Privilege-adjacency.
Being omnisexual myself, baffling staunch LGBTSGL folk because of course some rando hetero shouldn’t determine or judge our sexuality but some rando LGBTSGL person should, right?
It’s not simply getting more at the buffet at life, i think it goes deeper than even being potentially rejectable by that person in favor of someone else or being accessible to a person/sex that the non-hetero person might fancy.
I think it goes to doubt.
See most LGBTSGL folk vocalize being positive about their sexual orientation and interests. Rabidly so. To the point of challenging laws and morals and churches and religions and parents and police and small animals. But the truth is, it comes with (pun!) doubts. When you have your first crushes infatuations, loves, and sexual experiences—-the majority of the drama isn’t simply the other person and their feelings but whether your feelings are valid, true, normal, good, right, actionable. That doubt doesn’t go away we simply subsume it and the surety of others reinforces our own blithe ignoring of the doubt. But the doubt exists.
My First Live In Lover
We were in the throes of passion, having lived together in my big swanky NYC apartment (it had a dining room AND a working fire place!), we were both in our nubile 20s, having sex for the umpteenth time…..that day. We’re frolicking and such and then started experiencing cramps and crampage and lack of arousal and I felt suddenly——self-conscious, naked and doing this with a guy. It just arrived like a wave of emotion………and I’d done a lot with guys by that year, for years. And my lover was all——are you okay? and I was all like-—it just hit me the totality of fucking you.
He went for the compliment in that. I clarified: the idea of having sex with a man as a life choice and loving him and that as an identity action/choice. I’d done it with men before. A lot before. A lot, a lot before. But I’d also done it with women. And what came up was sort of all of the hetero societal bile that we, humans, no matter what sexuality we manifest imbibe growing up It just came up in me as this choking emotional glob. I think it had to do with having thrown out/gotten rid of an insane trans best friend; having even thrown my mother out from a short vacation when she lost her mind; having changed jobs and then having met and moved in his new lover—-in a few months time. But all of it had an underpinning to being committed to myself, to my choices, my sexuality, my expression of it. I hadn’t realized there was still a glob in me that was contrary to that.
We chatted about it. Then I fucked him royally to reassert my machismo.
The Hard (pun!) LGBTSGL Truth
But my non-meandering point is that the doubt exists in globs, specks and bits and pieces and what a dynamic, expansive sexuality suggests—-and here’s what I’ve learned having taught sexuality workshops for 20 years—-LGBTSGL are bigots too. They’re racists. They’re dumb. They’re fools. They’re idiots. They’re bad at math. They’re biased. They’re short and funny looking. They’re human.
LGBTSGL folk tend to think because of or act like or envision that being a sexuality different than the apparent majority—-I think 10% is wayyyyyyyyyyyy low. I think probably about 40–50%, when society allows more and more legal and social freedom to come out, will reveal themselves and we’ll see why we really haven’t overpopulated the planet. But that being LGBTSGL comparatively to the idea of a hetero majority makes some humans feel special. Face it, most people really don’t do much of anything wonderous or incredible or noteworthy in their lives because so much of living is routine, survival and responsibility for self and others.
But what if you had a special glitter bomb in your crotch, different than the other crotches and that glitter bomb was something made other people uncomfortable, caused conflicts and friction and drama and Supreme Court battles and division during family holidays—-we go on and on about wanting to be tolerated (which I despise), maturely to be accepted-but I’ve known many an LGBTSGL folk—-including the trans bestie I had to kick out and distance from years ago——who got off on being different, on freaking people out on being a glitter bomb.
But what if…….what if your glitter bomb is kind of……..narcissistic and EVERYONE has a glitter bomb in their crotch—-you just expressed yours first?
And what if you’re not as confident in the gliterration of your glitter bomb in your crotch as the Pride Parade suggests you should be?
See, aligning to Vivienne Cass’s Phases/Stages of Sexuality, most LGBTSGL folk surf between 3–5, I’m at 6, Identity Synthesis—-I’ve literally been on the news and television for 15+ years—-all about the LGBTSGL, books, videos, out at university, and the tail end of high school—-I’ve been out for so long, I sort of forget to announce to people my preferred list of sexual positionality and partners. because it’s pedantic…like a couple of those partners, but I digress.
But when you haven’t arrived at Stage 6, and you’re in 3 to 5—-this glitter bomb is what you think is the glitter bomb diggity so you play that glitter disco ball for all you can….
And then here comes Bisexual Bobby and Tri Sexual Toni and Omnisexual Kyle just fucking EVERYONE willy nilly. You realize that maybe not only do you have shit specks of doubt on the glitter bomb that you routinely explode out of your ass—--but that perhaps it’s not the most glittery, fantastic, dynamic glitter bomb that can come out of a human’s ass.
Doubt and crushed specialness is why so many LGBTSGL folk have prejudices, concerns, anger, resentment, hypocrisy and mirth at incredibly binary yes/no, gay/straight sexuality.
Remember how I pointed out the diversity of negative identities LGBTSGL folk can possess—-narrowmindedness, hundreds of thousands of LGBTSGL folk? Perhaps even millions? Because they’re human.
#KylePhoenix
#TheKylePhoenixShow
No comments:
Post a Comment