Addendum: 5/6/2022
He died earlier today—-I was just flipping through his videos to watch/listen to and got the news confirmed through several sources.
What I can say in his affect and effect for me—-and now I’ll watch more of his work—- is that he got me to evaluate myself, my teachings, what I wanted to do. I just finished taping 4 episodes from workshops on LGBTSGL High Value Manhood. And I can personally tell you that I was going to shell out the $1500 for an image consulting session with him as a gift for myself for Xmas to sort of roar into the New Year with.
Yes, I thought some of his stuff was darkly funny but I thought he was doing something, becoming something, launching into something—-on his way to a talk show. lol I was thinking that after a session with him, I’ll ask him for an interview on my show. I was literally preparing myself to be scrutinized by him, and thinking on what I could ask/learn/absorb.
He was pushing people, and we have 4 out of 5 of the same Gallups Strengths—-he’s one of the first people publicly, that I haven’t given the book to, who mentioned it—-which is when I started taking him seriously—-and our similarities continued/are several, so he piqued my interest. I now routinely tell students to check out some of his development content—-it’s hard to suggest the relationship stuff, one has to be older and more mature to hear what he was trying to convey amid all of the interjections from others/drama—-not because it’s bad or I disagree, but young men need to start with getting themselves together under 35 first, before they cross that line and think about marriage and babies, in my opinion.
I looked forward to the session and more of his content.
How I Found Kevin Samuels
I discovered him through a men’s group on Facebook and what stood out for me were the fact that he was in a suit and tie. Honestly, when I look through social media, on FB, or even in public, most Black and Latino men are dressed like they’re all between 18 to 28 years old. So it struck me that he was well dressed and not just a still photo for a school or job opening.
Two, when I pressed play onto the YouTube video and he was articulate and not singing or dancing or some form of buffoonery or in drag—-which is what I see through so much of my feed of Black content creators—-I was deeply intrigued and hopeful that his content wouldn’t be excessively racial or some deep insanity.
So far, I’d give him a strong A-. I’ve listened to a lot of his content and interviews and honestly have experienced a lot of what he’s talking about, around and directly to, as a High Value Man myself. Yes, it exists in the LGBTSGL community/world; yes it exists for men of color here; and yes, I include the criteria beyond simply money/income, but also to network, education, utility to the broader social community, etc.. Often in my workshops there has been a marked demarcation between men who are HV or HENRYs (High Earners Not Rich Yet) and Average/Normal men, 70–80% of LGBTSGL men and more pointedly the expectations of getting certain kinds of men——simply by having a penis/ass.
Translatable to how KS negotiates women to conceive, reconceive and perceive themselves—-LGBTSGL tend to have a limited but egocentric view of themselves based upon social projections about value, sexuality and Sexual Marketplace Value. So I’m still translating with men in my workshops what is the same, similar, racially similarly and genderized.
But from my own perspective, as a man, some of the things KS talks about—-which ease deeply into Social Class—-a subject Blacks and Latinos experience but don’t always discuss or know how to traverse, have rung true with me.
Now here’s discernment—-I can agree, support and act as an example for some points someone like him might bring up and not have to have a dog in the fight about others, or totally apply or agree to his other points which might be outside of my interest, value or purview. I have mastered the ability to not have to read and agree to an entire encyclopedia to look up and find value/information in thousands of things within an A to Z set.
His Points/Issues and Reality
He’s presenting a view of Traditionalist vs. Modernity in relationship to relationships and marriage, and the associated costs, privileges, realities and expectations of both.
As a teacher of young men of color for years, I see the byproduct of 70% fatherless households—-those children come to schools I work in from, elementary to college—-and present social and emotional issues that I often find myself doing more parenthood, specifically fatherhood, re-training about——to success for some, less for others.
Further in dating men, I see how they fall into the two above categories (I call them Fun or (Potential) Special-Marriageable) and teach men in workshops to be clear on which they are and how to see other men. With safe sex and no drugs or smoking or harmful sex acts out of the way then I personally discern
Fun Guys as:
- Sexual
- Non-serious
- Dateable
- Not probably going to graduate to Special level
- Expectation of being more than reasonably attractive
Special Men as:
- LTR potential/marriage commitment potential
- Emotionally cooperative, non-competitive in relationship
- Educated
- Healthy, fit, active
- Below a certain age to offset my age, for parenting
- Interest in parenting
- Ability to manage/learn to manage large sums of money and business interests
- Discreet experienced past but not a whore history
Further, About Sex From an LGBTSGL HVM Perspective
I’ve had a lot of sex. A lot. Like a lot a lot. Mainly because I live in a big cosmopolitan city, I have good instincts, I like people and I don’t get into sketchy situations. I made it a point in my 20s to date more, to ask men out—-like a man—-on to dates and have spots low, medium and high in expense to go to eat and keep my eye out for fun activities.
A lot of what KS talks about in regards to traditionalist, being taught by one’s parents—-I can see was instilled in me by my parents and grandparents, regardless of my sexuality.
My mother married 5 times—-and now I can see she was trying to emulate her parents 37 years of marriage. She also met my father, while they were both in college, had me, they broke up but got back together and married 7 years later. She purposefully didn't have children with the intervening two husbands after they broke up nor the two after they broke up a second time——because she only wanted to have children with him, one man, seeing what drama her siblings had all wrought having children with multiple non-married partners.
In the marriage to my father, my mother even converted to Islam, to be a more submissive wife——and while their break up eventually happened, it wasn’t due to us converting to being Muslims. To sum, I saw a solid, stable Black marriage of my biological parents until they separated. And her other 3 husbands I saw her try to be a wife for them and cut bait when they had drug or alcohol issues that she couldn’t fix. Her last husband, she literally bought—-I think she’d given up after my father—-and wanted a beta man she could completely control. And she did. To her own regret. But by the time they got together, I was off to college and have been independent ever since so I was never raised by him, therefore not raised by a weak man. And had to directly confront and erect boundaries with her that I would not be her son-husband nor allow her to play us against one another.
What that translates to for me with men is that I detest passive aggressiveness and feminine-like manipulation. By form and mentality, I am an Alpha man and I’m fine being so, and will and have loved and protected and guided Beta men. But I’m not looking for a woman clothed as a man or a minority male acting like a Big Shirley/Big Momma. I am yes, his, but I have walked away from simp-weak men that I foolishly loved in my youth and I am 1000% grateful that I wasn’t a female—-as I might have some bastard children from high school and college loves and asshole baby daddies.
From all of that I can invert and see KS’s ideology at work in same sex relationships.
Me and Women & Babies
I can also see from the women I’ve been involved with in my teens and adult years, their desire to in some ways, from their own home training imbalances—-emasculate or overcontrol, and that was a level of my resistance to them—-even when tempted to have children with them. My deep concern with two of them in my 20s and 30s was that I would one, be attached to them for life if we had children and two, I did not wholly like/agree to their thoughts on childrearing—-so they were not good “choices”. My mother, running a modeling company, offered for me to pick any of her young, nubile models under 25, she’d pay us both $10k for me to get her pregnant and then legally she’d have the girl’s rights severed. This happened while I was an undergraduate at school. My one sticking point, and the reason why I didn’t do that deal, was because the child would have had to stay with my mother, be raised by her, as I was in school.
Translating Now to Being High Value
A lot of my resources, education and therefore expectations and mentality are yes, from historically being brought up, and now what I can afford for myself, and for the future, High Value.
What struck me, and I’d written about it, how in deep thinking/soul searching around my time and effort to family, friends and relationships—-I was deeply committed to my Life’s Purpose and THEN a relationship—-that modality had always been present. Of course I think that through that modality—-I do my thing, and it creates the means for a mate and children to be taken cared of.
I just went out to dinner with a friend, we’d just met at a networker (for years I have assiduously worked on my Network understanding it was my Net Worth) and in talking about myself, it was pointed out how well I know myself. I sort of knew that but I’d never articulated it or had that articulation reflected back at me.
Even as I think about relationships, I think about men under 35, youthful, stay fit , please—-not exactly a trophy husband—-but I’m open to all cultures because of so much dysfunction in any specific culture when sexuality is added as an element. Since my teens, and probably because of the country clubs and restaurants and friends and schools—-interracial dating has never seemed problematic from me. My personal history of men and women looks like the United Nations.
Thanks to George Clooney, I know I still have time for children well into my 50s but I also know that I can make other choices such as single parenthood, no children, etc..
Escorts
KS has talked about for HVM using professional sex workers—-going even so far in an interview that I just saw about the need for Fuck Schools—-which is essentially what I teach LGBTSGL men in workshops. I’m often saddened by how limited the sexual knowledge, the romantic knowledge, the seduction skills, are with men. And when confronted with it years ago in workshops, sex workers and engaging with them—-I tried it out—-had fun and when not in a relationship with Fun or Serious, see it as a safe recreational avenue in moderation. I learned that one hires not simply for sex but to also receive pleasure—-I’d spent a lot of my sexual history giving pleasure, it’s an amazing experience to receive it from someone totally committed to it.
Monogamy Negotiation
I’ve also been teaching for years, especially to men, that without the leverage of children—-expecting monogamy from a man, is dicey at best, at least 70 to 80% “cheating”—-which I don't believe in as a context. I see it as an agreement, not a possessive loss or gain. But I will allow I am not a woman, nor a Bottom, so I just had a great discussion with men and women, that hetero women and Bottoming men, being penetrated by a lover might view the act of monogamy and non-monogamy differently. There being a psychological perspective difference to being penetrated vs. sexually being the penetrator. It’s not that I’m less invested penetrating but I’m less absorbent of my partner psychologically and physiologically.
Women with children don’t get monogamy, nor exclusivity from men because of how men, penetrators and heteros perceive sex and bonding. It’s not how we’re designed. Instead, I have done so and advised one make an agreement.
KS outlines:
- No Babies,
- No Diseases,
- No Dysfunction,
- No Other Sexualities.
I outline/add for LGBTSGL in my workshops what I’ve agreed to in my Serious Relationships—-
- Tell Me or Invite Me
- Always practice safe sex (as 60% of HIV infection occurs in folk who are in LTRs, and the highest infections rates are Black and Latino men.)
HVM Towards me
What also came up in my post-networking dinner was who was attracted to me—-HVM generally. Older, well heeled, educated, smart, not always Black—-I’ve dated about 4–5 who were Rich to Wealthy (Net Worth over $11m to $100 million) and been in a serious relationship with 1 of them.
A lot of it has to do with the fact that I was raised Upper Middle Class and have the capacity to shut up and be an Executive Husband. lol
I know how to cater to a man, attend to him, support him, be on his side in public even if I correct him in private, not embarrass him or demean each other, to be an enhancement and not a liability. Dinner parties, cooking, clothing shopping, household management. I absorbed a lot from both my male and female parents and a lot of my childhood allowance was predicated on managing the household. but I was also encouraged and supported to start small businesses, be assertive, box, play chess, fight, example manhood, speak and act well, act professionally as a teen, be responsible and helpful in the businesses. And yes, even to parent and have financial wherewithal to guard a legacy.
Yes, that’s a water sign and seeing both roles securely played in my upbringing, gives me a fluidity that I’m aware of and comfortable with, in relationship to either an Alpha or Beta man.
I often talk directly to men about which one of us in the dynamic will be the Respected Leader or the Cherished Follower—-a useful dynamic/discussion I learned from Dr. Pat Allen, and use regularly along with Alpha/Beta physiological discussions and surveys/science, to help men identify and express themselves.
Summing up, yes, I think KS has some good, valuable insights and advice, and I’m working with LGBTSGL men in how to language and behavior translate it for themselves. Whether they be average, normal, aspiring, young males starting out, or High Value Men.
Good Men for Men, my relationship book, the 4th edition coming out this summer with specific addendums about HVM is available on amazon.
#KylePhoenix
#TheKylePhoenixShow
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