It feels like being undercover or a spy or an alien, internally. If you listen, look carefully the world is literally constantly "screaming" heterosexuality at you all the time, every day, nearly every conversation, every casual comment, pictures on peoples desk, dirty jokes guys tell, movies and movie stars, newspapers, ads, commercials. It's like this cacophony of one thought with now more homo, bi, pan, omni, sgl sexuality identities erupting.
There's also a level of self consciousness at fitting in, not fitting in, the dissonance at wanting to fit in to a society or even family that you're just a tweak different than that matters soooooo much to others.
My parents for years expressed "stuff" about my sexuality and finally I confronted them with have I ever thought it was my place to manage or question how you se your crotch or how you fuck? I think one of the gravest errors of lgbt people who aren't ready for the picking at you get is to seek tolerance instead of acceptance, to demand it.
How dare anyone think they can just arbitrarily come along and question my heart and crotch as long as I'm not harming children, others or myself. The absolute majority entitlement mentality to think that.It can feel like you have something as normal as your hands, inside but people are constantly inspecting or disrespecting or co-opting through stereotypical assumptions.
A friend and I were out for lunch and stopped at DSW, the shoe store, a half hour in she said she said I looked bored, detached like her husband was during shopping.
I asked her did she want to go regularly to mattress stores to lay on beds as statistically she had sex on her side or missionary position over 50% of the time?
Why would you assume my sexuality means I stereotypically "love to shop"....especially for women's items?.....because my sexuality negates similar boredom that heterosexual men might feel.
Why would you assume my sexuality means I stereotypically "love to shop"....especially for women's items?.....because my sexuality negates similar boredom that heterosexual men might feel.
To constantly push or B pushed in your life to lead with, explain or justify your sexuality, that you might be working through yourself can feel exhausting. Male coworkers assuming that because they're male you must view them through your sexuality because lord knows men and women are indiscriminately attracted to every other opposite sex person.
And the potential therapy/processing discussion or biased judgment because you're constantly put in the position of coming out to new coworkers, students, classmates, teachers, bosses, store attendants, hotel desk folk, police, doctors, etc because the assumption is one, that everyone is heterosexual and two, that everyone, any and everywhere with anyone should immediately be a life giving therapist and discuss the other persons feeling, thoughts, opinions or tolerate their trite platitudes on my existence. Oh, gee thanks.
Sometimes like the heteros down the hall at work, I'm at a job to work not illuminate and elucidate you on my nature and personal...unless you're ready for just as intrusive questions about your romantic and sexual practices.
Other than that it's you know, jellybeans and French kisses.... :p
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