How can you attract a man to love you if you’re gay? by Kyle Phoenix

 

Target Rich Environments.

When I teach workshops to MSM on dating and relationships and finding men, we discuss where they go and don’t go regularly.

You have to look at it as an ongoing project, understanding that it is a numbers game in the sense that what I’ve found generally speaking is you have to date 100 men—-or make an effort towards that number—-you need a large pool.

• Online sites—choosing two or three and create profiles. Know this—if you pay (like Match) then generally speaking the quality of man increases. Free sites mean that it’s more heavily populated by men who want what they want—-for free. A man willing to pay is saying something about his level of commitment—-especially if it’s a dating site. He’s putting more effort in.
• Night clubs—-go to a few but be specific about what you like and don’t like. if you like to dance find a place, with a great dance night and go dance nights—-not every night. Dance nights, once or twice a month. There are lounge bars, game nights, sports nights. Choose one kind of event that you like and go but just for that kind of truly enjoyed event. The trick to this is that you’re going when YOU like it when you’re most comfortable and happy. I used to go to the night club near me in Manhattan on lounge nights—-and I’d sit and handwrite books. Two for 1 drinks, go-go dancers, maybe 20–40 people in the whole place, but I got to be relaxed, chat folk up, get my work done and people got to see me being happy—-writing—and being friendly with staff as I was a regular.
• Professional groups—-there are several LGBT professional and business groups and the Chamber of Commerce groups here in NYC that I regularly attend. I try to go to one every week or so—26–52 events a year. They also always offer something new—-I just went to a Wine tasting one last week. I’m not a wine drinker but I went, Met lots of great people and have several business cards for work-related stuff.
• Gay cruises—I have yet to try one of these but I want to.
• Gay City activities—-I see lists for sporting events, exercise, I’m joining a boxing gym; wine, art, museum, etc. a host of places.

Specify What A Date Is

Women to hetero men create a social system for dating. MSM generally don’t have or immediately know one. You must have a dating system. By this, I mean that you will go to places and meet men, yes. That’s not so difficult but you must let them know, kind of like the price tag on an item in a store, what your “cost” is. If a man can meet you and fuck you within a few hours, your “cost” is low. Now sometimes you might be willing to fuck a guy and he fucks you, and very little value is exchanged. But then you might want to meet someone and go out places and do things and get to know him and get to be known. You want to be appreciated and enjoyed and perhaps that will lead to love.

You must set a standard.

When you FIRST meet or chat online with a guy use the word Date and specifically what date is to you.

Date: We meet/chat online for a week, exchange numbers, chat briefly—less than 15 minutes for phone calls, and then make plans for a date. A Date is a meal and an activity. Dinner is best because a drink or lunch are like job interviews. Dinner is a commitment. You get dressed, I get dressed, we both arrive at a nice restaurant within our mutual budgets (whoever asks, pays. If you’re looking for love, you will pay probably more often at first. He might pay on the 2nd or 3rd date. Women learn how to pursue, MSM lay back like lazy lions. Proactive lions get the man they want.)

The Date occurs at the restaurant and you maybe go to an activity—-a movie is difficult because it might be two hours of relative silence or if it’s action or thriller then hormones are incensed. Figure something out—-the internet, Time Out magazine—-find a fun activity that allows you to do something, watch, talk.

Then thank him for a great time, get into your car/onto your train and go home. No, he doesn't need to drive you home. Create both separation and tension.

MSM don’t know how to seduce, to be interesting, attractive and not sexual immediately—-because of the absence of women. Women are taught not to put out, to proof the guy they see, to create reasonable hurdles and boundaries.

But here's the power of going on 100 Dates—-you learn to put up boundaries, date, find activities, enjoy meals, budget out paying to your personal budget, ask guys out, gauge your own interest. Like everything in life, you have to practice.

Dr. Pat Allen, an amazing relationship therapist suggests 90 days of no sexual contact, just dating before having sex. Most MSM balk. Most of them balking are single. Women don’t balk. In 90 Days' time you get to see a man completely—-good days, bad days, how much you like or don’t like him, etc.. Your intense sexual interests have time to cool and allow your reasoning to take place.

I can tell you having personally experimented with this from all sides: Sex, No Sex, 90 Days, After 90 Days, Fast Relationships, LTRs, etc. that 90 Days clears everything up. It really, really does.

100 to 10

The ratio is about 1 in 10 men that you date will you find a mutual attraction with. However, only about 5 of them will be available to an LTR for a variety of reasons, some of his, some yours. The most interesting part about this dating scenario is that you'll become better at not just going out on dates but at choosing men to date so you’ll naturally winnow your ratio down to better choices, potential winners instead of wading through Not Rights or Duty Dates.

Duty Dates though are valuable in that you get practice dating, you get to learn about restaurants and activities, you come to understand what you like and don’t like and why and you get feedback from other men about yourself. But most importantly they aren’t the loves of your life. They’re guys, perhaps even friends. I’ve made several good friends who were originally Duty Dates. There wasn’t chemistry but friendship blossomed. And a friend always knows someone else who might be of interest….

Treat It Differently

Treat it like job hunting. Where you lay out a plan for the next couple of years—-what else were you doing? World peace? Negotiating nuclear disarmament?

MSM always acting like they ain't got time for an investment in themselves.

Invest time in yourself.

No one on Earth has ever said that they invested in themselves and it was a bust.

Masculine/Discreet, Discrete, Not Out

Here’s a heads up.

If someone tells you they’re masculine acting.

They are acting. It’s in what they just told you.

We’re all masculine and feminine—-get rid of measuring that. In fact make it a point to go out with an effeminate man on a date, several times. What most MSM are saying is they are afraid of being outed by the company they keep.

Here’s my answer to MSM in workshops: most of us ain’t paying attention to you, your date most of the time in public. We might notice but move on. If you’re in a place where someone is going to get in your face—stop going to those places on gay dates.

If he’s all about the discreet, discrete, Not Out-ness, I always ask who are you being discreet from? Who's watching you, checking your behavior, etc.? If you’re going through all of that, you’re not ready to date, be in an LTR, love. Drop him fast. Also if someone says they’re not Out to their family then you have to accept, for whatever his laundry list of reasons, he’s a liar. He’s lying to those nearest and dearest to him—-of course he’ll lie to you—-he’ll lie to you about HIV, STIs, seeing others, money, everything.

It’s vicious but you sometimes have to be vicious to protect yourself, your heart, your future.

Everyone wants an honest, loyal man—-he can’t be that if he’s discrete, discreet, Not Out—-by the very definition he’s lying in commission or omission.

Doing The Work

Everyone wants love but no one wants to do the work on themselves to be attractive. Being attractive means being your best, fullest most purposeful self. When you're popping on all cylinders with work that enriches you emotionally, a practice of art, moving your body, meeting people—-you BECOME more attractive. Then all you have to do is put yourself into target-rich environments, look good, smell good and smile.

He’ll find you.

Women Confuse Men Looking for Love

I think as a harshly blunt aside, so many MSM are bottoming and therefore have an affinity to women in the sense that they see how women simply kind of stand around and men are constantly flocking towards them. There’s an estrogen similarity, an emotional affinity between some MSM and women, but not a social license or privilege. So MSM are like—-where’s my social privilege for being receptive (penetrable) desirous of me?

In workshops, men often voice this frustration and of course by population numbers and such it’s difficult to balance this out. Also, men tend to hide their feelings and interests and deeper feelings and vulnerabilities—-sexuality being something of that mix—-so you have to go where men are safe being their sexual selves and then weed out from that pack. The larger society pack around us is not readily conducive to this discernment.

Yes, Of course, I’ve written a book about this. Good Men for Men: Finding Keeping and Being loved by one, available on Amazon and in Barnes & Noble.

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow

Amazon.com: Kyle Phoenix: books, biography, latest update

https://www.amazon.com/Kyle-Phoenix/e/B00E3RK6QO?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1652425609&sr=1-1

Should a trans woman be required to identify as such on a dating site? by Kyle Phoenix

 

Tranny is available on Amazon. Enjoy! (Shameless plug.)

No. It depends on her sexuality and where she is in the process of sexual assignment transitioning. As both the author of a book that goes into all of this, for years and years and years, many of my clients were trans, from to z and z to a, so we had to discuss everything from a perspective of reality, privacy and personal safety.

The argument of biological sex is moot to the point of there being 21 Identified Biological Sexes. None of us are completely one or the other—-you were merely named/matched to a point into the spectrum by the doctor and then socialized to it by your parents. With us now having a level of medical technology that makes it possible to have sexual reassignment surgery to the point where only another medical professional could ascertain upon a thorough examination where you started on the spectrum, is one major point.

A second point that those who bring up sex assignment biologically—-we all start out female. Yup, we’re all female in gestation.

Females have two of the same kind of sex chromosome (XX), and are called the homogametic sex. Males have two different kinds of sex chromosomes (XY), and are called the heterogametic sex.

A single gene (SRY) present on the Y chromosome acts as a signal to set the developmental pathway towards maleness. Presence of this gene starts off the process of virilization. This and other factors result in the sex differences in humans. The cells in females, with two X chromosomes, undergo X-inactivation, in which one of the two X chromosomes is inactivated. The inactivated X chromosome remains within a cell as a Barr body.——Wikipedia

Most people don’t know the first major demarcations:

• Sex is physically determined, not exclusively, biologically. You can be several, one, two or even none.
• Gender is socially infused or imprinted. It is mutable.
• Sexuality is intrinsically self-determined. This too is fluidic along a spectrum not lifetime singularity. (One could make the argument that it is both our society and lifespan that don’t allow for expression of this in a singular lifetime. But as society changes and lifespans increase to 100–150 years for those born after the year 2000, we will have more time to evolve, change and experiment.)

Dating Parameters By Self & Other

So this chick is now online dating. Good for her. For personal safety, if she’s physical presenting and passing and has some, if not all of the sexual reassignment, I would tell her depending upon the site and her sexuality—-determines how she should present.

There are three broad degrees:

• Passing: can’t tell/no tell where this person started at.
• In Transition: can tell this person is like an Uber, heading somewhere progressively but not at their destination yet.
• Can’t Pass: due to age, physical size, high testosterone levels, bone structure—-some folk will always be clockable.

Now before we lock down where James to Janet is on the above scale, what people don’t consider, is not the arrow, but the target.

There are at least three to four degrees of partners for a woman whether she is trans or not:

• Hetero guy: (who does not know where Janet’s Uber originally came from)
• Hetero guy: (who knows where Janet’s Uber originally came from, but she has all the Female model parts so he doesn't care.)
• Homosexual man: who likes James/Janet in his Janet/James—-he’s into crossdressing homosexuals.
• Skoliosexuals: this is man who is not homosexual and is attracted to a person who presents as female in sex and gender but does not require it absolutely physically. Breasts yes, penis, sure, vagina, maybe.

The reason why I advised several of my clients to present as they present/are is because of safety issues. Al women have to consider whether or not a man is going to kill them. Men being the biggest predator towards women on Earth, seconded to the men, a woman, is related to.

If Janet is Passing——meet him for a meal, see if there’s compatibility, go on a second date in PUBLIC. Do not go to his home, do not let him come to or drop you at your home. Tell him over the phone. This insures safety. more men have snapped and snapped the neck of a trans person, in person, because they got some information about the target of their amorous feelings.

In Transition or Can’t Pass—-it should be obvious from your pictures and profile text. Again, if you show up to his house or he to yours—-and you did some deep fake filter scrubbing and he snaps your neck—-you put yourself into a position for potential violence.

You should probably be clear in writing, on the phone, online that you are clearly trans—-explain it for the slow boys—-before meeting.

As a trans person yes, you’re still a person but you have to clarify if it needs to be discussed from the boundaries of safety first.

If you’re Platinum Grade Passing and he’s Hetero Guy and doesn't know—-this is only going to come up in a long term relationship and potentially having children. Which means that at some point you need to either become “horribly infertile” early on or divulge your secret——again, over the phone to avoid neck snapping.

But if your relationship is just for fun and you’re Passing, no, it’s your personal business, like all medical procedures. The assumption that one’s Sexual history is for public consumption is women imposing th patriarchal bs they’ve been subjected to. Interestingly women, who’ve lived time as men, establish better identity boundaries and self-belief systems. not your daddy, not your husband, not your senator, not your local sheriff, but you, a woman determine your divulgence of sexual history. Women would be more respected and powerful if they learned that the habit of flaying themselves open for inspection is dysfunctional…and spent less times on their cellphones, constantly having them n their hands—-look at that next time you’re strolling around a store or outside.

Women do and suggest to other women to do, disempowering things, that may even endanger them because those initial women were taught to do disempowering things by other women who were taught to do disempowering things.

Unless it is divulged or blatantly obvious, it is no one’s business for many personal and safety reasons.

If more women said none of your fucking business, more often, less women would have to say it. I’m just saying.

#KylePhoenix

#TheKylePhoenixShow

Good Men for Men:: Finding, Keeping And Being Loved By A Good One by Kyle Phoenix

Everyone says they want a Good Man...and quite a few say they are Good Men. Whether you're same gender loving, bisexual, straight, homosexual, omnisexual or transsexual, this book will teach you what to measure manhood and masculinity by.

Author, TV host and teacher, Kyle Phoenix has brought together all of the information, tips, strategies, action plans and identifiers that thousands of men around the world have taken advantage of to find a Good Man.

Including:

How to identify Good Men;

How to date them---where to go, what to do, what not to do;

What Good Men are looking for

What Good Men avoid and why

Who a Good Man is willing to be in your life and not.

Real life couples who've struggled with how to maintain a relationship with the challenges of life dreams, work, school, family, finances and sex then give you a peek into their unique solutions. You'll learn how to negotiate what works for you and what doesn't and more importantly how not to break up when the going gets rough in the first few weeks or few years.

But what if you meet (or are) a Good Man on the cusp, how to enhance and improve to become a sensational, accountable and responsible Good Man. There's a detailed guide in here on not only things to work on in life but also the resources to make them happen. From work to starting a business to managing finances to understanding home buying to school navigation, proper sex safe sex techniques, including lubes and condoms, and much more.

Then as an added bonus the book also contains links to dozens of agencies around the world that will help you improve every area of your life. Also you'll have access to all of the Kyle Phoenix television shows, online video classes, blogs and Special Reports.

This one has it all!

Why do you need this book?

Because you're worth it. Your sexuality is good and natural and should be shared and loved. All you need are the skills, the tips and strategies and you're sure to discover the Good Man within yourself.

And you know what other Good Men are looking for?

You guessed it!

Good Men!

 https://amzn.to/3DnB0Nv

Kyle Phoenix Answers: What are some of the easiest tips for gay sex dating?

While it might seem simple for men to date another man, manshit screws it all up. This is on the Top Ten List of issues that I routinely go over again and again in workshops. Gay men are deeply concerned with being exploited by men, perhaps it’s just a general male thing or it’s exacerbated by being a male attracted to a large percentage of the population who might react violently to your sexualized interest since you were a child——so men hide their interest then come out then hide their interest in men.

Men who date women and women who date women learn to share resources. That part of intimacy is look I have this many coins to do this for you. I’m doing this for you because I think there’s something special about you that romantically interests me. Order what you want!

Men with men: did you bring your credit report? You have enough cash, right? because I brought exactly my half in cash. I have mine, do you have yours, because I have mine and you better not need any of mine because I have mine and I won’t be exploited!!!!

So MSM date less because they’re concerned about this power dynamic and what is expected from an imbalance in the power dynamic and what isn’t expected by the power dynamic imbalance and what it says about them by not acknowledging the power dynamic imbalance or what it says about them about by acknowledging.

Here’s the mighty marvel secret to dating a man. Whomever asks, pays.

Boys learn this in elementary school. Boys learn with girls that sharing your resources is part of courting. Sharing resources says not I am buying you but that I like you and I want you to enjoy something. Gay men turn it into some sort of slave trafficking sexual emasculation attack.

If you have $10 you take your interest to McDonald’s and make goo goo eyes over the Dollar Menu. If your budget allows for more, you save up if you have to, you take them to a $50, $100, $200 dinner date and enjoy their company. My personal best has been $200 on a first date because it was to my favorite restaurant and I hadn’t been in awhile. It was our first, last and only date but I had a good time….now that I think about it he tried to feel me up. I try to pointedly tell men if I ask, I’m paying. If this emasculates your precious male ego, this should probably be our first, last and only date anyone because you’re too sensitive to power shit from your manshit. Sit back, enjoy the meal—-that’s what I’ve done when men have taken me out.

But why is this?

Capitalism and Transactional Power Perspective of Men.

The overarching ideology is that men in Western society are viewed in terms of what they have, do or can create, particularly through currency—-resources, money, networking, effect. Women have a much broader position within capitalism because to some degree they can both be the workforce and produce offspring to become the workforce. Men though are viewed by men and woman as what they have/can do. Which is why part of how we identify men is by what they do, what they have, what they are capable of, their resume.

Gay men, working exclusively with other men, are hyper-effected by this paradigm unless they make considerable social effort to negate, resist or acknowledge it. Gay men are then man-ness doubled so they are taught and receive social power through this paradigm in society. Because there are so few models of male to male romantic/social relationships that are not friendship, business or familial based, this fourth unknown category has confused rules——or worse no specific guidelines. Men are taught in society to follow guidelines, even if part of their identity circumvents some of those prescriptions. Coming out is so big a thing, so traumatic, because a man (and a woman)_ can no longer act on automatic pilot, they must consciously define their identities, their relationships, their destinies. They are in many ways giving up social privilege——whatever is conferred as a man or a woman.

Heterosexual identity can be followed without expressing an opinion beyond agreement.

Homosexual identity requires constant negotiation with not only self, but another person and society itself. This can make six constantly occurring negotiations between two men which is one of the reasons why men opt out of relationships with other men and default to sex—-it’s not always easy to consciously negotiate. Society supports men and women learning to communicate, women are taught from childhood to communicate (and to defer or accommodate); men are taught to control, dominate, seek an agreeable power based position in relationships. The further layered confusion of what a homosexual acting out male does sexually can upset the whole apple cart of those negotiations because their identity-sexuality is compared to their physicality.

I know, you were just trying to get a meal and suddenly it’s a psychic gender sex sexuality mind war, right?

Hence, why in workshops I default men to—-whomever asks—-pays.

Then we build from there in negotiating men with and without money receiving and giving to men with and without money without it being a code for control and dominance.

Then I start climbing the mountain of getting men to ask other men out on structured dates.

One you know what you’re negotiating and that you’re negotiating power dynamics then you can negotiate power dynamics. Starting with what money means to the other person, how they have learned to share, what is appropriate sharing and help based upon individual life stages—-not everyone is at the same financial place just because they’re both men and no relationship can be 50/50. Relationships are skill and ability based. They are also proportional. If I make $25,000 and you make $100,000, you can’t expect me to pay 50/50 into the bills because your money boat is larger than mine so you will naturally buy more expensive or costly things. What we can do is figure out by matched percentage if the housing expenses run 30%, we both contribute 35%—$7500 adjusted by taxes, $30,000 adjusted by taxes.

Which might mean one of us covers the cable, electric and food and the other the entirety of the mortgage. And most importantly there’s no snarkiness, emotional devaluing or control/sex issues from about that. Bluntly because the greater contributor numerically may not be the Top. Or the couple might be Versatile.

Perhaps the one who earns less is then the primary cook, the primary house cleaner as an agreed upon balancer (with the house as joint tenancy after a reasonable amount of time of living together or buying together).

Sex is negotiated as well based upon the goal of the relationship and we have a discussion about sex in the light of day, fully clothed, in a public place so that they hormones and eagerness don’t overrule our sense of what each wants and hearing the other. If a man can’t talk about sex, he’s not ready for a relationship. If all a man can talk about is how he can use your body to get him off, he’s not interested in you. if he can say—-I like to do A, would that bring you pleasure? Do you like that? He’s talking to you. If his sexuality is just a laundry list and you are welcome to fit yourself in there then he’s not connected to connecting to another person. Which is why you have to listen, dressed so that you aren’t confused with him doing sexual things to you that seem like it was for you when in fact it was simply AT your body. The Courtship period that women put men through when they decide not to have sex on the first or second or 5th date is when they’re teaching men that he must be alert to her signals and suss out what she wants, likes and how to mesh their mutual sexual interests.

The disadvantage of Me Top, You Bottom, is that it assumes the sex is static to all homosexuality and not individual to each person. And sexuality is individualized.

I write further about all of this in several of my books, culled from years of workshops, particularly Good Men for Men Finding keeping and Being loved By a Man.

Kyle Phoenix

Watch 

The Kyle Phoenix Show

1130pm, Thursdays on 

FiOS 34/RCN 83/Spectrum 56 & 1996

Follow Me on 

Facebook

SIGN UP FOR A FREE NEWSLETTER

at

www.KylePhoenix.com

• Stay In Touch with Kyle Phoenix by receiving updates, newsletters and free gifts by clicking HERE 
• Kyle Phoenix Website
• The Kyle Phoenix Blog
• Check out Kyle Phoenix Products on Amazon .com
• Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show LIVESTREAM on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) Thursdays 1130pm
• Email: KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

Kyle Phoenix Answers: Why would you being gay ever be a let down for other people, such as family member?

The sex is amazing. Incredible! Someone who has the same parts can give you a dozen orgasms in an hour. I've had lots of sex nut same sex, sex? It literally converts you. Mostly people secretly do it but some want public rights.

Again, sex all the time. Amazing. That's the secret. your family and friends won't be alive forever and won't know. Just do it. Heterosexuals are actually only 18% of the population.

Kyle Phoenix

Watch 

The Kyle Phoenix Show

1130pm, Thursdays on 

FiOS 34/RCN 83/Spectrum 56 & 1996

Follow Me on 

Facebook

SIGN UP FOR A FREE NEWSLETTER

at

www.KylePhoenix.com

• Stay In Touch with Kyle Phoenix by receiving updates, newsletters and free gifts by clicking HERE 
• Kyle Phoenix Website
• The Kyle Phoenix Blog
• Check out Kyle Phoenix Products on Amazon .com
• Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show LIVESTREAM on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) Thursdays 1130pm
• Email: KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

Kyle Phoenix Answers: Why do I think of sex so much?

Invite her to lunch. If that goes well dinner and then a show or movies or weekend event.
We spend a third of our adult lifetime at work it is natural to meet lovers there.
Chat her up. She's older so if she's unsure, involved or not interested, she'll politely refuse. But do it in a friendly, casual way and you'll at least get to have a nice lunch. At lunch you can learn what her situation is.
If its a go, date normally, bring condoms every date, dont talk to coworkers about it and when its time fuck long, hard and often like rabbits. Perhaps even after hours at the office for spice. If you break up, again don't talk about it and if she does, no matter what she says about you, compliment her.
But look forward to a wonderful sexual roller coaster, you're both biologically in your prime. Enjoy! Have fun!

Kyle Phoenix

Watch 

The Kyle Phoenix Show

1130pm, Thursdays on 

FiOS 34/RCN 83/Spectrum 56 & 1996

Follow Me on 

Facebook

SIGN UP FOR A FREE NEWSLETTER

at

www.KylePhoenix.com

• Stay In Touch with Kyle Phoenix by receiving updates, newsletters and free gifts by clicking HERE 
• Kyle Phoenix Website
• The Kyle Phoenix Blog
• Check out Kyle Phoenix Products on Amazon .com
• Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show LIVESTREAM on Channel 56 (Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon) Thursdays 1130pm
• Email: KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

4 Reasons Why So Many MSM Men Are Single by Kyle Phoenix

I date a lot.  A lot more than I'm often conscious of because I routinely ask men and women, and occasionally a group out to dinner, to shows, to the movies.  I was just talking to a co-worker about how you have to pin me down when I throw out that invite because if you sleep on it, I'll probably go to see the movie (I saw Chiraq last night) or to the show (Alvin Ailey---Cry sends me!!!!!!)

MSM often talk about no available guys or they lament sitting around waiting for this or that or wouldn't it be wonderful or I'm waiting on....blah blah blah.

Here's the secret: ASK MEN (Or Women---whatever splits your banana) OUT.  If you're single and you don't want to be, it's a number's game.  You must ask them out---with a few dollars in your pocket and a smile.  Prep, look good, smile, and maybe Google the TV show "Blind Date" and get some date ideas.

I just bought three new sweaters, half a dozen white dress shirts and two pairs of dress shoes and I've got two pairs of black slacks at the atelier.  I am officially ready for some holiday dating!

Alvin Ailey is here, dancing away up the block, and I'm trying to figure out how to go to not one, not two but three of the shows because if you become really tuned into AA, you know it's a delightful game of wanting to see all of the performance.  (Loved Takademe and I had a Judith Jamison poster from her performance in Cry fifteen years ago---I'm looking forward to Odetta---I missed it one year, late, and they don't let you back in until intermission; Revelations is always just that, revelatory!)  Three dates!  Boom shockalocka boom!

But back to why there's this desert....perhaps in your social calendar.

Reason One I'm Single: fear

Men are so fucking scared.
Scared you want them.
Scared you don't want them.
Scared they'll spend twenty dollars on you.
Scared you won't spend twenty dollars on them.
Scared you love them.
Scared you won't love them.
Scared you'e smarter.
Scared they sound dumb.
Scared, scared, scared.
The fear is so exhausting that you want the date to be over because he's just spewed so much terror ON THE FIRST DATE that you're not even sure your own life is worth living any longer.

Tip: Best friend.  Therapist.  Not your date.  Please don't tell your date your fears.

You can meet lots of great guys.  date them.  Sex them up and down, all over town if you just relax, calm down, ask men out regularly, come up off your Netflix and shopping therapy budget and pay like normal (not just hetero but un-fearful men) for a date.  Relax, it's just a few hundred dollars a year---cheaper than sitting at home lamenting your pain on Facebook and staring at sexy-sexy male pics and porno that aren't real.

Reason Two I'm Single: madness
Diseases.
Prep is here!
Condoms are here!
HIV is not over.
AIDS is not over.
Hepatitis is rampant.

Chlamydia flies around.

Gonorrhea actually is as fluent as Spanish in my neighborhood according to the CDC.

And yet if you look on places like Adam 4 Adam, Safe Sex is out the fucking window.  Now, now, now, wait, wait before I go on a barebacking tirade let me just do a little mental Algebra to break down why I'm cautious with my jellybeans.

Saw A handsome young bloke by the name of Victor posts his twenty something lustful thoughts of co-spanky spank spank yearnings and you know---he looks good and you look good and everything is potentially good.  And he says he's a student and he's working in say retail or maybe an office---you can kind of suss out, he's on his way to 40k a year.  And then Victor says he's down with the love grind and safe sex isn't a worry because he's HIV negative AND he's on Prep.

Where this student loaned out mother fucker getting $10,000 a year in cash for Prep?  Just to fuck?  Is he fucking for cash to have cash to pay to fuck?
And what about the rest of the Alien-esque infections that circulate through the crotch of humans and a few primates?
When did it become cool to risk not yourself but your fellow human for a skeet?
I mean we as Americans (or Black folk about White folk) are always railing about how people in other countries treat their people and yet were willing to fuck each other to infected death.  What the fuck is that?

If you want a man, care about men.  That's safe sex in the 21st century.  Get past your semen tossing fantasies, your deep desire to have some "flood" you and instead look at STIs as the same precautions that men and women take around pregnancy.



Reason Three I'm Single: individuation

I'm not you.
I don't want to be you.
I don't want to like the same things as you.
I don't want you to like all the things I do.
i'm not interested in the same things you are.
I'm cool with you not being interested in the same things I am.

MSM foolishly look for themselves in other men.  Instead they should focus on values and morals.
Does your target rape children?
Does he take advantage of old, blind people?
Does he like to torture puppies?
Does he care about people's feelings and their lives?

That's what's important.

Instead you tell someone you didn't lose your gonads to Ice Age movie and they're not sure if you're worthy of love and affection.

Or perhaps that you don't own more than a few Adele songs on your IPod or no Beyonce and there's a terrified scream about how you must support the Nazi party and couldn't possibly like something different than they do.

I revel in your differences.  I look forward to learning and coming to appreciate something new that I may've never tasted or experienced before.  I also look forward to you having some place, something, some other interest and hobby than my own.


He is Not You.  I have that book on the way but in the meantime Good Men for Men.  Stop looking for a twin to assuage your narcissistic childish/puerile need for mommy-daddy love acceptance.  Instead be happy with the fact that a good man will be different form you.  Heterosexual men are in so many more relationships because they accept that women are different than them and don't expect for the two to always enjoy or revel in the same things.  Simple when you see it from that angle, huh?

Reason Four I'm Single: discretion

Ok, seriously...no really...let's again use Victor as an example.  We go out on a date to dinner, maybe to a show or a movie.

Now if we sit next to each other----who are all of these people with their smartphones and beady eyes spying on you and I, and outing you?

Say, we decide to get horizontal and you invite me over to your house and tell me to be conscious and discrete, my mental thought is always: What the hell do you think I'm going to do walking from the subway to your house?  Up the driveway?  Like whip out a dildo and start blowing it and scream that I'm going to fuck him, him, him in apartment 7?

My ire is extreme, yes, but dialed down a notch---who are you being discrete from?  
And more importantly, why would I date a paranoid person?
No one's watching you.
You're not that interesting.
Most of them already know about you or.....wait for this, wait for it----they don't give a damn about you and your minuscule life.  In fact they probably haven't even noticed your life.  
Statistically people are thinking about themselves 96% of the time.

 There are so many wonderful, smart, good men out there in the world.
You're wasting your time with the above drama.  It's why you're alone and lonely.
Change.
You won't live forever.

Oh, by the by, I'm personally a little happy if you stay trapped in silliness....more grateful men for me. :)

Enjoy!!!
Thank you for reading.
Email: kylephoenixshow1@gmail.com
Website: http://kylephoenix.com/
Blog: http://kylephoenixshow.blogspot.com/2012
Thanks and enjoy!

You can Like Us on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter!

Don't forget to watch The Kyle Phoenix Show on

Channel 56(Time Warner), 83 (RCN), 34 (Verizon)

Fridays at 11pm simulcast on MNN.org and http://kylephoenix.com/.

All books by Kyle Phoenix are available through Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.

Sign up for the mailing list on my website (I’ll never share your information with a 3^rd party) and you’ll receive the E newsletter and alerts about new products, books, and Special Reports.

Copyright © The Omni Group, Inc , 2015

Kyle Phoenix, 2015

Manhattan, New York