Same-sex engagement on a romantic level is a form of narcissism. But we’re all narcissistic to a degree, regardless of sexuality. Over the years of thousands of men in my workshops, couples tend to look alike. Occasionally one is a league or two beyond their partner but rarely.
I think, once we get over all f =this, why are men gay, why are women gay, whose born what way, we’ll start really talking to living adults about their lived perceptions. Honestly, I think the biological urge to procreate doesn’t shift because your sexuality targeting crosshairs do. You’re still looking for the best specimen biologically to breed with even if you can’t breed. I think this is why there have to be very deliberate and conscious acts towards expanding one’s “type” beyond size, race, age and dealing with including people who may be HIV+. Much of our biological directive is to propagate and avoid disease and yet we are now living in a time with the freedom to ignore biology.
Men are also raised to be competitive and that competition doesn’t go away when showing off your partner in form of the other lions. In fact, male environments exclusively, heighten testosterone so men become more vain and competitive. Again, until we learn to consciously adjust our expectations and desires to reality.
I was recently all dressed up in a three-piece suit in front of a mirror at home and I thought to myself that I looked handsome. I see myself on TV and in pics lots of times for press stuff but I had a moment where I liked what I was looking at. Then I thought about the men who’ve engaged me and my exercise regimen and a therapist suggesting to me that staying in shape garnered more sexual attention than I was used to. So I started thinking about being attractive and the attention and lovers it had brought to me and their attractiveness and their worked outness and so on. And I realized that I was often mentally adjusting to a way I thought I looked, not the reality of how men and women were perceiving me. I was downgrading myself. And I’d at times deliberately given a few Leatherface’s unwarranted shots and had one or two Adonises that needed a video to count their toes and fingers.
The point in this was Patti Stanger taught me a valuable lesson as I’ve warred over the years with looks vs personality vs medium looks/mediocre personality and other combinations of the Pecker Rule. If your Pecker reacts to them, they’re attracted to you. I follow my pecker now much more than I did before and I don’t judge how pretty my pecker likes it’s treats and toys and bobs. I make space of course for personality and smarts but I’m not trying to be The Best Little Boy In The World. I’m trying to be honest with myself and my sexuality at all times.
Between biology, competition and the fact that men, no matter age or sexuality, can of course love but want to enjoy lust for a partner too, means that I’m aware that it will look imbalanced. I think also if you add in men not reproducing with that man, here’s a judgment about time that women, in some marriages get passes or excused from. Again like I said, this whole egg or chicken gay question is in the way of real discussions and surveys on lived identities and choices.
Smile, Kyle
KylePhoenixShow@gmail.com
KylePhoenixShow@gmail.com
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