It depends.
One of my tasks as an education consultant is to go into schools and do assessments with children of Elementary to High School ages. Sometimes I’m doing direct assessments with very specific materials and I have a period—45 minutes to get them to fill out/do the assignment and for me to answer back to them what the assessment is and what it says about them and then for the bell to ring.
Other times I’m doing a much broader assessment—-I’m evaluating a school itself. bluntly, are they all crazy, who is crazy and why are they crazy? Because the Leadership/District has spotlighted this school as crazy.
In the second criteria, it’s generally me and 20+ kids in a room with another teacher and I give them a very basic assignment—-like “Just relax.” and then I observe them. My observation is the assessment. I want to see a skimming of the entire population and about 10% of them generally act out in abnormal ways.
The acting out is generally sexual in nature or violence.
Children Act Out for Several Reasons
- Reality. They are small, absorbent people with bad boundaries in a world full of sexual and violent information. This is dancing, clothing, language, flirtation, sexualized role playing.
- Curiosity. Because they’ve absorbed information from Reality then they start to expand upon and act out upon and do things that are natural.
- Indoctrination. Because of sexual and violence based reinforcement from friends, family, others, children act out. Often they will present two levels—-which is how you can discern this level. They will show their age level understanding or acting out and at the same time a far advanced language or action. (A boy takes a pencil and pokes at another boy’s butt and when asked why, says it’s to make him cum. That’s two levels of age/understanding occurring.)
- Abuse. To see it is generally not easy because abusers tend not to abuse those who will blurt it out in the most obvious ways. Abusers aim for quieter, introverted children who have less Agency and Voice so that there is a greater chance of secrecy. The child is then taught and reinforced to not divulge the secret. As they get older they are also able to access that there is pleasure in the activity but maturity starts to enter a sense of guilt, danger, blame, secrecy—-which is what creates the mountain of sexual abuse related trauma—-when the abused gets a deeper reflective view upon what has been occurring to them. Children often don’t know why something is wrong even if they don’t feel good about something or conversely and perversely something felt very good but is now understood to be wrong—then all of Society tells them why it’s wrong and trauma is magnified. The complexity of sexual abuse that is deliberate makes it difficult to see socially, psychologically, which is why generally a medical examine is the best indicator.
To discern it properly in a child under 10 means that one it has to be established their understanding of reality. personality and reality understanding (including morality, lies, consequences, etc.) occurs at about 9 years old. Those things have to be checked first. Do they understand? Once they understand then you can indirectly question to discern if it’s one of the 4 areas above. This is also important to be able to convey to them the difference between the 4.
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Kyle Phoenix is a teacher, certified adult educator, sexologist, sex coach and sexuality educator with over two decades of intensive experience. He studied at the University at Buffalo, SUNY, New York University, and Columbia University. He has worked, consulted and taught individuals and focused professional developments for the CDC, Department of Education, Gay Men's Health Crisis, New York City Department of Health, non-profits, Fortune 500 companies and unions. He began his career facilitating on-campus workshops addressing a wide range of sexuality and sexual health issues and then moved on to teaching at universities, non-profits, private groups and clients, hosting The Kyle Phoenix Show on television and multiple online webinars, including YouTube and Sclipo and writing extensively through his blog, Special Reports, articles and other print and E books in the Kyle Phoenix Series on relationships, finance, education, spirituality and culture. He lives in New York with his family.
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