My mother died on a Wednesday morning as I was getting her dressed for a doctors appointment. Her last words to me were, "Kyle, I love you.". I performed CPR and within five minutes emts and firefighters were there and turned the living room into an ER. Twenty minutes later I called it, and almost a dozen people sort of whooshed out of the apartment within 15 minutes.
Before dealing with the hospital and funeral home I laid down to cry and sleep. I was asleep for about 4 hours.
In the vision was a mausoleum, crypt, gazebo in a dense woods. My mother walked out of the forest and came up and hugged me. She was in a dark dress, her hair done shoes. In life shed had a leg amputated, was obese, had lost her hair and was not in good shape visually. She comforted me and then lead me into the structure where four of my living cousins were hovering in midair, she pointed out that they had been good to her.
The next scene was light a court where she presided over my stepfather and his daughter (deep greed and lying issues) came before her and had to kneel. My godmother said that in death our spirits must answer to those we've done ill to.
A couple of days layer I dreamt that my mother was at the top corner of the ceiling, floating and I reached out for her to take me with her. The scene changed to the room sort of and us on the bed and that I had a choice. We were one one side of the chasm and there was another, a deep gash in the earth below. I chose to slide down, cross the stream of water and climb back up to another side that was a full office of my books, some I've published, others, I didn't recognize and I slowly walked out of that office/hallway, gallery.
Prior to her dying, two years before I went to live at her house, she had strokes, the amputation, she would come incessantly in my dreams to come to her. I'm talking like four nights a week, I began dreading sleep. In this reality she was steadily getting sicker and finally I went.
Two more dreams happened there I Charlotte. She was in a diabetic rehab, I was at the house. I'd taken my constitutional walk and come in to nap. My grandmother dead over 20 years came roaring to me in my dream to wake up, wake up, my mother was in danger. I jump up, rush on the bus, get there and my mother I in her bed, fine. Shed been moved, away from the pictures on her dresser including my grandmother due to a mass flooding of the unit.
2nd dream. We've decided to leave Charlotte, leave her husband, move back to NYC. But I'm still on the doubt fence, move, move an invalid, empty a 3bdrm house, transport close to 1000 miles, doctors, money, medication, travel arrangements in-between. A lot.
Its Tuesday.
We're to leave on Sunday. She says she wants to die and be buried with family , mother and sister in NY.
I'm now at 60% No, 40% Yes. Its just such an undertaking.....
I go to sleep.
I'm in a loft, like my inner sanctum in bed and five trees, beings, forms come over to me and start reforming. They tell me sometimes you have to break the rules to do what's right.
The five reform into the dead brigade.
My grandmother.
My uncle.
My oldest aunt.
My youngest aunt.
A female cousin.
They keep reiterating I must do what my mother wants.
All dead.
I woke up energized and committed, we left Sunday.
Now the dead brigade had been regularly visiting me for years as they died. I think I was to get me comfortable with death itself. To handle things, to counsel, to take action physically and spiritually.
My mother dream visits, most recently on her birthday but they e massively tapered off. And my mothers death, for a decade my greatest fear, was easy like cream. I was so accepting of her wishes and end that I thought I was crazy. I'm not sad she's dead, because she's somewhere else. I'm sometimes even glad she's gone, no longer in pain, no longer needy, no longer such a weight at me. I miss her as my friend, she was one of the top 5 smartest friends I've ever had. But I'm glad the manipulative, narcissistic person is gone too. I discovered that I too was addicted to her abuse and that therapy and terminal state shifted me to becoming the sympathetic, empathetic parent who was her companion/parent to the end. Full circle parenting between us as she'd always felt more like my sister, child than absolute parent.
I can still feel the connection that I could in life. It used to be a rope but now it feels like a thread, maybe a steel filament, strong but thin.
What I know for sure, is all that they have told me, death is a transition to another state, form, something. We can visit there as they visit here but I agree with Pragh, it feels like differing frequencies so the messaging is audio, visual, language, emotion, all at once----its a broad spectrum communication all at once.
And our dreams are the superhighway.....
#KylePhoenix
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