I don’t think it’s that….unique or special, in the span of humans. It’s all part of the human-samesies for me.
But I will subvert my own shrugging at it with the fact that I’ve done so much work in LGBTSGL spaces and research and workshops for 20+ years, that I’m like Jedi level about LGBTSGL, therefore it lacks a newness for me as a community, as a social group, label or identity.
Vivienne Cass designed this measurement chart which has some biases and such to it—-mainly how culture and social class effect sexuality stages/coming out—-they do—-that I’ve written about—— but as a baseline measurement—-like taking someone’s blood pressure vs a more sophisticated MRI scan—-she’s on the nose.
Her point is that we go through stages, phases with the goal to arrive at Identity Synthesis. But I’ve worked for and volunteered for LGBTSGL agencies for a decade, did workshops all the way back in university, came out in high school, have been on the news about it, been to protests, created a whole TV show discussing it, written dozens of books about it and created hundreds of videos.
I’m Out. I’m so Out, I feel sort of invisible. Not unseen but unnecessary to come out.
I’m at Identity Synthesis, Stage 6. Unless it’s work related or I’m teaching a workshop I personally have no big desire to discuss it. Myself, personally, my life, in the sense that I don’t hide anything and you can Google search me so I sort of have to remember to “come out” to people explicitly because I’m already out to millions and you sort of forget Oh, this one person may not be one of those millions. (Yes, it’s a little bit like being famous.)
Also, and I’ve gotten this reflection back from lots of friends and colleagues, I’m not demonstrably flamboyant or “gay” in mannerisms or attitude or affectations, so I’m difficult to clock to sexuality/preferences. Not for any big masculinity reason—-there are things, aesthetic tastes, odd purchases I make, that I would classify as “feminine” but I don’t think of that as pointedly gay or femme. Probably because from a physical standpoint since my late teens I’m in the body of an Alpha Black man. Yes, I know the cultural stuff (also something I’ve taught and studied for years) so it too sort of fades into my mental background about my identity—-other people’s stuff brings it up for me, around sexuality as well. But that ambiguity creates ambiguity so people are “unsure” about me and I’m not all flag waving and lisping so I’m not always directly answering an unasked question. But then should one?
I also have been a member of many LGBTSGL related groups as a member, volunteer, or employee but since my early teens, I’ve always thought of myself as omnisexual, about 20 years before the term became big—-synonymous or similar with pansexual but not the same. Gay never fit, bi either, and SGL Same Gender Loving—-I thought yes, a progression over gay, but still short of my own expansive omni.
But I’ve sat in rooms, taught folk their level of stuff/words/labels, while holding my own, private self definitions and expansive beliefs that have included attractions and relationships with some-all 21 of the defined 21 biological sexes and 60+ gender configurations and permutations.
I believe in all of the above because of biological proof of 21 sexes and also my activist beliefs in that my freedom is attached to supporting the freedom of others personal self definition. When not specifically in LGBTSGL work mode, I politely correct people, or express support, or lessen attacks in some ways about those other identity labels, because I try to be a good person.
However, my spiritual beliefs include not believing in Time, Space, the Body or Death——so once you take that position and leap—-a lot of shit goes out the window, a lot more comes in, but more importantly, you learn to accept (not tolerate) a lot of different perspectives and personal realities.
I don’t see that universally in LGBTSGL communities. Soft bigotry often comes from those most discriminated against, I’ve noted in these 20+ years, so I dip and dive, create works, teach things, but don’t reside in culturally specific neighborhoods or groups, and the same for sexuality. I consciously visit and then leave for the greater social reality of being a human being.
Here’s an example.
An adult student and I were texting back and forth one evening and he suggested we meet since we were so close on the East Side of Manhattan. I met him and he went through a litany of gay bars nearby we could go to. I pointed at a pub, a nice spot, across the street and he was like it’s not gay and I was like—-They serve humans. They serve liquor and wings!
That’s what gay people are like—-will only drink the gay water at the gay watering hole, poured by the gay bartender who made the lemonade with gay lemons.
I’m totally for personal/cultural spaces, but I’m also for acting like a person.
Another example.
I’ve only been to two Pride Parades.
One, I was working for GMHC and part of the contract was to coordinate one at a location. Luckily there was one on a Sunday, 10 blocks from where I live in Washington Heights—-upper Manhattan.
The second time I happened to have been walking along on a Sunday from the east side to the west side and the Parade was in-between on 5th Avenue. And I was like Oh, that’s right it’s parade day.
Here’s the thing: I’m not a big crowd/parade kind of person. Yes, I go to parties and such but for things like concerts, I buy great tickets so I’m not stuck in the center of the crowd. The noise, the people, the jostling—-I’m not into that voluntarily. I even organize being off-rush hour times around work so as not to travel on crowded subways—-yes, I will wait out crowded trains to get on a less crowded one.
Those aversions have nothing to do with sexuality, but more to do with my own personality usurping being in the thick of those things. I don’t mind parties and events and specific groups towards sexuality but I also mix and match other groups, straight groups, etc.. But that also means unless in the above circumstances, I’m in no rush, hurry or design to be in a parade—-especially in the heat. I detest the heat.
I think now, I’ve been so inured with sexuality ideas that it’s in my belief system or attached to it, so I can’t even fathom it as in any way abnormal. Even the wacky shit folk do or relationships they’re in or labels and activities they put themselves through.
I just don’t think anything LGBTSGL is that unusual—-compared to some of the other weird shit the heteros are doing. It mushes all together for me, all those people, and I don’t find it deeply enrapturing on personal level. It’s just normal to me. Yes, even the really out there, which is abnormal, I’m all like “meh” about.
#KylePhoenix
#TheKylePhoenixShow
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