Educated Black people like to talk about which fraternity (also called a ”frat”) or sorority they pledged in college. Some of them even go to college with the intent to pledge a Greek lettered organization, then drop out of school. Unlike predominately white fraternities or sororities, these Black Greek letter organizations (or “BGLOs”) are for life. Many members wear Greek paraphernalia well into old age. They even continue to attend their organization’s regional and national conferences.
All members of these Greek organizations love to talk about how hard they pledged and continually state how much they dislike other members who did not pledge as hard as they did. There have also been a few whites people who have crossed racial lines and joined a BGLO. Of course, this person was pledged harder than any other person because they have to pay for all injustices whites have committed against blacks!
If you are non-Black and encounter a Black person wearing a shirt or something that reflects their Greek organization, tell them how much you love their organization and the community service it does. Never say, “I love those dances you guys do!” It’s like saying, “I love to watch you black people dance because all black people have such good rhythm and know how to dance.” You will appear racist and never have that person as a friend. Also as a non-Greek, Black or not, you areNOT allowed to wear Greek paraphernalia. Greek organizations are not sports teams; therefore, you shouldn’t wear the organization’s colors to show your support.
Educated Black Greeks often look at pledging as a right of passage–their educational experience was enhanced because they “went Greek.” When someone talks about their experience, always look as though you are interested and truly care because this is very important to them.
Educated Black people like Neo Soul.
For those of you who don’t know what this genre of music is about, I have included a short description.
Neo soul (also known as
nu soul) is a
music genre and an umbrella term for current soul music. The music is usually a hybrid of 1970s-influenced
soul music with influences from
jazz,
funk,
hip hophouse music. The term
neo soul was originated by
Kedar Massenburg of
Motown Records in the late
1990s. Neo soul’s audience tends to be underground, preferring that the music favor underground credibility and soulfulness over mainstream popularity. Some musicians who create what is described as neo-soul prefer to disassociate themselves from the tag, due to the term’s
buzzword-like usage. Some of these artists simply refer to themselves as soul artists.
Neo Soul music makes educated black people feel like they are getting in on music that regular blacks don’t know about. The most popular neo soul artist is Erykah Badu….even though some of us may feel she’s a little bit crazy. Some educated Blacks have distanced themselves from Ms. Badu because too many people know about her. Neo Soul allows these educated blacks to feel they are the only people who know about these artists and are the only ones educated enough to understand this music. Once an artist “catches on,” it’s time to move on to the next undiscovered talent.
Other popular neo soul artists are:
Angie Stone,
Musiq Soulchild,
Jill Scott,
Macy Gray,
Alice Smith,
Goapele,
India.Arie,
Davina,
Pru,
Raphael Saadiq,
Alice Smith,
Jazzyfatnastees,
Adriana Evans,
Ursula Rucker,
Rhian Benson and
Martha Redbone. If you want to take an educated black friend to a concert, pick one of these artists. You will definitely be loved by them automatically. You should even comment on the release of a new CD by one of these artists. It’ll show how well you understand educated Black culture. You may even get invited to a listening party. Then, you’ll really be down with the educated Black crowd!
#3 Baked Chicken
We’ve all heard the joke that all black people love fried chicken. That’s not true. EVERYBODY loves fried chicken – white or black. It’s even on the buffet at Chinese restaurants! So let’s just scratch that idea right now.
Educated Black People have a more sophisticated taste. We like BAKED CHICKEN. Some even go so far as to use lemon pepper seasonings, but this is only for the upper echelon blacks with advanced degrees, so don’t try this at home if you only have an undergraduate degree. Now if you want to really show off your education, bake chicken breasts only! Most educated blacks prefer their chicken breasts with a side of rice and a vegetable.
By eating baked chicken, we educated Blacks feel as though we are beyond the stigma of eating common fried chicken. If you are a white person and are having your educated Black friends over, bake some chicken. But be careful because we cannot stand dry baked chicken. Baked chicken should be moist, so cover it with foil paper as you cook it. Also white people, never offer a black person fried chicken, you will probably get cursed out.
It must also be pointed out that baking chicken is much healthier than frying it. That’s something you should already know. This means that by eating baked chicken instead of fried, educated Blacks are ensuring that they will live longer than those without any type of higher educational learning. It also shows that we are more sophisticated and can use the oven for things other than baking those pies that white people love.
Educated Black People LOVE poetry slams. Poetry slams are events where
either professional poets or audience members get up and recite
original poems, songs and speeches. Educated black people are large
attendees of these “slams” because we believe that this form of
entertainment is much better then going to a bar, listening to music,
enjoying a long walk, or anything else that uncultured people enjoy.
It also allows us to show off our verbal rhythm, because true slam
poets……..always…….talklikethis ……because if you don’t…..thenyouare…..
a…..FAKE…..poet *thoughtful look*.
The best thing about slam poetry is anybody can participate, no matter the race! If you watch the Educated black people-approved “Def Poetry Jam”, you will see all sorts of races participating on the show. Non-black people have to remember that if you sit on the front row, the poet will pick that opportunity to say the one poem that will make you feel bad about all the things you’ve said about we educated black people, so BEWARE!
Another good thing about poetry slams could be the showcase they provide for the numerous things we like: natural hair, Afrocentric wear, tattoos with African symbolism, special teas, the black power sign, etc. If a non-white person wants to bask in the glory that comes from educated black people, attending a poetry slam is the way to go.
Educated Black people like advanced degrees. What better way to show that you are educated than to get a slew of degrees to prove it! Educated Black people typically like to obtain their advanced degrees from universities that they find to be reputable. They have nothing against University of Phoenix, but something just doesn’t seem quite right about that place. It reminds them of those “degree mills” that you hear about. And educated black people must separate themselves from all the pseudo-educated people, so they need advanced degrees from bigger and better universities.
Typically educated Black people obtain undergraduate degrees from HBCU’s (look it up if you don’t know), then go on to pursue Master or Doctoral degrees at universities where they are in the minority. This is because, by this time, educated Blacks have pledged their beloved fraternities or sororities, so there’s nothing else to do except concentrate on that advanced degree.
Educated Black People also enjoy mentioning to others that they are getting an advanced degree. Most educated Black males use this as a pick-up line for undergraduate females. The conversation generally goes something like this: The guy will go to the student union where the undergrads hang out. He will approach a female he likes and say, “Hi, I’ve never seen you around here.” The clueless undergrad will respond, “I haven’t seen you before either.” BINGO! This excites the male because he knows he has the perfect response, “Oh, that’s because I’m in the Law School/Business School.” The clueless female will probably fall for the line and end up listening to this educated Black male talk about his advanced degree for an extended amount of time. He may even get lucky and get a date out of it. JACKPOT!
Educated Black people Like town homes.
When an educated Black person gets a new job upon graduation, they usually purchase a town home. This is a symbol of status. It’s the convenience of a starter home without the burden of doing yard work. In places like New York, most educated Blacks will purchase a brownstone.
A town home is a symbol of status because it shows the world that they have “made it.” Their education has paid off–they are living the American Dream. Once the educated Blacks move into the town home, they will have what is called a “house warming party.” Usually other educated Blacks and a few of the acceptable white friends from work will be invited. However, there may be a separate party for the new homeowner’s family. This is usually because the educated Blacks do not want their family mixing with their friends from work because this typically produces some type of embarrassing situation–probably resulting in Uncle Joe getting drunk and hitting on a friend of the homeowner.
If you are invited to a house warming party for an educated Black person, you are required to bring a gift for the home. One of the safest gifts is a house plant; perhaps an ivy. If you are a non-Black, never EVER bring Black art–you are stereotyping your educated Black friend and will probably lose them as a friend.
It is a must to compliment the size of the home, even if your bathroom is bigger than the entire house. This will make the homeowner feel proud of their purchase and ease the anxiety that they are having knowing it will take them 30 years to pay for it!
Educated Black People Like Barack Obama, but it’s not for the reasons you think.
Yes, Obama is an Educated Black Person, so of course we LOVE him. However, there are other reasons educated blacks like the Senator from Illinois. Another reason is that he’s the first Black person to run for public office without going all Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson on America. Obama has not once gotten the NAACP or Black Panthers involved in his campaign. We also like him because he has not solicited their help in his campaign for the Presidency; because educated blacks know that these two men would hurt rather than help Obama’s campaign. Al and Jesse are educated black people, so we like them; but educated blacks can only stand these two in moderation. All the yelling and rhyming annoys educated black people.
When discussing politics with an educated black person, do not automatically assume they are a supporter of Senator Obama. This is almost insulting because you are basically saying that because Obama is black and they are black, the two must go together. Allow your educated black friend to discuss the issues that concern them and they will usually tell you that they support Obama because of how he stands on national issues. It is important for an educated black person to explainwhy they like Obama, so that they can separate themselves from the uneducated or other blacks who like Obama just because he’s black.
#8 Talking About Uneducated Black People
Besides themselves, EBP like talking about uneducated Blacks who disgrace their race. Most EBP hate those Blacks who are loud in public and draw unnecessary attention to themselves. EBP especially get embarrassed when they are out with their white friends and they run into an uneducated Black person. They usually want to run over and slap the uneducated Black in order to stop whatever stupid behavior they are doing, but of course, this would not be very educated of them.
Most educated Blacks are embarrassed by the loud music and large rims uneducated blacks seem to love. Another favorite is poor grammar, which is usually spoken very loudly. When a group of EBP get together, they typically talk about all the uneducated Blacks they saw that day. Conversations on this topic can go on for hours and can range from slippers to do-rags worn in public! With uneducated Blacks constantly doing embarrassing things, this is a never ending conversation.
While this is standard conversation for EBP, white people should never engage in this type of discussion. White people will come off as prejudiced, which is something educated Black people hate. If a white person says something derogatory about an uneducated Black, their educated Black friend will quickly become uneducated and proceed to curse that white person out.
So the moral of the story is: White people talk about uneducated Blacks in the privacy of your home if you want to keep your token educated Black friends.
*We are sure our readers will have a lot to say about this post; that’ why we kept it short.
Today is a special day in the hearts of Educated Black People, for it’s their favorite day of the month: FIRST FRIDAY!
Unlike uneducated black people and their love affair with the
1st and
15th of every month, educated Black People wait in anticipation for the First Friday. This is the day that upscale events are held so educated black people can mingle among others of their social ilk. These events usually have themes, allowing educated black people to purchase new designer clothing to fit in. First Fridays are so big that there is a
national website promoting all the cities that have them. First Fridays are usually broken up into two sessions: a two hour block dedicated to exchanging
business cards and the actual party.
The two hour card exchange allows educated black people to enjoy some of the things that they love: foreign wines,
neo-soul and business cards. It also allows the more
power- educated black people (i.e. Director, CEO, COO) to separate themselves from the
up and coming educated black people (i.e. assistant, officer, specialist). Remember that educated black people like to separate themselves, even while they hang together.
The actual party is usually a fashion show, performance or other type of entertainment that allows educated black people to mingle without really having to socialize. One of the highlights of the party period is spotting the uneducated black people who are trying to blend in. If you see a man in a suit with a cheap chain or a woman with multi-colored “dress clothes” on, then you’ve found the uneducated stunnas. At this point, most of the EBP will get together to talk about these unwelcome guests.
Finally, First Fridays are a great place for white people to come out and have a good time with educated black people and discuss important issues such as liberalism, coffee w/ three creams and good health insurance. With this in mind, have a GREAT time tonight!
Educated Black People like getting dressed up. No matter the event or time of day, EBP will over-dress. EBP will spend half of their salary, maybe more, on a new outfit for a party, family reunion, or even a school play. Even if the event is casual, an educated black male will usually wear a necktie, maybe a suit, if its after 5 p.m. When considering to over-dress, the EBP will think about who will be at the event and how much they need to impress those persons.
Also, an EBP finds the need to purchase name-brand or designer clothing. Although very expensive, its all worth it when someone comes up to the EBP and asks them where they bought the outfit or who is the designer. Most educated black males revel in purchasing expensive designer suits, neckties, shoes and briefcases; while most educated black females purchase expensive designer handbags and shoes.
Once an EBP has decided what to wear it’s time to head out to the event. If it is a party, an EBP will usually arrive during the mingling period to distribute business cards and model his/her outfit. A male will probably be wearing a tailored suit and freshly polished shoes; he can probably be smelled before he is seen, because of the distinct smell of his “expensive” cologne. A woman will make sure that every person can get a look at her subtle business “freakem” attire. A EBP will spare no expense in impressing the crowd. Even at a house party, an EBP can be spotted because they will probably be wearing a pair of slacks and dress shoes instead of jeans and casual shoes. Introduction of yourself will prompt an EBP to introduce himself/herself and produce a business card after a brief conversation.
There is one event that an EBP loves to attend: a high school reunion. It cannot be predicted what an EBP will wear to this event, but just know that it will be totally unnecessary. This is a time for the EBP to really shine, really show all his/her old teachers and classmates they have “made it”. EBPs will wear their best clothes, to show their former classmates that the old days have passed.
EBP like to dress up to show that they are more advanced than other blacks who think dressing up is wearing a button-down shirt with a pair of heavily starched jeans or the tightest jeans they can fit into paired with a brightly colored tube-top.
There is a need of EBP to show how educated or advanced they are in order to separate themselves from other blacks. Complementing an EBP on his/her clothing is the best thing someone can do if they want to become friends with an EBP. It shows that you have an appreciation for fine clothing and that you understand how difficult it was them to choose their outfit.
One will only need to be in the company of an EBP for a short time before they hear about the EBPs love for jazz. Jazz has the uncanny ability of touching an EBP’s inner soul and heart, and making them feel them feel the pains and problems of the past. It is also the preferred date, as it shows true sophistication and understanding, while always impressing the ladies. EBPs feel like that they cannot be at regular radio-promoted parties, and will drive thru hell to find the newly found jazz club. Once there, they can sip wine and hear a failed musician play covers of the great jazz artists. Afterwards, the EBP can discuss the “tone” and “depth” of the music like a seasoned critic.
The one thing with jazz, is that most people only know a handful of artists. Whenever an EBP discusses jazz with friends, it is a lock that they will say one of the following names as their favorite artist: Coltrane, Armstrong, Ellington, Simone or Davis. Any other names will show that they are not truly “lovers” of the jazz movement. EBPs will also make sure any trips to Memphis, Chicago and New Orleans include a stop to an authentic jazz club so they can brag to their friends about how they were able to see the roots of the genre. If anybody wants to start a long term friendship/relationship with an EBP, it must start with a trip to a jazz night. Afterwards, you have them hooked for life.
12 Weddings
EBP like weddings. They enjoy the Pomp and Circumstance that comes along with an EBP wedding; an invitation only affair, filled with other EBP. Making weddings exclusive events are a favorite of EBP.
Long gone are the days of a traditional church wedding. The advanced EBP now enjoy “destination weddings”. They can prevent the undesirables from attending because they usually cannot afford it and don’t own a passport. The wedding will probably be held on a beach somewhere and there will be specific attire – usually linen, maybe even white linen.
In an effort to “keep it real”, EBP will include the jumping of the broom ritual. It validates their blackness as a couple. If you don’t understand what’s going on, watch The Best Man, The Wood, or any other movie about EBP. If you’ve never seen this ceremony before, or even if you have, ask the new couple how they thought of the idea or tell them how creative it was to include this in their ceremony. Your compliments will make them feel super special, because no one else could have had this ritual at their ceremony.
EBP will go to extreme lengths to show off on this special day. They usually give away strange wedding favors: note pads, pencils, pens, chocolate candy, or bottles of water; all with the couples name and date of the wedding. How else are you going to remember the good time you had at the wedding?
In another effort to make their weddings exclusive, they may impose a restriction of not allowing any child under the age of 13 into the reception or making the wedding black tie attire. For nothing makes EBP happier than to know that people are talking about their wedding; whether discussing what to wear or how dare they not allow you to bring your 5 kids all under 10 years old – because you don’t want to cook tonight and they can eat for free at the wedding.
At the reception it is important to compliment your hosts on how nice the ceremony was and mention that they must have spent a fortune on the entire thing. This will win you points with your educated black friend because it will help them validate the truck load of money they spent and confirm your friendship because only a true EB friend would spend thousands of dollars to go to someone else’swedding.
EBP like Oprah. She has an exceptional ability that most other EBP wish they had – the ability to hold the attention of people and make them do, like, or buy just about anything. Oprah is educated and pulled herself up from nothing to be one of the most notable names in the world.
EBP are constantly fighting at work or any place else to get ahead and/or be heard, while Oprah can tell white people to read a book or buy a CD and they do it without second thought. How else do you think Jamie Foxx sold so many albums? Oprah! And of course, don’t forget Tom Cruise’s hopping on the couch incident. What other black woman do you know that can make a rich, white man go crazy like he did without holding a gun or knife in her hand? It goes without saying that she can make white people famous. Not even white people cared about Dr. Phil or Racheal Ray until Oprah said they were acceptable white people.
If you are black and having problems getting a job/promotion or trying to obtain a loan, write to Oprah and ask her to do a show about how good it is to hire blacks or loan them money. Either the employer/loan officer or his wife will watch the episode and decide to follow Oprah’s suggestions. Look for your success to follow soon. White people follow Oprah like the Pied Piper! EBP like Oprah because she’s powerful, rich, and kicked Stedman’s trifling self out!
It isn’t necessary for whites to comment to an EBP how much they love Oprah, they already know you do, even if the white person doesn’t know why.
Educated Black People Like correcting others. It does not matter the topic or situation, an EBP will never miss an opportunity to correct someone else. Hell, they’ll probably correct this post. An EBP will stop at nothing to show off their so called “educated” status. Whether it be correcting a co-worker on a point of information, or telling their 90 year old grandmother that it’s pronounced “sink” and not “zink”; an EBP knows no boundaries.
As soon as an EBP has completed one semester of college, they’ll behave as though they have just obtained a Ph.D in Everything; even though their GPA was a 2.0 and they never went to class. They will automatically become an expert on spelling, grammar, rocket science, and of course African studies. These EBP come home from college anticipating the opportunity for a family or church member to make a mistake. Watch out
Rev. Jeremiah Wright! The degree to which an EBP corrects others depends on whether they are attending or have attended an HBCU or a majority white institution. If the EBP has attented a majority white university, they will be on correction overload; being around all those white students gives them a feeling of superiority to other blacks. They will even correct and attack other EBP who attend HBCUs. It does not matter where the mistake occurs, an EBP will loudly correct the person; embarrassing the non-EBP won’t matter as long as the EBP has had his time to shine. Correcting others gives them a sense that they are somehow better than the other person; which totally isn’t true. They may even sit down with a group of friends and point out the errors in grammar and pronunciation on what else, BET. It validates their “educatedness”.
Besides learning current events, EBP watch
CNN or other world news channels so that they can be fully informed when the opportunity to correct someone arises. On the other hand, an EBP may correct someone else only on a certain subject – because that’s the only thing they know about.
If you are corrected by an EBP, thank them for pointing out your error and tell them that they must be really smart; even though you really want to smack them for embarrassing you.
Educated Black People Like Facebook. This is the social networking site of choice for most EBP. Not the Facebook of today, but the Facebook, pre-2005, when only college students aka “educated people” could join and there weren’t all those new applications to add to your profile. In the good old days, one had to have a valid college email address to join, now “everyone can join”. The reason most EBP loved Facebook back then, was because of the exclusivity it offered. Today, as the login page exclaims, “Everyone Can Join!” Also thrown in is “its FREE”; that four letter word makes every EBP cringe with disgust; because if its free, the site will be flooded with undesirables.
However, Facebook is still popular among the EBP community because of certain features. Facebook allows its users to limit the information others see on their profile; because some users only accept your friend request so they can spy on your personal life. Some of you may be being stalked by your ex – boyfriend/girlfriend/roommate right now! This limited profile feature allows EBP to network without putting all their personal information out for casual associates to view. Never add random people to your friend list, for it will only result in being SuperPoked on every major or minor holiday.
Most EBP tend to stay away from MySpace; it has become the ghetto of the Internet. It has become a center for fights at school and even pedophilia. Not to mention the music and hideous backgrounds that must be loaded each time you view a person’s page, and the random glitter-filled messages from strangers “showing your page some love”!
Let’s not even talk about blackplanet. These days, only those incarcerated individuals in correctional institutions with internet access are on this “networking”/”hook-up” site. However, it was one of the original sites targeted toward African Americans.
For a large number of potential EBP in high school, Howard University is their Mecca. Throughout the long selection process, Howard is viewed in the same light as a move to
Atlanta. If the potential EBP is lucky enough, they will be invited to a HU “College Night” where alumni will come to speak about the greatness of Howard. The alum will probably be dressed in a bow tie and tweed jacket, and will speak with their nose slightly in the air. They will discuss the greatness of HU, and how only a chosen few are able to walk the halls. Most potential EBPs will look at the alum crazy, but a few will contemplate how THEY would look in tweed.
Most EBPs have a unique relationship with Howard U., stemming from that fact that it is a great institution of learning. While EBP can acknowledge the educational benefits, they get tired of listening to Howard alums brag upon the school as if it is the end all of universities. If an observer wants to see “pointed debate”, “retinal retraction”, & “constructive criticism” (i.e. “arguments”,”eye-rolling” & “hating”) at its finest, insert a HU alum into a group of EBP who are discussing their alma maters.
While the accomplishments and alums from Howard cannot be argued, EBP do not like someone reminding them of this constantly. The experiences at many universities are interchangeable and just switching the dorm name, chapter letters and nickname for the Quad will make a generic story to fit the EBP college experience. Using this line of logic, there isn’t much difference between Howard U. and Stillman College other than Howard is a top 100 school and
Stillman students apparently can’t write.
For non-EBP, remember Howard U., as any black history quizzes will have a question that can be answered using it. It is equally important to remember the pride that EBP have for their alma mater, and assuming
that all EBP go to Howard will earn the “WTF!” face from many.
17 Spas
Educated Black People like spas. There are many reasons why EBP like spas, but the main reason is that they offer exclusivity – the one thing an EBP constantly craves. They can make appointments, arrive 5 minutes early and be worked on immediately. An EBP would not be caught dead in a typical(nobody speaks English) nail salon(shop) to get a manicure and/or pedicure; those are the only services they offer. Anybody off the street can walk into one of those places and get their “nails did.”EBP like being well-groomed, so a spa is their only choice. Also the spa does not attract the fake nail wearing types because they usually don’t offer those services – a French manicure is the preferred option for the EBW. EBP are not fans of the neon-colored nails with the diamonds glued on; that would be uneducated and just tacky.
Paying a little extra for this exclusivity, does not bother an EBP. In fact they often brag about going to the spa, just so you can know they paid extra for the “spa experience.” Getting a manicure and pedicure are not the only services offered at a spa, many EBP enjoy the massages, facials, and waxing services. EBP enjoy getting pampered because they spend all day grinding to keep that EBP status. Going to a spa allows an EBP to relax and reflect on their lives and think of how to become even more educated. They can enjoy a sip of wine while getting a pedicure or have lunch without having to worry about some UEBP acting up in the spa by talking loudly or bringing their bad kids into the establishment.
If one wants to befriend and EBP, suggest a spa day. They will never turn you down. It will probably become a monthly routine for you and your new EB friend. In fact, the gift of a spa day/weekend is the best gift a man can give an EBW – it is also an excellent get of jail free card.
Educated Black People like MegaChurches. There’s something about these churches that draw EBP in large numbers. The Pastors/Reverends/Bishops at the Mega Churches usually have
advanced degrees in Divinity called a Doctor of Divinity. These church leaders usually use words with several syllables – something that EBP love. An example of these words would be: multiplicity, bewildered, extravagance, annihilate, and repercussions. If there is a B or C list celebrity that is a member of the church, it is likely that they will be mentioned in a few sermons throughout the year. This is usually done to draw more members to the congregation of 300,000.
When attending church EBP usually wear business attire -“work clothes.” It shows they are more refined and that the Steve Harvey suits or purple suit with matching hat, shoes and purse are not acceptable for EBP status.
Attending services is very stressful on the EBP because it is difficult to concentrate on “the word” and not talk about others. However, Mega Churches have a solution for this problem – the overflow room. The church’s staff of ushers, all wearing white gloves, usually directs those that are inappropriately dressed to the overflow room. Yes, it says “come as you are”, but please don’t go out and buy and outfit that is club-worthy to wear to church.
When it comes to tithing, EBP are very careful to always give the full 10% as it serves a dual purpose. Tithing gives them the opportunity to follow the scripture and it also allows them to show off their salary to the finance committee without actually “showing off.”
Mega Churches usually have several services on Sundays. This allows the EBP to attend church early or later depending on when they would like to eat their lunch of
baked chicken or attend a
Jazzbrunch.
If you are ever invited to attend a Mega Church by an EBP, always accept the invitation if you can. On holidays, it is important to early, as there will be a large number of people trying to get to church; they feel they will go to Hell if they don’t attend on the major holidays of Christmas and Easter. There is nothing more disrespectful than turning down an invitation to attend church, because the church family is their extended family of thousands; and you have to meet all of them. They may even ask you to join the congregation, but that is your call. Much like attending an HBCU, do you have enough clothes to attend a Mega Church?
#19 Displaying Photographs
Whenever someone visits the home or office of an EBP, they will notice that photographs are usually displayed. While this is a normal practice for all races, EBP do things a little differently. At first glance one will notice the pictures of family members; then, it will be spotted, perhaps in its own distinctive frame. It is a picture of your host shaking hands or in a casual pose with a celebrity. However, it will not be just any celebrity. The celebrity will be someone that is important to EBP culture; a
jazz artist, politician, actor, author or famous Pastor/Reverend.
EBP like displaying these photographs because they are a great conversation starter. It allows them to tell you the story of how they came to meet said celebrity and pose for a photo opportunity. EBP love telling stories. They will tell you that it was just a chance meeting, but in reality they spent months stalking the celeb on the internet or plotting to attend a rally, meeting or book signing just for a chance to get in a picture. Your EBP host will probably tell you that they were the only person the celebrity took a photograph with, but really there was a line of people taking photographs. Also, your EBP host may tell you that they met the celebrity before they “made it big.” EBP love to say they knew a celebrity before they were incredibly popular.
It is important to note that EBP
do take photographs with other celebrities, but they will not be prominently displayed at their home or office. These other celebrities will include rappers, singers or athletes who are less than desirable. However, photographs with certain athletes are acceptable. This list would include: Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Ahmad Rashad or Donovan McNabb; all non-controversial Black celebrities. EBP cannot stand controversial Black people in the news. Extra points are awarded if the celebrity is an alum of the EBP’s
HBCU.
There are also certain celebrities that EBP spend a lifetime trying to get a photo opportunity with; the Holy Grail of EBP celebrity photographs with:
Barack Obama, Bill Cosby,
Oprah, Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. If an EBP is lucky enough to meet one of these individuals, you will know immediately; for they will email all their friends and family the picture as soon as they get home. It may even become their profile picture on
Facebook.
It is always important to look at an EBP’s photographs and make positive comments and ask questions. Your comments and questions are a form of validation for their EBP status – for these celebrities don’t take pictures with just anyone.
#20 Wine & Cheese Affairs
If you are an EBP, chances are you have attended a wine and cheese affair. It all starts with an invitation. This will not be a phone call, text or paper invitation. It will be an Evite; other methods of invitation are unacceptable for EBP. Only real EBP know what an Evite is. Your host will make the event as discreet as possible by only inviting a select few. The Evite will usually indicate that the event is private and you are not allowed to bring guests without permission. The small number of guests is to keep the event exclusive and to keep the crowd in control so that wine is not spilled on the new carpet of your host’s town home. Once you have accepted the Evite, you may get a call from your host reminding you not to tell anybody about the party; this will make you feel like one of the “chosen.”
On the day of the wine and cheese affair, EBP will pick out a
very nice outfit, because this is a classy affair. It is important to note that not all EBP like wine and cheese affairs because of the limitation on alcohol to wine. Therefore, after getting dressed, a few of the invited guests will have a “pre-party” or pep-rally, in which they engage in drinking the alcoholic beverage of their choice and eat a full meal, probably
baked chicken, because nobody gets a full stomach at a wine and cheese affair.
Upon arrival at the event, guests will be greeted by dim lights, candles and
jazz playing in the background. Once a majority of the guests have arrived, there will probably be a poetry reading; if your host is bold – erotic poetry. Guests will then be allowed to enjoy the actual wine and cheese. The eating, drinking and mingling will go on for an hour or two until somebody gets bored. It is at this point someone will change the CD from jazz to R&B; it will usually be a date of an invited EBP or one of the host’s friends from high school. This excites the guests and few may start dancing a little. At this point the guests forget they are at a classy wine and cheese affair and think they are at a regular house party. The non-EBP that changed the CD has solicited others to play a game of spades or dominoes, depending on your geographic location and has plugged his MP3 player into the stereo- Lil’ Wayne or Plies all night. The exclusivity that existed at the beginning no longer exists, as guests have gotten drunk and called uninvited people to the affair. It has become – a house party. What was once a guest list of 20, has swelled to a party of 75-100 people. There’s no need to worry about the carpet now, just get the steam cleaner ready!
If you are invited to an EBP wine and cheese affair, remember to dress appropriately, but also be prepared for a series of unfortunate events as the night progresses. Also, don’t forget to accept the Evite, your host will be disgusted and call you classless if you just show up.
EBP have the same problems as UEBP or WP. However, EBP take pride in hiding their drama from friends or co-workers. By allowing their drama to be brought into public light, EBP appear nothing more than the UEBP stereotypes portrayed by the media. Whether it be man problems, problems at work or catty-chick stuff; EBP will go to great lengths to protect their polished EBP public appearance. For there is nothing more embarrassing than to have an irate “ex” or co-worker scream or shout at the EBP in a public place. It is important to note that the EBP wants to shout back or fight, but that would make him/her an UEBP and destroy his EBP status.
So what does an EBP do when confronted with drama in public? He or she walks away in disgust. There is nothing more “educated” than to not give any response to such comments. If there is an audience of WP or AP, they will immediately comfort the EBP and congratulate him or her for remaining calm, because that’s exactly what they would have done. The EBP will respond by saying the irate person has mental problems and probably didn’t take their medicine today.
However, on the inside, the EBP is truly hurt. How could someone attempt to ruin his EBP status with their loud rantings? Soon after the confrontation, the EBP will begin seeing a psychologist or therapist, if he isn’t already. This will allow the EBP to let out his true feelings without being judged by an audience. This is a difficult thing for the EBP to do, because it is likely that the therapist is a white male. The EBP wants to get out his feelings, but it is difficult to air your dirty laundry without thinking the therapist is judging you. However, this feeling is soon lost when the EBP realizes that his is paying hundreds of dollars to not be judged.
Drama is a big part of the lives of EBP, but most of the public will never know.
For those EBP who manage to survive law school, graduation comes with feelings of mixed emotions. Of course they are happy to be done with the 3 year ass whipping that is law school, but are also dreading the preparation to study for the Bar exam.
During the time when an EBP is studying for the Bar, they will not be visible to their social circle, unless it consists of other EBP studying for the Bar. Many of you may not even know your EBP friend is studying for the Bar. There is good reason for this. An EBP will not tell many people that he/she is studying for the Bar, because the next thing out of the other person’s mouth will be, “When are the results coming out?” I hated that question. It’s like saying, “Let me know, so I can talk about you behind your back if you fail.”
In contrast, once an EBP has passed the Bar, all hell breaks out. Everybody in the world will know. It will be in theie status on Facebook, AIM or whatever instant message program they use. If you know an EBP who took the Bar and passed, you will probably be part of a mass text message informing you of their passing. The pastor will announce it in church and their parents will call every relative they hate or never talked to, to rub it in their faces.
The pressure will now be on for the new attorney to wear business attire everyday and distribute business cards to every person they meet. Don’t talk about them though, they deserve to relish in the glory for a while. However, if they’re still doing a little too much after a month or so, tell them to give it a rest.
EBPs love to be “the exception.” There is no better way to separate themselves from regular BP, than by an EBP’s choice of footwear. The deck shoe or boating shoe is very popular in the EBP community. Most EBP prefer the Sperry brand of deck shoe.
EBPs love wearing their deck shoes with shorts, khakis, or seersucker pants. The shoes complete the ultimate EBP weekend look. However, this look confuses most WP. It says to WP that this EBP must be going out on a WP’s yacht because no black person could own his own yacht. As the WP thinks more about the EBP in deck shoes, he wonders if the EBP is being forced onto the yacht. This is because WP think most blacks
hate the water and/or do not know how to swim. My statistics show that for every black person that can swim, there are the same number of WP that can dance. So, only a small number of BP enjoy the water; and they are mostly
EBPs .
Deck shoes also provide an alternative to those athletic slippers or “house shoes” so many UEBP wear in public. The ones with a large velcro strap that are worn with athletic socks. When rushing out to the market, an EBP can easily slip on deck shoes, as they coordinate with any ensemble, to keep from looking like an UEBP who wears these slippers in public.
EBPs love deck shoes because wearing them allows them to remain prepared. An EBP never knows when their boss or co-worker will call them on a yachting emergency, so they must remain fully dressed at all times. However, most EBPs who wear deck shoes will never step foot on a boat while wearing them; well maybe Al from Bay Shore, but he’s the ultimate exception.
Educated Black People like foreign cars. Something about the undergraduate degree just makes American made cars inadequate. Now, the type of B.A. determines where the foreign car is from. Any Liberal Arts degree is automatically a Japanese Import (with a heavy affinity towards the Honda Accord).
Science or engineering degrees are not as simple. Sometimes these degrees can go for “near luxury”brands like Lexus, Acura and Infiniti (which again are all Japanese imports that are made by Toyota, Honda and Nissan respectively, but they cost a lot more). Occasionally, the science or engineering degree holder will break tradition and get a German import, which all EBPs know, are typically reserved for those with a Master’s Degree. The EBP who obtain J.D., M.D. and PhD. are only comfortable driving Italian made cars (Porsche) or English made (Jaguar, Range Rover). The EBP foreign car love starts in Japan and works its way west. As they hand out the diploma, they should also hand out a map that says “your next car should come from here”.
Note: The Cadillac Escalade, Lincoln Navigator and Hummer are all American made, but popularized by entertainers and athletes. Occasionally, an EBP will get one of these to emulate the (uneducated rapper/actor/athlete) and will be talked about by his fellow EBPs.
After moving to Atlanta in droves, EBP will discover their new found love and desire for gated communities. The average EBP is very familiar with gated communities; whether they grew up with a gate at the front of their neighborhood or went to an HBCU such as Hampton or Howard University that was equipped with a security guard as well.
Not only is this neighborhood feature the pièce de résistance to a newly purchased townhome, gated communities allow EBP to protect their homes and possessions from the downtrodden and unwanted. EBP understand that “regular,” open communities are for UEBP that don’t understand the importance of standing out.
With the unfortunate popularity of urban gentrification in just about every major city, EBP look for gated communities when house hunting as it is a must. EBP that may not currently live in a gated community will make it a top priority amenity when they move to their next home. Even EBP that are renting apartments look for gated access when apartment hunting. When discussing a newly purchased townhome, “Is it gated?” will be one of the first questions asked by an EBP. If you are an EBP and your friend, colleague or associate does not ask “Is it gated?” within the first five minutes of the conversation, beware. They may be an UEBP in disguise.
EBP take great pleasure in surprising their guests with access codes that they are privy to only upon arrival. When attending an event where other EBP will probably be overdressed for a simple game night, EBP also find acting unaware of who you are and why you want access when you finally reach the gate. EBP’s faces light up with elation when their out of town friends visit for the first time and see that they are established – gated community and all.
#26 Naming Their Children
We Educated Black People LOVE to give our children names that show that “we’ve arrived!”
Names that won’t leave the teacher guessing where the accent should be. Names that don’t necessarily reveal the child’s race like Nina(often times followed by Simone), Melanie, Noah(many are huge fans), Drew, Aiden, Nile and Gavin. Gone is the day where Shaquan, De’Ja-nae and LaPonicah reign supreme.
Although we’re not too crazy about unusual spellings, we love giving our girls masculine names with a twist like Ryann, Alexx and Jordyn. Last names as first names? We like those too,for boys and girls, like Riley, Reid and Madison. These names also work very well with the ever popular initialas the first name.
There are a growing number of EB’s that, on occasion, throw in ”ethnic” names like Kesi, Nadirah and Akil(nothing too over the top; that also goes for Biblical places for names like Judah and Eden) but they’re seldom used as first names. Heavens no. The EBP reserves those names for that ever popular SECOND middle name; you know, the one that is seldom used.
It starts with their first born. Be it the first name as an initial, middle name and last name or the afore mentioned first name, middle, 2nd middle and last name. To keep up the trend with the second born, the child will either share the 3 initials of his sibling, both children will have a 2nd middle name or their first names will share the same letter. Many EB’s are moving away from naming their son’s junior. It’s better to have a Nathan Montgomery Edwards, II than to have a Nate or Monty, Jr. as those names wouldn’t read well on the birth announcement written of course in Bradley Hand ITC or Calligraphy.
#27 Sheer Pantyhose and Patterned Tights
Whether you are an attorney, doctor, or upwardly mobile socialite, you make sure that whatever you are wearing out looks good on you. From the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, your look shows everyone what strata of the socio-economic ladder you belong too. So you make sure your wig is tight, your dress is right, and your legs are hard to miss. So you never wear an outfit without accessorizing your legs are well.
Black women are blessed to have some of the best legs on the planet. However, when it comes to hosiery they are often overlooked. “Nude” hosiery does not necessarily translate to nude black skin. So what is a black woman to do. She purchases coffee colored hosiery for when she wants to show off her flawless ebony skin and resorts to patterned tights when she wants to pique’ the interests of everyone in the crowd.
So why does wearing hosiery make a blog post for educated black people? Because, wearing hosiery shows and air of professionalism. Professionalism is the pride of the educated black community. So if you are gonna talk the talk, you have to walk the walk….in your favorite pair of pantyhose.
Just look at Beyonce, Rihanna, Jesscia Alba, and a host of other celebrities that continue to rock pantyhose on a daily basis. Whether you are wearing them with a skirt, dress, or even a pair of shorts. Nothing beats a pair of hose on your legs.
