Kyle Phoenix Answers: Should I be upset at my son’s mother who put my 8-year-old son alone in a Cadillac Uber? I live 1 hour away and she was returning him after the weekend.

Yes…..no, wait upon childhood memory reflection I mean No.

I agreed first in like this adamant way….and then I remembered living on Staten Island and wanting to go to the artsy cinema to see Gallipoli with Mel Gibson about the Australian World War 1 involvement, God I was weird. My mother just looked at me. But I had my allowance money so she shrugged and called a cab and the cab took me t the theater where she’d called the theater, I paid for my ticket, saw the movie and then waited at the Optimo store, I remember looking at the paperbacks and buying candy, next door until my call back to her and she sent another cab to pick me up. Not an hour but maybe 15 minutes each way.

I’m thinking though when your pre-teen insists on using the money from their small business enterprise to go see a foreign film at the faraway theater you weigh as a parent telling them all the rules of strangers against the fact that if your kid is this weird, a stranger will return them.

Then a few years later my mother was in a leg cast, having been hit by a car….driven by my father. It was an accident. We’re all going to just settle on it was an accident. Anywho someone had to go get lobster dinner and hair supplies for her to do her hair so she would stuff a $50 in my underwear and then cab me to Fordham Road in the Bronx, to the fish market for steamed lobster platters then next door to the beauty shop for hair supplies—-everyone tracked by notes and pre-phone calls and then I would wait for my appointed cab back.

This was all pre-Uber.

Boy, I was just sent out and about, wasn’t I? I was between 8–13. Maybe it’s different for NYC kids—-I was a latchkey kid, home from school, the key around my neck, no company allowed, had to call—-212–393–69— my mother’s job number, my God I still remember it by 330pm. Sometimes she would put money under the phone and would give me instructions about grocery shopping to have done by the time she got home or she’d tell me to go buy a token and meet her at work—-at least a half an hour train ride away—-we were going out for dinner. My mother could cook, she just didn’t like to so she and my father did a lot of restaurant hopping and as an only child it was cheaper to take me than pay to have someone babysit me.

You know I’m beginning to think that a lot of my childhood where I thought I was being treated as a big boy, as responsible was both servitude and dangerous by non-NY standards.

Ok, three weird points.

I’ve never been in an Uber. I downloaded the APp and then was about to put in my credit card number——but I was on my phone so it doesn’t automatically fill in——and my wallet was you know———-in the other room……..this was about a year ago. I’ll get to it.

Just when you think you have a firm grip on all the ways you were abused as a child someone brings something up that reminds you that what happened, looked at in a different was probably against Child Protective Services guidelines.

A few years ago, I was about 30 years old and going somewhere in Queens. So I was taking a cab from mid-Jamaica to Flushing, I think. The driver asks me did I have a preferred route and I was like no—-like I knew one. Then he asks me did I live in Queens. I say yes. Then he asks had I always lived in Queens. I’m like no, why? Had I lived in the Bronx? I’m like no….well, there was a year when my grandmother was dying that we took care of her that we moved in. Then he says Jerome Avenue by Moshulu Parkway and I’m like….yeah. And he;’s like I remember you!

That mofo remembered driving me somewhere, probably an errand from my mother, 15 years prior to that!

Curiously after undergrad and Tony Robbins, Personal Power my big pie in the sky NYC dream was to drive to and from work in a Corinthian leathered Town Car. A month in, from my new job, I was! Then later on law firms sent me to and fro. My big dream is actually to have a car and driver.

See what passive, odd errand based abuse can do to your children!??!

Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@gmail.com

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Kyle Phoenix Answers: How is it that, in general, members of the LGBT community accumulate wealth and dominate the more well-to-do areas?

How is it that, in general, members of the LGBT community accumulate wealth and dominate the more well-to-do areas?

LGBT people who educate well or enter lucrative fields like sales, entrepreneurship, finance, real estate , creative arts, tend to do better because in higher end fields:

1. Travel is necessary. One, we, they can drop and go easier than a married sibling or even a friend with family responsibilities .

2. The social, political, religious and potential family ostracism tends to make you more independent. In many ways, evidenced by the Housewives of Dumblandia and midlife crises', family can be more impediment to identity than support. Straight people spend a lot of Time consulting a lot of invisible folk in their head about their own non harmful thoughts. Once you've polished a few poles or mowed a few bushes you tend to learn how to measure for yourself what you'll like.

3. LGBT folk learn to take risks because your existence can feel like one. So you check out stuff, fringe stuff that people around you might disapprove of. Success is based on a small group of people pulling away from the pack for space to assess how to proceed. Heterosexuals tend to glom together and fill in thinking rather than innovate and create----a pageant is the closest thing to a drag show, and pageants are creepy. That creative practice makes one stand out in business settings as well.
4. Having played closet games, da gays are human behavioral experts. I had to learn to shut my mouth in undergrad. I was infamous for meeting guys and girls and announcing as I walked away. "Gay. Lesbian.". Was I right 100% of the time? Yes, I was but it wasn't nice to announce it. I got to undergrad at 21, I'd been a cage dancer, done.......stuff throughout Manhattan, done stuff in nightclubs, sex clubs, met all manner of folk. Curiously never did drugs or alcohol. I was at Sexuality Mastery level when I hit Buffalo. But that social advancement gives me....insights into folks and situations.

5. Sexual advancement. Da sexuality straight line-people get experience from experts or massive quantities. Da sexuality squiggles get experience with every encounter and there's no social stigma....because you're already stigmatized. So you have more attention to focus because sex isn't so remarkable. Once you cross the Amazon....that you know you're into Amazons, the Hudson ain't no challenge.

6. The ostracized learn to accept others. By accepting others you make impacts and friends that you don't even know. Before the books and TV show, guys and girls would corner me and ask for counseling, thank me, tell me their secrets. I know more shit about folks I don't  know that well by I'm also like a jellybean on the Titanic, no one will find your secrets out from me. Maybe your secrets are the jellybean and I'm the Titanic? Wait, wait, I don't want to be fat. OK, I'm the adorable jellybean. There is no Titanic. I'll keep your secrets.

7. Very little shocks us. A friend in college, I was an RA, once told me he used to put frozen hot dogs up his butt as a child to simulate penetration and imagined dead relatives watching him now get banged out lovely by guys ----like surrounding the bed, he couldn't focus during sex.

Another who did an interior design job on his dorm room that that reminded one of well...Nate Berkus denied being gay for a year. We walked into a gay bar in Buffalo a year and a half later, that mofo was on top of the speakers in a purple thong shaking his moneymaker. During my hour long peals of laughter he tearfully begged we not out him. I told him his girlfriend who looked like a ripped Sarah Connor would spill the beans....after she came out. A lot of coupled secrets. Twofers.

More female coworkers who are strictly dickly , two months into friendships share their lesbionic tryst info.

Such confidences gain you allies far and wide.. The Gay Mafia is real....and bitchy.

8. Excluding those young'uns we do/pay for their go go dancing body-oddie , we generally ain't got no kids for a good 20-30 years. A roommate and i to prove a point or on a dare once went out every night for a week to new clubs----I don't  know what the bet was but my boss at Dreyfus told me more toothpaste when one stumbles in soused on a Wednesday. Luckily it was a temp assignment.

Straight boys and girls get saddled with bastards IN high school sometimes! GTFOH!!!!! You know what I got from working at a department store in high school---a FICO score, credit line, two credit cards and a store card. You know what some of classmates got? The naming rights of their first bastard.
Children either in the middle of a dance floor or in your life......slow you down. Before 30. You need your twenties....for drinking challenges and 80hr work weeks and college and to find out if it's all about the bass when you and two friends make an Eiffel Tower.

Go to any poor neighbor. 

Stand still. 

In ten minutes, you'll see some disheveled child, a bedraggled parent and polyester worn by all.

9. You work harder because LGBT sex at your job is much hotter than straight sex. Trust me. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

10. If we play our cards right we suss out good partners, older richer partners, dying parents and sweetheart business and real estate deals. Why and how? All that quiet, lazing in the tub easing sore sex muscles and hangovers in a quiet childless house gives us time to read, recruit and reconnoiter while straights are trying to figure out how to make their family annihilation happen before the holidays.

No LGBT mass family annihilations, ijs.
Happier folk.

Kyle Phoenix

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Why You're So Lonely by Kyle Phoenix

You've got a dollar extra.  You can legally drink.  You know what your favorite sexual positions are.  You have some nice clothes.  Your friends tell you you're handsome..........but you're lonely.  You watch Ellen dance a weird shuffle and see bad sitcoms about good gay men and you read blogs about bad dates and you realize, you're not even going on bad dates....why are you alone?

Don't despair.  Okay, don't despair anymore.  

One, it's natural to be alone what is unnatural is to be in despair about it.  What our society doesn't teach and display in the media is that we all spend some of our adult years single.  Hopefully in that time you're developing yourself.and doing some fun things and interesting things and dynamic things about yourself, for yourself.  In my twenties I remember a roommate who was so desperate for men/a boyfriend that he was attacked, used, abused and eventually tossed out as a roommate.  And I remember relating to the desire on some level but not that deeply.  I felt interest in dating and occasionally lonely and bewildered at how to socialize in the big city but I knew I wasn't at that extreme.

So I got a life.

I went through the internet and newspapers and would just show up at places---meetings.  I once even crashed a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting---it was really a depressing group but it was my secret funny in my head wild night out.  I discovered on the internet meetings in public spaces around the city and went to some of those.  Discussions on the Greece financial meltdown were fascinating with a dozen people even when I wasn't quite sure what the Lithuanian financial wiz was explaining.  I joined not one, but two men's groups.  I sat in one group for weeks even helping to lick and send out their newsletter to a thousand people just to get out in the world.  I took real estate classes at Pace and threw myself a glorious birthday party on 7th Avenue at a restaurant (Pennyfeathers) sending out invitations that told people to give me candles, incense or book gift cards as gifts (and they did!).  I went online and created a wham bam slamming profile on Yahoo Personals and charged forward to date 100 men in a year's time.  I did.  It was like a marathon of Sex and The City.  I went to the movies by myself at least once a week and one time on a dare went to a bar or nightclub every night for a week, even when I had to work early the next day.

I got a life by experimenting and playing and trying things out and wandering into odd places and making new friends (some I still have a decade later, others who got left in that time tunnel) but I refused to ponder my loneliness.  I recently joined an entrepreneurial mastermind group and besides my normal education and law classes I took a video/film editing class, an environmental certification, volunteered at a children's after school program and helped start a same gender loving men's group on campus.  I am currently eyeing a church up the way that says in a huge sign it needs volunteers for it's GED program.  Not my faith, not even my language but what a better way to improve my Spanish, eh?

I go to museums with friends, mentor geniuses and knuckleheads, scour Goodwill stores for books and try to go out for one alcoholic drink a week at a local bar---where they know my name!  My close friends will tell you I'm good for calling up and inviting people out to dinner on me!  Generosity battles away slumpadumps!

Loneliness is defeated by generosity and activity.

I read books, ordering like Croesus on Amazon and then awaiting phone texts that my package has arrived.  The other day I threw all sense of cholesterol caution to the wind and bought myself a porterhouse steak that was so thick I cooked it then had to microwave it halfway through eating because it was so massive.  Just for me.  Just a steak Monday treat for no good damn reason.

Loneliness treats one's self badly, love treats itself well.

I go to the gym---ok, I'm not a happy gym person, I'm not all about let's chat and bond over the Stairmaster but the other night I was huffing and puffing and whisper singing along with Deborah Cox then Natalie Cole then Luther Vandross then Alicia Keys for 45 minutes on the treadmill.  Got those endorphins up then walked back home with a proud Kool Aid smile.

Activity burns away the cobwebs of despair.

For about eight years now I've had a secret weapon in my arsenal for getting stuff done in life, I exercise.  I'm convinced that there's something connected to moving our bodies that moves us in the universe that makes our lives move and shift physically and spiritually.  Maybe it just wakes up the body and mind or maybe extra exertion in the Universe moves us metaphysically.

Loneliness is about disconnect from the Universe.

I go and I tape several episodes of The Kyle Phoenix Show, I facilitate a group on Fridays, I spend at least 4 hours editing and taping and refining fill ins and videos and going through the wonderful comments and suggestions people send me.  I watch Shark Tank.  I take one day, no guilt to just sleep, to allow myself to luxuriate in resting, in the pillows, in the comforters, in the breeze and the silence.  I rent and watch extremely not smart nor always good movies from Blockbuster for $1 a day----and I laugh.  Middle of the night, I was laughing at Madagascar 3 which is like some sort of animalistic halcyon trip about animals, French cops, inter-species romances, trapeze, lubricants and ideology and liberation, enacting power.  It's a mess.  It's deep.  The hippo is wearing a tutu with a thong.  It's very strange at the exact same time.

When you're living as much as you can, you become attractive to the Universe, to it's participants and they call you, they text you, they chat you up, they ask you out to dinner.  I'm an only child so I rarely feel lonely because I appreciate that I am alone, even when surrounded by a dozen people I know and love.  I am still the only entity in this body.  But I can share that inner being as much as possible and I can dance by myself on 145th waiting for the bus to Me'Shell Ndegeocello and I can speed into a supermarket and audibly sigh out loud that pumpkin pies are in!!!!!!

And when I do all of the above, when I launch myself into life, the moments of loneliness I may experience, I can see them and realize---oh, that's going to pass or I need to fill that space or it's time to call someone up and invite them out to dinner on me or sometimes it's as simple as treating myself to a movie in a theater to offset choosing to be lonely, instead of simply being joyously aware, loving, conscious and present in being alone....for the moment.


Thank you!
Kyle Phoenix
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