This comes totally out of left field but it is a good question for me and in the fact that what they did was very simple.
I had 2 friends with benefits, different times but both attractive. 20s to 30s, one Argentinian and the other Japanese.
Carlo
The Argentinian, let’s call him Carlo, was a graduate student and we chatted briefly online. It so happens that he lived in a building right around the corner from a building I had lived in years ago, so I knew the neighborhood, felt safe and found him attractive. He suggested meeting in the daytime, which fit into my teaching schedule, where I often have blocks/days off. I’ll add here that the best hook ups are very direct for me—-not hardcore:
“Mongo want your big black cock in Mongo’s gaping wide asshole!!!”
—-No, but
“Hey, I think you’re sexy and my availability is such and such. Interested?”
Then it’s also important to me that the person—-check me out—-as I check him out—-safe sex, history, etc. some basic questions that show me that he’s discerning and not simply fucking the neighborhood or all takers.
Carlo chatted me up, interested, no rush (men who rush tend to be bad lovers, I’ve noticed over the years), this was his schedule—-which he said would be good for him to host because he lived with his sister—-but she worked daytimes, so we’d have the place to ourselves. I think I told him I could arrive directly from the gym, did he mind if I took a shower afterwards?—-he said sure.
I get there—-like 1 PM and find the apartment—-it’s a nice duplex, his bedroom on the first floor. He takes me in to his bedroom and he had laid out condoms, lube (points for thinking of his and my safety (I’d brought both as well)) but he’d also put down like a futon and comforter on the entirety of the floor next to the bed. he was serious about the acrobatic sex.
We go at it and he’s lithe and fun and not trying to do anything to win some secret prize—-we’re vibing and learning each other and enjoying each other, then it gets really, really, vigorous and because of the floor space, it’s all able to be done because there are no space limits—-so we’re having a really good time.
We finally end up on the bed itself, resting and I realize the 10 year age difference between us is now apparent after 2 hours of vigorous sexercise. I’m resting, sweating, breathing hard and Carlo starts to blow on me.
No, with pursed lips from head to he begins blowing cool air over the entirety of my body while gently rubbing my muscles—-like an air massage.
It was amazing. It was so amazing that Carlo and I met several times afterwards and talked about school, work, dating others—-he was wonderful sexercise.
Ichiro
Again he hits me up first online, chatting away, asking very pointed but fun, seductive questions.
I’ll point out here that most men don’t know how to be seductive, especially Bottoms. It’s not about your sexual position—-as a man who has been safely sexually active—-I’ve been with lots of Bottoms—-no, double that number, now multiple it by 3 and then multiply it again by 5——- it’s about drawing someone in to want to do it with you. That might have to do with being more well read, especially erotica; having good self esteem about your sexuality, being comfortable with your body. Lots of those factors pour into being a good lover with someone, especially when it’s not a dating relationship but a fun sexercise hook up.
I’m generally turned on by a man who is comfortable enough with himself that he teases, flirts, but shows me he’s a sane individual who wants to be sexual in a healthy way.
Ichiro is working late most nights but we arrange a midweek time for him to come over, he has the next day off.
He’s Japanese, in his late 20s but he’s only been here a year—-so his English is half/half but he’s delightful. He’s shy, even covering his mouth when he laughs, but he has the most amazing laugh—-he laughs on the inhale and then laughs harder on the inhale, so it’s almost like a horse heee haw whinnying—-which is hilarious by itself, so you’re laughing at what is funny and then his shy way of covering his mouth, and this HUGE laugh comes out. He’s wonderful.
We go to my bedroom and he slowly undresses——no, he undresses himself in front of me like we’re in some 18th dojo, royal Japanese mansion——-I only have a platform bed, meditation space and plants in my bedroom—-all under candlelight—--which is further exacerbated by the fact that I at home always have soft music playing, candles lit, offer juice, fruits, chocolate, warm towels, a variety of condoms and lubes on the nightstand—-so he’s sort of slipped into the whole mood I like to create to relax myself and others.
Standing before me nude, he begins to touch me gently in a way of not simply offering himself to be touched, but for me to slow down, take my time, enjoy him. Then he turns and he has his entire back, some of his legs, are in complete body tattoos-ornately, brightly colored—-the kind of stuff you only see in movies. He’s seemingly very reserved, dressed in casual clothing but then this ornate tattooing is apparent and I examine it, touch it. He laughs his wild laugh and he’s this amazing amount of contradictions—-he works at a children's toy company but is this deeply invested sensualist in his personal life.
As a lover, he is in many ways like a geisha or a concubine in being firmly present but pliable, enjoyable, making a grand effort to please me and deriving greater pleasure in my pleasure. In many ways he reminded me of being with an Asian woman, my having been with women, there was a delicacy a delightful present femininity and perhaps submission, relinquishing, opening of himself, so that I definitely felt the presence and acceptance of yin/yang between us.
The Tao talks about two men being together and the need to not only acknowledge that between each but to also understand the necessity of the recirculation of chi energy. That for a man to penetrate a man, yang penetrating yin, that yang must allow the yin energy caretaking, touching, softness to be recirculated as the yin transmutes the energy, to “give” it back to the yang. Ichiro did this with me.
He went back to Japan but he left me with a calm, simple experience (s).
Having taught thousands of men in workshops, online, in my books, on TV, a variety of things, it is always wonderful to be surprised by someone. Yes, some of it is to my filter of fools out of my dating/sex life but also it’s about people, men and women, showing up to not simply get something from sex but to look at it as sort of an exchange. To purposefully go in looking for the ways which they can exchange, give back energy.
#KylePhoenix
#TheKylePheonixShow
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