No Fats, No Fems, No Strings, No Imperfections

Men can be beautiful to behold.  Women too.  Children as well.  And animals.  In fact, all the sentient humanoids on Earth I'm going to give a thumbs up to.  

Except for the fat asses.
And them fem ass faggots.
Don't forget them triflin' no accountability fools.
In fact, if I catch you doing something wrong---eating a Twinkie, humming a Bette Midler tune or treating me with some intimacy or interest, I'm gonna jettison your ass.

Does this sound like the soundtrack you feel like the male world is playing at you? Are you even sometimes harmonizing with it?  Have you looked in the mirror, while tapping your foot to Beyonce, and realized that you're being rejected for being........well, you, seemingly anytime you're with a group of MSM?  

Are you perhaps one of the men who has religiously gone to the gym, kept the bass in your voice, maintained your masculinity to the point of being "unclockable" (I'm always fascinated by the inherent paranoia in that thought---I wonder if our media/technology observant culture has translated to MSM this whole fear of being seen/outed in this way) and you're comfortable with No Strings're still alone?  I often wonder, as I wander around the gym---okay, I don't wander---I tend to work out while reading or listening to my IPod at what happens when two Perfect 10s get into a room.  Then I wonder what happens when they hook up maybe from online.  Then I wonder what they do when there's nothing imperfect about the other or do they cancel each other out like bottoms of batteries?

Say you have a 6 pack or maybe an 8 pack............ummmm, okay then what?  It really only matters to two sectors---Those Who Have Them and Those WHo Think They're Attractive.  But you can't show a 6 pack every minute of the day, right?  It's not really useful for anything other than modelling underwear and, go go dancing or escorting in the gay community and if you're heterosexual, it might get you onto a reality show or two.  But is there any real usage or value beyond the obvious and the suggestive of someone either not eating or exercising a lot?  

When I'm at events it's the designers and teachers and lawyers and doctors and coordinators and such making the real world go around.  Some of them have 6 packs.  Most don't.  In fact most of the MSM I notice with educations, degrees, status, money----really aren't 8 packed out.  So does that mean that MSM who are average, chubby, fluffy, thick and chunky are really more of the norm and in fact suggest a greater possibility of stability and success?

Wait, wait, wait what about the light footed tinkerbells? The sugar footed candy lickers? The dudes with more feather than rock in their shoes? Surely they're----well, less than. In order to not have value or for there to be so much negative value portrayed and projected at them, there has to be a loss from being effeminate, right? That's logical, right? James Baldwin?  Lisping, sugar footed and honestly speaking, no Billy Dee in the mug department.  But valuable, right?  RuPaul.  Cheekbones like glass and a wig for every day of the month no matter the season but not manly, right?  Luther Vandross?  (Oh, come on, let's not play Unclockable Closet Games here.)  Women, including my mother, swore by Luther.  Prayed to Luther.  Swayed to Luther.  In fact a few of you were made to Luther because his crooning represented a velvety, sensuous seductive femininity.  The sequined jackets.  Enough said.

Yet there is such a terror at the feminine.  In fatness, chubbiness---perhaps because women are soft and fluffy and chubby?  Wouldn't want to be like a woman.  I mean what could be more awful than dressing up like one or worse yet being trapped in a soft body like one.  In fact the concept of sexing like one or being sexed like one, is already a mountainous hurdle.  Effeminacy that's not masculine, not macho, not manly and therefore it is devalued.   But then why are 6 packing men still online, showing themselves on Facebook, rocking their Grindr and Adam accounts, paying because-----------well, all them sit ups ain't making love connections.  

But femininity, the emotionality of it, is an intimacy connector and following along the precept that 85% of men are Betas (more estrogen based), then all this gym action is being done by Double Closet Cases.

What's a Double Closet Cases?

A Double Closet is a man who is working like it's a second job to appear masculine, to work out and strut and swagger and repress himself into appearing hyper-masculine.  But, he, in fact is reading this while knowing all the words to Lady Gaga and Beyonce and Whitney and Janet and Mariah and Cher and Madonna but can't allow that to be known by other MSM.  And maybe it was even you who grew up, terrified and maligned for being feminine.  For being a sissy.  You ran in form and thought from anyone applying female like traits to you so that the very thought of them being attached to you is terrifying.

Wait, then---is No Fats, No Fem, No Strings (read: intimacy)---a psychological reaction to being cast as feminine or effeminate and the desire to not have your sexuality revealed?  Is it also a way of MSM exampling misogyny because being a man who might be sexual with men doesn't exclude a man from being chauvinistic?  In fact there might be some really heavy resentment at women who get to display their sexuality, vulnerability and attraction to men and are rewarded with....well, male attention, love, resources and love?  This is along the lines in the same way that being a gay White man doesn't mean that one can't still be racist.  Just because one experiences prejudice and bias doesn't mean the energy converts to sainthood, a person is as prejudiced as the next even if they're sitting in wheelchair themselves.

Maybe No Fats, No Fems, No Strings, is a way for a nigger to create other niggers?  Bare with me here...there's a theory that the oppressed have to create other oppressed people in order to feel a sense of self esteem.  Hence why Blacks and Latinos have such a tangled social history.  Or Jews and Blacks.  Or Irish and Italians.  Or Germans and..........well, everyone else.  Maybe, just maybe those MSM who have a toilet tissue tight mental rope on No Fats, No Fems, No Strings can't see that they're missing out on the imperfections---a few extra pounds, a lisp or two, an emotional delight in pampering and caring for another---because in a Double Closet Case, you've come out to one layer of your identity but stopped before you came out as an accepting human being?

I'm always amazed when people assume that homosexuals can't be criminals, fools, prejudiced, liars, abusive simply because.........well, they're homosexuals.  In a way it's like covertly suggesting or accepting homosexuals as inhuman, therefore slyly offering that they can't experience the full range of human flaws and foibles.  Perhaps we're giving the prejudiced who perpetuate these ways of thinking---ultimately no imperfections, no embracing of the feminine aspect, however that appears or demonstrates itself in a man or woman, leeway.  Pity leeway because people have a hard time telling people in wheelchairs---the chair doesn't excuse you from being an asshole, it just makes you a mobile one.  Therefore being a bigot who happens to be an MSM just makes you a bigot, who happens to be a MSM.

Thanks and enjoy! Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) and the Thursday/Friday 12am/midnight simulcast on


  1. Your last two paragraphs summarized the way I have been feeling for quite some time as a MSM who is striving for femmasculine balance in my own existence. Thank you for looking within and celebrating all aspects of who we are and not just those that make us feel good and acceptable by the masses we continue to emulate and desire acceptance from.

    1. Thank you so much for your comments! I try to not only write about what I may know in an academic/intellectual way but think about and reveal my inner struggles, growth and flaws with these topics that people are kind enough to throw at me by email or through the tv show. Thanks, Kyle