WHY Are You Having Sex? 10 Reasons That Don't Work Out

The Top 10 Reasons for Having Sex 
That Don't Work Out:

  1. To Find An Long Term Partner
    • Sexual skill is only a small factor in a relationship. It can keep someone distracted but if you're unemployed, slovenly, a liar with bad grammar---there's only so long a hurricane tongue will keep you in someone's good favor.  No one will love you because you're cute, sexy, have a 6 pack, or are endowed---love is more personal and intimate.  It isn't sexual---it's emotional.  Intimacy isn't about our bodies.  To be naked in front of another human being is easy, people do it all the time at night clubs and locker rooms and reality television but to be emotionally intimacy naked with someone else---to tell them your hopes, dreams, hurts and aspirations and have them encourage you, find value in you that you may not have noticed, cherish you---that's a lot deeper and more pleasurable then any twist in your hips or lack of gag reflex.
  2. For Intimacy.Closeness
    • You want to be close to a man.  You want to be held.  You want to be loved.  You're not.  So you settle for the illusion over and over and over and lament that there are no Good Men.  In fact there are Good Men but the problem is you're always preoccupied with sex with men who don't care or like you so they overlook you.  Hence the cycle is repeated.  
  3. To distract yourself from unpleasant things in life (running away from your problems)
    • You've got bills, family, health, money, work issues and for just a little bit of time you want the world to go away so you use sex to try and create this bubble.  Unfortunately no matter how much you do it your life will still be there.  The healthier attitude might be to find a balance between your internal desires and the realities you have to deal with externally.  Also an understanding that you're not good in bed when you're trying to run away from reality, because your partner is in reality.
  4. Sense of Belonging
    • Your friends are whores.  Lol.  Kidding.  Your friends are whores. No, really, they are.  They are constantly bragging about being sexual, safe or unsafe, and maybe even flashing the videos in front of you or introducing you to a steady stream of hits and goes.  You assume that your lack of sex life is a bad thing, that you're unusual.  You're not.  There are peaks and valleys to everything in life and celibacy is a chance for you to spend some time with yourself, date, explore hobbies and go out and enjoy yourself without the worries and pressures of sex.  It can be a wonderful time to get things done in your life that a relationship will enhance when it comes along, if it's short or long term.
  5. To Have New Experiences
    • Fisting.  Snowballing.  Gang-bangs.  Barebacking.  Spanking.  S&M.  Anal sex.  An orgy.  Bath houses.  You think you need to be more experience, especially compared to your friends, pornography and the scenes you see in bars.  Yes, you might want to try some things out, figure out what gives you pleasure but you don't want to throw yourself into sexual activity just to do it.
  6. Hooked On the Rush, Leads to Sex Addiction
    • Sex feels good.  Human beings like doing it.  There might be emotional reasons why you're trying to blind yourself, your life with that rush.  When we chase after a rush to blot out feelings and it's the only way we can get a rush, that's called addiction.  You're a full biological system.  You can exercise, play sports, go out dancing, jog, take long walks, even volunteer to get an endorphin rush.  Spread out that energy and then incorporate sex into it, whether you're in a relationship or not, makes for healthy activity.  Often times men who are depressed use sex as an artificial boost rather than dealing with the depression and that can lead to unsafe sex practices and that's a whole different cookie jar but ain't nothing good in there.
  7. Sex Prevents Prostate Cancer
    • This is a misnomer because of the possibilities of finding great pleasure and multiple orgasms through prostate stimulation.  The prostate is very sensitive to touch, pressure and friction, however common causes of cancer are hereditary, dietary related, genetic and other factors.  If you're concerned, check out the factors.  Getting your button pushed regularly doesn't prevent it.
  8. Self Gratification (letting off steam)
    • The stress of life can be alleviated with the pleasure of sex.  However consider this, you're built and equipped to solve your problems without needing to distract yourself.  Identifying your sex life as your only release valve for pressures means that you're now subjugating other means to your sexuality.  Yoga, meditation, exercise, comedy clubs, scary movies, silly games.  Spend some time NOT being an adult if you have high pressures during your normal day.  Volunteer to work with children or older adults---you'll be careful and relaxed and silly on purpose or you'll be forced to slow down.  And really that's how you let off steam, you slow down.  
  9. For Revenge Against a Boyfriend or An Ex
    • Anger and hate is drinking poison expecting the one you're angry at to get sick and die.  Never works.  Are your only ways of communicating frustration, resentment, anger, unfairness to use your body?  That's immature, literally childish in an adult's body.  Your sexuality is good and valuable in the universe, it is intended and good.  Treat it like such.  When we minimize ourselves to object, just a fuck, or can't maturely express yourself to someone you're intimate with, then you're a child.  It's time to grow up.  
  10. To Prove That You're Still Potent Enough/Confirm Attractiveness and Desirability
  • As men get older, particularly when they aren't in LTRs or have children they have an inordinate amount of time to stare in the mirror.  Men who are actively raising children, building businesses, in marriages with men and women, have less time to look at their sexual viability as their only resource.  They might still cheat, act foolish, try new things but it's less of consuming to them.  Without those buffers you can worry more when you see what attracts other men, when the stares are no longer on you, when it doesn't matter how much you work out because your thoughts and needs might not be attractive to younger men.  
  • Getting older means that you're entering a new phase of manhood, it might be more important to figure out what that is, what that looks like, where you could, would or should be as a man instead of trying to pull younger men to prove you're still relevant.  Why?  Because the most pathetic thing is a man twice another man's age believing that it's overwhelming attraction and devotion that is keeping young men around him.  And two, young men are experimenting, trying things out---you're probably not going to be the last on his relationship list, even if you were the first. 
The delight of sex is thrilling and wonderful  Responsible sex is amazing.  It doesn't have to be in the context of an LTR or deep love but the relationship you have to yourself should be seen as the primary long term relationship, exampling deep love.  There should be a respect and dignity to your treatment of yourself because what you reflect is what you can expect.

Kyle Phoenix
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