Real talk…..I’ve taught sex and sexuality for almost 2 decades now form universities to workshops to non-profits, on TV, in my books, and dated a lot and therefore in relationships and single had A LOT of sex, where I was the penetrator/Top, with men and women.
I am shocked at how casually, easily, cavalierly folk put a penis…..no, no, no-MY penis into their butt.
Now I’ll offer why I have some of these confusing thoughts.
One, I’m well endowed. No, I have never measured my penis—I can’t think of a more pedantic thing for a man to do——sitting around on a Tuesday—-hopefully alone, sadly perhaps not—-whipping out a ruler or an object where the size-length is known and measuring. Further taking pictures—-even more pedantic.
But! (total pun)
I have seen a lot of penises, dozens, hundreds, held quite a few of them/ So I can comparatively mentally measure or during the times of congress—-mine is next to his and noticed the differences in the light, the candlelight. Longer, thicker, thinner, etc.
I have known two men in my lifetime—-which totally eliminated my even mental speculation about bottoming—-one in high school. We were making out under a house and Walter had the audacity—-but he would have the audacity to whip out an appendage the size of—-well, if True North is that way on a compass and Kennedy had pictures of the ballistic missiles in Cuba—-Walter was a solid—-I’m talking rebar pipe—-12 to 14 inches. he was like 6′2, goofy, Coke bottle glasses and wanted to fuck…me.
Oh, hell to the no.
While I had only done a section or two in biology, I knew that you would need a vagina, perhaps a purse, if not a small suitcase, to accommodate him——-and nothing on or in my body had or wanted to have that capacity. You know how you go to do something and somewhere in your brain/your body stops you?——refuses to take the movement command to do that insanity?
Yeah, my brain, body and butt all said no in unison.
Much like fifteen years later, I innocently go for a hook up in Harlem and he takes me to his bedroom, disrobes, I’m disrobing and I turn around and he had perched a tripod between his legs…and was on the phone.
“Come sit on it.” He invited. I laughed the way men do when they have been taking off their clothes and might have to fight. Luckily, his phone rang, he picked up the phone and started talking—-not a I’ll have to call you back or I’m about to attempt to rip someone’s rectum….again but a legitimate conversation—-What color? What were you wearing? then what happened?
In the midst of this, he waves me over—-”You can start sucking me. I’ll only be a minute.”
Huh. Uh huh. Riggggggggggght. Not today, Satan!
I used his umbrage, his bad manners, his self absorption, to shake my head, re-dress and leave.
With those two memories I know I possess length and girth. No, not to Walter or Phone Man’s lineage but then I’ve been with lots of bottoms and in discussing sex, etc.—-my girth and length are issues, and we have to take our time, negotiate, more lube, better condoms, etc..
But the fact that I have been involved in all of my bowel movements—-I can imagine it in reverse—-in syncopation, in penetration, for awhile—-longer than 2 minutes, but over the course of 3 to 4 hours—-which I enjoy in a really good play sexercise.
Often when Bottoms are all demanding and pushy and loud——I have summed it up to the fact that they are doing something that includes both pain and pleasure, as part of their sexuality—-it also includes a deeper vulnerability—-much more than I have ever had to do or experience or expect as a Top, with the exception of being naked. Also they are contending with the social and mental aspects of bottoming.
To straight men, cousins, my father—I can and have clarified or explained being the Top. I’ve done so on TV, in books, in front of thousands, over the years at workshops—-it’s not that “much” for me to do so because I’m sort of Venn Diagrammed between hetero men and FULL gay men because of lack of my being penetrated—-so I have more in common with a straight man, ostensibly.
I don’t take as much social heat for being a Top with straight or LGBTSGL folk—-in fact I’m more desired. I have often been part of a bottoms’ attempt to get me, to be with me because the ration is 20% Tops in men to 80% Bottoms/Versatiles. Which is why so many men run into Bottoms and why, honestly, it’s much easier to be a Top with less neurosis—-because I know there’s 4x more available men for me—-I just have to find literally a group of bi, gay men. A bottom has to find a group and then secure 1 out of 10 (the other 10% stay in traditional male-female relationships for social power and children).
I honor my Bottoms BECAUSE they are willingly, happily, delightedly bottoming for/with me. We might spend a lot of time playing cards if we were like trapped in Antarctica and they expected me to bottom. lol
First Caveat
However I’m all about prostate stimulation—-fingers, objects, well lubed—-again, yes, workshops, taught the classes, wrote the book on it—-in fact it’s how men are capable of multiple orgasms'. Penises? eeeeeh…I applaud the courage of men, having asked a friend how he did it so easily and really questioning him over and over until he really talked about the physical and emotional feelings of being penetrated that I understood as feelings but not necessarily my feelings.
Second Caveat
In an MSM relationship, socially, emotionally, etc. there is generally levels of versatility with a a long term partner. So I have to accept that in my LTRS eventually, in the future, that will be a potentiality. But as has happened in other LTRs you talk and explore lots of things so I’m not adverse to it, it’s just kind of my wedding ring gift. lol
#KylePhoenix
#TheKylePhoenixShow
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