.  Or Jews and Blacks.  Or Irish and Italians.  Or Germans and..........well, everyone else.  Maybe, just maybe those MSM who have a toilet tissue tight mental rope on No Fats, No Fems, No Strings can't see that they're missing out on the imperfections---a few extra pounds, a lisp or two, an emotional delight in pampering and caring for another---because in a Double Closet Case, you've come out to one layer of your identity but stopped before you came out as an accepting human being?

I'm always amazed when people assume that homosexuals can't be criminals, fools, prejudiced, liars, abusive simply because.........well, they're homosexuals.  In a way it's like covertly suggesting or accepting homosexuals as inhuman, therefore slyly offering that they can't experience the full range of human flaws and foibles.  Perhaps we're giving the prejudiced who perpetuate these ways of thinking---ultimately no imperfections, no embracing of the feminine aspect, however that appears or demonstrates itself in a man or woman, leeway.  Pity leeway because people have a hard time telling people in wheelchairs---the chair doesn't excuse you from being an asshole, it just makes you a mobile one.  Therefore being a bigot who happens to be an MSM just makes you a bigot, who happens to be a MSM.

Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/

What is Feminine Manhood?

Men of color, Black and Latino, who are MSM are obsessed with two things---their penises and the perception of themselves as masculine---there is such an obsessiveness around concepts of masculinity that it's borderline paranoia.  There is a constant watching of self and others for excessive femininity and "bitch-assness" and eradication of any hint of the feminine because if you were then....then....well, you wouldn't be a man.  But the question that under girds this is what defines what a man is?  Perception, actions, self-definition, all three?

What are you?  What do you assure people you are?  What are you terrified of being seen as?

Masculinity and femininity are personality traits.  Like being even tempered or humorous.  It's a social/habituated way of acting out one's persona.  One's persona is generally one's immediate public face.

Manhood and womanhood are character based.  Your character is who you truly are.  Are you a person of integrity, responsibility, accountability, generosity   Are you accountable for your actions and words?  That would tell us about your character.  Manhood however is not body based, just like I think we're advancing as humans to realize than neither is the feminine principle/self.

Wandering around my home now and past homes in memory I have lots of plants, books, relaxing colors, and pictures, pictures all over the walls.  I like Gustav Klimt, I have a huge poster of Storm of the X-Men done in a way that emphasizes African masks and wind that I got as a gift years ago framed.  I have some Haitian reprints, some Native American, Asian and Cuban framed sets from calendars.  But what I noticed as I was putting together a visioning board was that unconsciously a lot of my surrounding art was feminine based.

But I'm not particularly feminine in person, in movement, in countenance, and I'm not turned out by say Beyonce or Lady Gaga or Nicki Minaj, in artistic or visceral ways.  I grew up really liking Janet Jackson, posters, tapes and CDs, remix CDs, concerts, concert films, and her handful of films.  I've never had a desire for drag, I went once in college to a Halloween party and literally was more interested in the process of finding clothes and trying to do it right because I knew there would be a contest but I never "got off on it".

I don't like girly things, I don't even like frilly, sobbing, girly girls.  Petticoats, teas----Lord knows daughters will be a challenge for me---I'm just not that "queenie".  I'm likely to tell a crying girl to "man up"!  But when I examine myself a little further, when I look at the feminine aspects of my personality it is far more regal, more Queen with a capital Q, more matriarchal.  I love children and small animals but I hate bugs.  I cry at movies, oddly at lots of different things---last fall apart?---I Am Love with Tilda Swinton (the last scene with the maid---I lost it!  But I find Seven  with Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt---HILARIOUS!  I laughed so long and hard in a theater in Buffalo that it started a wave of hilarity in the theater---"he cut off her nose to spite her face!"---classic!) When I look at my mother, aunts and grandmother----only some of them have a feminine power, a regalness, Madge Sinclair-ish, Phylicia Rashad, Angela Bassett---like that.  

Then I get really crazy and do the whole testosterone/estrogen evaluation survey and examine the physicality of my own body that connotes higher levels of testosterone.  (This is based on the psychological and physiological testing that can be found in Keith Swain's Dynamic Duos---the most controversial, insight, attended and longest running seminars/workshops I do on this as men find out if they're Alphas or Betas or a blending and how they act and why based upon nature.)   I have a deep baritone voice (I played Santa Claus in the 3rd grade my voice is so deep); pointer finger to ring finger ration; hip to shoulder ratio; shoulder level in relationship to body structure; testosterone based ways of thinking and feeling that are not as empathetic (read: estrogen soaked); faculty at different forms of math and science.

I'm a blending---my body is very Alpha masculine but some of my tastes, my abilities are blended with being able to cook (even done it professionally at a bistro); dance; sew; match colors; choose clothing; enjoy Saks Fifth Avenue like a religion; preference for a more comfortable rather than excessively masculine/stern living environment.  And I've never thought anything about the synergy that isn't 50/50, maybe more 70/30, until I was around more MSM obsessed with defining their identity through it.  Or more importantly obsessively needing, wanting, screaming they are 100% masculine.  Sometimes they would just randomly announce this----like crossing the street or leaning over a table for a fork or while talking about checking accounts in a financial based workshop.  Yeah, that kind of obsessive.

I, honestly being comfortable with myself, in fact really loving my blend, the regality, the strength, the comfort, the blending power from the perceptions of others but the gentleness I feel and adoration at children and small animals (I'm the guy who makes wild faces at children on the train or always flashes babies a smile; and animals like me), am happy with my blend.  I don't think about what my family or friends or strangers think about my penchant for Emporio Armani suits or Apricot mud masks or that I like Oxford style shoes but love boots because of the heel (hilariously enough, I'm more wobbly footed in flats and sneakers than shoes and boots).

But sometimes I'm sitting there or talking to someone and they're crushing themselves, or the spirit of another with the comparisons and measurements.  Without feminine men, there would be no trailblazers, so when I see them in public----and we all see them---because that's part of the point, right?---I think ok, there he is.  I never discriminate.  I've had and dated, male and female people, and had friends all along the continuum and even transsexuals.  If I'm your friend, I'm your friend---I'm not measuring your personality for appropriate presentation levels.

I guess if I really extend it through my belief system, I don't believe in the body.  I believe there's a spirit/energy of some form within everyone.  And some folks are feminine energy based and others masculine.  They get dropped into all different kinds of bodies for the learning process/lessons that we're here for.  It's funny though, I often notice MSM who don't allow for the range in dating or friendships, tend to be the most unhappy with how romance is working out.  Somehow I think the feminine must be present and acknowledged and cultivated within one's self and pointedly in a relationship.  Probably even more so when it's a same gender relationship.  I think that if you exclude the feminine guys, all the way up to extremely effeminate, you're missing out on some of that Yin balancing energy.  I think you're also setting up a level of misogyny and maybe annihilating the possibility for real love and community.

Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Time Warner Cable, Verizon Fios or Comcast or the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/

VLOG: Questions for Gay Men--REAL "Communication"

Thank you,

Kyle Phoenix

kylephoenixshow@aol.com

http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Face Book or Follow Us on Twitter!  Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/

VLOG: Questions for Men Identity and Attitude-Blending (1 of 2)

Thank you,

Kyle Phoenix

kylephoenixshow@aol.com

http://kylephoenixsite.com/

Thanks and enjoy! You can Like Us on Face Book or Follow Us on Twitter!  Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on http://kylephoenixsite.com/