Sexuality: Seduction, Part 1 For Power Bottoms, Shifting Tops, and Anxious Versatiles by Kyle Phoenix

Seduction: Power Bottoms, Shifting Tops, and Anxious Versatiles, Part 1 by Kyle Phoenix

The dilemma of the modern day homosexual is the art of courting.  You want to meet a man that you'll have some chemistry with, like and maybe even fall in love with.  But you're both coming from varying skill levels of how to engage.  In fact engage is the wrong word---let's advance the language.  Seduce.  You're trying to seduce a man (and he you.)  First, seduction is knowing that it's not simply getting to the sexual act but the enticement to be intimate, to open one's self to another.  To let your hair down emotionally and be open ad vulnerable to another man.

There has come about the term "Power Bottom", a Bottom who is in some sort of power or controlling position.  And like most things this is both good and bad.  It might be good if you're targeting more shy or reserved men but ironically most Power Bottoms tend to desire an Alpha man, a more assertive man (Side note: assertive is someone being direct; aggressive is hostility or violence---it's amazing how discernment to definition of language changes seduction/emotionality.)  I would offer that the disagreement between the power dynamic of someone wanting an Alpha male and being a Power Bottom means that there's too much testosterone/power involved.  The negotiation of power and control is a big thing in male life, no matter one's sexuality so you ca imagine how looming it is when one's sexuality has a counter projection from society to it from society.  Then you throw in that a man who's a Bottom is always trying to manage the level of physical and emotional vulnerability he might be putting himself in with another man.  Is it no wonder that so many MSM find themselves alone when trying to negotiate seduction.

 What to do?  How to navigate these dynamics?  How to get what you want?

Consider what you want and even more importantly consider that control, power and seduction are all sides of the same triangle but can't always operate at the same time.  Men, no matter their sexuality, have been raised in a society that conveys intense messages about how to be male and more importantly how to be a sexual/romantic male.  However one could challenge in here, that if a man is a Bottom/Beta, he's operating from a position of more emotional/intuitive estrogen based mentality than a man who would be designated an Alpha (a male with more testosterone than estrogen.)  It's important to note though that there are statistically more estrogen Beta males throughout the whole of society, therefore the majority of MSM are Betas as well.  This gives an excellent ability to understand emotions and be more emotionally available..

Seduction is all about intuitively figuring out someone's wants and desires.  Bottoms tend to try and get their needs met first, to be so focused on being fulfilled as a Bottom that they don't realize that another person, a man is present.  Also there's the whole element of manhood/machismo being present---two men are present, but one will have to relax his attachment to being in control.  Lack of control isn't a lack of power.  You can relinquish power and still be in control of yourself, without having to be powerful and controlling of the other man.  Why is this valuable?  Most men, most Alpha men, most Tops aren't looking for a "bossy" Bottom==their desire runs along being ca retaking  and loving and protective.  But if you rush to the power button before he can warm up to get there, then you're in the driver's seat and that leaves no place for him.

Breathe.  You won't die or be destroyed if you don't try to be the power principle.    And truthfully what ends up happening is that Bottoms ultimately feel disappointed in their choices, that disappointment then becomes the Bottom exampling Power how he knows how---verbally/emotionally---so he gets bitchy and sarcastic.  Total turn off to the man he's trying to seduce.  Then the Bottom goes back into himself and feels shameful, resentful and inadequate.  How about starting from a whole different paradigm?  Throw out your mother, divas, television, Twilight and instead think about being an inviting, soft, loving space.  Seduction doesn't involve fixing a man nor "helpfully" pointing out what's wrong.  That's masculine energy competition and vying.  Instead allow him to be who and what he is.  Ironically, so many Bottoms want to be swept away, to be taken, to be devoured....yet they want to set the rules for which way the sweeping happens, the kind of broom, the amount of strands, how to be taken, which direction to be taken facing, the color of the sheets, which pillow should be where, the way they should be devoured, the time of day, the exact look on someone's face, the way their voice should sound, the way the left hand should move and the kinds of finger movement that should occur when the wind blows that way and...and...and...and....can you see why an Alpha/Top would flake out and vanish on you?

I know it sounds counter-intuitive and the real fear is the loss of self, the loss of respect, the loss of control.  In fact with some practice and faith (the faith that you can take care of yourself or say no at any time) allows you to show up seductively, playfully, joyously and enjoy a man.  You'll rail against this, your friends will help you rail against this, your mommy will rail against it too but here's what you should look out for---the guy and Alpha gets up and gives his time, attention, sex and resources to.  And why.....

Next Time: 
Seduction, Part 2 for Shifting Tops: Separation of Sexuality and Expectations

Thank you for reading,
Kyle Phoenix
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