Yes, Keith Swainn, did a survey on sex/relationships on men who have sex with men and found, in his book Dynamic Duos, that based upon biology—-higher testosterone levels—-15% of all men are Alphas and approximately 85% are Betas (in general) but specifically for MSM it breaks down that Alphas tend to be more Tops, though may experiment Bottoming. Betas tend to be more Bottoms and Versatiles.
So narrowing by biological impulse, it’s mainly Bottoms who in a pinch (pun) would be Versatile, the pinch being no other choice I guess. But the constant direct questioning MSM do to one another is because when you look at a man, you either A/B him—-sexualize or non-sexualize him. Then if you sexualize him, you sexual position him—-Top or Bottom——I don’t know how one would see Versatile as part of that because that secondary positioning perception is based upon your positioning.
Versatility, healthier, more all around satisfying requires an emotional and mental perception flexibility——in many ways one can’t help but to effeminize or view a Bottom as not inferior or less than but as perhaps the Cherished Follower, the gentler one, the one to be more careful but possessive with. So once a man falls into your perception category from YOUR own positionality, its difficult to put him into the dominant or submissive (I hate those terms, not for any political reasons but because they’re so broad and have different connotations to everyone—-sexuality and language are so imprecise because they’re clinical terms for amorphous feelings——I have so much difficulty in workshops with this—-we just generally come to a group consensus about what we’re going to mean with a word).
That 15/85 split, not knowing the split and how to distinguish and hunt Alphas and Betas and stay in your lane, the sexuality positioning perception, the whole dom/sub and sexuality language thing are the cascade of reasons why msm have so much trouble establishing relationships—-it’s like a maze/game.
For years I’ve been doing the Alpha Beta workshop and it is the most packed, goes overtime and creates the most AHAH! and relief moments, comparable only to when I’m doing Multiple Orgasm Training for Men.
This seems all kind of hmmmmmmm until I did thousands of hours of workshops with MSM and found that yup, the majority of the men were not only Betas but bottoms and frustrated because the overwhelming majority of men weren’t Tops. An interesting side to this is that so many Bottoms now actively demand Total Tops which I think stems back to the feeling of inadequacy or inability to satisfy a Versatile if they are are exclusively a Bottom.
BUT (pun) historically, spiritually and even within the context of healthier relationships, Versatility is the key or at least the space for Versatility.
I look at guys and catch myself looking at their butts, to Top them. Then I might THIRD perception him and consider—-oh, he could be a Versatile or a Top.
The benefit to this madness is to be a Top, there’s an abundance of choice, too much choice because Bottoms don’t realize there’s very little difference in rectums/anal canals—-it’s personality, other sexual capabilities, etc. that make them unique. Bottoms often offer or suggest that they’re amazing bottoms when there’s very little qualitative difference in direct penetration. Tops on the other hand can vary in skill, patience, stamina, penis size but that’s often more pressure than reward.
The benefit to this madness is to be a Top, there’s an abundance of choice, too much choice because Bottoms don’t realize there’s very little difference in rectums/anal canals—-it’s personality, other sexual capabilities, etc. that make them unique. Bottoms often offer or suggest that they’re amazing bottoms when there’s very little qualitative difference in direct penetration. Tops on the other hand can vary in skill, patience, stamina, penis size but that’s often more pressure than reward.
Versatility, healthier, more all around satisfying requires an emotional and mental perception flexibility——in many ways one can’t help but to effeminize or view a Bottom as not inferior or less than but as perhaps the Cherished Follower, the gentler one, the one to be more careful but possessive with. So once a man falls into your perception category from YOUR own positionality, its difficult to put him into the dominant or submissive (I hate those terms, not for any political reasons but because they’re so broad and have different connotations to everyone—-sexuality and language are so imprecise because they’re clinical terms for amorphous feelings——I have so much difficulty in workshops with this—-we just generally come to a group consensus about what we’re going to mean with a word).That 15/85 split, not knowing the split and how to distinguish and hunt Alphas and Betas and stay in your lane, the sexuality positioning perception, the whole dom/sub and sexuality language thing are the cascade of reasons why msm have so much trouble establishing relationships—-it’s like a maze/game.
For years I’ve been doing the Alpha Beta workshop and it is the most packed, goes overtime and creates the most AHAH! and relief moments, comparable only to when I’m doing Multiple Orgasm Training for Men.
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