Kyle Phoenix Books 2018

Kyle Phoenix Books June 2018
Showing posts with label self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self. Show all posts

Saturday, November 23, 2019

What principles or structure do you find essential to map your journey for financial success? by #KylePhoenix

What principles or structure do you find essential to map your journey for financial success?



Honestly, I'm not sure my undergrad time was worth it as I did it. The mentoring, the writing, the spiritual work, yes, 80 credits of writing classes. All good.
But afterwards I took about two years of advanced computer classes in office, graphic design and programming for a tenth of the cost. Temping and those classes were a truly great and varied education in business and professionalism. That was worth it. I would have combined the two, maybe been a part time student instead.
Education is my third career, I could've started earlier and I wish I'd started my media business ten years earlier because I have to create so much content. That and a mastermind group, I just joined one here in NYC again. I would have a bigger, deeper CV to convert. I feel like I am playing 2-3 year catch up.
The royalties and business hiccups I manage now should've been over a handful of years ago but I didn't know how to carve my own path.
Principles in action faster:
  • Work to learn, not earn
  • Dump toxic people.
  • Put more into the marketplace, experiment earlier and more.
  • Learn hard skills as priority and softer ones alongside them.
  • Plan and plot years out in 1,3, 5 like I do now.
I would have taken money from mother that came with strings and invested it. I could've found a space between freedom and her control which I used away college to create. (I might've been a basket case then lol I am on the fence about independence and what it cost me on one hand and sanity on the other. I absorbed 50k in debt with college.)
Different friends, more ambitious people. I found out a lot I was the most motivated. I would have stated criteria for friendship, I was too frivolous and arbitrary.
Planned long-term.
Don't get me wrong, I'm doing okay now and it's getting better but I think a lot on wasted time. I think about five years were not focused on my adult needs.
Tony Robbins Personal Power 2 cds helped immensely undergrad, I would have done it more, monthly. I got results but I didn't change friends for about four years so I spent time mired in drama.
I would trust my own ruthlessness if that makes sense.
I've been compassionate as a fault, a disease to please. It took maybe ten years as an adult to sit with a therapist and unravel.
Ok, ok, 1 year therapy, part time college, full time work, tech classes, mommy money, clean friend house in that order would've gotten me to productivity now level ten years ago.
Now I understand how to use my past as barometer that's something that is uncomfortable because you're piloting blindfolded so trusting my own instincts took too much time. Now I can say I'm smart enough to be sure of my sense of most things. I'm confident in my own wisdom.

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Smile, Kyle
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Kyle Phoenix is a teacher, certified adult educator, sexologist, sex coach and sexuality educator with over two decades of intensive experience. He studied at the University at Buffalo, SUNY, New York University, and Columbia University. He has worked, consulted and taught individuals and focused professional developments for the CDC, Department of Education, Gay Men's Health Crisis, New York City Department of Health, non-profits, Fortune 500 companies and unions. He began his career facilitating on-campus workshops addressing a wide range of sexuality and sexual health issues and then moved on to teaching at universities, non-profits, private groups and clients, hosting The Kyle Phoenix Show on television and multiple online webinars, including YouTube and Sclipo and writing extensively through his blog, Special Reports, articles and other print and E books in the Kyle Phoenix Series on relationships, finance, education, spirituality and culture. He lives in New York with his family.

www.kylephoenix.com

Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com
#KylePhoenix
#TheKylePhoenixShow

The Kyle Phoenix Show 




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Thursday, November 1, 2018

How To Control Your Destiny on The Kyle Phoenix Blog


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#KylePhoenix

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Sunday, October 28, 2018

Can INTJs be intimidated? Answered by Kyle Phoenix





Kyle Phoenix
Kyle Phoenix, Writer and student & Instructor at Columbia University


Rarely. Not because of the size or intensity of the opposition but because an Intj is usually aware of the dragon before the dragon is aware of them. Say it's something as mundane as a job interview. Why get nervous? The decision is two way. Whether they want me and whether or not I want them. Say they don't want me, then hopefully I will learn from the experience. Or in the discussion I realize my lack of interest in them, again a learning experience.
I review this thought while getting dressed. Resume and outcome: I will learn something.
I once interviewed for a three month paralegal position applying Think and Grow Rich (action pack) job interviewing tactic of creating a ten to fifteen page laminated presentation called A Brief Qualification of Experience of not only my qualifications but history of the company and what my contribution could be to that department. Each presentation was individually addressed to the four attorneys who would be interviewing me. They passed me around to seven people, probably to just talk to someone who had put in that much effort. They passed because they felt that position would be too short for my skills, I passed on them because it was on the 65th floor. But the agency that sent me got a copy and such a good impression that they made me a manager on a shift of securities litigation paralegals for Enron case.
Ok... Violence.
I lived in Jamaica estates, a fairly upper class area of Queens and was walking my date to the train at 2am, he was like 6'7, Italian, we're minding our own business. Van skids to a stop in front of us, four guys jump out. One with a video camera and another with a baseball bat. I calmly told my date to get behind me and I stood facing them all and beckoned for them to come into the abyss for at least one of you will die here before I do. Now I was to my own surprise even, breathing normally. My reaction was so different than what was expected that they hesitated then got back in the van and left. My date damn near peed himself.
Ok...insanity. I'm standing in line at the jail library, waiting out my misdemeanor days for getting into an argument with a neighbor. I'd forgotten that I was Black and the township not. My wacky twenties. Guards wander away to chat and a prisoner starts to pace, muttering to himself. Lets call him Earl, an average looking White guy. But he's killed four people and was awaiting trial...and liked to read. His mother's visitation rights were revoked and trial was about to start. Earl says he's very upset, lots of anxiety. Me and the three other prisoners are watching him meltdown. He says he doesn't feel loved.
I tell Earl I cannot sanction nor judge his actions but he is still a child of God, a portion of the universe and therefore I love him and can extend the love of my connection to him and God. I open my arms and hug him until he calms down then I tell him to get back in line.
The others are gob smacked. I explain that if/when that motherfucker goes ballistic, whose he going to remember favorably, the one who extended him love or not?
For the rest of the time, a couple weeks I was there Earl was a sweetheart to me, coming to play chess, sharing soda and chips with me.
I learned particularly from that jail experience, my little corporate overly educated self in jail hell to use every one of the 48 laws of power and to extend genuine love to humans.
From overall life, and very intense, honest parents, as an only child, I was raised that I was it. I am my own savior...and to never be an easy kill.
I once had a very bombastic, Klingon boss. I was bluntly telling him something, about his being jacket black, Nigerian African dark but not American Black therefore the staff resenting his intensity. He asked why i wasn't. I explained that I wasn't raised as a socially intimidated negro, I am sovereign unto myself and what was the worse he could do? Fire me?
The worse that can happen at a firing is they drag you into the parking lot and shoot you in the back of the head. That's some mafia, intelligence agency crap. Not a rinkdink nonprofit.
Have the worse outcome in mind as a possibly. I've told bullies that sure you can beat me to death but right now, even if you grind me up my last defiant thought will be no. Even if you force me to say yes, it's only because I'm thinking no.
  • You must be willing to do the unexpected. Hug a psychopath.
    You must be willing to experiment with a job interview to test out a book theory.
    You must be willing to offend, kill, laugh, love and go into light and darkness with equal fervor and detachment.
Intimidating comes from the other stripping the target of the ability to creatively project outcomes of their own devices, ultimately.
That's how an intj thinks.



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Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com
#KylePhoenix
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Sunday, July 8, 2018

Kyle Phoenix Answers: What portion of our personality is taught and what portion are we born with?


Image result for personality
It's all taught.
Personality is our public social face.
Character is who we are.
Theres no Practice Earth where you tryout sarcasm and shyness. Based upon culture and environment we become. With self awareness as we age we can become self reflective and change personality traits based upon needs, external forces or internal decisions.
We are simply complex. Like a mixing bowl taking ingredients in and churning out versions of the ingredients with our own saved ingredients from previous input. One sibling hates dogs because of being bitten, the other was at school the day of the attack so doesn't possess the same new ingredient of dog fear.
Our genetics come into play when we consider how we interact with the external world.
A third sibling is physically big, taller so the dog Is intimidated by her and doesn't bite her. But she saw the attack and blood sickens her forever, she never becomes a nurse and hates horror movies.
We adjust our mutable personality and cement character elements like accountability, integrity, ruthlessness, competitiveness through continuous internal decisions, which is why acting one way takes much longer to change our fundamental selves if we dont believe we should change.
I can be nice to your face but that doesn't mean I'm a nice person.

Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

The Kyle Phoenix Show 




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Kyle Phoenix Answers: Have you turned classist because of bad experiences from a certain social class?


Image result for social class
Yes, in the sense that at a midpoint in teaching adult I sensed /noticed marked but subtle differences in perceptions, absorption and manifestation from different individuals. It took about 7 years over thousands of students that it started to codify to money-class and I embarked on studying class differences themselves. The work of Ruby Payne then clarified and crystallized what I'd been seeing.
It then forced me to self review and recognize I'd been raised Middle/Upper Middle class edging towards Rich so my habits, tastes, interests, manners and expectations were different from others. The contrast of being designated Black in America and the projection expectations that can bring are not in complete alignment with my lived identity. And further a large swath of my blood family is more mired in Poverty/Poor in habits, manners, expectations and tastes.
Norms of other Black and Latinos that I accepted as part of the tapestry of people I now can recognize as distinct over culture separate blankets that are all entangled on one big bed.
As a child I wasn't allowed to eat certain foods with relatives children by my mother because she didn't want me to normalize Poverty on a broad level and specifically didn't want me eating substandard food. As an educated Francophile from her teens she'd routinely gone to high end, 4, 5 star French restaurants and understood the vagaries of quality and taste. So Spam, chitlins, hog maws, not allowed. Instead foie gras (ironically at work a few weeks ago two maintenance guys were talking in the staircase about a food, foie gras one had been offered, he wasn't sure what it was. I explained it was duck or goose, probably duck here in America. They, White were surprised at my deep knowledge something they barely grasped from being Working class but my skin-color suggesting I shouldn't know. And I'm all like the now closed Four Seasons made the best with a fried pineapple sliver on the side. They were amazed I knew and I was amazed they didn't, its like, to me if someone had all this confusion about a hamburger.), pate, caviar, lobster, porterhouses', were more normalized to me as a child, though in a blunt comparative assessment they are similar in scope of actual kinds of foods.
I used to come home from school at 11 and defrost a porterhouse from the dozens in the freezer, three inches thick and have it with a salad watching TV. It never occurred to me how the ocean view duplex apartment, the steak, the full cable, the luxurious furniture were markedly different from my cousins home experience. I think I assumed because they had two to six more siblings each and I was an only child that there was more or less based on consumption not class.


I assumed everyone had a separate office/library and that they'd all been to some form of college, worked at big companies or were the head chef at a country club like my stepfather, which allowed us to regularly go to the club for weekend getaways.
And yes "poorer" relatives were crueler to me from rape to throwing rocks at me to try and put out an eye to exclusion, judgment and now I can see it was class based. And it still happens with adults, people of color, who assume we was all Poor and made Good (Middle class)----no some of us were born into Good. That I automatically should believe some thoughts, ideals and ideologies because I'm designated Black. Like I'm automatically assumed Democrat or if class assessed I must be a Republican. I'm neither. And because Poor and Middle are so rigidly ideological, there can only be two political party ideologies.
That I'm Poor just because I work. Because I work an extra job, not that it might be a school requirement. That one can't enjoy work, especially when you have diverse skills that doing mundane, algorithmic can be relaxing because it lets me relax, think about bigger projects, plan ahead.
That whatever I study is directly, bluntly tied to a job-career. "Law school? Oh, you want to be a lawyer, huh. No? But there's no other work in the solar system you can do with a law school degree. None at all. Ever. No where
"
That education and reading and learning must be tied to a job and an exact dollar to page outcome. "You're reading that for fun? You READ for fun? You enjoy school? But what job will it make you in as few days as possible and exactly how much an hour, year is that in job pay?"


The Poor and Working class tend to have a very concrete, literal perception of themselves and therefore others. I have patience with ignorance/not knowing from two decades of teaching but inside I cringe and am shocked, saddened, miffed, amused and frightened of the naturalness of such warped perception.
I am assaulted daily by the ignorance of the entangled blankets of class. Where poor coworkers lament lack of money for healthcare but have the full cable package. Or have Iphone 10s, Xes? But have no 401k contributions and I don't even buy into the idea of a 401k but I know its a WA to sweep some of the gross pay off the table until I can align taxes to even out against withdrawal fees, as I dont expect it to save me in retirement, nor do I expect social security to rescue me. I must rescue myself.

Forget the insanity my students, the children and young adults of generational Poverty bring to my classrooms. The movement, acceleration rate I calculate of my effect to those students is about 70%. And that's being generous. Middle class and higher I average a 95% acceleration rate.
Don't have children before 30, higher education, completing high school. I even show them the life outcomes ratios from the Brookings Institute, Ruby Paynes work, breakdown the trap they recognize they're in. (I thought the slang "trap" was from when a guy is seduced unknowingly by a transgender. Its co-morphed from rap songs to a Poverty self awareness of being trapped in Poverty.)
So far 60% of them within my having hammered this info in, have sired children. Lol. And all love affairs break up less than two years out from the birth of a crying, shitting, needing, expensive grenade known as a baby. They've all come back I should've listened to you and now without the boon of legal marriage they have the rough ride of mandatory child support. 17% off the top, per child. Hopefully there aren't arrears and interest.
So I've turned a lot of my teaching time to entrepreneurial efforts, licensing designs, accelerating advanced students because the Poor literally bite every hand that tries to feed them. Only 18% will make it out so I've narrowed my attention to that discernible niche. The Poor have made me classist in my work to be harshly discriminatory in those I assist.
I bluntly tell students now I'm the equivalent of a MASH trauma surgeon, if you don't respond, show no signs of fruition, I must have you wheeled away to work on the next, they may possess a greater life chance, the rest are the Walking Dead. Perhaps, I suspect several will hear me.....in ten years, my teaching, information, attempts to help /accelerate will resonate then. But A, I'll be "gone" , focused on others and B, they might be too mired in life drama to be able to effect life changes.

From teaching teachers I suspect more feel this ennui and dont know how to manage I as well as I've learned. You learn from one class perspective to have lowered expectations of the other and to really see and invest in the diamond in the rough, but you test those diamonds intently before committing. In many ways its a similar psychological stance to admittance to a private club or society.
You, I am aware of the stratification lines more and its like my measured response serves the hegemony of class separation on one hand even as my work offers dismantling tools on the other.

Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@Gmail.com

The Kyle Phoenix Show 




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